


Killing Me Softly

by Angelprincess01



Category: South Park
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Genderfluid Butters, Horror, Kenny is a good big brother, Manipulation, Mutual Pining, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Secret Identity Fail, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 13:09:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 85,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9236504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelprincess01/pseuds/Angelprincess01
Summary: The cult of Cthulhu hasn't given up on bringing the ancient ones back. The arrival of Jane in a certain little mountain town sets in motion a chain of events nobody is aware off until it's too late. She's suddenly stuck in a town where aliens, ghosts and idiots are frequent occurences. Kenny suddenly has to juggle his obsession with the new girl with his responsibilities as Mysterion and the care for his sister. Cartman ends up being mistaken for being someone he isn't, which is the least bad thing happening. Crime is on the rise and nobody seems to care about it. Or in other words :Boy Meets Girl. Girl sees boy die. Boy comes back. Girl remembers. Shit happens.





	1. They Killed Kenny

|Morning|

“Excuse me, I’m looking for classroom 321. Could you tell me where I can find it?”

The voice came from behind, startling him. You didn’t die nearly every other day without getting a bit jumpy after all. Kenny turned around, planning on mouthing off on the idiot that had nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. And froze.  
Maybe it was the big brown eyes staring up at him, or the pretty pout gracing her lips that made him pause first. But when he laid eyes further south he knew one thing; he’d gladly dive in the sack with this chick any day of the week. His brain therefore had some problems coming up with an actual intelligent answer. “What?”

“Classroom 321? I’m new here, and I don’t want to be late for my first day.”

Dilemmas, dilemmas. On the one hand, Kenny McGormick had been planning on either skipping his first day altogether or showing up in the afternoon. The only reason he’d gotten on the school bus was because his friends had kept bugging him about at least showing his face in the morning once. But now… escorting the new hottie in the classroom was probably one of the most high-profile things he would be able to do all year long. Wasn’t that just… depressing?  
“That’s my classroom. Wait up, I’ll bring ya,” he said, taking a last deep inhale from his cigarette. The nice thing about being reborn all the time? Little things like lung cancer never had the time to settle in his body. With a practiced flick of his finger he sent it bouncing off the lid of the trashcan and inside, joining the other one he’d finished earlier. Kenny couldn’t afford many luxuries, but at least these were always available in the house.

He caught the look of disdain in her eyes. Hardcore anti-smoker apparently. She took a deep breath and brushed her hair back. It had the honeyed brown color he associated with those glossy magazines his mother would sometimes swipe from god knew where, with pictures of rich people. And this girl screamed rich, from her perfectly straight teeth to her tan pumps. He decided he could at least be nice to her to start with. “I’m Kenny, Kenny McCormick.”

She blinked, before thrusting her hand out in front of her. “Charmed. I’m Jane Moltz. I just arrived here two days ago.”

Her hand was warm and soft. Kenny almost took down the hood of his orange parka so he could get a better look at her, but decided against it. Chicks like this didn’t just bend over and offer themselves. No, they only fucked other money. And Kenny might have been a lot of things, but he and money were far acquaintances at the very best. “And you moved to the middle of fuckin’ nowhere ‘cause…?”

She blinked, and Kenny realized it was because of the f-word. Or perhaps she just had trouble making out what he was talking about from behind the layers of his hood. At least she didn’t wipe her hand on her light blue jeans, like he’d caught Cartman doing once when they’d been kids. She averted her eyes, before looking back at him. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “My dad moved here for his work. He said he can do a lot of research here.”

Old fucker probably could. No matter what you were into, South Park could provide. Talking shit, check. Immortal kid who died every so often, yep. UFO’s, balls yeah. Adults who after so long should know better, but always ended up making shit worse? They had that covered. But he didn’t mention any of that to Jane. She could figure it out by herself. Hell, maybe she’d even not go cray cray after a week. Wouldn’t that be something? He motioned for her to follow after him.

“Kenny? We thought you were skipping class, dude,” A familiar voice greeted him as soon as he approached the classroom. Stan and Kyle watched the two of them approach, eying Jane with far more interest than they’d greeted their long-time friend with. Kenny didn’t blame them though, the chick had stellar tits. Well, maybe he blamed them a little.

“Who’s this?” Kyle asked.

“Jane. Moved here, in our class,” Kenny made clear. When Jane repeated what he’d said, he assumed she hadn’t been able to understand him because of the parka. Oh well.

“Who’s the skirt?” Cartman asked as he wrung his way through the group. He slammed his notebook on his desk, nearly sending it sliding on the ground. The others enlightened Cartman, who continued to make a rather crude remark on how he didn’t have time to spend on whores. He much preferred to discuss the latest Terrance and Philip episode. Kenny bailed out on the conversation, instead walking to his desk at the back of the room. Dealing with Cartman got tiring after a while. Instead he appreciated Jane’s figure from a distance. Nah, she’d never fuck him, but that was cool. He knew when he didn’t stand a chance. Odds were she’d never give him a second glance after today. Didn’t stop him from fantasizing though.

Before he knew it the teacher walked in, though he only noticed five minutes after they actually arrived. Seemed like Mondays started off with math, a course he was usually good in. When notes were handed out he was equal parts pleased and annoyed to see he already had all this stuff down. At least it meant he could skip these classes without too much problems, although attending would be a bitch.  
He looked over at Jane, who seemed to be less than enthused when confronted with the course materials. So her dad might have been into research, the gene hadn’t transferred over to his daughter. Then again, Stan’s dad studied rocks for a living. Kenny didn’t have a clue as to whether or not that had anything to do with math. When Wendy asked Jane a question she smiled that insecure smile again, replying in a low, hushed voice. Kenny leaned back in his chair, confident in his orange parka hiding his line of vision.

|Jane|

Jane smiled at the girl that was talking to her in hushed whispers. Before class was over she was invited to a trip to the shopping mall, which was apparently small but one of the few places where teenagers could spend leftover time during the day. But if Jane wanted, they could have a look around town in general so she could get her bearings. She gratefully accepted and spent most of her day trying to figure out which people she’d most likely be able to become close friends with. Classes went by in a confusing daze as she tried to memorize classrooms, teacher names and the names of her fellow students. When a Mr/Ms Garrison came by to talk with some of the students she was confused. Everyone around her treated it as normal, so she tried to do the same.  
Lunch and afternoon classes passed without much of a hitch, even though the guy called Cartman - nobody ever called him by his first name for some reason - kept interrupting for the strangest reasons. She thought he and Kenny were friends, though she wasn’t completely sure.  
People were friendly enough, not counting the occasional amount of snark. There was also an ungodly amount of so-called ‘vamp kids’, a few stray goths and other subcultures. It was odd how such a small town could have so many different ways of life. Jane herself thought she’d probably end up hanging out with the girls of her class the most. They had tendencies to be the cheerleader stereotype, but all in all they seemed like a decent group of people.

Her father had moved here because throughout the years several strange things had happened in this town. Alien sightings were the least noteworthy on the list. At his insistence - and her mother thinking it would be good for her - she’d left behind friends and a flourishing school life to come to a quiet little mountain town in Colorado. Her dad translated old books that dealt with strange phenomena, so Jane guessed that’s why he’d moved here. She wished he hadn’t dragged her along.  
Talking to the guy named Kenny had been lucky, seeing how he was in her class. She thought she’d caught a glimpse of blue eyes, but most of his face had been hidden within his parka. Jane definitely understood why he did that; even though fall was barely beginning the day became chillier the later it became. She’d bought a pair of comfortable, warm boots during their short stop at the mall. They looked terrible, but she found the added warmth worth the effort.

She realized she’d gotten lost in between the local park and the road that led to her home. She was still in the downtown area, though that seemed to mean little in this town when it came to foot traffic. She could take a cab, but she felt a bit iffy about it. Living in a big city had taught her to be leery of getting in a car on her own. Then again, did this town even have taxis? She hitched up her backpack, heavy and logging her down. One of her new books dug uncomfortably in her side. She took out her cell, planning on looking up the way back home.  
“No reception…” she mumbled, holding her phone up to the sky. “C’mon, stupid thing.” She couldn’t believe people spent so much money on these things even if there was no reception.

Someone tapped her shoulder and she nearly dropped the darn thing. Turning around she was confronted with a bright orange parka. “Kenny?”

“Who else?” he asked, voice muffled and barely audible. He had the tiniest hint of a Southern drawl, though that was even harder to make out than his words. “Lost?”

She nodded, relieved to finally see a friendly face. “Like you wouldn’t believe. I told the other girls I’d be able to make it back home fine but…” she gestured behind her. “All the streets look the same to me. I think it’s the snow.”

He chuckled, or at least she thought he did. “Where you going?”

“Mason road. It’s a bit out of the way, in the middle of the woods,” she offered. Perhaps he kept his sentences short because of the way his parka muffled his voice?

He mumbled something that sounded like ‘Mephasto’ before shrugging. “Mind if I walk you over? It’s complicated.”

For a moment she thought he was coming on to her, before reminding herself that of course he wasn’t. Not that she’d reciprocate after having met him for only a few minutes in total. Still, she gestured to the road. “Please, lead the way.” She saw he was holding a brown bag in his one hand. It didn’t look heavy. “Were you running errands?”

He seemed surprised for a second before hiding the bag behind his back, making a vague excuse. She didn’t press the matter, thankful that someone she vaguely knew was around to help her. Still, walking in silence felt awkward. “So… were you born here?” He made a sound that she guessed was assent. “Oh… so, what do you do for fun around here?”

At that he looked at her. Even though she couldn’t see his eyes, there was no mistaking the energy projected on her. Shivers ran up and down her spine. He answered after a few steps, when Jane was sure her heart would start beating in her throat. “We make our own fun around here.”

She bit her lip and nodded. Suddenly the down coat felt too warm for words and she glanced away to break free from the idea that he was looking at her so intently. “I see. So, what does that entail?”

“We go hunting. Sometimes. There’s the odd party or two. And whatever else we want to do, we go and do,” he continued. His voice was low and paused every few words, as if deciding what he wanted to tell her. The shiver on her back grew more insistent. From what she’d heard the other students talk about, strange things had happened around here. Nobody ever enlightened on it however. Most seemed to want to forget.

“That’s nice…” she commented, turning back to face him. She thought he was looking at her; the opening of the hoodie faced her way. It would make more sense for him to look at her now than if he didn’t. They stopped walking suddenly, at a fork in the road.

Kenny pointed. “You go right, right and take a left. Then you’re on Mason road, though how far you have to go I don’t know. There’s only a few houses though. Can’t miss it.”

She opened her mouth to thank him when suddenly a large bird flew between them. They started backwards as someone to her left shouted they should look out. She only saw two men in sun glasses that way, and a gun following the bird in flight. That’s dangerous, she thought. Someone could get hurt. The cold stone underneath her feet slipped and the backpack pulled her down. As she landed her world seemed to shake. A loud bang sounded and something warm splashed her face.

Then the world stopped moving so violently and she could get her bearings. Her calf hurt from the sudden motion and she’d be bruised in the morning. The men were talking together, seemingly calm. They helped her to her feet, introducing themselves. She licked her lips as she spoke, a salty warm taste in her mouth, as if she’d bitten her tongue. “I’m fine, just a little startled.”

“You gotta be more careful, missy. The name’s Jimbo, this here’s my friend Ken. Now you just get yourself home while we hunt down that bird.” The man called Ken replied in a robotic voice, a microphone pressed to his throat.

Jane nodded in agreement, touching her mouth. Her fingertips came away tinged in red, the liquid warm but rapidly cooling. That’s when she saw the red spots on the snow. Following them she felt a shake. “Kenny?” He’d been standing right in front of her when the bird flew by. He’d been pointed a finger to Mason Road, hands stuck in mittens. Her eyes trailed down and found feet in brown, worn shoes, connected to faded jeans. In the middle of the orange parka was a huge gaping hole. Quivering she brought a hand to her mouth, remembering the taste of blood. Strange, she thought, how big a hole guns could make in a human body. Did they really hunt birds for food with a gun like that?

“He’s dead,” she mumbled, the thought finding hold in her mind. The first from school she’d seen, someone who had been nice and wanted to show her the way, dead. The men apologized again for causing her to trip, before admonishing for getting in the way during a hunting party. She grabbed one of their sleeves, pointing at Kenny. Why were they ignoring him? Couldn’t they see him lying in the snow, clutching his little brown bag? “He’s dead. You killed him. You killed Kenny!”


	2. You Remember Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane finds out that Kenny is still alive, and Kenny can't believe someone remembers. Kenny wonders if that means he can't get it on with the new chick anymore. Mysterion and the Coon make their first appearance.
> 
> If someone has a trope they'd love to see in this fic, let me know. I'm more than willing to incorporate requests.

|The Next Day|

When Jane woke up her head throbbed and she ran to the bathroom, puking up her guts. Every time she thought about the day before yesterday she felt sick. But the huntsmen hadn’t seemed to care. Neither had the police she’d flagged down or the paramedics she’d miraculously managed to call. It was as if they barely even registered the body, instead more concerned with her supposed hysterics. Eventually she’d left, unsure about her own sanity. Her father had been out when she got home so she’d locked herself up in her room with some hot tea. Her dreams had turned into nightmares that day, old and familiar ones where a darkness tried to gobble her all up, leaving only her at the center of despair. She’d told him the day after she’d had a nasty fall and wanted to stay home to heal up. She didn’t think she could face everyone at school that day.

But the next morning brought all the memories afresh. The blood, the feet so comically splayed apart. She’d taken the little brown bag from the ground. In it had been an action figure of Mysterion, a vigilante rumored to be located in South Park. It took her a while to convince herself to go to school. But someone had to tell others what had happened to Kenny. And his friends could inform his family, tell them more about the accident. They deserved to know.  
She pushed down the guilt, because if she hadn’t gotten lost he wouldn’t have been there. It resurfaced when she washed her face, when she had toast. Her father kissed her good morning and she didn’t have words to tell him what she’d seen. “People here act strange, dad,” was the furthest she got.

“That’s exactly why we moved here, darling,” her father reminded her, grabbing a cup of coffee for himself. “Is that why you slept so poorly? How was school? You hardly mentioned it.”

“…fine,” she choked out the word. She’d tell him later, when she’d informed Kenny’s friends. If her father started to console her now she’d lose all courage to go to school. During the ride there she let her father do all the talking, telling him she’d find the way back home. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to forget the way now.

Wendy was the first person she encountered. Judging from the cheery expression on her round face the young woman hadn’t heard yet. Jane steeled herself, taking a deep breath as she returned the morning greeting. “Wendy, I need to tell you something. Maybe you should sit down or something.”

“Can’t it wait until we’re in class?” Wendy asked as she adjusted her pink scarf.

“I just really need to tell someone, please,” Jane pleaded, gathering the words. “Kenny…” the words didn’t come, so she took a deep breath again. Glancing over Wendy’s shoulder she prepared to start and stopped. Because over Wendy’s shoulder someone wearing an orange parka came trudging through the snow, flicking away a cigarette in a nearby bin without much thought. “How many people here wear orange parkas?”

“That’s a weird question,” Wendy remarked. “Kenny’s the only one who seems to like orange that much, why?”

Jane shook her head. “I just thought I was seeing things.”

“Like a ghost? Because you look like one right now. Are you getting sick?” Wendy asked, placing a hand on Jane’s forehead.

Jane thought Kenny looked at her and shook her head. “No, I’m just… I need to… go on ahead without me please.” Wendy left, glancing behind her before turning the corner. Kenny walked closer, slowing his step when he’d gotten close enough to talk.

“What’s with the staring? You look like you saw a fucking ghost,” Kenny said. He sounded tired.

“I… that’s…” she stammered, tripping over half-formed words. Telling someone you thought they’d died was probably terribly rude. Still, she had to ask him something. “Did we meet the day before last?”

She didn’t imagine that sudden flinch when she asked him. His shoulders straightened as he raised himself up. “I ran into you downtown, didn’t I? And I gave you directions?”

“You walked me part of the way,” she added. “You had a small paper bag with you.”

She could feel his stare, boring down on her. He was taller than her, especially if he stopped slumping. “And?” he asked.

“There was a big bird. I tripped and somebody shot a gun. And… you…” her lip started to quiver. “There was so much blood, and the hunters didn’t care about that but they just kept talking about how I got in the way of shooting the bird. I called an ambulance and they acted like nothing was wrong. But… all that blood, Kenny. How can a person have that much blood and not die? You had a gaping hole in your chest. How are you still walking?!”

He remained silent and she feared he’d consider her a big weirdo. How else could he react to the fact the new girl hallucinated about him dying? 

|Kenny|

He knew brain function seized when someone died, timing depending on how gruesome it was. So for an absurd moment he thought that perhaps today death had decided to come before 10am. But when his vision didn’t turn black and gruesome but remained tuned on the Jane-channel, he thought that it could be something else. Could it be, seventeen years into his life, that finally someone remembered? “You… remember? You remember me dying?”

She nodded, eyes all big and on the verge of crying. He grabbed her upper arms, shaking her excitedly. “You remember me!”

“Who’d forget something like that?” she answered in between chattering teeth. “Why do you sound so happy?”

He stopped shaking her, instead lowering his head towards her. Eyes as dark as night looked back at him and he felt a ridiculous surge of relief. “Nobody ever remembers. It’s been… I don’t have words. You’re the first one.”

She opened her mouth to say something when the teacher shouted at them to get their asses to class. He turned to her before they entered the classroom. “We need to talk after class.”

Jane nodded, looking a tad white around the nose and strained around the eyes. Kenny could hardly sit still during classes. They flew by in a buzz and all he could pray was that no freak accident would happen that would put him out of commission for the rest of the day. Teachers asked him questions and he couldn’t remember his answers anymore. He barely registered blowing off his friends for the afternoon when they asked him to hang out. Someone finally remembered him dying. Someone had gotten upset by it. Not even his family got upset about it. 

For once he didn’t measure a girl on how attractive she was or how easily she’d put out. He’d committed to his role in this friend group but now he didn’t have the energy for it. Fuck expectations, fuck getting into dumb-ass plans in which he eventually come to any sort of demise. Now he just needed to know.

When the last class ended he waited impatiently at the exit. He would have waited at her locker if he’d known where it was, no matter the kind of gossip it would spark. He heard her before he saw her, rounding the corner with a group of other girls. “Oh, I’d love to go see it, but I already have plans this afternoon.”

“Don’t tell us you scored a date already!” Heidi joked.

“Oh, well…” Jane said, stopping the sentence when the group noticed Kenny waiting. “I was meeting up with Kenny today,” she said, raising a hand to acknowledge she’d seen him waiting there.

Before she’d taken another step in his direction Bebe and Heidi had grabbed her by the arms and dragged her the other way. Kenny watched as she disappeared, doubting for a second between interfering or waiting. Deciding it wasn’t worth the risk of accidentally being pushed and cracking his skull on the pavement he waited. He lit up a cigarette, enjoying the brief spark of warmth against his fingers. Halfway through it he looked at the corner again where she’d disappeared. What was taking so fucking long? And what had been so important that they’d dragged her away for it?

When Jane returned it was with a red face and a shifty glance behind her before pretty much running towards him. He followed the glance and saw several of the other girls watching from around the corner. “What happened?”

Jane shook her head, honey-colored bangs waving softly with the motion. “That’s not important for now,” she said less than convincing. “I thought you wanted to talk about the other thing. Where do you want to talk?”

That chased thoughts about gossip right out of his head. After thinking for a few seconds he gestured further down the road. “The library. Nobody ever goes there this time of year.” The only time students went there was when examination season started, meaning he and Karen usually had the place almost completely to themselves. It beat going home after hanging out with their respective friends.

Jane followed behind him and Kenny felt elated and uncomfortable at the same time. He got to spend time with the new chick, which was admittedly sweet considering he’d mentally put her in the ‘fantasy only’ category. She remembered him, and that caused his insides to do all sorts of strange things. On the other hand, he had to wonder if this meant he had to cut her from his cast of daydreams. Glancing at her showed her looking either shyly to the side or observing him from the corner of her eye.  
They entered the building and Kenny flashed his card at the man sitting behind the check-out desk, reminding him that Kenny usually checked out books- and returned them. After a quick check he motioned to the stairs, where the only adult just descended the stairs holding a cook book. Without thinking he led her to the section he and his friends usually sat at during study periods.

They looked at each other and Kenny unzipped his coat, pushing back the hoodie. His hair fell in sweaty locks to his forehead. He knew what he preferred between freezing and sweating, even if it wasn’t exactly sexy. She followed his example, unwinding her long scarf and zipping open her jacket. Schoolbags were placed on the ground as they sat opposite each other.   
“So…” he started. Suddenly he was afraid he’d hallucinated it after all.

Jane nodded. “I kept that Mysterion figurine that was in the bag,” she mumbled. “I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.”

So, it was true. If he’d had any doubts they were all cleared up now. “You do remember. I’ve died hundreds of times now and… you.”

She nodded, glancing around her. “I can’t be the only one. I still can’t believe you died, only I can’t forget about it. Nobody survives a hole in their chest that size. If this happens to you more frequently… your family, your friends?”

He shook his head, detailing quickly about that one period where he’d desperately tried to get them to acknowledge what was happening to him. But every single time he died in front of them, no matter how grotesquely or absurdly, nobody remembered. Everyone just kept treating him the same. “I thought it was just these bitch nightmares at first. But there are gaps on the days I die. I don’t remember shit about what happens until the next morning.” He scratched at his chest through the thin shirt he was wearing. He wished he didn’t remember what it felt like to die. “I think I went fucking crazy for a while there, but even that gets reset when you die.”  
He looked at her, pale and visibly terrified. He half expected her to bolt for the doors and beg her parents to take her away from the crazy bum that lived in South Park. “Why do you remember?”

“I don’t know. Maybe… is it because I’m out of town?” she asked.

“There’s been tourists who’ve seen it. You’d think the media would be all over the guy that can’t die.”

“I don’t… God, I don’t know. All I know that I can’t get that image out of my head of what happened to you. Isn’t there a way to stop it from happening to you?”

“The coming back part?” he asked bitterly, knowing he’d hoped for long enough that every time he died would finally be the last.

She made a dismissive gesture. “The dying part. You said it’s freak accidents, right? Maybe there’s a way to stop it. There has to be something that causes it, and if we try we might be able to undo it.”

Kenny chuckled. “You mean in between classes, part-time jobs and friends? Yeah, we could squeeze in an hour or two every week.” He didn’t want to shoot down her suggestions, it was just that he didn’t see a way his situation would be able to get better. He wasn’t sure if she should be getting involved either way. He’d been digging around, looking for clues about the Cult of Cthulhu. So far he’d found bitter few tidbits that were useful. And none of those tidbits had been found peacefully.

Jane swiped a hand through the air. “Sundays are still church days in towns like these, right? We meet up on Sunday afternoons for research. Every Sunday, until we find something.”

He settled back in his chair, surprised to find her so enthused about it. “Didn’t think you’d be ready to jump into one boat with me.”

“I… don’t want to see you die again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the first time. I don’t want a second time. I don’t think I can handle a second time,” she ran her hands through her hair as she spoke, gaze on infinity. Kenny supposed a selfish reason, however understandable, was preferable over her washing her hands of the situation.

And on the upside, this meant time to be spent with her. Romance with the new girl might not be in his cards, but a quick bang behind the library wasn’t necessarily impossible given the current situation. “Then I’ll be seeing more of you, Jane.” The words lured a new blush on her face and she mumbled a reply. If there was a god - and he knew there was - then more than one bang would be justice. Playing naughty detective was a hell of a way to spend Sunday.

|Jane|

The week flashed by, her life usurped by the ten thousand things that people who had just moved to a new town found they simply had to do. Her father was busy with his books, occasionally meeting up with the strange professor called Mephesto that lived half a mile up the hill, or visiting friends in town. That the scientist was their closest neighbor was something her father seemed pleased with, but Jane found the distance to town unnerving. Anything could happen in these woods and she wasn’t too keen on going anywhere after dark. She’d put off on getting her drivers license and was really feeling it right now.

Her Saturday hang-out with the other girls - a regular event she understood - had taken longer than she’d expected. On the one hand this was great, since it meant she’d be able to make some friends in class. But now she was running and she’d probably still end up having to go part of the way in the dark. She had no idea someone was following her from a slight distance, making sure they weren’t seen.  
The hang-out had continued the conversation on Kenny, and why it was a seemingly terrible idea for her to get involved with him. She got the impression he’d fitted in with the rest of the group semi-okay, until his family circumstances made most of the girls leery about getting close to him. Added to this was his tendency of falling in with the wrong crowd, a preference for not exactly legal pastimes and sleeping with anything wearing a skirt. And, they’d stressed, those were only the things they knew. They’d asked her if she’d fallen for him that quickly, something which she’d truthfully denied.

But they would continue to meet, because Jane couldn’t leave a mystery be. And he seemed nice enough, if foul-mouthed. She thought about the moment he’d pushed back his hoodie, something which he didn’t even do in class. Blond-haired and blue-eyed, he was pretty much the textbook knight on the white horse archetype, even while he looked exhausted.

“And what do we have here?” someone asked her. The voice sounded familiar for some reason, though the raccoon suit threw her off. A medium height male had suddenly jumped out of an alleyway, blocking the sidewalk.

“Scuse me,” she mumbled, trying to step on the asphalt to avoid him. When he grabbed her wrist she yanked her arm back, warm boots threatening to slip on the icy street. Someone behind her put a hand in the small of her back, steadying her. Fearful she turned around and was confronted with another masked figure. A long purple cape rippled behind him in a theatrical breeze. He didn’t look at her.

“She’s with me, Coon,” the newcomer rasped and Jane recognized the outfit.

“Mysterion!”

“Don’t fuck with me man! She wants to pass here, she pays a toll. The Coon needs funds to continue his awesome operations.”

“Getting KFC doesn’t count as an operation, fat ass,” Mysterion replied, placing a gloved hand on Jane’s shoulder. “Now move, before I make you.”

The Coon showed his claws to his opponent. “Don’t get too cocky, Mysterion. You’ve hardly done anything noteworthy as of late.”

“Whatever. Move,” Mysterion growled, his hand already pushing Jane forward. Her feet obeyed and they went a few meters before he let go of her. “Be careful.”

“Thanks,” she replied, readjusting her scarf. “I have to keep going though, it’s still a way through the woods.”

Mysterion paused, looking over his shoulder as if he were considering something. “I’ll bring you, before another creep shows up.” He started to walk, turning left at the first street.

Jane followed half a step behind him, still ready to run away should he prove to be scary. She didn’t want to walk with a complete stranger into the woods, but she didn’t see herself chasing away this guy either. “How do you know where I live?”

“I know everyone in this town. And I take a special interest in newcomers,” he replied smoothly.

“So, you know me then?” she asked, trying to figure out just how dangerous this guy could be. What he’d just said pointed at ‘stalker level’ at the very least. 

“You’re Jane Moltz, just started last year at the high school. You live on Mason Road, not too far from Mephesto. Rich, judging from the house your parents bought. Nosy, judging from the questions you’re asking,” he added the last part smugly.

She huffed. “You’d rather I just follow a stranger blindly into the woods?”

He didn’t answer, instead walking her through the darkening wood as he kept an eye on the road. She didn’t know what he was being careful about, and she dreaded the answer she might get. She’d snuck into her father’s library last night to study the book he was translating, which was of an esoteric nature. She’d found an odd reference scribbled down on a scrap of paper next to a book so old the pages cracked threateningly every time she turned one. She’d copied it out for Kenny.

She’d been so caught up in thinking about the research she’d been doing lately she hadn’t noticed Mysterion had stopped walking. She bumped into his back, apologizing as she moved away towards the big pine tree next to the driveway. There was a nasty hole right next to it, so if she could skip that it’d be straight home for her.

“Happy you followed a stranger through the woods?” Mysterion asked from behind her. Turning around she thanked him, only to find him stepping towards her. She backed away, almost falling against the pine. Steadying herself she glared when he continued: “Even when it’s so dangerous?”

He was closer than she liked, and taller than her. She had to look up to see him, but the hood and darkness stopped her from even seeing his eyes. “The voice is very Batman,” she commented, wishing she didn’t sound so breathy. “But I think if you’re really the hero here, I should be pretty safe.”

She heard the chuckle and felt his breath on her cheek as he leaned in to her. His clothes smelled musty as if they were locked in a chest most of the time. His voice was still fake-raspy and deep. “I prefer to think of myself as the anti-hero. That way I can still get away with shit.”  
He inched closer and she tensed. “Don’t worry, princess. I don’t force women. But…” he brought his mouth to her ear, his hood brushing past her hair. “… if you ever feel like rocking it with Mysterion, I won’t say no.”  
His departure might have fallen in the cool department afterward if he hadn’t fallen straight into the big hole next to the tree with his following step. He went down with a crash and more swears than she’d ever heard in her life.

Jane tentatively leaned over the edge of the hole, where the question mark atop his mask was the only thing visible. “I know you just low-key harassed me and everything… but are you okay? Did you break something?”

“…I’m fine. Just… go back inside.”

“You sure?” she pressed, wondering if there was a protocol for clumsy superheroes.

“Look, I don’t know how it looked from your end of the talk, but from my end I was pretty intimidating and a total turn-on. So if it’s all the same for you, I’d rather just marinate in shame for a while. Just… eh… remember I called you princess and that we can have a go at it anytime you want.” He said back from the darkness, sounding like someone who’d gotten very stuck and wasn’t able to get out anymore.

Jane shrugged. “Just scream if you need help getting out. Maybe we’ll hear you.”

She stepped inside the house, rubbing her hands together. “Dad? You home?” He shouted back from further in the house, probably doing some late night cooking. Her father loved late night cooking, if he got home early enough to do it. She followed her nose and found her dad kneeling down by the oven, which was smelling overly delicious. “Mmmm… smells like… duck a l’Orange?”

“Got that right baby doll. If you haven’t filled up on pizza with the other girls yet, you should give this a bite. I promise it’ll be delicious.” Her father said. Jane looked at him. He seemed happier here, even after just a week. Even though there was still gray at his temples and his glasses as prominent as ever, he looked as if a weight had been taken of his shoulders. “How was your day? Anything interesting happen?”

There’s a superhero in the hole near the drive way, she thought. “No, nothing special. Just me and the girls.”

Her father glanced at her. “No boys in the picture yet?”

She thought of Kenny. Before her talk with the other girls she might have been interested, but if all he really was interested in usually was sex… “Not at the moment. But the school year is still young.”

Her father stood up, stretching for a moment. He seemed concerned for a second, before a smile washed away the frown. “Ah, and here I was thinking you’d be picking up the town hottie in less than a day. You’re right though, there’s still time.” Jane moved away, gathering plates and cutlery. There wasn’t a way she would be missing out on her dad’s cooking. From behind he continued. “Doctor Inley is stopping by tomorrow. For your annual check-up.”

“That’s a long way to come for a check-up though,” she answered,not sure if that much dedication to patients was a good thing or not. “I mean, that’s at least four hours of driving, if traffic doesn’t get disturbed like the day we got here.”

“Only the best for my little girl,” her father said with a smile. “He’ll get here in the morning. I know you mentioned having plans at the library, so I thought it would be best to get it out of the way by then.”

She nodded, though suddenly she didn’t have as much appetite anymore. It was strange, really. But the idea of the check-up somehow made her feel very uncomfortable.


	3. Library Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane gets her check-up by the doctor who declares her to be in good health. Kenny decides to keep her out of the dark side of South Park.

The next day doctor Inley was already waiting at the breakfast table for her. She didn’t mention anything about how strange it was that a doctor would show up for an out of state house visit at this hour. She figured it was just dad making poor money choices, which it probably was. She doubted the doctor would refuse the kind of money dad would pay to make sure his special little girl was healthy.

“Miss Moltz, how are you? No nightmare tonight?” he asked her, sipping his coffee.

She shook her head, grabbing her own mug. A glance at the clock showed it wasn’t even ten yet. Still time to pack up a large lunch and get to the library then. She had a hand-written copy of the most important clues she’d found so far, which amounted to a total of three sentences. Adding a liberal amount of milk she swirled the liquid in her cup. “I had a bad one on Monday,” she confessed, before taking her first sip. She didn’t have to wonder at the cause of the nightmare. Sometimes she still saw the blood against snow and icy stones, even though Kenny was still alive and skipping.

“Oh, that might explain it,” the doctor said. When Jane looked at him in surprise he smiled. “You look a bit pale. Sit down and I’ll get my bag.”

Jane nodded, pouring herself some of the liquid yogurt in a bowl. She topped it off with a variety of fruits and nuts. By the time she’d buttered up a piece of toast the doctor returned. He checked her breathing with a stethoscope and performed a variety of other checks, in the meantime informing after her general wellbeing.  
“So, no young man in your sights yet?”

Jane didn’t understand why everyone kept asking her that question. Was it some older male thing where it was imperative that she find a boyfriend the minute she arrived in a new town? Especially since she suspected her father knew she’d been hoping John in her old town would’ve asked her out on a date. She was certain the doctor knew thanks to her dad. Men were such gossips. “No, not so far.”

“Well, there’s still time. Say ‘ah’”.

“Aaaaah.”

“Looking good, looking good. I think I can write you up as completely healthy, miss Moltz,” the doctor said with a smile. Jane forced herself to smile back, not sure why she felt uncomfortable. The doctor never touched her inappropriately, and even the questions remained at a good-natured uncle level. So why did she feel like a calf being sized up for slaughter?

By the time she was ready to leave for the library it was near eleven, her father kissing her goodbye. She declined the offer of a ride to town. Perhaps it would be in her best interest if she started to build her leg muscles in advance. That way she could cut down on her travel time and perhaps skip out on future Mysterion-accompanied trips. Speaking of which, she did stop on her way to check the big pit next to the tree. Not a trace to be seen of clumsy, overly friendly vigilantes. She guessed he must have been able to crawl out by himself.  
When she arrived at the library Kenny was leaning against the wall near the entrance. Seeing her arrive he took a languid drag from his cigarette, draining it until the stub. As he brought his hand down for a second one she extended hers. “No you won’t. Hand it over.”

He obeyed, placing the extinguished stub in her palm. The tips of his fingers brushed the center of her palm. He seemed to be curious as to what she needed it for. Ostentatiously she walked the nearby bin - it took only three steps and returned - glaring at him. “Trash goes in the trash can.”

“Whatever,” he replied and she could hear the smirk. “Going to tell me smoking is bad now?”

“Would it help?” she asked honestly, wondering if perhaps some encouragement was all he needed.

He shrugged. “I only got hooked on them a few times. If the whole dying thing has a plus, it’s a complete body reset. Disease, addiction, hangovers, a cold… all cleared up. If I need to quit, I can just shoot myself.”

Jane flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“What, that I’ll shoot myself? It’s pretty fucking quick, better tha-”

“Don’t. Even if you come back… don’t hurt yourself like it means nothing.” She didn’t care for him as friend just yet, but there was something about human dignity that forbade her from allowing that sort of talk. “If you get hooked on them from now on just… get one of those stickers or something. No resets!”

He said nothing for a few seconds, before shaking his head. “I’d forgotten how other people might see this. I’ve been alone with it for so long… what’d you find?” he asked as they walked inside the building. Once they were in the warmth of the library he shook his hoodie back. Jane pointedly looked the other way. He had really, really nice blue eyes. And she didn’t want to end up staring at a guy in the first 24 hours after telling people she had not seen anyone worthwhile since arriving her.

She cleared her throat as they made their way upstairs. “Not much, to be honest. I mean, I kind of figured you don’t have a medical condition-”

He snorted. “Good one.”

“-so I guessed maybe looking at it from a different angle might work.” She dropped her backpack on the ground, sitting down on one of the chairs. From her pockets she pulled out a square of paper, folded neatly. Kenny sat down next to her, leaning closer to look at the paper. “Look, promise you won’t laugh?”

“People usually ask others not to laugh before they’re going to tell a super awkward secret that you’re supposed to make fun off,” Kenny remarked. “So no, I won’t promise.”

“Smart-ass,” Jane mumbled. “Look, don’t go telling others. My dad’s kind of like a scientist, but unlike Mephesto he’s more into the… obscure sciences. Things like ghosts and stuff like that.” She waited for him to laugh. Instead he stared at her as if she’d forgotten the punchline to a well-known joke.

“This is South Park,” he drawled slowly, as if spelling something out that should have been way obvious. There was a more distinctive southern drawl when he spoke that slowly. “Ghosts are like… maybe the fifth biggest problem. Six if you count Cartman’s fat ass blocking roads.”

“So this whole town believes in ghosts?” she asked incredulously. So far she hadn’t seen one, but the way Kenny acted it sounded like it was a matter of time.

He leaned his head against his hand, slouching in his seat. Suddenly they had direct eye contact and her heart skipped a beat. He pointed at himself. “You’re talking to the boy who keeps on fucking living, aren’t you?”

Jane looked away quickly. She was not developing a crush on the local sex-maniac! Not at all! She might as well try get it on with Mysterion. She coughed to disguise her embarrassment. “You’re right. Still, it’s totally weird. So I was thinking, I keep digging up stuff in my dad’s library and maybe you could find out other things? Your parents are from around here, right?”

“Yeaaaah,” he answered, not seeing where she was going.

“Maybe you got it from them?” she suggested, smoothing out her piece of paper. She pointed at the small bit of text she’d scrawled. “Through the blood, from the blood, it passes. It’s a bit cryptic, but I got it from a chapter about people who are telekinetic and other things. Maybe it’s genetics?”

He scrunched up his face, suggesting he didn’t think it was likely. Jane sighed and gestured around her. “Seeing as how this will be our little pet project for a while, let’s start by checking out this library. Who knows, there might be some family history book hidden and we’ll find out all of your ancestors had the same problem with being resetted all the time.”

They made their way through all of the floor they were on, disregarding the children’s section and movies for rent downstairs. Jane highly doubted anything concerning Kenny’s condition would be scattering between stories about cute rabbits and cuddly bears. They rounded little square after square, sometimes pulling out a book that seemed relevant. After a while it switched to seemingly interesting, until Jane found a book that had the most ridiculous summary. She stood there giggling about it, trying to keep up the appearance of being totally focused on the mission.

“What’s that?” Kenny asked from behind her. Suddenly he loomed over her shoulder, taking in the back cover. “Follow the Viking cowboy hero on his quest to save his psychic girlfriend from time traveling Mormons? That’s a very specific taste you’ve got.”

 _Don’t look over your shoulder, don’t look over your shoulder_ , she thought to herself. Judging from the tickling near her ear he was leaning close enough to nearly touch her. The other girls had warned her and she didn’t want her first sexual encounter to be a one-night stand, something they’d repeatedly drilled into her was what would be happening with Kenny. He reached for the book, his parka brushing against her arm. The longer she stayed silent the more awkward this would get!  
Kenny’s stomach made a loud, grumbling noise. He immediately jumped back with a swear, turning around. “You didn’t hear that!”

She looked at the clock and noticed it was already two in the afternoon. “We’ve been here for more than two hours already. Maybe we should eat? I packed lunch.”

He glanced at the stairs, pulling up his hoodie. “I’ll go check the vending machine.”

 _-And well… his family is pretty poor, so it really wouldn’t be right for him to take advantage of you like that-_ Bebe’s voice ringed back in her ears. Jane knew it was mostly the half-formed crush talking when she made her next offer. “Actually, I packed a pretty big lunch. It’d be a real help if we could share.”

|Kenny|

Her offer was well received, and she really had gone overboard in packing her lunch. But between the two of them they managed to finish the entire thing. She’d been nervous about eating in the library but Kenny assured her that Cartman ate chips loudly and with vigor in here and never got in trouble.  
“This is good, y’know,” he complimented her before cleaning the last few crumbs from his fingers. “Can’t remember the last time I ate something this good.” When she didn’t reply he leaned back, the containers on the table between them forgotten. “You’re sure you don’t mind helping me with this? It’s kind of weird. I expected you to be more freaked out to be honest.”

“I think I’ll be fine, as long as you don’t die again. I think that’s what hurt me the most last time. Seeing you dead.” Jane smiled as she gestured around the library. “But I don’t mind spending my time like this. I haven’t had much time to spend in libraries.”

Oh, backstory time, Kenny thought. Her opening up to him was good, and he could use more of a break from watching the dusty old book titles. “Oh?” he made his voice to be politely interested, while actually he was screaming inside to be told more. He’d been trying to flirt with her all day long and every time she’d politely laughed, coughed or incidentally moved away. And if body language failed him, he was lost. Being incapable of stringing five words together without swearing was only a turn-on to a specific type of girl. He hoped she’d at least picked up on his interest in her a little bit.

She nodded and this time the eye contact was initiated by her. Every time it happened it felt electric, as if his soul jumped in his body for a second. It only lasted a second and Kenny felt oddly grateful for it. As she talked it felt more like reminiscing. “I used to do ballroom dancing in my old town. Me and my partner were pretty okay actually, for high schoolers. But I spent so much time practicing for competitions I never got to spend a lot of time in places like this.”

Wait, that was it? Ballroom dancing? Where was the heartbroken sob story that would let him console her, offering a shoulder to cry on? How was this supposed to bring any sort of action in motion?  
“If you’d like we could go around town and just hang out. While we’re looking for clues.” Honestly, he doubted they’d be able to find something together. If it had to do with Cthulhu it wouldn’t be found in broad daylight.

He had a few simple dating rules. Keep it simple. Keep it dirty. Don’t get emotionally attached. Don’t get anyone pregnant. And especially don’t take them into dangerous territory to get your kicks, because nothing killed the mood like a dead date.

But there was a person here who remembered him dying. Who got upset about him dying. That was nothing short of a miracle in his book. Even if she hadn’t been drop-dead gorgeous he’d have willingly handed over his heart on a golden platter if it meant her getting upset about his death. Her being female and single and so bloody damn hot just made it better. He’d spent the better part of his time alone this past week jerking off thinking about her. He’d barely been able to sleep after confronting her as Mysterion. Of course being mortified at the little hole in the ground incident also contributed to that.  
But what he wouldn’t give for her soft hands around his boner.

She considered his offer. He supposed by now his reputation had preceded him, and wasn’t it a tad odd that she still met up with him despite it? It was probably also the reason she hesitated giving him a full-blown yes. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Today’s been fun.”

That was practically like admitting she enjoyed his company. Who would have guessed that the new girl would be so accommodating to his little requests? And if this ever ended with lips locking and him struggling out of his parka in the middle of a parking lot- no, save the thought for later. “Perfect. Next Sunday then?” he proposed. “We’ll meet up here and then go wherever we want to.”  
The woods were a no-go, seeing as how he intended to walk her back home after their little Sunday excursions. But perhaps a movie… watching a movie together in a dark theater might be enough break through that shy girl armor she wore. He needed to find out if she got scared easily. If she did, a horror movie would be the perfect opportunity to get physically closer.

She smiled at him, the easy smile that seemed to come so natural to her. Not a lot of people smiled at Kenny these days. His friends did, but those were the kind of smiles people give each other when they’ve been together forever. Some of the girls still smiled at him, making eyes that promised all kinds of things. He liked taking them up on those unspoken promises. The teachers sometimes smiled, on days where he remembered to do his homework. He was good at stuff like math, which seemed to be considered a good subject to excel in. He suspected it saved his entire scholastic career. His talent at home economics was generally considered to be less impressive, though he found it to be infinitely more useful.  
But when Jane smiled it was as if she were saying ‘I see you’. There were no hidden promises in that smile, no history long buried. For some reason she actually did like spending a bit of time with him. For some reason she agreed to spending more time with him, despite having heard who knew what kind of stories. It felt good.

“I want to see the town park, actually. The girls all say there’s nothing much to do there so they don’t want to go,” she admitted to him.

“The town park it is,” he agreed. It had been cleaned up during the ‘town revival’ period, though after the Member Berries it’d gotten a bit of a down-grade. But it was still pretty okay as long as you didn’t hang around there on your own after dark. If there had been anything eldritch in that area he would have found it years ago.

“But do you think we’ll be able to find any clues out there? Don’t you think those would be written down somewhere, or hidden?” she asked him in concern.

He shook his head and leaned back in his chair again. Her eyes were wide and stared at him, filled with a desire to do something good and nice. He smiled, a lopsided kind of smile that he reserved for occasions where he didn’t actually care about what would happen next, because it was bound to be good either way. “Who knows? You find good things in the weirdest of fucking places.”  
And wasn’t that the truth. After all, he’d found the one person who remembered by loitering outside his school to smoke a cigarette. If that wasn’t coincidence, he didn’t know what was. “Maybe now that you’re in town, I might get to the bottom of this.” Or not. Maybe he’d just be seen around town with Jane. 

Kenny had no idea how prophetic his words were at that point. And by the time he realized, things were too fucked up to even care about something as small as irony.


	4. Graveyards, Pepperspray and Photograps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman dares Jane to go to the burial grounds. Here she gets entangled with Mysterion, the Coon and Professor Chaos. When did she sign up for this?
> 
> In case you're wondering, I'm writing this much because I have exams and this is how I unwind. My first one is on the 17th, so wish me luck!
> 
> Also, I'm still totally taking requests for filler chapters if there's something you really want to read.

|Jane|

Weeks passed without anything worthy of mention happening. Classes went by and Jane was surprised to hear that Kenny usually did skip at least one or two days in the week. She didn’t bring it up during their Sunday outings, which gradually turned into sightseeing trips where she seemed to be the only one interested in finding more clues. She gradually found her place in the girl group. They spent their days together doing homework, listening to music and occasionally going to see a movie. The boys however proved to be a more… elusive group.

“Hey prep,” Cartman greeted her as she closed her locker.

“Cartman,” she replied, unsure as to what he wanted. She had no doubt it would be something stupid at best, manipulative and horrible at the worst. Even if the other girls hadn’t told her about the past years, there was no way one could miss out on Cartman’s doing. He had a tendency to shout out his plans from the rooftops. “What do you want?”

“So I hear you’ve been fucking Kenny these past few weeks-”

“I what?!”

“-and that’s cool, I guess some people like poor and smelly people. Still, I have something to offer that might make you reconsider. You see, I heard you’ve been asking questions about Mysterion.”

Jane slammed her locker shut. She was still pretty peeved about what he’d said about her and Kenny, not to mention the insult at the address of someone she was really coming to appreciate. And of course she’d asked around about Mysterion. Not a week went by where she didn’t encounter the masked vigilante one way or another. She wondered if he was following her or if it was just purely coincidence. “What if I have?” For a moment she suspected Cartman of being Mysterion, before realizing the body type didn’t match. Cartman was average height and stocky, while Mysterion was taller than her and lean.

“Well obviously you haven’t heard about the real hero of South Park. Here’s a pamphlet.” He shoved a piece of paper in her hands, clearly self-drawn. It read ‘THE COON!’ in great, wax letters and featured a drawing of the Coon.

“That’s the guy that tried to mug me when I first got in South Park!” she exclaimed, missing the annoyed look flashing over Cartman’s face.

“The Coon needs money to fund his equipment! Anyway, I think you’ll find becoming a Coon fangirl is much more rewarding than being a Mysterion fangirl.” She wouldn’t really refer to herself as a fangirl in any way. Her interest in Mysterion was based solely on the fact that the pervert vigilante seemed to be interested in her. “I believe I could easily get you a top position in the fandom.”

“Seeing as how there isn’t a fandom, that’ll be easy,” Kenny snipped as he passed by. He leaned over Jane’s shoulder, plucking the pamphlet from her fingers in a deft swipe. “The Coon needs to work on his artistry skills, doesn’t he, Cartman?”

“Shut up Kenny! The Coon knows what he does,” Cartman snapped, turning back to Jane. “If you like poking around creepy South Park places, maybe you’ll go check out the Indian burial ground. Though maybe you won’t have that much fun with Kenny being at his part-time job. You’re only brave when you’ve got a man looking after you.”

She felt Kenny’s arm tense as he kept leaning against her in an obvious protecting stance. Perhaps that was what pushed her to go along with Cartman’s crazy suggestion. “You know what? I’ll go. It’s just a graveyard. It’s not like it’s that scary.”

Just that moment Stan and Kyle rounded the corner, surprised to find both Cartman and Kenny in what looked like a stand-off around the new girl. “What’s going on with you all?” Stan asked.

“Our resident prep here has just agreed to go to the center of the burial ground to prove she’s not scared. For proof you have to bring back evidence. One of those old Indian charms or whatever,” Cartman told her.

“That’s grave-digging!” Jane protested.

Kyle groaned. “You don’t have to do what Cartman says. Just ignore him.”

“Yeah, show everyone you’re a little kitten who needs Kenny to protect her all the time.” Cartman taunted her.

Jane yanked out her phone and waved it in his face. “You know what? I’ll go, get picture evidence and tomorrow you can eat your words Cartman. If I get to the center of the burial ground, you convert to the Mysterion fanclub.”

“If they’ll take him,” Kenny coughed sounding amused and concerned at the same time.

“Fine bitch. But if you can’t make it without Kenny you’ll tell everyone, daily, that you love the Coon and you’ll become president of his fanclub,” Cartman retorted. 

Why did everyone even assume she cared that much about masked vigilantes running around town? She’d only asked around because she’d run into Mysterion more often than was normal. “Fine.”

Cartman strutted off, leaving her with the three other guys. She exhaled deeply, deeply aware of Kenny squeezing her shoulder in what she supposed was to be comforting. Instead her heartbeat doubled and she had to work very hard to not push his arm away. Kyle looked at her, scratching underneath his green hat. Red curls escaped from underneath it. “If you’re going to do it, I suggest you get to it while it’s still light outside. We can take you part of the way, if you want.”

Kenny mumbled something about his part-time job before he took off. He crumpled the picture of the Coon and tossed it in a garbage bin. Jane watched after him and suddenly wished that Kenny was going with her. There was something comforting about him. Instead she turned to the two friends waiting for her. “The sooner I do this the better, right?”  
They nodded.  
“Well… today’s a good a day as any.” She wondered if zombies were a South Park thing. Kenny or the girls had never mentioned them, so she guessed that would be okay.

“Stan, Jane! Hi Kyle,” Wendy walked up to them, satchel slung over her shoulder. “What are you guys up to?” she asked, quickly giving Stan a kiss on the cheek.

“Taking Jane up to the burial grounds. Some deal with Cartman,” Kyle explained.

Wendy groaned. “I can’t believe him! Does he honestly think he has to keep challenging people to stupid things? No offense to you, Jane. It’s just Cartman who needs to grow up.”

Jane smile, having taken no offense indeed. It seemed she’d just gotten tangled up in whatever plans Cartman was hatching in that little brain of his. They took a bus to cover most of the distance and stopped in the woods just before Jane’s destination. Wendy gave a tight little smile. “You don’t have to do this. If Cartman tries to be a dick about it, we girls can shut him down easily. And we all know he’s lying about you and Kenny.”

Jane tried very hard not to blush, knowing that it was a bodily action that couldn’t be controlled. “That doesn’t matter at the moment. I got into this and now I’ve got to get out of this. I’ll be fine. Promise.” It was just a spooky, historical site in a town that didn’t flinch at the mention of anything. How bad could it be, really? Not counting the fact that she was a total scaredy cat in the dark and screeched at the sight of any spider. Maybe she should have thought this out more.

The others bade her goodbye and she was left alone in the woods. She quickly checked her cell phone, relieved to see she could call someone if she got lost. After that she started to trek towards the general direction that had been pointed out. When the land rolled up she knew she was walking in the correct direction. It actually wasn’t so bad here. The sun was shining, birds were singing. It could have just been a hiking trip. It was nothing, really.

Nervously she sang a little tune. “Show must go on… outside the dawn is breaking… the show must go on…” She crossed something that resembled an old path, cobbled stones jutting out of the earth like bleached bones. “Dear dad, your daughter got caught up in a popularity contest she doesn’t actually care about. This means walking around cemeteries like a depraved ghoul.”

She followed the path, every step making her more nervous. If she turned back and admitted defeat… no, her one meeting with the Coon had proven she didn’t like the character. She’d sooner take up on any of Mysterion’s lewd offers. Not that she’d say it out loud. He had a way of knowing things she thought were secret.  
A branch snapped to her left and she jumped to the side. A rabbit stuck its head out of the bushes, nose twitching as it looked at her. Jane pressed her hands against her chest, feeling her heartbeat pound against her ribs. “Damn it Bugs. You scared me half to death.”

“Talk to yourself often?” A gruff voice asked her.

“Holy heaven!” she shouted, jumping to the other side in a fright.

Mysterion grinned, the hood only showing his mouth. “You kiss your mother with that dirty mouth?”

“You’ve said worse. Like, every single time we’ve talked,” she retorted. Think of the devil, she thought. “Are you stalking me, or am I just lucky this way?”

“A little of this, a little of that,” Mysterion shrugged. “I heard you were on a quest to protect my honor, so naturally I had to come take a look at the brave knight so valiantly striding towards a spooky area.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Mysterion,” she answered, although she was a tad relieved he was here. Cartman had said she couldn’t bring Kenny, but in lieu she was just as happy with the vigilante watching her back. “I’m doing this for myself.”

He made a mock bow. “Of course. I’m just tagging along for the ride.”

They started walking, him following after her. After a while she fell back a little. It was unnerving to walk in the woods when behind you someone was rustling up leaves. After climbing the last hill they’d arrived. The area was at least 500 meters in circumference and completely bereft of any trees. A lonesome crow cawed in the background. A shiver ran up and down Jane’s spine. “This place gives me the creeps.”

“You know,” Mysterion started in a conversational tone. “Some of the kids in South Park believe you can wake up dead pets if you bury them here. See the earth near some of the graves? That means someone came to bury mr Mittens and hoped a zombie cat would wake up.”

“No they didn’t.”

“During a prank when we were twelve some parents around here thought their kid had died so they buried the fake remains here. Thankfully that didn’t come back to haunt us all,” Mysterion continued as Jane gingerly put her first step on the dried out soil.

She pressed her hands against her ears. “Nanana, can’t hear you!”

Mysterion leaned closer to her, trying to break through her chant and the hands on her ears. She stared down at the ground in an attempt to block him out as he told her of more wacky adventures. Part of her thought that maybe she’d be able to figure out who he really was if she listened. Instead she took a few steps forward, Mysterion following close behind her. “I was wrong, it would have been better if I came here alone,” she whined.  
A centipede ran over her pumps. A fat, shiny centipede. Over her shoe. Over her foot. She cried out in a panic and practically jumped in Mysterion’s arms. “I hate bugs!”

They jostled around, Mysterion trying to juggle her sudden weight so they wouldn’t both end up on the ground. Branches snapped underneath his feet until he found his balance against a pile of rocks. Jane kept her arms around his neck. “Is it gone?”

“I didn’t even see anything,” he replied. “Could you loosen the death grip?”

Well, she’d thought he sounded a little choked up. Reluctantly she released her grip, though she tightened when he moved to put her back on the ground. “Could you check for bugs first?”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to do that while someone’s clinging to you?” he asked, shifting to accommodate her weight better.

“I’m not setting another foot on this ground unless I’m sure there are no more centipedes or spiders,” she answered haughtily. She turned to him, looking in his eyes. They were bright blue and there was something about them… “Have we met before?”

“You just accused me of stalking you,” he reminded her.

“No, I mean… without the costume.” She moved her head closer. More than half his face was covered behind that mask. Braver than she felt she touched one hand to his cheek. His skin was cold underneath her bare hand, slight stubble scratching her. He still smelled like dust but there was something else… candy?

He snorted. “Did you just sniff me? Cause it’s totally cool if you were, I’ve been sniffing you too.”

Jane removed her arms with a glare. “You know what, I think I’ll walk after all. Thanks for the assistance.”

Mysterion put her on the ground and she resumed her trip to the center of the burial ground. Behind her the vigilante followed, not bothering to hide his footsteps or, when she turned her head, the fact that he was staring at her behind. When he noticed her pursed lips he shrugged with a wide grin. Jane shook her head and wondered how ‘the symbol of South Park’ could be such a pervert.  
She was spared more bugs and arrived at the center building without a glitch. She whipped out her cell and activated the camera. Mysterion nodded and gestured behind him. “I’ll get going then. I only came because I suspected Ca- the Coon to maybe try to set you up.”

She paused before posting her picture evidence online. “That’s… yeah, that sounds plausible. Can I walk back wi- HEY!”

Someone grabbed her arm from behind, turning her around. She caught a glimpse of someone wearing what looked like a lot of tin foil rush past her. Then she saw her own opponent. A voice from behind her gave a command. “Capture her, general Disarray. But gentle, if you can.”

The person in front of her was a redhead and judging from appearances a few years younger than her. And he didn’t seem intent on letting her go on her way. “Let go off me! What do you guys want anyway?”

“If we can capture you, we can maybe force Mysterion to retire. Th-that’s what my source said anyway. Something about you being his number one fangirl,” the blond villain explained before Mysterion attacked him.  
Ignoring the fight, Jane tried to yank her arm loose. “What. Is. Wrong. With everyone. In this damn town? I’m not some superhero groupie!”

“Not yet, at least! The Coon is coming to your rescue!” the stocky masked figure announced before swinging General Disarray over his shoulder. The kid flew through the air, hitting a large pile of brittle wood. “Now, Professor Chaos, why don’t you take on a more worthwhile adversary?”

“I’m kind of in the middle of something here,” Chaos replied, trying to struggle from Mysterion’s grip.

The Coon turned back to Jane, who took back a step. “Then I shall escort you out of this area, miss. Something which should have been done by the first, illegal, troublemaker who arrived here.”

He reached out a clawed hand for her and Jane flinched. His hand was large, fitting around her upper arm. He was stronger than her and she couldn’t resist being pulled away. So instead she did the next best thing she was capable off. She screamed.  
She screamed hard, loud and as long as she could before continuing. The Coon let go of her which was the moment she slung her backpack around, hitting him in the face. Before he recovered from that she grappled the pepper spray her father had gotten her once. It was kind of illegal but that hadn’t stopped her father in getting it for her. “One more finger on me or Mysterion and I’m spraying you all the way to the hospital.”

The Coon rubbed his sore jaw. “What the actual fuck? Don’t you know I’m here to rescue your sorry ass?”

“Test me, Coon,” Jane replied, aiming the pepper spray. “Because I’ll enjoy it.”  
Judging from the sounds behind her, Mysterion and Chaos were finishing up their scuffle. The Coon glanced back and forth before suddenly making a dash for the surrounding woods. Jane hooted. “That’s right, run!”

“That wasn’t wholly bad… for a chick,” Mysterion said behind her, dusting off his hands.

“If you think for a second I wouldn’t spray you, you’re so wrong,” Jane threatened.

Mysterion lifted his hands, smiling. “I’ll respect any boundary you point out. Now come over here.”

She came closer, noticing he’d tied up Chaos with his own shoelaces. When she’d reached enough Mysterion grabbed her with one arm. With the other he held up a dingy cell phone. Before she could say anything a flash went off. “I get paid extra if I bring pictures.”  
\-------

When she opened the newspaper the next day, the headline was in big, bold letters. “Mysterion saves damsel in distress from Professor Chaos!” Below it, in slightly more modest letters: “Favorite hero vows to keep new resident safe from harm. Has romance dawned?!” The picture showed her in a half-hug with a smiling Mysterion and a tied-up professor Chaos. In the background a retreating Coon could just be seen.

She groaned, grabbing an extra cup of coffee and remembered the phone number that had been on a crumpled up note in her pockets. How exactly had she gotten into this mess?


	5. For Her Own Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane's father has an ominous conversation. Cartman lashes out at Kenny and causes the latter to overthink his hopes. Butters talks out of turn and only makes things worse. (Because this is supposed to be a slow fic so you're all just going to have to suffer)
> 
> Thanks for the likes and comments by the way <3 They're a real motivation!  
> About the possible Ken doll as a nickname thing, if possible I'll fit it in the story ^^

“What do you mean, you haven’t found him yet?” the man on the other side of the phone demanded. 

Andrew Moltz sighed, rearranging some of the papers on his desk. These past few weeks he’d been waiting for any sort of excited news from his daughter, about having met a guy who was, in her eyes, just about perfect. It had to be impossible she hadn’t met anyone like that yet. But…  
“Town records don’t show any boys of the correct age group having their birthdays around the winter solstice. I checked city hall, records are shady, which explains our earlier mistakes. But we know he’s here, that’s what the oracle said.”

“We thought the girl would recognize him,” the man replied, sounding as if there was a lot of repressed rage going on there.

Andrew picked up the newspaper. He’d teased Jane about being on the front page with the local hero, but inside he’d been burning with curiosity. “I think Mysterion is the one we’re looking for. It would explain her not raving about her latest crush.”

“Does she know who he is?”

“Who’s to say? If she knows, she’s probably not telling because she wants him to be safe. Though I’m thinking there’s a bigger chance that she just doesn’t know,” Andrew scratched at his morning stubble. He’d wanted to ask her. If they hadn’t lost that hilbilly family after the confirmed conception… “He could be any one of these kids.”

“Does she still have her nightmares?”

“Occasionally. The few she’s had seem to be worse. She’s lethargic the days after them. Perhaps it’s the proximity between them tearing down the protection she had against it.”

There was a pause on the other side. “We still have 19 months left to find him in. And if we haven’t found him by then, torch the place.”

“… everyone?”

“If you don’t know who it is yet two months before graduation, gather everyone in town and shoot them. Burn the town to the ground. He’s the only one that’ll come back. Not even the curse can make you ignore the fact that he’s the sole survivor. It’s the only way.”

Andrew knew that. He knew how many generations of careful breeding had gone into creating the catalyst at the same time as the perfect conduit. If they failed now it would be millenia more until the Dark Ones roamed the earth once more. Jane had been raised to be perfectly susceptible to that first thrill of emotion. Her every social interaction had been predetermined to ensure she was capable of instantly recognizing the catalyst and winning him over. She wouldn’t accept another man and he’d be unable to do anything but protect her. All they needed to do was find the lost son. “It’s the only way,” he agreed. “Could you send over John? Perhaps his presence will help flush out the catalyst.”

|Jane|

Today they’d gotten back their math tests. Jane was an average achiever most days, but her worst subject was maths. She just couldn’t get her head around those numbers. And the results had been disastrous. The day only got worse when Cartman attempted to claim she’d lost her bet with him.

“You didn’t do it on your own, bitch,” he complained.

“I would have, if the entire cosplay population of this town hadn't shown up there. And next time you go tipping off the local bad guys, get your facts straight. Mysterion would not retire to save me. We barely know one another.” Jane wasn’t happy at all with the insinuations that had been following her the entire day.

“Give it up, Cartman,” Kyle said, shoving his books in his backpack. Next class was chemistry, meaning they had to switch classrooms. “Can’t you just accept losing for once in your life without making a big deal out of it?”

“Are you forgetting it’s Cartman you’re talking about? Of course he can’t do that!” Stan interjected. Both of them glared at Cartman with an exasperated look.

“I AM NOT SWITCHING TO THE MYSTERION FAN CLUB!” Cartman screamed. “And of course Mysterion would quit for you, haven’t you seen the newspaper?”

Jane smiled thinly. “Mysterion is a pervert. I’m pretty sure he’d be first in line to save any type of damsel in distress. And to be honest, he’s still preferable to the Coon despite the pervert factor.”

Cartman flew into a screeching rage while Jane was whisked away by Bebe and Red. They commiserated about her test results, offering to start a study group to help everyone get their grades up. Jane gratefully accepted the offer, surprised to hear that Wendy would probably be leading the study group. The young woman had high dreams and didn’t flinch from helping others. The other girls mentioned that they all helped out one another. The boys seemed to have a more material system which consisted of circulating homework material.  
“You girls are a lifesaver,” Jane smiled.

“Don’t mention it!” Bebe replied. “We’re just happy to see you’ve been following out advice. Want to go shopping for the Halloween ball somewhere later this week?”

“Oh, I heard about that. It’s a school dance, right?”

Red nodded. “Wendy and Bebe are tied for Scream Queen at the moment. It’s going to be so exciting to see who wins!”

“Too bad you can’t invite Mysterion,” Bebe giggled, making the jab with effortless grace. Jane nodded with a pained smile. At this point the more she shouted it wasn’t true the more the other girls were convinced she was keeping a sworn secret. Instead she kept quiet and endured several insinuations as she slid into her regular seat. During class Kenny walked in, sporting a black eye and looking as if he hadn’t slept a wink. That she was able to see both while he wore the hoody was evidence of how bad it was.  
He caught her shocked look and winked quickly, wincing at the sting in his eyes. Jane frowned in retort. During class the tired latecomer nearly caused an explosion by not checking what he was mixing. If it hadn’t been for Kyle keeping an eye out more than a few people would have left without eyebrows.

The other girls stopped her to confirm shopping plans when the bell for lunch rang. By the time she’d caught up to Kenny he was standing outside the double doors. He winced at her glare, before trying a charming smile to get his way out of it. It would have been more effective without the hoody. “Jane. You’re so pretty when you smile.”

She poked him in the ribs with a glare. He winced from pain. “Don’t you even try flattering your way out of my concern for you, Kenneth. What happened to you?”

She was surprised by a big hand placed on top of her head. “The less you know, the better. I’m fine,” Kenny told her, searching through his pockets for a cigarette. 

“Kenny…” she continued.

He shook his head. “Butt out, Jane. Okay?”

She opened her mouth and thought better of it. It wasn’t often Kenny told her to mind her own business. Instead she opened her backpack and pulled out his math test. She’d swiped it from the teachers desk in passing so he could at least look it over once. “Your test, Einstein.”

“This isn’t mine,” he answered, flashing the paper in front of her eyes. The big red letters on it warned her at once is was actually her homework. “I didn’t have you pegged for an airhead.”

“Everyone is bad at something,” she muttered, exchanging the paper with the correct test. “I’m just bad with numbers.”

He nodded silently, looking over his test. “I heard you made the headlines today, with Mysterion. Anything going on I should know about?”

Jane recognized the teasing undertone that almost everyone had when questioning her about the masked man. She crossed her arms and huffed. “Please. He’s terrible! Constantly making these remarks about…” she suddenly remembered who she was talking about. The mere thought about mentioning sex to Kenny was enough to get her tongue-tied. Her crush on him hadn’t lessened and she suspected the only reason nobody had called her out on it yet was because they only spent time together at school every so often.

“About?” Kenny informed, sounding so innocent she knew he knew exactly what it was about.

“About you know what. I can’t do that with someone I don’t know,” she muttered, feeling increasingly hot in the face.

He placed his arm around her shoulder and whispered in her ear. His warm breath sent shivers through her and nearly made her knees buckle. “What about with someone you do know?”

Jane sputtered nonsense, covering her face. “Kenny! Please behave!”

“I wasn’t suggesting you do it with me,” he countered, lighting his cigarette. “That was your own dirty mind talking.” He took a long drag of his cigarette, blowing out the smoke in a circle. “Do you hate him?”

“Mysterion? Not really. I mean, he likes to sneak up from behind and scare me out of my skin, but I guess he’s kind of alright. A bit stalkerish though,” Jane replied slowly. She knew Kenny was quite a fan of the masked man. For a moment she considered mentioning she had Mysterion’s phone number, but she wasn’t sure why she’d gotten it in the first place. She would have preferred Kenny’s, but he said he didn’t have a cell. Then she’d remembered his home situation and understood.

He seemed to consider something for a second. “So, between me and Mysterion, who do you prefer?”

Cue flaring blush to her cheeks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He chuckled darkly, giving her a punch on the upper arm. “Just checking if my position as best friend isn’t getting threatened. Mysterion wouldn’t be able to handle me.”

“Probably,” she answered, rubbing her arm. The bell rang, causing them to snap their heads up. “Well, time for the last stretch. I’ll see you on Sunday?”

“Whispering Caves,” he confirmed, not making any motions to go back inside with her. But when she turned around to get to class he grabbed her wrist with a mittened hand. He looked at the ground as he spoke. “If you wanted… I can help you with math. I’m okay with it and… you’re obviously not.”

“Rude,” she pouted.

“So if you want we can hang out a little longer on Sunday.”

Her heart skipped a beat and she patted his hand. “Sounds nice. Can’t wait ‘till Sunday.”

|Kenny|

He’d been brooding over an exchange he and the other guys had had before Jane popped up with their math tests. It was stupid, really, and he shouldn’t let it get under his skin. But Cartman always knew how to aim where it would hurt the most.

_“When are you going to admit it’s not going to work out?” Cartman asked, not so much malicious as just infuriatingly sure of how right he was. Though there was most likely a small undercurrent of wratch after yesterday. “There’s no way it would last between you and Jane.”_

_“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kenny lied through clenched teeth, trying to ignore the dull throbbing going through his skull. For the third time that day he checked if his teeth were still in place. He could have taken the easy way out but he'd promised he wouldn't 'reset' anymore._

_“You and Tammy, that was logical. It’s like Token and Nicole, certain groups of people belong together,” Cartman explained as if he were talking to a four-year old._

_Kyle, in the process of nursing his crush for Nicole, had swung his backpack over his shoulder, hitting Cartman. “Butt the fuck out of his business.”_

_“Guys, seriously. What could Kenny offer a rich girl other than a trailer and cheap beer? She’s going to have expectations. I’m just looking out for a brother here. Even if they hook up, it won't be long before she dumps his sorry ass.”_

He watched her leave, suddenly feeling a little less hurt and cold. He had to be careful with smiling, since his eye hurt when he moved his face too much. His dad had been drinking the day before. When he came back from his patrolling the old man had kicked Kenny’s ass so thoroughly he’d thought he would die. In the morning it had all looked grisly and painful. But Kenny kept sneaking out of the house at night, even when that happened. Ever since the police had accepted him they’d added little bonuses for him. Money for weapons, maintenance of his costume. Occasionally they added more after cracking a tough case, nice extras which he used to buy some hard-needed essentials around the house. If his little sister hadn’t needed him so much at home, Kenny couldn’t say if he would return there.

Keeping an eye on Jane took a chunk of time out of his daily schedule. And he could be more forward with her as Mysterion. She would never have jumped into Kenny McCormick’s arms for safety. Not like she did with the masked vigilante. And after the stunt Cartman had pulled, he’d made sure she had his phone number. The cell was usually supposed to be only used for communication with the police. So far he’d been able to keep it reserved for that purpose, but he felt better knowing Jane could reach him too. Absent-mindedly he touched the cell. If only Cartman had kept his freaking mouth shut. Maybe Kenny McCormick was better off keeping his distance.

“Why, if it isn’t Kenny,” a voice said and Kenny looked up. In front of him was one of his first girlfriends, Tammy. Her hair hadn’t changed much, apart from a few added violet streaks. Her tight shirt and shorts were enough to get a rise out of him. Tammy was hot. Jane was too, but Tammy was a different kind of hot. The kind of hot that knows they are and decided to milk it for all it was worth. If it hadn’t been for the fact Kenny knew Tammy had syphilis he might have continued dating her. It hadn’t totally seemed worth it to him.

He still smiled at her, flicking away the last butt of his smoke. “Tammy,” he replied.

“Quite a shiner you got there, lover,” Tammy told him. “Your new girlfriend give you that?” she looked at him appraisingly.

“Single, for the moment,” he offered. Even if Jane would ever get down and dirty with him, Kenny doubted it would last. Because really, what did he have to offer? They were completely different. And she deserved someone normal, someone with a future. Which was not Kenny, future failure of the city. “You?”

“You know how it is,” Tammy said with a small smile. “Why don’t you come with me? I hear TGF is having a special today.”

He knew where this was going. And he didn’t really mind. That’s what he told himself at least. Tammy had simple expectations, ones which he could impossibly fail. “Lead the way then.”

———

Two days later he ran into his class as they left school. Fridays were usually the moment when they all went to the local bar for a few games of pool and beers. He brightened when he saw Stan and Kyle, who greeted him with their usual enthusiasm. Even Cartman seemed slightly pleased to see him, probably due to his long absence. Jane smiled at him for a second before returning to her conversation with Butters. The two seemed to be having a high-strung conversation on different kinds of dancing.

It was only on days like these that the girls and guys mixed together so freely. Usually it was just a couple meeting in the hallways but here they all sat interspersed, depending on hobbies and mood of the day. Kenny maneuvered himself so that he could sit next to Jane, even as they were having different conversations. The guys talked about a new MMO that was coming out and Kenny agreed to checking it out.

“No way! You were state champion?” Jane exclaimed behind him. “That’s so cool!”

“Oh, not really. But I had fun doing it before the accident happened,” Butter said before steering the conversation in another direction.

A few hours passed and the class members went apart and came back together again. As the end of their get-together drew closer, Kenny found himself in a drawn-out discussion between Cartman and Wendy. He, Jane, Butters and a few others sat to the sides, occasionally saying something between themselves. He only regretted having to keep his hoodie on. He didn’t feel like showing his classmates just how bad the bruises were this time.  
Kenny was nearly besides himself with joy when Jane threw her arm around the back of the chair she was sitting in. She hardly seemed aware she’d done it herself. After a while she turned to him, gesturing to his glass. “What is that you’re drinking?”

“Red Dog,” he answered. It was cheap and disgusting, but only the cheap part mattered.

“Can I try some?” Jane asked.

“I’ll ask for a clean glass,” he said, raising his hand. 

She stopped him, pushing his hand down again. “Don’t be silly. I don’t mind drinking from your glass.”  
Kenny nearly kicked himself for thinking ‘indirect kiss’ like some pre-puberty schoolgirl. But still he stared at how her lips were pressed against the glass, before her nose scrunched. “Oh, this is disgusting, Kenny!”

He took the glass from her hand and methodically took a large swig without flinching. “More for me then.”

She stuck out her tongue at him, eyes sparkling. He suddenly realized Jane might be building up a small buzz. The suspicion was confirmed when she placed her hand on his wrist, leaning into him. “I almost forgot! There’s this Halloween dance in a few weeks, and we’re supposed to bring dates.”  
Was that his heartbeat or had someone unleashed a stampede of wild horses? He nodded mutely, waiting for her to continue. Because if this was happening, Cartman could just go suck dicks.  
“And I was thinking, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if you don’t have a date already-”

“Oh, didn’t you hear?” Butters interrupted them with a big smile. “I heard Kenny and Tammy are dating again. They were seen on the parking lot near TGF’s together.”  
There was no way Kenny could have missed how suddenly Jane’s mood took a plunge. Butters continued, blissfully unaware of what they were doing. “But shee, it’s awfully nice of you Jane, asking out a friend on a date. Why, anyone would be happy to go with you.”

Jane smiled. “Of course. There's no problem in friends going together.” She squeezed Kenny’s hand with a tight smile before withdrawing. “But I couldn’t possibly get in between a couple. Forget I mentioned anything.”

Kenny had never before in his life felt violently towards Butters, but at this moment he seriously considered smothering the gossip monger. Especially since he’d mostly gone with Tammy because Cartman had put him in such a lousy mood. One that still haunted him every time he forgot to keep it at bay. He slammed his beer down on the table a bit harder than necessary.

A few minutes later Jane stood up and gathered her jacket. “I should get going. It gets dark so early these days.”

“Need me to walk you home?” Kenny asked, motioning to get up himself. He wanted to talk to her, just to be sure she wasn’t taking it too hard. But it was better like this, right? 

She raised her hands with a tight smile. “No need to bother. I know the way by now and I really shouldn’t be bothering you. Have a nice evening everyone!”

The crowd waved her goodbye and Kenny leaned back in his seat. He rubbed his cheek slowly, wary of the pain. Hadn’t he suffered enough already? Butters drew him in a cheery conversation while Kenny slowly finished his beer. It was better like this. Because what did he have to offer a girl like Jane? He couldn’t afford losing her friendship, even if he did have the hots for her. Nothing could be more miserable than losing the one person that remembered him.  
Still, the current situation was probably second most miserable. He ordered another beer and promised himself he’d mull things over that night. He needed to know where he stood on the whole Jane thing. Could he be just friends with her?


	6. Close Quarters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mysterion and Jane get locked in a box, find a mysterious amulet and there's an innocent kiss.
> 
> It's Friday, which should be celebrated with a new chapter! Thanks for the comments and the kudos everyone, they mean a lot to me <3

|Jane|

Jane hadn’t really expected a kind of dull ache to spread through her chest in the hours and days following the news about Kenny’s girlfriend. She’d thought he was handsome, sure. That he was funny had been a given. And he’d made her feel safe, in a way that was unexpected but much appreciated for a newcomer. Now she wondered if perhaps she’d just been in his way all along. But Sunday went by and though she didn’t have the heart to ask, he reassured her he’d show up on Monday. He wanted to see how she fared in math class after his pointers. She felt ridiculously grateful for that.  
Every time she thought about asking how his girlfriend was doing, her tongue curled in her mouth and she threatened to choke on air. Instead she’d offered him an apple, making a joke about teachers and apples.

On Tuesday Cartman surprised her by asking her to the ball. The idea had been laughable and absurd until she realized she was one of the few girls left without a date. Everyone assumed she would be going alone since Mysterion couldn’t afford to blow his cover by joining. She left them all under that impression, going so far as heavily implying to Cartman that was the reason she turned him down. Cartman then snidely informed her he’d only asked her in hopes of somehow getting Heidi to take him back after their most recent break-up. Kenny was his usual teasing self but somehow she couldn’t find the energy to reciprocate in kind.

That evening she sat in her room. The four poster bed was warm and cozy while rain whipped the big window. The trees were dark shapes outside and the dim lighting in her room made everything seem more intimate. She was feeling extremely agitated. It was that emotion that sent her searching for the flimsy scrap of paper that held Mysterion’s number. She didn’t think as she typed a quick message.

_-Everyone thinks we’ll go to the dance together. It made me wonder, do you even know how to dance?_

She put the cell to the side after that as if putting down a snake. To distract herself she pulled out a book. After five minutes of silence she wished she hadn’t sent the text. Then her phone buzzed.

_-For a moment I thought the sergeant was asking me to the dance. And cheap way of trying to figure out my identity, Jane._

She chuckled at the reply. Settling herself on the bed she typed. The blankets slowly became a fort she built around herself.

_-So we’re not going to be playing 10 questions any time soon?_

This time the answer came almost instantly.

_-Only if the answers will be as graphic and intimate as possible._

_-Pervert._

_\- It’s my charming side._

_-How are you still single?_

_-Waiting for you to ask me out, babe._

Well, he wasn’t anything if not straightforward. She wondered for a second on what she should send next.

_\- At risk of getting an extremely graphic and intimate reply, what are you doing?_

_-Right now? Stake-out in the east part of town._

_-Am I bothering you??_

_-Nah, this is just soooo boring. I’m glad I can pass my time like this.  
Please give me an extremely graphic reply; what are YOU doing?_

She wondered as to what to reply. Mysterion seemed to be genuinely pleased she’d sent him a text, judging from his replies.

_-I’m in bed. Wearing my comfy clothes._

_-That’s not graphic._

_\- I’ve wrapped myself in three blankets like a human burrito. Only my feet and my head are sticking out. One of my socks has a hole in it._

_\- Wrong kind of graphic, tease. At least tell me the color of your underwear._

She took comfort in the way Mysterion did not attempt to hide his interest in her. At least someone was interested in her. Even if it was the perverted local vigilante.

_\- Not something a lady discusses with a gentleman._

_\- Last time I checked I wasn’t a gentleman. It’s white, right?_

_\- I thought you stalked me so much you’d know that by now?_

_\- Sorry babe. Someone needs to clean up the city, otherwise I would know by now. Is it pink?_

_\- Confessing to being a half-assed stalker with potential to full-blown stalker is not sexy, y’know?_

_\- I promise I only stalk you. I swear to God, if you’re wearing red I won’t be able to sleep for a week._

So perverted. She wondered what to say to him, since it was clear he wouldn’t be letting go off the subject anytime soon. She decided to take a risk.

_-Who said I was wearing any at all?_

|Kenny|

Hiding on top of an abandoned building was all fine and well during hot summer months, but the heart of winter felt less pleasant. Adding to that a rain torrent and Kenny had been a very unhappy Mysterion. At least until his phone started buzzing. He kept up his stake-out because the sergeant had promised him money, but he’d been bored out of his skull until Jane started texting him. He stared at the screen in utter bemusement, not sure how to process this. 

_-Who said I was wearing any at all?_

It was extremely unfair to leave him on a cold roof in the rain with a raging boner. Especially since his outfit did not give in to an erection easily. 

_-That is… so hot and evil. You know I’m stuck on a roof right now and in no position to appreciate this information fully?_

As soon as he was back in his room there would be a hefty jerk-off session. He dutifully stored away every little detail about her to make these as realistic as possible. He’d even gone so far as to pretending Tammy was Jane during a recent TGF visit. He didn’t think Jane fully appreciated how hard having a boner could get, pun not intended.

_\- Making you suffer makes me feel better. I know you’re totally imagining it right now, perv._

_\- You do not tell a man that in the expectation we won’t fantasize. And I noticed you were feeling down. Want to talk?_

She might have been avoiding Kenny as much as possible, but apparently Mysterion was sill an acceptable substitute. And if she really was that bummed out about him possibly having a girlfriend… that was positive for him, right? In a way that he was unable to take advantage off, but still. Being a nice guy was not fun at all. He wished he could be a jerk like Cartman, before realizing it was Cartman’s big mouth that had landed him in his current moral predicament.

_\- I don’t know if you’d be up for the whole ‘crying on shoulder’ schtick._

_\- You can cry on top of any of my body parts. Just joking, I’ll listen. Just let me know when and where._

They met the next day, underneath a leaden gray sky and near a part of town where he still had surveillance to do. It was running late, after a shopping trip with the other girls. It looked like she’d found a dress, judging from the shopping bag she was carrying in her hand. When she found the alley he’d stipulated she walked in hesitantly.

“Hey there,” he greeted her, leaning against the wall, trying his best not to look as if he'd been practising several greetings in his best raspy voice.

She met his eyes and blushed. As far as sexting went, last night had been extremely mild. Not even worth calling vanilla, really. But she did blush prettily. “Hey Mysterion. You doing good?”

“As always,” he replied, resisting the urge to feel at his eye. It had almost completely healed by now, something which he was thankful for. If Jane found out Kenny and Mysterion shared injuries she’d put two and two together quicker than he’d like. “You’re looking pale though.”

Jane shuffled her feet, folding her hands behind her back. “I’m not good with stormy weather. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“I see,” Mysterion said. This sucked. He knew why she was feeling blue, but he couldn’t do anything about it without blowing his cover. And he could hardly offer her to go for a walk dressed in his get-up. “C’mon, you look like you need a hug.”  
She complied with his request, burying her face in his chest with a deep sigh. With a flick he covered her with the cape, forming a little cave for her to rest in. Her hands trailed around his back, the plastic bag in her hands rustling softly. He rested his chin on the top of her head. She was so warm against him. They remained like that for a few seconds before she pulled back, much to his regret.

“Thanks,” she muttered. 

“Anything for my number one fan,” he quipped. As he’d hoped it lightened the mood, leaving her to play-kick him against the shin. “You want to talk now?”

She shrugged, looking thoroughly embarrassed. “I think I needed the hug more. I thought I’d be able to get here earlier, so maybe we should save this for another time?”

Mysterion wanted to tell her she was welcome anytime when suddenly a person passed in front of the alley. He recognized him at once as the right hand of the leader of the gang he’d been tailing the past few days. He pressed a finger in front of his lips. “Stay here, count to ten and head home. I need to take care of this.”

He took off on a silent dash, peeking around the corner to see where he was going. If he could find the entrance to their lair today he’d be able to contact the sergeant and roll them up in one sweep. He followed his turn around a corner and couldn’t believe his luck. The fool had left the door to their lair open!  
He snuck closer, keeping low and making sure to move silently. Pushing the door revealed it swung open easily. He took a deep breath, getting ready to enter when he heard Jane.

“Mysterion,” she whispered, moving closer to him. She walked normally, as if she had every right to be there. “You forgot this.”

She showed his baton. He’d placed it on a few trash cans and forgotten all about it in his haste. He accepted it before shooing her. “If they find you here, you’re in trouble. Now go, go!”

“Boss, we don’t know! We’re still waiting for the new guy to show,” a voice spoke, drawing closer to the open door. Mysterion swore quietly, grabbing Jane by the upper arm as he looked for an escape route. Lucky for them there was another door with a flimsy lock. Praying it was a standard model he grabbed one of the keys on his belt, praying he could get Jane out of there before any shooting started. The lock clicked and he released a relieved sigh, pushing Jane in. When she refused to let him turn back he quickly jumped in with her, pulling the door closed behind them.

He’d thought they’d end up in a corridor, allowing them to perhaps escape on the other side of the building. Instead they were in a room stocked to the ceiling with wooden crates. They’d been stacked so closely there was no room to move except for the one tiny square near the door. To his despair the man he’d been tailing leaned against the door they were hiding behind, talking in a tone that made it impossible to hear the words.  
Mysterion glanced down at Jane, who stood so close he felt her body heat mingle with his. He took a deep breath and realized his mistake as he inhaled her scent, his chest barely brushing against her. “Let’s keep quiet, okay?”

Jane nodded and he started to look around for a way out. If they climbed on the boxes… no, all that was needed was one false move and everything would come crashing down. Flight stickers stuck on them, proclaiming them to be from all over the world. He turned around in the limited space, testing the lid on of the crates. It opened readily. Keeping an eye on the door he quickly groped around. All he found was a spooky necklace of a squid, reminding him eerily of that one time Ctulhu had nearly woken up fully. They’d filled an entire crate with straw for this thing?  
He turned around to Jane, stuffing the necklace in his back pocket. “Hop in.”

“What?”

“They might come in here, and we can’t run. So let’s hide in here,” he whispered at her, trying to confer his sense of urgency. With a grim face she nodded, swinging a leg over the edge of the crate. Giving her a small boost he followed after, closing the lid after them.

“Ow!”

“What?” he asked, fumbling around in his pockets. He so rarely used one of these…

“That was a boob, idiot,” she retorted.

“Sorry for damaging valuable eye candy,” he muttered distracted, not mentioning she was partly choking him with his own cape, which had gotten trapped underneath her in some way. Ah, finally! He pressed a glow stick in half, shaking it to get the liquid spread around. It spread a soft orange light, just enough to see by. “You okay?”

She frowned at him, half-raised on her elbows. That released his cape and averted any impending asphyxiation. He was nearly sitting on her, legs spread against her thighs, half-leaning over her. Oh, but she looked pretty when pissed off. “I’m in a box with a masked pervert, at risk of being killed by criminals. Of course I’m fine.”

He settled on his elbows, making the position more intimate. His chest hovered over hers. “Nobody said you had to follow after me.”

“You forgot your stick.” She drew a deep breath, her breasts ghosting across his chest. If only they’d been in a more private space right now.

“I could’ve done without. Look, let’s just wait a while until we’re sure these guys are gone and I’ll get you home,” he offered, shifting his weight. Being locked up in a small space with Jane was like his third favorite porn coming true. He just realized he’d lost out on some amazing innuendo when she’d mentioned his stick as he hovered over her. Her usually brown eyes seemed black in this light as she stared back at him.

“Are they contacts?” she asked him. “Or are your eyes really that blue?”

He smirked. “I’m going to have to fail you on pick-up lines.”

Jane rolled her eyes in a manner she usually reserved for being around Kenny. “We’re locked in a box together and I’d like to know _who_ I’ll never be able to look in the eyes again starting tomorrow.”

“Not exactly a reason to make me give up my secret identity. Especially since you have such lovely eyes.” He playfully set to work, fluttering his eyelashes. Jane started to chuckle underneath him. “What makes you think I’m close to you?”

“You know way too much, including stuff that goes on in the classroom. So either you’re paying someone to keep an eye out or you’re in there yourself, which would make you one of my classmates. How else would you know I’ve been a bit down these past few days?” 

Okay, so maybe the whole ‘let’s stalk the girl giving us an erection’ plan wasn’t completely thought out. He fumbled for an answer. “Maybe I’m way older than you guessed. I’m actually the gross old dude at the Rent-o-store.”

This time she did snort with laughing, clasping her hands in front of her face. “Ewww, no thanks.”

Heh, that had been cute. “Yeah, no, I’m not that old ballsack. I’m more… age-appropriate.” Another suggestive eye-brow wiggle. “Y’know, we could do something fun while we’re stuck in here. All cozy and close, mood lights.” He waited until she opened her mouth to protest. “But first I’ll check if the coast is clear, so stay quiet.”  
Carefully, so very carefully, he lifted the lid open to a crack. It honestly wouldn’t be that much of a problem if they caught him - one bullet and he’d be back - but Jane wouldn’t be that lucky. Usually the only people getting in his way were Cartman and Professor Chaos, aka Butters aka Marjorine. At least Jane was a lot more fun when it came to protecting.

The man was still standing against the door, but this time he was joined by a few other men. They seemed to be discussing something. Mysterion lowered the lid again, leaning closer to his lovely fellow hider. He brought his mouth close to her ear, lips brushing past the soft skin. Gods she smelled good. “We’ll be stuck a little longer. You still okay?”

She nodded, her cheek gliding against his. She raised her hips for a second, getting comfortable. Her breath was hot against his ear when she spoke. “This is not how I imagined spending my afternoon.”

Mysterion would have loved taking a risk, but he guessed a little nip in her neck could draw a scream and, following suite, bullets. “Jane, one word from you and this’ll turn kinky in seconds.”

“I’m not having my first time locked in a box,” she retorted.

“Too bad,” he sighed, leaning closer to her neck. “It would be extremely memorable.” He flinched when she drew up her leg a little, implying she’d gladly kick him. “Or not,” he corrected himself. But really, what did she expect from him when they were so close together? He could just barely play nice if there was a decent distance between them. The anonymity of his mask didn’t help either.  
He flinched when the door to the room slammed open. Jane buried her face in his shoulder, nails digging in his skin. He leaned in to her, bodies flush against each other. He felt her heart beat against his chest, as rapid and frantic as his own.

“Get these outside. The car will pick them up soon.”  
“How many?”  
“Ten or so. We can’t move them too quickly, the police might notice. Just take the sensitive goods first.”

He heard men grunting, but couldn’t figure out how many there were. Instead he brought a hand to the small caliber pistol on his back, hoping he might be able to get Jane out of here alive should push come to shove. The men talked as they worked, in a language he didn’t understand. Jane was breathing in and out against his shoulder, clearly doing her best to keep calm. Mysterion leaned back into her, breathing her scent. “You’re doing great, babe,” he whispered against her. “Just great. We’ll be out of here soon.”

Hands slammed against the sides of their confinements. Jane smothered her cry by biting his shoulder. Mysterion hissed slowly. Damn, it was kinky and totally not the time for that. Their case was lifted in the air, much to his concern.

“Damn, what’s in this box?” one man asked in plain English. The reply he got was unintelligible for either of the teens, though the handling of the box became a tad more gentle.

Mysterion buried his head against Jane, in the crook of her neck. He was rewarded with a nose full of expensive perfume and felt his nose twitch. He tried to get rid of it by exhaling through his nose but that only made it worse. The case rocked back and forth, pushing him closer into Jane. “…sneeze,” he managed to whisper in her ear in between being rocked back and forth.  
She inhaled sharply as Mysterion tried very hard not to sneeze. It didn’t work, his breaths becoming deeper and deeper. As it finally launched Jane pulled his head down and he felt something very soft against his head. But nobody stopped walking.

He kept still, gathering his brain around the situation. Then he realized exactly why his head was being cradled so softly, or why her arms were wrapped around his head to keep him in place. He’d just sneezed in her sweater. Her heart was beating so loud, pounding against her chest. He felt it move against his ear. He hoped he hadn't gotten snot all over the sweater. He was pretty sure it had been a dry sneeze.

“Mysterion,” she whispered, sounding as if she was on the verge of a panic attack.

He crawled back up, using the lurching movements of the men carrying them to help him. “Doing great babe. So great.” He stroked her cheek. “Just look at me. Keep looking at me.”

Her eyes focused on his, pupils wide in the soft orange light. He pressed a gloved finger against her lips. “We’re getting out of here,” he continued, leaning in closer until the only thing separating their lips was that one finger. She nodded, one hand resting on his hip. He wanted to take the finger away and taste her. Would she taste as lovely as she smelled? Wrong time, he reminded himself. Later. Someday.

The box was lowered slightly and they stopped moving. The men surrounding them talked a while longer, but eventually they all moved away. He reminded her to keep quiet, raising himself. Opening the lid on a crack he peered around. They were all alone. “Let’s go.”  
He jumped out of the box, which had been stacked in a pile with others. Jane took his hand, sliding to the ground with a shaky sigh. “Is it over?” He nodded, taking her by the arm and leading her away from the hideout. “I’ll bring you part of the way home, but I need to check with the police.” He pulled the creepy necklace from his back pocket. It caught the light and reflected briefly.

“What’s that?” Jane asked, eyes zeroing in on the dangling piece of creepy jewelry.

“I’m betting a left testicle it’s got to do with the Cult of Ctulhu. Fucking weirdos.”

“You mean like Lovecraft’s Ctulhu?” Jane asked incredulously.

“That good for nothing calamari, yeah,” Mysterion replied. He was still bitter about the creature not perma-killing him. “Look, you work on getting home.”

She nodded, but hesitated for a second. “Thanks for keeping me safe, Mysterion. Even if things got a bit cramped at the end.” She looked to the sides for a second before taking a step closer. Shyly she pressed her lips to his cheek, just below where the mask covered his face. “Stay safe!”

Kenny looked after her with a dopey grin on his face, clutching the necklace in his hand. That had just totally happened, right? Mysterion had just gotten a kiss. Kenny had just gotten a kiss. He jumped in the air. “Woo-hoo!”


	7. Babysitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because I couldn't pass up on the idea of baby-Kenny.
> 
> Oh, and SpiderNig's idea for a dance and Kenny saving Jane will in fact appear! I can combine it perfectly with the request for the nickname Ken doll, and it'll help my plot! Thank you for making the request!
> 
> To everyone who was so kind to comment / send a kudos my way, thank you <3

|Jane|

Of course it was a good idea to visit your officially no longer single crush before school. Jane was sure lots of people did it. No really, nothing could go wrong with that. And she wasn’t going just because she felt conflicted after her texting with Mysterion. She wasn’t cheating on Kenny because that would have implied them having a relationship. While it was his renewed… affair with Tammy that had driven her to text the masked stranger.  
She’d fought to keep a polite smile on her face. She was certain she’d succeeded. Damn it, she had succeeded. Kenny had been none the wiser. Perhaps the nightmares she’d been suffering the entire week had something to do with her little secret.

So in hindsight going to his house because she hadn’t heard from him in a week now might not be the smartest idea. But she needed to know why he was playing hooky. How was it she had more contact with someone keeping his identity hidden instead of her new male best friend? She’d asked Wendy how often Kenny skipped school, but even she had admitted it wasn’t normal for him to be gone for this long.  
The front of the house was run down, the front yard a complete mess. At least there were people at home, judging from the smoke coming from the garage. Inside the house someone broke a plate; the sound reverberated through the air. Hesitantly she pushed the bell. It took a while before someone bothered to open the door. It turned out to be a girl of around fourteen. Her pig tails were messy and her eyes big and alert.

“Can I help you?” she asked timidly. Judging from the backpack on her shoulder she was just about to head off for school.

Jane put on her best smile. “Are you Kenny’s sister? I came to pick him up for school.”

The girl looked Jane over quizzically. “Are you one of his girlfriends?”

“Well, I’m female… and his friend. So I guess, yes,” Jane replied thoughtfully. “But we’re not dating.”

“Oh… well, his room is the one on the right at the end of the hall. He hasn’t come out in a few days though,” the girl said, before moving out the door. She looked behind her cautiously before running further down the road.

Jane stepped through the open doorway, closing it neatly behind her. When it got stuck she pushed against it harder, until it shot closed with a harsh bang. She’d entered directly into the living room, television blaring loudly even though nobody was watching.   
“What do you want?” a redheaded woman with a thick Southern accent asked Jane suddenly, appearing in what she supposed was the door to the kitchen.

“Apologies madam,” Jane said at once, years of etiquette kicking in. “I didn’t mean to intrude upon your house. I’m one of Kenny’s classmates. I wanted to walk him to school today.”

“Aren’t you a polite one,” the woman observed. “He’s probably still sleeping. Stuart, did you fucking hurt Kenny again?!” she suddenly shouted in Jane’s direction. Looking to her side she saw an open window. Jane supposed the man of the house was at work in the garage.  
“I didn’t touch the damn brat all week! We’re working in here!” The voice was hardly audible through the distance.

Mrs. McCormick looked back at Jane. “You can wake him up and get him to school. The boy has to make something of his life.” At the end of the sentence the woman’s voice trailed off. She lifted a smoldering cigarette from a counter next to her and brought it to her mouth. “You’re cleaner-looking than the girls he usually goes off with. Catholic?”

Jane decided a little white lie wouldn’t hurt. “Very much so, madam.”

“That’s good. Maybe the Lord will succeed getting that son o’ mine back straight. Now, go on, won’t do for you two to be late.” Mrs. McCormick walked to the sofa, sitting down with a deep sigh as she grabbed for an opened can of beer.

Jane moved in the direction Kenny’s little sister had pointed out. She’d never been in a house this small or this rundown before. At some points the wallpaper had peeled down, showing wood behind it. The corridor was cramped and at one point there was a broken bottle lying on the floor next to a few cigarette butts. At the end of the corridor she came across two rooms. One of the doors had ‘Karen’ scribbled on it, with the name Kevin next to it scrawled out in angry red marker. Looking at the other wall she read the name ‘Kenny’. There was an added sign, wood and judging from appearances handmade, saying ‘Everyone stay out!’ and below that a yellow note: ‘Karen, knock first please’.  
She lifted her hand and hesitated. She didn’t know how Kenny would react to her being here. But it had been a week and she was worried. She knocked. “Kenny, are you in there?”

Something was knocked over in the room, but no answer came.

“Kenny, it’s Jane. Can I come in?”

Still nothing. From the living room his mother shouted at Jane. “He’s still sleeping! Wake him up!” She swallowed and hoped Kenny was the sort to wear underwear while he slept. Her hand closed around the doorknob and she turned it around. Kenny’s bed was comprised of two stacked mattresses in the middle of the room, but one look showed it was empty. The walls were plastered in pin-up and nascar posters. Clothes were strewn around so recklessly the floor was hardly visible. A stack of porn magazines was stacked next to a rickety desk and chair near the window. “Kenny?”  
A bottle rolled from next to the bed. A small child crawled after it, stopping in a panic when it encountered Jane’s feet. The boy was naked and had a few streaks of blood, most of them centering on his chest. Jane picked up the bottle and found cough medicine. “You shouldn’t be drinking this, honey,” she said softly and knelt down. The child stared at her, caught between seeming panic and wonder. Suddenly his face scrunched up and he started to whimper.

“Oh, no, it’s okay. It’s okay,” she said soothingly. She picked him up and stood up. The little boy fought her, trying to squirm loose from her arms. “I’m not going to hurt you, it’s okay,” she tried to reassure him. She wasn’t sure how old the boy was or how much he understood.

“No!” he protested and she had to let him plop on the bed. Once on there he pointed a chubby finger at the door. “Out!”

Jane had never taken care of a small child, but somehow the idea of leaving him to fend for himself in his room seemed counterintuitive. “Does your mommy know you’re in here?” she tried again. Somehow she’d entertained the idea that children went from babies to fully functional humans rapidly without middle stages.

“Ooooouuuut!” he whined, bashing his little fists on the bed. He glared at her, impressive for whatever age he was, before scooting to the edge of the bed.

She picked him up again before he could fall down and bump his head. She smoothed back the fine, blond down that passed for hair on his head. “Don’t hurt yourself,” she chided sweetly. He started squirming again, working up to a true stream of tears. The first one already formed at the corner of his eyes. Instinctively - she’d seen it on a tv-show somewhere - she started to gently bounce him up and down. “Don’t cry, please. I’m your friend. I promise I won’t hurt you. I just came here because I wanted to see your brother Kenny.”

The kid quieted down, much to her gratitude. Chubby little hands grabbed her hair and tugged slowly. “…Jane.”

She balanced the boy on her arm, wondering if there was a diaper or something around for her to dress the kid with. The general flailing of limbs she'd observed so far suggested it wouldn't be easy. “That’s right, I’m Jane. Did Kenny talk about me? Can you say Kenny?”

“Kenny!” the child at once shouted.

“Good! What’s your name?”

“Kenny!”

“That’s your brother’s name,” Jane said patiently, looking for a place to sit down while carrying the child. Deciding on the bed she sat down, allowing the toddler to slip from her arms. She wanted to find Kenny, but she couldn’t leave the boy on his own. The boy wiggled inside the blankets while she thought. She glanced around the room, searching for a box of diapers or toys suitable for a small child.

While she’d been looking around the room the boy had managed to wiggle his way into a familiar orange parka. It sat around him in a comical way, too big as it pooled around him. “Kenny!” he shouted. Jane felt the coin in her head start its slow drop down. Kenny had told her that he got reset every time he died but…

“Me Kenny!” the boy shouted, bouncing up and down.

“Oh Kenny…” she whispered. Reaching out a hand she mussed over his hair - it felt thicker than earlier - and he pouted at her. “I’m so sorry.”

“S’okay,” he said, pulling the parka cap over his head. “Growing now,” he announced with an air of importance, before pointing insistently at the bottle of cough medicine.

Jane dug through her backpack instead, finding her small bottle of water. “It’s not good to drink that stuff too much when you’re not sick. Here, have some water.” Baby Kenny glared at her as she helped him drink. He finished with a gasp but continued to glare. “Can I help you with something else, Kenny?”

He shook his head, looking up at her before crawling to the edge of the bed. She quickly helped him get down. It wouldn’t do for him to die again so shortly after getting back. Outside his room people were shouting at each other. Jane shrugged apologetically as she locked the door. He didn’t deign the action worth of notice, instead sitting on the ground. He’d pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, drawing lines on it.  
She squatted down in front of him, watching the pencil move. “I was planning on asking you to come to school with me today. Guess that won’t be happening soon. Ehm… any idea when you’ll be big again?”

“Night-night,” Kenny replied as he busily scrawled lines.

“Ah, I see.” Dark blue eyes glanced up to look at her before returning to his drawing. With a sigh she pulled out her cell phone. After finding Wendy’s number she pressed dial. “Hi Wendy. I won’t be able to make it to class today, something came up. Could you tell the teachers I’m sick in bed? It’s important, I promise. You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”  
That taken care off she moved some clothes to create a bigger pile to the side, before sitting down on the ground. She started making some tasks that were due later in the week. To her surprise Kenny threw a pencil at her. “What?”

“School,” he said, pulling out a yellow crayon.

“I’m not going. You need someone to look over you.”

“’M fine!” he protested, barely managing to stand up. Butt-naked he swayed on his feet, crossing his tiny arms.

“You’re like… three right now? Four? I don’t know what kids look like when they’re young. But you need someone to make sure you don’t die again.” Jane wondered if she should try to find clothes for him. The room was chilly, but not outright cold. Kenny didn’t seem to have problems walking around buck-naked. She grabbed a shirt that looked familiar and started to wrangle it over his head.

“’M fiiiiinneeee!” he whined, kicking his feet. It took a while to disentangle his arms from the fabric.

“If you want me to go, you’ll have to make me,” she replied, turning back to her homework. Kenny observed her for a few seconds, before toddling off to a different corner of the room. He came back holding a tiny bounce ball. The bright orange almost hurt the eyes. The shirt pooled around him, almost falling of his tiny shoulders.

“Play?” he asked her.

Jane found out that playing with Kenny was less stressful than she’d imagined. When at a certain point he yawned she did so too, her lack of sleep the past week finally catching up with her. “Sheesh, I’m sorry. I just hardly slept these past few days.”

Little Kenny yawned again, maybe imitating her. “Sleepy,” he complained.

“Want to take a nap?” Jane asked, and Kenny surprised her by jumping up and down in glee at the suggestion. Before long they were in the bed, Jane with her shoes placed neatly on the ground. “Just for a little while, you know?” she yawned, her jaw cracking. The room was cold but with a small Kenny nestled against her stomach she was comfortably warm. She barely heard Kenny’s reply because as soon as her head hit the pillow she was gone for blissful sleep. 

|Kenny|

When he woke up he found someone was resting their chin on his head. And he was warm. Oh, and he could form actual full sentences in his head again, instead of struggling with vague concepts. He opened his eyes. Though he didn’t see much with his face in the crook of Jane’s neck, the lack of lighting in the room suggested it was already evening. She smelled like mint mixed with sweat. It was hot in a one-person bed with two, now that he thought about it. Their limbs were tangled with each other, her soft sweater pressed against his cheek. He took another deep breath, enjoying the feeling of someone sheltering him for once.

Jane.

He froze, trying to keep breathing normally. She’d shown up so unexpectedly. He was used to people just letting him do whatever the fuck he wanted to, and now she was going to keep tabs on him? The most mortifying part was that she’d seen him as a kid. Worse, he’d barely escaped toddler age when she’d burst in the room. This was so not cool. How come Mysterion got to be the cool suave guy while his true persona was stuck being remembered as a child?  
How was he supposed to play this off? Maybe he could just shrug and laugh it off. Gods, don’t let her suggest buying diapers for him, that would kill him. His stomach rumbled, reminding him he’d just gone through a growth spurt of seventeen years. And it’d been loud enough to wake up Jane.

“Time is it?” she asked, sitting up. “You okay, honey?” she asked in the sweet tone all humans reverted to when talking to a small child.

“I’m fine, dear,” Kenny replied. 

“Go- wait what?!” Jane’s eyes immediately locked onto Kenny’s face in the half dark. She opened her mouth, closed it again. Second try she actually managed to get out a squeak. Finally she whispered in a panic, “you’re grown up again?”

“Psychically, yes. Mentally I like to think I’ll be young forever.” Oh boy, there was no missing out on that extreme cherry red color coloring her cheeks. 

“What time is it even? I just wanted to stick around until you were like… twelve or something. Old enough to take care of yourself. Wait.” She paused, looking him straight in the eye. “Did you put on underwear while I was sleeping?”

He couldn’t hold back his grin. “Naked as the day I was born. Wanna see?” he pretended to lift his covers and ended up being pushed out of the bed. “Ouch, ouch, that hurts! I just had the biggest growth spurt in the history of forever.”

“Pervert,” she said, peering over the edge of his bed. “Put on some clothes, we’re getting food.”

“Food?” he asked, before getting hit in the face with a pair of shorts. When he peeled it off Jane had her back turned to him.

“Your stomach growling is what woke me up. So we get something to eat - pizza is nice - and then I’ll get on home.”

He groaned as he stood up, fishing around the pile of dirty laundry for a pair of underwear he hadn’t worn too often lately. His muscles pulled unpleasantly as he absentmindedly wiped off some dried blood from his chest. Mysterion had gotten shot the day before while fighting that gang he’d been stalking recently. In fact he’d spent the past few days getting killed in one way or another. The few days he’d gotten away unharmed he’d been killed by a pack of stray dogs, a molotov cocktail in the wrong part of town and - to his horror - choking on a lima bean. Sometimes he felt as if the entire universe was out to get him.  
“Mind if Karen comes with us?”

“I thought your girlfriend was Tammy?”

“Karen’s my little sister. She hasn’t seen me a lot these past few days. So, if it’s cool with you?” Kenny asked, running his hands through his hair. At least he didn’t wake up with waist-length hair and a caveman beard every time this happened. He'd forgotten Jane thought he was dating Tammy. _Got to keep the lies together man_ , he thought. 

Jane peeked over her shoulder, sighing relieved when she found Kenny half-dressed. She turned around on her knees, scrambling to him on the bed as he zipped up his parka. “Of course she can join us. I think I ran into her this morning. Lean over to me for a second.”  
Her fingers combed through his hair, attempting to untangle some of the knots that had formed during their long nap. He felt how she tried to coerce his hair in something resembling reason. “Well, that’s the best I can do.”

He caught her hands in his as she pulled away. Her skin was soft underneath his callused fingers. He stroked the inside of her wrists. So soft, so clean. So motherfucking warm when she’d nestled around him protectively. “I’ll go get her then. Just for safety we should sneak out the window though. Wait here.”

She nodded, mouth slightly opened in surprise. Kenny resisted the urge to kiss her because damn it, he could be just friends with a girl. Especially one as nice as this. _Don’t screw it up_ , he thought to himself. Mysterion could get a little dirty with her, that was fine. But Kenny should just be a friend to her. Stick with people he knew what to expect from and just be nice to the one person that believed him. “Thanks.” He said before getting his sister. He’d let her decide what he was thanking her for.


	8. Study Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny's class gets together at Jane's home for some studying. Jane's dad makes an appearance and Jane and Kenny have a small argument.
> 
> In good news, I passed all my exams this semester. I only need to survive my master thesis now and 2 more classes and I'll officially have my second degree.  
> Also, Both requests I've received should be incorporated in chapter 11 if I have my calculations correct.
> 
> Again, thank you all for supporting me. It means a lot. I hope you'll all find many fanfics you love <3

Edward smiled at the newcomers, a young man in an orange parka and a younger child. They introduced themselves as Kenny and Karen. Edward smiled at them and waved them inside, remembering that these were the ones who would be spending the night. Once they were inside he noted how Jane reacted to their presence. As with the others she was friendly and polite, dragging the siblings with her further inside the house.   
He’d resorted to opening their house for a study day in the weekend in order to find out which one of the boys was the catalyst. So far Jane hadn’t reacted extremely strange around any of them, but it was only a matter of time. He knew she’d warmed up to the local superhero, so that was one lead he had.

“Ah, and who might you be?” he asked the latest newcomer.

“I’m Eric Cartman. Who the hell are you?” the boy replied, looking inside the house as if searching for something.

I’m Edward Moltz, though you may feel free to call me Edward. It’s nice to meet you, Eric,” Edward replied through clenched teeth. So far the only boys he’d taken from the list of possible candidates were Jimmy and Timmy. As the catalyst the curse would regenerate the body as perfectly functioning as possible. But other than that…

Jane appeared from around the corner, carrying a pitcher of hot chocolate. “Oh, Cartman. I didn’t realize you were coming.”

“I was invited, wasn’t I?” Cartman replied.

Jane smiled wearily. “So you were. The study groups are all over the house, so just find the one that’s working on maths.”

Jane dwindled near the entrance while Cartman disappeared inside the house. “Dad, why’d he have to come?”

“Is there a problem with the young man, Jane?”

She shuffled her feet. “It’s just… he makes me uncomfortable.”

Uncomfortable. He hadn’t missed the glance she’d thrown after the arrival, nor the way she’d seemed to be affected by his presence. Could Eric Cartman be the catalyst they were searching? If Jane rejected him because she didn’t know how the react, and if he’d come here to be near her nonetheless... The catalyst would protect Jane, of that they were certain. “I’ll keep it into account, Jane.” He needed to talk to McElroy.  
He smiled at his adopted daughter. “Why don’t you go study? Daddy needs to care of some things.”

He watched her walk off, thumbing his phone in his pocket. As several of the children walked by he pressed quick-dial. A man answered, out of breath. “Yeah?”

“It’s Edward. The fuck you doing?”

“We might have a little situation here,” the man answered. In the background crashing sounds were audible.

“What kind of situation would that be?” Edward asked, smiling at the kid named Craig before pointing him to the kitchen. “Because I have a house full of teenagers, trying to figure out which one the kid is that you guys managed to misplace.”

“The shipment we had coming in today. Artifacts and books and stuff. Something’s missing.”

Edward nearly choked when he heard that. He turned and walked to the basement away from the teens, whispering furiously in the phone. “What do you mean, something is missing? How could something be missing?”

“We think it’s Mysterion. He kept showing up at the hideout. We think he might have found the amulet and took it with him,” McElroy’s voice ended in a panicked squeak.

Keep breathing, Edward reminded himself. “You mean the kid we’re looking for found the amulet and took it with him? He found the one thing… the dark ones be damned amulet? The very same amulet that is absolute key in raising Ctulhu once more on this plane?” He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing the door to his ‘book collection’ behind him. Inside it was filled with stands containing ancient jewelry and dusty books. Armor, blackened by age and designed for someone with wildly different body proportions than a human, stood near the door.

“We don’t know how he found it. We shot him, we killed the little fucker, but the corpse didn’t have the amulet. We couldn't even see his face because the body just disappeared,” There was an obvious crashing sound, followed by a distant scream. “Someone catch that thing! Tell me you’ve gotten a lead?”

He wouldn’t have needed a lead if McElroy had kept count of the people who’d attended his cultist parties, or if he’d been half as good at keeping records as he was at convincing rednecks to participate in obscene, ritualistic orgies. Due to the nature of the curse they couldn’t be sure if he even lived with his own parents or had infiltrated a different family. “All the boys that are a candidate are gathered here. I’ll find something. It explains Jane’s nightmares and appetite.”

“Is the conduit doing alright?”

“She’s fine. She doesn’t suspect a thing. She mentioned something about one of the boys… do a search on Eric Cartman.”

|Jane|

“Everyone stocked up on soda here?” she asked the people gathered in the living room. Butters, Cartman, Kyle and Stan had gathered in there, working on a history assignment. The boys gave her the okay and she turned to the next room. She ran into Karen and smiled. “You doing okay? I know everyone is older here, but they won’t give you a hard time.”

“Thanks,” Karen replied, taking over some of the soda bottles. “If you have time later… we need to read a book for class and I don’t really get it. Big bro said you might be able to help me.” As she talked the girl ran into an increasing redder complexion.

“Sure, I’ll help out.” Kenny had brought over his sister, mentioning his parents were having a party. At the dark look in his eyes she’d thought better of asking what kind of party. It was obvious he didn’t want his little sister in that environment. So instead the fourteen-year old spent her time with the last-year students. “I’m just going to finish up bringing this stuff to everyone, but shout when you need me.”

She finished her rounds and prepared to go back to her own study group - maths, again - when she passed by the door to her father’s library. Unusually enough it was unlocked, light turned on inside. She peeked inside, wondering if her father had decided to get to translating, something which he usually saved for late at night. Then she saw someone wearing worn-out, faded jeans moving past the desk. “Kenny? I thought you were with the chem group.”

He looked around, his hair messy and eyes bright. He’d ditched the parka after finding the house was warm. His look brightened for a second when he saw her before running a hand through his hair, messing it up more. “I remembered you mentioning your dad had a lot of books. I wanted to have a look around.”

So he hadn’t forgotten about the original purpose of their outings. She walked over next to him, peering at the book titles. Most of these were on translation, though a few were of the kind she’d used to look for clues. Kenny snorted as he pulled out a book that had to be a spoof. “The ghosts of our lives, both real and metaphorical?”

“Some of these are kind of silly. Daddy doesn’t usually leave the valuable ones lying around here.” To demonstrate she gestured Kenny to come to the desk. She pulled out a key from behind a dusty book and unlocked one of the drawers. “This is the one he’s translating now.”  
She touched the book and shivered. The cover felt disgusting to the touch, too smooth to be real. She swallowed. “It’s real leather.”

Kenny didn’t touch the book, eying it as she laid it on the desk. “What’s it about?”

“Don’t know. The few lines I brought to you were something my dad had left lying around in the morning. He doesn’t like talking about his work so I don’t usually ask,” she flipped open the book. The writing was squiggly. When she’d been younger her father had let her ‘read’ the books. If you stared at the letters long enough they’d start to dance and hurt your head.

Her friend seemed to be more interested now that the book was open. He neared the book, mouth slightly opened. For all the world he looked as if he’d forgotten where he was. He reached out, touching the page. She watched as it stuck to his finger. “It’s sticky,” he whispered, turning a page.

“Spider silk,” she clarified. “Pressed together tight enough to absorb ink.” She thought it was ink on the pages. Some of the obscure books her father had scared her on some deep, primal level.

He spoke as if he were alone, transfixed. “I feel like I’ve seen this writing before. In a nightmare. A terrible nightmare I couldn’t wake up from until I died.” He turned another page and suddenly slammed the book shut. “Let’s get back to the others.” He placed the book back in the drawer, carefully and meticulous as if he feared it might bite him. Once Jane had locked it he grabbed her by the elbow, guiding her out of the room.

“Kenny, what’s wrong?” she asked, barely keeping up with his long strides.

He looked down at her, dark blue eyes widened and sizing her up. “You told me your father was a paranormal scientist. Did he ever mention Cthulhu, or Dark Ones? Ancient Ones?”

“Mysterion also mentioned Cthulhu the other day. We found a weird necklace, really spooky. I don’t remember my dad ever mentioning Ancient Ones though.” She didn’t get what the big deal was, all her dad did was translate way old books and buddy up to the family doctor. “Does it have something to do with you?”

He startled. “Forget about what I said. It’s best if you keep out of this. For your own safety.”

“What about your safety? Shouldn’t you keep out of this, if it’s so dangerous?”

“It’s my life. I can’t keep out of my own life!” he protested. “You can keep safe. So just… if you want to be friends with me, keep out of it.”

“Oh, so I’m just supposed to stand by and wait for you to get killed. And maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll be able to visit you at home and babysit until you’re old enough to shoo me out?” She asked, frustrated. “Because you told me, Kenny. You told me you die, and I saw it once and I don’t need to see it again. So maybe your life isn’t something I can get involved in, but I sure as heck refuse to have you die again. So you can just deal with me finding a way to help you, and if finding flipping Cthulhu will do it, I will.”

|Kenny|

He watched as she stalked away, her waving brown hair swishing with every step she took. He realized his mouth was hanging open and shut it. He’d never imagined someone would actually tell him they didn’t want him to die. And he really hadn’t ever thought he could get into a fight about it.  
Kenny hoped she understood, at some level, that all he wanted was for her to stay alive. Because he might come back from the dead unscathed, not counting trauma, but other people weren’t so lucky. He didn’t know how he’d handle someone close to him dying. Suicide seemed like the only solution to that event, unattainable and distant as it was. Wasn’t he nice and optimistic?

Knowing his luck with women, this would come to bit him in the ass sooner rather than later. He felt his phone vibrating in his pants and glanced around. Did the police need him? He couldn’t sneak out of here easily; his sister didn’t like being left all alone with strangers and he couldn’t take her home at the moment. Turning his back he slipped out his cell. It was a message from Jane.

_\- I need to ask you a favor. Can we meet up?_

They’d had that argument literally seconds ago! And he didn’t doubt she wanted to talk to Mysterion about it. Still, he couldn’t just brush her off since Mysterion wasn’t supposed to know about that.

_\- Kind of busy rn. Tomorrow?_

She sent back a thumbs up and a smiley emoji. Good, that gave him more time to think about how he was going to get through this. He wouldn’t be in this trouble if he’d just kept his hormones in check. But noooooo, he just had to keep tabs on Jane, because what could possibly happen if he became friends with her through all of his identities?  
He checked in on Karen for a few minutes, relieved to find that she seemed to be getting help from some people. He tried to help her with homework, but often he found he couldn’t explain something decently enough to help her understand. Jane glared at him and he swallowed, trying to put a charming smile on. It only made her huff harder, biting into an apple more vigorously than necessary.

Yep, that fight’d definitely come back to fuck him.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in relative quiet, for as much as it was possible in a house filled with last-years. Dinner ended up being pizza courtesy of Jane’s dad, delivered in a huge stack. The man was decent enough, even if he’d taken an unusual interest in several of the guys. Kenny wondered if the man was gay, though Jane hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort. He hardly spent any attention on Kenny or his sister, which was just fine in Kenny’s opinion. He never know how to behave when parents tried to stuff him with food, like his friend’s parents did at times. It was fine in a big group like this, everyone was devouring pizza slices and dicking around. It just made him extremely uncomfortable to have attention paid to him specifically by a parent.

Once night fell his classmates were picked up one by one by their parents. To his surprise both Butters and Cartman were staying the night as well. That it had happened at the request of Jane’s dad made him suspicious again. He couldn’t forget the book he’d had in his hands. The sticky pages. The letters that swam in front of his eyes. He knew where he’d seen those letters before. R’Lyeh. The scariest part was that he felt as though he might have been able to read the text if he concentrated. He’d chickened out at the last moment.  
Mister Multz might be a nice guy, but he wasn’t entirely clean. Kenny wanted more opportunities to investigate, because something was off. He hoped Jane’s dad was just a closet gay and not a cultist.

“Are you okay, Kenny? You’re awfully quiet,” Butters asked from the other end of the sofa.

“He got burned by Jane. Sorry dude, but I guess it’ll take a superhero to get into her pants. Isn’t that right, Jane?” Cartman asked as the girl walked by.

Offhandedly she smacked the back of his head, throwing off the hat he usually wore. “At least we all know you and the Coon are more than just friends.”

Kenny almost broke a rib laughing at the comment. In a really twisted way every single time Cartman masturbated he was in fact fucking the Coon.

Jane smiled at Butters, handing him a plate of cake. “Here you go. Extra whipped cream, just the way you like it. Just share with the others, okay?” she walked to the other sofa, where his sister had nestled with a book. It wasn’t long before the girls were engrossed in it, sometimes giggling softly. After a while Jane snapped her fingers at Cartman. “Remote, please.”

“We’re watching this,” Cartman argued back over the sound of Hitler making a speech. Kenny knew for a fact that Cartman could recite the speech by heart, intonation and all. The only reason he was watching it was because Butters had come to sit next to Kenny, where they’d become engrossed in planning their Halloween outfits. He’d finally forgiven his friend for blabbing on the fling with Tammy.

“My house, my rules. The remote?” Jane asked, her hand stretched out. Karen was watching the proceedings with interest, occasionally swiping a potato chip from a bag between the girls.

“Listen, ho,” Cartman started when mister Multz walked into the room. “Honey,” he corrected himself with a sickeningly sweet tone. “Of course you can have the remote.”

Jane mumbled something about pepperspray when her father was out of earshot, flipping through tv-channels. She ended on a reboot of a Japanese cartoon, Sailor Moon. Which was surprising because his little sister had confessed to being obsessed with the show, even going to her friends’ houses to see the episodes whenever she could. Taking another look at how Karen and Jane were sitting he was surprised he hadn’t noticed it yet.  
Jane kept half an eye on the show and the other one on Cartman. Her arms were spread out over the sofa seat while his kid sister was curled up with a pillow and a blanket next to her. And he didn’t doubt for a second she’d mace Cartman in the face if he made a wrong move. When he chuckled she trained her eyes on him instead, raising an eyebrow.

“Something funny?”

“Yeah… you’re such a mom,” Kenny grinned, operating on a thought of what he thought normal mothers were like. Come to think of it, he’d seen the same stance in a wolf too, right before he got ripped to shreds by the pack. Then her shoulders relaxed and she sank further down in the sofa.

“Somebody’s gotta get the McCormicks through their day,” she answered sweetly.

Kenny felt grateful, happy, horny and slightly terrified at the implications in the same instant. Needless to say it was the fourth most confusing boner he’d had in his life.


	9. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane's former best friend arrives in town. Kenny has to juggle his relationship with Jane carefully when she turns to Mysterion for help, while Jane realizes she likes two different people. Sort of.
> 
> As always, thank you for the support <3 For the people who would be interested, on Sunday the first chapter of my Samurai Jack fanfic will become available.

Kenny woke up the next morning, surprised to see it was already light out. He couldn’t remember the last day he’d had time to sleep in. Then he looked around the room and remembered he wasn’t at his house but in one of the guest rooms in Jane’s house. He suspected chucking Cartman in the room with him was his punishment for the little spat they’d had, while Butters for some reason was allowed to hang out in Jane’s bedroom. Truth was, Cartman wasn’t that bad to room with if you weren’t Kyle or Butters. Kenny was one of the few people Cartman had decided wasn’t worth the trouble annoying whilst sleeping. Awake, anyone was fair game.

He shuffled downstairs, barely remembering to put on a shirt before he went out in a house he didn’t live in. The night before had been late and he’d slept from the instant his head hit the pillow. As if to provide a comfort from his parental home he heard Jane bickering with Cartman.

“Those are for Kenny. You’ve already had three servings!”

“Bitch, learn to take a compliment. If I want more it’s a sign the food is good!”

Well, almost like home. For starters, food wasn’t just waffles. Instead he was met by a clash of different aroma’s, practically assaulting his poor unsuspecting nose. His sister handed him a plate stacked with blueberry pancakes. Half-dazed he sat down at the large, square, kitchen table, next to Butters. Or rather… “Marjorine today?”

Marjorine nodded. The other personality had stuck around, though Kenny wasn’t an expert on the subject. All he knew was that sometimes Butters felt the need to spend a day as a girl. Kenny considered it an innocent aspect of Butters, or Marjorine. The only hard part was that sometimes he used the wrong name without realizing. And it beat sitting at the breakfast table with Professor Chaos. To Kenny’s surprise Jane leaned over his shoulder, pouring him coffee. “There’s sugar on the table,” she pointed out before going back to the stove, where Karen was juggling a new pancake in her hands, trying to eat it without burning herself.

“I can’t believe Butters is Marjorine again,” Cartman muttered. “Just when we had the girls outnumbered.”

“Karma’s a bitch,” Jane said with a smile that implied she hoped it was laser-guided in Cartman’s case.

“And how is everyone doing today? Good to see you’ve finally joined the party, young McCormick,” mister Multz announced as he walked inside the large kitchen. Kenny mumbled a hello back before nearly burning his tongue on the coffee. Hot hot hot! The pancakes were delicious, as was the sudden appearance of bacon and fruit with whipped cream. Mister Multz had to smile as everyone ate. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day kids. Can’t have you go back home hungry!”

“You are one of the most awesome dads ever,” Cartman said in appreciation, currently topping off a glass of orange juice. “I’ve half a mind to come live here.”

Kenny grinned at the panicked look on Jane’s face as she sat down. With her father at the table she couldn’t reply with snark so instead she settled for pouring herself some more tea. His sister plopped down between them, leaning against Kenny’s arm like she liked to do. “You good?” he asked her, attempting a second sip from his coffee and succeeding without burning his tongue. She nodded before yawning, jaw cracking.

“We got a little carried away after you and Cartman went to sleep,” Jane said with a not so guilty twinkle in her eyes. “We did dramatic readings from the book she needs to read.”

“Yeah, it was really great. Though I’m not sure I’m very good at playing lady MacBeth,” Marjorine added.

“She totally nailed it,” Karen objected softly, sitting back straight again.

Breakfast continued at a leisurely pace, with mister Multz reading his newspaper while Kenny caught up on food. The others sat around drinking their respective beverages. As he ate his mind started to wander. Mainly to what the girls - and Marjorine was counted in with them for the moment - had been up to last night. Sadly the current selection only left Jane as a real option to fantasize about for Kenny. Too bad there hadn’t been more girls staying over, but it didn’t stop him from concocting an intricate fantasy where he eventually had to step in because they were being too rowdy.

“Could you pass me an orange, daddy?” Jane asked.

It was only after Kenny was holding the orange out to Jane, arm behind his sister’s back, that he realized what he’d done. Everyone at the table stared at him. Looking over at Jane he saw she now had the general color of a strawberry, quickly taking the orange from his hand. He opened his mouth to explain, thought better of it and hid his face by taking a few gulps of coffee. From behind the rim he mumbled he could and would not give an explanation.

“My my, something I need to know about?” Someone drawled from the door opening. The newcomer was tall, tanned, with black hair nearly touching his shoulders. The corner of his mouth curled up as he glanced around the table, eyes settling on Jane.

“JOHN!” she shrieked, springing up from her chair. The piece of furniture clattered to the ground, ignored by the previous occupant. The newcomer was engulfed in a hug and received a kiss on the cheek. “I can’t believe you’re here!”

“Mister M said you missed me something fierce. So I come down here to see if I can’t take care of your heartache and what do I find in the kitchen? Flagrant flirting!” he exclaimed, sending a toothy smile to all the rest in the room. His teeth were tooth paste commercial white. Kenny was prepared to bet the bastard smelled amazing too.

Of course he hated him on principle.

“Are you staying for Halloween?” Jane asked, pulling John to the table. The man - because boy was the wrong word for him - dropped his heavy bag to the side, giving mister Multz a hand in passing, doing the same to the other guys, and Marjorine. Karen received a chaste kiss on the hand, a crime which Kenny had half a mind of punishing in broad daylight. He plopped down on the other side of Jane and poured himself a cup of tea.

“Can’t let you celebrate that without me. She still gets scared in the dark,” he said with a conspiratorial smile to Kenny, who managed to give a tight-lipped smile in return. He felt as if he might crack a tooth keeping his teeth clenched together.  
As Jane gave John a playful elbow in the stomach, Kenny grabbed the coffee can. He’d need a lot of caffeine to get through this development.

————

Three hours later he was sitting in a pine tree outside of Jane’s window, dangling a leg from the branch. “Jane and John, Jane and John,” he said in the same annoying singsong voice Cartman had used as they parted ways. Frustrated he pulled off a small twig, folding it into pieces. He didn’t care. Like, sure, he and Jane had gotten along better and better these past few weeks. His sister had admitted that she was nice, even though Karen still hadn’t felt completely comfortable at spending the day in a strange house. And some of his fantasies about her had strayed into that danger-ridden area that was handholding instead of outdoor sex. But you know what, he was totally cool with her former dance partner - he’d finally remembered that part - showing up to sweep her off her feet! He could always score dates with other girls! It had always been his intention to keep her safe and out of dangerous business anyway.  
For now the plan was just hanging around in this tree until he had definitive proof that she’d totally forgotten she’d asked to meet Mysterion today. It would give him a legit reason to sulk around. “I don’t fucking give a rotten shit!” he growled, throwing the mutilated twig to the side.

“About what?” Jane asked him, nearly causing him to fall out of the tree in shock. “I was just going to text you. Were you waiting long?”

“I just got here,” he said, muffling his voice better. He didn’t mention that he’d been slowly building up steam in the tree for half an hour while sipping cough syrup. It wouldn’t have been very superhero-y to admit, and if his rep took any more bruises with her… _then what, Kenneth? You’ve already decided to keep her safe so control your boner for once in your life._

“Please, come in. And thanks so much for coming,” she added, opening the sliding door leading to her room from her little balcony. It only took a small jump from where he’d been sitting. During the sleepover he hadn’t had a chance to see her room. It looked like someone had barfed the contents of a My Little Princess magazine all over the room. Kenny had his feminine sides, so obviously Mysterion was no different, but this was a sign of a doting father with too much money on his hands. But the bed was big and looked bouncy, which was pretty much the only fantasy he had about a bedroom. He could imagine his sister having a total blast in here.

He walked past a shelf filled with trophies and figurines. “Yours?”

“I used to do ballroom dancing in the big city. Me and my partner were pretty decent,” she said, sitting down on the bed. She’d switched to a shirt and shorts, the temperature indoors lenient enough to allow the dress.

He cleared his throat and tried to sound nonchalant about his next question. “Oh, is that the new guy?”

“You work fast,” she said, sounding thoroughly impressed. “He only arrived this morning.”

He plopped in the off-white office chair, swirling it around in circles a few times. “I have my ways.” _Like sitting at the breakfast table and see you completely lovey-dovey with mister perfect,_ he thought, not bitter at all. Perhaps a teensy little bit influenced by the cough syrup. “He seems like a douche.”

She scoffed, moving to lie on her stomach. “John is perfectly nice.”

“A used douche,” Mysterion clarified. He folded his fingers over one another, peering at her over them. “So, what did you call me for?”

She raised herself on her arms for a second. Mysterion wished she hadn’t because it was damn hard keeping a straight face when a girl so readily showed off cleavage. “That’s right! Remember that necklace we found?”

He allowed a grin to creep on his face. “I fondly think back to our time in that box, yes.” He caught the pillow she tossed at him with ease.

“Perv. Anyway, what exactly do you know about something called ‘Cthulhu’?”

 _Okay Kenneth, showtime._ “Not much, I’m afraid. Some ancient deity from way back. Crazies tend to worship him and dismember anyone asking questions.” And they were thorough about it too. “I don’t think you should be researching something like that for school.”

“It’s not for school, it’s for a friend,” she protested. “And if Cthulhu is that dangerous, then I sure as hell am going to meddle. And, if you wanted, you could help me.”

No, that wasn’t how this was supposed to work. “I’m sure your friend will be happier if you keep out of it. The last thing a good friend would want is endanger someone else.”

“That’s what we had a fight about yesterday. If he thinks I’m just going to let him… to let bad things happen to him, he has another thing coming,” Jane argued. “Over my dead body is he going to be a dead body. That sounded weird, but the point still stands. And besides-” she fluttered her eyelashes at him, smiling sweetly. “If a big, strong and mysterious man were to help me, I’m sure I’ll be perfectly safe.”

That was playing dirty. “Maybe he knows it’s dangerous. Maybe he just wants to make sure you stay alive.” He didn’t add that ‘her friend’, whose name she edited out to keep Kenny’s secret, would revive every time he died. Mysterion thought nothing of sacrificing himself, even if the pain-

“It hurts him,” Jane interrupted his thoughts. “You don’t know the full story, and it’s not my secret to tell. But he told me how much his condition hurts him. If I were to have to feel that, I’d be terrified. I don’t think I’d ever leave my room. Me risking a little bit of safety isn’t that big of a deal in return.”

Fuck him three ways on Sunday, this was emotional blackmail. That she was doing it without knowing it made it even worse. Because he was a glutton for punishment he decided to risk one more question. “He mean that much to you?”

She smiled, sweet and innocent. “He’s my friend.”

“He’s one damn lucky cowboy.”

|Jane|

Mysterion, despite promising help, had seemed rather reluctant about leafing through the book in her father’s desk with her watching over his shoulder. Or rather ducked underneath his arm, since like so many males he was taller than her. But every once in a while she’d caught him looking at her, smiling. It was strange to say the least. She was still puzzling over their last interaction at dinner.

“Jane has made a lot of friends. Why, just yesterday all of her classmates came over to study,” her father announced to John, scooping baked potatoes on plates.

John leaned against the counter and winked at Jane. “She always was a heart breaker. What are your Halloween plans?”

“I’m still deciding on a costume. Though I might go along with Karen to trick-or-treat before going to the Halloween dance,” Jane answered, picking at her food. She was just really confused about some things. Because on the one hand there was Kenny, handsome, blond and tragic. Sometimes she wished he wouldn’t take of his hood because all she could do was stare wistfully at his perfect blue eyes. She’d barely managed to keep a straight face this morning. She’d never even realized men could look so handsome straight out of bed. No wonder Kenny had, in the words of Deadpool, pulled down a gaggle of ass. The thought made her jealous and depressed at the same time. Then she remembered the ‘daddy’ episode this morning and nearly choked on her potato. He would be the death of her if this kept up.

“A dance, huh? I wouldn’t mind tagging along to that. Unless you’ve already got another date planned?” John asked, finishing up on his asparagus.

She shook her head, remembering her failed attempt at asking Kenny to go with her. “I’d like that.”

She continued her trail of thought as they finished the meal. On the other hand there was Mysterion. Tall and mysterious with a tendency to pop up out of nowhere, though that had lessened since they’d started texting. He was a definite pervert and upfront about it too. Then again, she’d been locked in a box with him, which pretty much summed up all of her sexual experience with a guy and _that was such a depressing thought, stop it!_  
But Mysterion was nice. He was a good person. And if sometimes she thought back to how his body had felt, pressed against hers, the sweet almost candy scent mixed with the musty odor of his clothes burnt in her memory… well, who could blame her? She was certainly not the only one with a crush on Mysterion.

Oh God. The C-word. She muttered something about being tired, giving her father and John a kiss on the cheek before fleeing upstairs, where she could bury her head in a pillow and scream. Because if Kenny was unattainable due to his apparent inability to hit on her and she didn’t even know what Mysterion looked like, both were an extremely poor option for a crush. What was wrong with her? Why would she have a crush on two different people?  
“Not. Happening.” She groaned.  
If she turned her head and looked at the balcony she could see the place where Mysterion had, quite unexpectedly, given her a chaste kiss on her cheek. She’d been lucky her dad and John had gone to town to sightsee, because she was pretty sure she’d grinned like an idiot for an hour.

Kenny and Mysterion. Because one unattainable man in her life wasn’t enough. Though Mysterion wasn’t so much unattainable as just extremely ill-advised. 

She decided she wouldn’t make Kenny pay more for their little spat. He’d shared a room with Cartman, which was punishment enough. Secretly she wondered if Kenny ever thought about her as passingly attractive, or if she just happened to be the one girl he had absolutely zero interest in. Because she’d seen the way he smiled at others when they walked by. In her case he swung an arm around her shoulder, babbling excitedly about whatever he was thinking about. And though his smiles were gorgeous enough to stop her heart, she could almost feel him holding back from her.

So, new realizations about herself which she absolutely hadn’t needed. She stripped down and grabbed her discarded pj’s that had never made it further than the bed. She snuggled into the bed, determined to stop thinking about two men in particular. At least John was here to take her mind off things. And Halloween was approaching so rapidly, she couldn’t put off finding a costume any longer. She fell asleep busying herself with making lists of things she still needed to do.  
That night the nightmares stayed away. Instead she walked between Mysterion and Kenny, holding hands with each of them until they demanded that she choose one. When she refused Mysterion kissed her cheek while Kenny pressed his lips against hers. She’d never been more disappointed when morning arrived.


	10. John Finds Mysterion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John hangs around South Park, trying to find the catalyst. When Eric rises to the bait, he's pretty sure he knows that Cartman is the catalyst. Meanwhile Kenny asks Jane out on a da- social event.
> 
> Thank you everyone for your kudos and reviews <3 I never expected people to actually continue reading something I started writing as a way to survive exams, but here we have. Thanks again, and I hope you'll have a nice day.

“Kenneth, take a seat,” John said from his own seat at one of the benches at the school grounds. Seldom had a person looked so out of place as John with his longish dark hair, the little stud in his ear and a pressed suit that looked as if it had been cleaned mere seconds before. To Kenny’s great dismay the man had been hanging around, at one moment taking Butters aside for who knew what reason. Still, being mutual friends with Jane meant that he probably couldn’t just blow off this idiot. So he took a seat and reached for his lunch, peanut butter sandwiches. “The one person I have not heard much about,” John continued with a winning smile.

Kenny considered yanking the ruby earring out of the man’s ear. “Better than false advertisement.”

“True, true,” it was silent for a seconds. It felt like an attempt at companionable silence but ended up feeling like two dogs sizing up the other. “I was just wondering how close you and Jane are.”

Kenny nearly choked on his bread and coughed quickly. The ‘daddy’ incident fluttered to the forefront of his memory and perched there. “We’re just friends,” he managed to say, not adding ‘and that makes me cry manly tears into my pillow every night’. Keeping his distance was not easy. 

John leaned back with a satisfied, smug look on his face. “Of course you are,” he said soothingly. “Just making sure Jane won’t be taken advantage off.”

Did the entire public know about his private affairs? Probably yes, since his privates had been part of many public affairs, but damn. Cut a guy some slack when he’s trying to be not obsessed with someone. That he was failing wasn’t important, the important part was that he tried. Feeling backed in a corner, sour and frustrated since he was out of lunch, Kenny counter-attacked with: “are you in love with Jane?”  
Oh, that was just brilliant. Real A+ thinking there. Sometimes he wondered if dying all the time also incurred brain damage. Because damn him if that had been a smart thing to say.

The man opposite from him seemed to think the question over. He leant back with a half-smile on his face. “You don’t just love Jane,” he said as if it was an excruciatingly simple point to make. “It’s more like… a religion.”

Ding dong, psycho alert. The only question was, did he call the asylum before or after informing previously mentioned love interest?

“It’s a beating in your blood when she’s near,” John continued, leaning closer to Kenny over the lunch table. “A second heartbeat, or the sudden realization that-” At this John suddenly stopped and sat up straight again, as if he realized he’d been acting like the world’s most obsessed fanboy. Instead he cleared his throat as he searched through his pocket for something. “Would you do me a favor and have a quick look at-”

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” a familiar voice asked. Jane stopped next to their table, a healthy blush on her cheeks from the cold. “John, didn’t you have plans today?”

“Just making friends with the locals,” the man answered smoothly, winking at Jane.

“Aren’t you nice,” Jane concurred. “Mind if I steal this local away? I have Halloween plans to discuss and it needs to happen quick. Time is a-ticking!”

Kenny gladly took the offered escape route and left with a grunt, which probably got lost in the hoodie. He was aware of the stare drilling a hole in his back as he and Jane walked away. He would not be sorry if John accidentally wandered in a wrong part of town. Maybe he could arrest him as Mysterion… though that would be power abuse and he really should be above that. “What’s up?”

They were en route to Jane’s locker. When they arrived he put his shoulder to the locker next to it, leaning casually and not at all in a stance that warned other guys to back off. Jane was oblivious as usual as she switched out her books. “It’s about your sister, actually. I know you two are going trick or treating but… well… something might happen.” When Kenny didn’t react she continued in a hushed voice, leaning closer to whisper to him. “What if you have an accident? Someone needs to look out for her.”

Did she have to smell so damn good? “Oh, you mean like stray bullets or wild dogs or something?”

“You could sound a bit more concerned about dying, you know? And if it happens while you two are out there, she might be stranded in the dark, AT NIGHT, all on her own.” Jane ran a hand through her hair. “She’s nice, and it would suck if she had to see that.”

Even if his baby sister did forget right after. It was the sucky part of his curse, but he was grateful Karen didn’t remember. He’d died in front of her one time too many. If only one of the McCormick kids was screwed up it was plenty. “You two got close pretty fast.”

“She’s a good kid,” Jane said, closing up her locker. “Unlike her brother.” The last statement was said with a smirk.

“I heard he’s amazing,” Kenny grinned back.

“I dunnow, he’s pretty weird. I could never trust a guy with that many Nascar posters in his room.”

Kenny snorted. “Have you ever seen a Nascar race?”

Jane paused for a second to think it over. “No, I don’t think I have. But there’s probably something to it if you like them,” she conceded as they walked over to Kenny’s locker. Somehow she always managed to rope him into attending classes, even without asking.

“Damn right there is! I mean, it takes skill to be able to get through the races without crashing, and then there’s deciding when to switch tires. Swapping paint is allowed, which makes it more dangerous.”

“People actually crash?”

“Sometimes,” Kenny admitted with an excited grin. Sure, in his case it might be kind of stupid to willingly enter an area where cars crashed regularly. But, being honest, laying in bed was dangerous for him. He could very well die from a paper cut in the wrong place. “Look, it’s really cool and it’s always a nice day out.” He hesitated, knowing that his next request was dangerously skirting a line between staying friends and going on a date. But if he just kept it in his head it was a social outing, it was okay. He ignored the little voice in his head that mocked him. “If you wanted, you could come see one with me?”  
He quickly ducked his head in his locker, pretending to look for one of his books. Stashing an old Playboy in his backpack he waited for an answer, heart pounding so hard he felt it in his ears. He could ask Tammy to TGF or Lexis to that shady cinema without blinking, so what was he getting so nervous for? “I knew it wouldn’t interest you, forget I asked. Hey, fuck you!”

Jane had tapped the side of his head with more force than gentle love. “I said I’d be happy to join you, dummy. Maybe you should listen to people when you invite them.”

He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the side of his head. “Then it’s a da- social agreement.”

“Just call it a date dude,” Kyle said as he opened the locker next to Kenny’s. “Hi Jane.”

“Hi Kyle.”

Kenny leaned over to Kyle, whispering so furiously his words became almost inaudible. “I’ll call it a date when it’s a date.”

Kyle’s eyes glanced over the two of them. “Riiiiiiight. You two ready for the Halloween dance?”

“We sure are. What are you going as?” Jane asked, breaking through Kenny’s sudden obsession with the difference between calling something a date and a social agreement.

“A vampire. We’ve been having a discussion all week at my place if you can consider it kosher or not though. Not that it matters since I’ll only be drinking tomato juice all evening,” Kyle explained while they walked to class.

Suddenly Cartman fell in from the side. “And I’ll be going as Van Hellsing. It’s important we stay in a certain theme after all.”

“What about you Kenny?” Kyle asked.

“I’ll come to the dance as James Bond,” Kenny said, not mentioning the costume he’d be wearing to escort his sister first. That was frankly none of his friends’ business. He’d swiped the tuxedo he’d be wearing to the dance from a gangster den not too long ago, not feeling one iota of guilt about it.

Jane whistled. “Fancy. You’re going to have to wait to see my outfit though. I’m going to blow all of you out of the water.”

“If this is some lame Aqua Man reference, you’re so outdated,” Cartman said.

“You’ll see,” Jane replied with a grin that was almost evil.

They arrived at the classroom and Kenny rolled his eyes. Could they never be rid of John the Perfect? He waited at the entrance to the science room, striking a pose as if he were surrounded by cameras. “Jane! Cartman! And Kenneth.” 

If he were to theoretically punch John in the nose, would that add to his hell points or his heaven points? Because it was really tempting right now. So tempting. Kenny would pay to hit John and be able to get away with it. Especially if he had to watch one more sickening, sugary moment where the man hugged Jane. There had to be boundaries in society. They weren’t animals after all, pawing one another in public.

None of the others noticed Kenny’s fuming, friendly greeting John. The latter smiled his impossible white smile and turned to Cartman. “Eric, I have something I would like to discuss with you. Would you care to join me once your classes for the day are over?”

“Fine, but no homo and you’re paying,”

|After School|

Eric and John walked down the street to one of the few little coffee places that had popped around in South Park and somehow stayed afloat. After they were served John made himself comfortable, taking out a cigarette. “Would you like one, Eric?”

“This body is a temple,” Cartman argued, taking a bite of his powdered jelly donut.

John said nothing to that, instead taking a sip of his latte. After a few seconds he got to the real reason he’d wanted to talk to Eric. “I needed to talk to you about Jane.”

“What about the ho?”

“What is your opinion of her?” the question was more neutral than the last times. Butters had been very happy to talk about her, but there had been an overload of the wrong sort of emotion. Kenneth had been reluctant and a possible candidate. He also seemed to be a very suspicious type of man, though according to their files his background might have to do with that.

“She’s got her life priorities all wrong!” Eric said, banging a fist on the table. “It’s not healthy, hanging around Mysterion like that. Everyone knows he’s a good for nothing lowlife who’s going to get himself removed from the picture permanently if he keeps it up.”

The answer was… somewhat protective, though the emotional charge was too aggressive. They had no idea how the catalyst would react to the conduit, apart from a need to protect. If Cartman was this aggressive because he had been unable to protect Jane like he wanted… a better result than Butters, but he would need a follow-up talk with Kenneth. But first…  
“That is very interesting. You understand how concerned I am about Jane. We used to be best friends before she moved.”

“Of course. I’d be concerned too if my friends made such poor life choices. Of course Kyle can’t help it, being a Jew and all that. Ginger to boot. Can you believe genetics screwing over someone like that?”

“Unbelievable.” John reached inside his pocket for a small ring. He slipped it over his finger and casually placed his hand on the table. Eric’s eyes were drawn to the jewelry immediately. There was a short flash, weyrd purple crossing over his dark blue pupils.

“That’s an interesting ring you have there,” Cartman said, sounding weary.

“A family heirloom. We went through a lot of trouble getting this. But I am pleased to see that you’re so interested.” And that Eric was obviously the catalyst and therefore Mysterion. Simple mathematics; Jane hung around Mysterion and Eric reacted to the ring. An interesting tidbit, and something he would make sure to pass on when the time was appropriate. The ring had brought forth the desired reaction. “But I fear another artifact of my family is missing. It was brought to South Park a while ago, but it seems it got misplaced.”

“Misplaced?” Eric asked, reaching for another donut. He didn’t look mesmerized anymore, but it wasn’t like he could escape the call of the ring. The catalyst had no choice but to answer to the call in one way or another. At worst it would render him helpless, but Eric seemed to be quite forthcoming.

“A necklace, bearing the image of Cthulhu. It’s very valuable, and I would like to see it returned.”

“Oh, I know what Cthulhu looks like,” Eric said, licking his fingers clean.

John leaned over the table, folding his fingers together and ensuring his ring caught the light. “If a certain masked vigilante were to find and retrieve it, I would be exceedingly grateful.” Mysterion had taken it, Mysterion could bring it back. And it would strengthen his findings to others who would doubt the ring.

Eric froze, eyes flickering to John before drawing back to the ring. His pupils had widened, his breathing growing just a tad shallower. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Your secret is safe with me, Eric. You have your reasons for donning a mask as much as I do. But I shall make sure that you will be well rewarded for bringing back what is rightfully mine. Anything you want shall be yours.” And accepting any gift would bind him that much closer to the cult, make him that more unaware and ripe for the picking. He would not have expected anything else than greed from someone born out of the cult rituals. Greed and avarice would pave the way for the great Cthulhu to rise again. All that stopped them now was the lack of the necklace and proof of a close bond between Jane and Eric.

He wouldn’t need to talk to Kenneth McCormick after all. Any closeness between him and Jane was probably due to her good heart. She’d always had a weakness for charity cases. Hatred lies close to love, he mused. Even if Kenneth would want more, Jane would only be interested in the catalyst, Mysterion, alias Eric. His smile grew more sincere as he imagined a glorious future.

The corner of Eric’s mouth twitched. “Didn’t realize I was in the presence of a fan. I’ll get on the lookout for your trinket and get it back to you. And in return I’ll want something… special. I need a present for my special lady to show her I didn’t mean what I said the other day.”

Perfect, so perfect. It couldn’t have gone better if John had written the script for this himself. “Anything you want, Eric. Anything you want shall be yours.” And your soul shall be in our service for eternity.


	11. Sex, Drugs and Rock'n Roll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is mostly a lie. Some parts are true, other parts are mentioned... eh, you get it.
> 
> This chapter contains the two requests I got - someone drugs Jane at a party and Kenny saves her, and Jane calls Kenny Ken-doll. Feel free to mention other stuff you'd like to see happening.  
> Also, if someone has any kinks to suggest that Kenny could have - because Kenny is a kinky bastard after all - feel free to share.
> 
> In other news, I had the worst day of the year so far and I just feel bleh. But your kudos and comments always cheer me up, so thank you everybody <3

It wasn’t often Kenny’s entire social circle went to the same party. Kyle’s parents were pretty demanding of their son, meaning most of his time was occupied by homework or his hard-fought for basketball training. Stan did his best to keep up with Wendy as much as he could, which often involved him watching late night documentaries. And Cartman… well, Cartman spent his nights much like Kenny did, though Kenny had never mentioned he knew Cartman was the Coon. Making fun of him was funnier from behind a mask after all. And Butters, Butters was usually locked up by over-concerned and more than a little abusive parents. Kenny didn’t know much from the first part, but he had enough experience with the latter.  
This party hadn’t even been the idea of the guys. The girls of the class had decided to finally ring in Jane’s arrival at a party that seemed worthwhile to attend. That it ran so close to the Halloween dance the school was throwing was no concern at all. He’d heard Bebe mention that most of the girls wanted an opportunity to wear clothes that were just sexy, without an added occupation thrown in behind it.

And so he found himself in the back of Jimbo’s truck, with Stan, Wendy and Kyle sitting in the front while other carpoolers sat with him in the few remnants of straw and smears that were most likely animal blood from ‘dangerous’ animals. A few of the girls were busy pulling down skirts that were perfectly decent when standing up but lacked the fabric to sit down. Somehow Stan managed to hit every bump in the road, to the mixed glee and annoyance of everyone sharing the dirty back of the truck. Opposite from Kenny, Jane was making a valiant effort to not fall into the girls next to her. Every once in a while she shifted uncomfortably, her shorts leading to rough contact with the planking beneath them.

The party itself was held in a barn, thankfully without the animals still inside. He noticed one of the cows sending him a dirty glare and decided he wouldn’t get near them for the remainder of the night. As he made this decision Jane grabbed him by the elbow, dragging him with her band of girls inside the building. Inside the air was hot and sticky, smelling of old straw, alcohol and sweat. It almost felt like a hammer striking against him. Speakers blasted line-dance music around them.

“Do you want a drink?” Jane stood tippy-toe to shout in his ear.

He opened his mouth to answer when he caught a glimpse of Tammy from the corner of his eye. “I’m going to take a piss first.” Jane nodded and he slipped through the crowd, cursing his luck. The last thing he need was Jane and Tammy accidentally striking up a conversation, no matter how unlikely that was. He managed to wriggle in between what looked like two linebackers from a different school and popped out on their other side. “Tammy, hiiiii,” he said, panting what he hoped was a friendly greeting.

“Hiya Kenny. Didn’t expect to see you here, loverboy,” Tammy greeted him, stirring a translucent drink with a straw. “Something you wanted?”

Kenny had hoped words would magically form and get him out of trouble. Sadly enough that was not happening, forcing him to go to manual thinking mode. “I was hoping you’d… it’d be a great favor if…” _Okay brain, I know we’re not this dumb._ “Are you here with a date?”

She grinned, poppy pink lipstick sticking to her straw. “How’d you know? You want to meet him? I’ll get him for you.”

Kenny sighed inwardly as Tammy shouted for her boyfriend. Secretly he’d been hoping for a dance with Jane. Now it looked like he’d be stuck listening to Tammy who, whenever she had a steady relationship, turned into something that reminded him of the phrase ‘release the Kraken’.

|Jane|

“Kenny? Haven’t seen him since he went to the bathroom,” Jane half-shouted in Kyle’s ear. The two were standing on the sidelines as Stan displayed a remarkable talent for line-dancing. Wendy tried to keep up but looked as if she hadn’t had nearly as much practice. She drained the last of her drink.

Kyle gazed at the other side of the dance floor. Jane followed his look and saw he was staring intently at a group of their classmates. With a grin she swung her arm up and placed her hand on his opposite shoulder, pulling him close in a conspiratorial hug. “Which one is it?”

He blushed like only a redhead could. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Suuuuure, that’s why you’ve been staring across the room for a solid ten minutes. Fine, I’ll guess. Is it Bebe?”

“Why would I like Bebe?” he asked.

“Because recently I’ve been gaining an insight in the straight male psyche and Bebe has certain assets that make certain types go crazy. Not to mention a fashion sense that’s close to psychic, AND she can burp the alphabet backwards. Buuuut I can see you’re not that type. Red? She tells the best jokes I’ve ever heard, and she cooks really great chili. Or is it-”

“It’s Nicole,” Kyle groaned. “Just stop with the third-degree, it’s Nicole.” With a deep sigh he took of his green hat, running a hand through the impressive curls the other boys had dubbed - rather lovingly - the Jewfro.

“Oh, for how long?” Jane cooed with all the natural instincts of a girl who was infatuated herself.

“Ever since twelfth grade or so,” Kyle admitted with a grin when he sensed he would not fall prey to incessant mocking. “I mean, I know she liked me in eight grade, but Cartman did something and she ended up going out with Token instead. And…”

“Aaaaaand,” Jane encouraged him, holding on to his shoulder tighter. Somehow she felt unbalanced at the moment. “You said ‘a’ so now you’ve gotta spill the beans.” Well, that didn’t sound wholly right…

“It’s too soon to ask her out. That’s what I think. I mean, she and Token didn’t break up that long ago and I don’t want to take advantage.” The redhead looked forlorn at the confession and glanced in her direction with a tight smile. “Besides, no guarantee that she likes me, right?”

Jane tightened her grip on his shoulder to keep her balance. It didn’t make much sense that she felt so unsteady on her feet. Her drink had just been a coke zero after all, no fancy extras. Pondering the issue in the back of her head she leant closer to Kyle, waving a finger in his face. “If you’d like, I could ask around. Have some girl talk.”

With the way she pulled him down Kyle had to crane his neck in an uncomfortable angle to look at her. “Girl talk?” he made it sound as if were an alien term. If Jane had known the events that had transpired in South Park due to simple miscommunication between sexes she would have framed her proposal slightly different. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Last time someone burned down the bowling alley.”

Jane blinked slowly. “I promise I’ll leave the bowling alley out of it, I guess?” she looked at her empty glass and then back at Kyle. “I’m going to put this down. I’ll be right back.”

Kyle straightened back up when he was released, rubbing the back of his neck as Jane weaved her way through the crowd on unsteady feet. The latter stopped at one of the high plastic tables that had been scattered around the venue, slamming down the plastic cup with more force than necessary. Groaning she put her hands to her head. The heat was getting to her, she guessed, from the way her stomach felt like it was cramping up as if she might heave. And her head kept spinning.  
A man appeared next to her. He spoke in a low voice. “Miss Moltz, excuse us.”

He took her elbow, gentle but firm enough that she couldn’t escape. Jane frowned and slurred that she didn’t need someone to… do whatever they were doing. Because suddenly he had a friend that took her other arm and they slowly dragged her to the exit. She felt unsteady on her feet and they were holding her up more than she was walking herself. As they neared the half-opened barn door a cool gust of wind refreshed her head for a second.   
She didn’t know these guys. They were dragging her away from her friends. Her brain finally arrived at a possible solution for her predicament. “MYSTERION!”

|Kenny|

Kenny flinched when someone shouted ‘Mysterion’ at the top of their lungs before realized that had been Jane screaming. Diverting his attention from Tammy’s boyfriend - his name had sounded like Timmy, but could have been Tommy - he craned his head in the direction from where the scream had come from. His eyes flashed past Stan and Wendy, who both were looking at the exit. He saw Kyle who started to move in that direction before he saw two large men who tried to shush the woman they had between them. A woman who very pointedly screamed ‘Mysterion’ again as she tried to move away from them.  
Kenny moved in front of two teens carrying their drinks. They screamed after him for spilling said drinks as he slipped in between a couple that had moved apart while dancing. Someone flicked away a cigarette as he moved, the hot remainder stinging his hand as he protected his eyes. At this point he’d already gained up to Kyle who might have had regular work-outs in basketball but who did not spend his nights on rooftops. A tall man, dressed in a leather jacket that read ‘South Hell’, stopped in front of him as Kenny ran, not with the intention of stopping him but instead dazed at a young man swooping through a barn full of people. Kenny placed his hands on the man’s shoulders and used his momentum to turn the both of them clockwise, switching places before he pushed off from the man.

And using the force he’d gathered on his mad dash to suckerpunch the man on Jane’s left, not bothering to ask questions. Something cracked underneath his fist and the man stumbled back against the wooden wall. He turned around, eyes on the other man who had the extremely bad idea of holding on to Jane’s wrist. The girl tried to pull herself loose in a dazed fashion, a stubborn pout on her face. Kenny rolled his shoulders. “I suggest you let her go.” His Southern accent rolled thickly from his tongue in his agitation. Usually he suppressed it, not needing to remind people even more of his background. But there were times when appearances could go fuck themselves. “Before I yank your nuts off and feed ‘em to your friend.”

“Kenny, Jane!” Kyle finally pushed through the crowd, sweaty but looking ready to help out.

Help came from an unexpected corner. From behind Jane’s attacker came the man in the leather jacket Kenny had barely dodged seconds before. He towered over the attacker, his heavy beard doing nothing to hide his anger. “I did NOT just hear you were attackin’ a young woman. Did I, mate?”

The man looked over his shoulder in an obvious panic. “It’s- it’s not what you think!”

“Let go off Jane!” Kenny demanded stepping closer. He was fully prepared to hit this guy as well. 

The man in the leather jacket closed his meaty hand over the attacker’s wrist and squeezed. “You heard the lad.”

The attacker made a small sound in between a yelp and a suppressed scream before letting go. Jane stumbled towards Kenny, her feet getting in the way of one another. He caught her as she tripped, holding her up against him as she sighed. “M’head hurts,” she complained.

He looked up to see where the other guy had gone. To his grave satisfaction the man in the leather jacket had been joined by friends, men in their late forties with heavy beards and rolling, sweaty muscles who cracked their fists menacingly at the would-be rapists in their midst. With a shaky hand he brushed some of Jane’s hair back. “Let’s get you outside for a second,” he said, before asking Kyle to get Stan. He didn’t think keeping Jane at the party would be a good idea.  
One hand around her waist he helped her walk to the exit. The cool night air chilled him to the bone instantly. Jane leaned against him heavier, her face pressed against his shoulder. He practically had to drag her to Jimbo’s pick-up truck. When she sat down he squatted in front of her, gingerly holding her face in his two hands. He had no fucking clue what he should do. “Jane, can you look at me?”

Dark eyes swiveled in his direction and she scrunched her nose. “You’re not… Mysterion… are you, Kenny?”

So that’s what a bloody heart attack felt like. “Wha-”

“I called for Mysterion, y’see. But you came instead,” she spoke as if her tongue was occupying more space than usual. Her skin felt scorching hot underneath his palms.

“I uh… heard ya before he did. That’s all,” he lied, relieved that had been all. For a moment he had been afraid he’d been found out. “How do you feel?”

“Drunk.”

“How much did ya drink then?” She wasn’t usually a heavy drinker, as far as he knew.

“Someone gave me a coke zero.” Her head slumped forward toward his shoulder. “’S all.”

Kenny swore instant and bloody, terrifying murder on the guy who had slipped her a drug. “Remember who?” he asked through gritted teeth, blood pounding in his veins so hard he could barely think. But Jane shook her head against him, nuzzling her nose deeper against his shoulder. Any other moment Kenny would have been overjoyed but it was hard to enjoy the attention of an obviously drugged partner. “It’s okay,” he said instead, moving to sit next to her as he waited for Stan to appear. “You’re going to be fine.”

|Eric|

Eric watched as the pick-up truck drove away, Jane and Kenny next to Stan in the driver’s seat. Several of the others had decided to go home as well, but he’d refused. There was something he hoped to find out before heading home. Because only a little before Kenny’s annoying brawl he had bought a coke as an interlude for his usual scotch, and the bartender had had the guts to give him a coke zero. He’d been disgusted and ended up arguing with the bartender before he got an additional regular coke.  
Because it didn’t hurt to curry favor with the girls - they gossiped among another and he desperately needed an image boost if he was ever to get Heidi back - he’d offered the coke zero to Jane.

Jane hadn’t passed on that coke to anyone else. Which meant that Eric had been the original intended victim. He was not pleased. Watching how the two men had tried to take Jane with them were beaten up was satisfying, but he didn’t remember seeing them near the bar. And asking questions would be rather futile now; one of the bikers had called the hospital to pick them up. Instead he sauntered over the bar, hands in his back pockets. He made a detour to kick one of the would-be kidnappers in the kidneys.  
He sat down. The music seemed louder now that a group of people had left though the air was still humid and soaked in the scent of beer.

Who could have wanted to drug him? And why? Had someone found out he was the Coon? It could be a motive, especially if people were up to no good. His eyes scanned the crowd from scantily dressed mid-teens to his more levelheaded classmates. There were bitter few parties in South Park which meant he even saw the odd parent or two. It could’ve been anyone in town.  
With an annoyed grunt he checked his watch and saw it was barely past one o’clock. With a bit of luck the police that were on duty would be here. He’d discovered the amulet John the idiot was looking for was locked in the police safe. He’d been planning on getting it and guessed now was as good a time as any. Shoving his way through the crowd he neglected to pay for his last drink. He had more important things on his mind.

|Kenny|

“You’re sure it’s no problem?” Kenny asked Stan while Jane removed her shoes. 

Stan shrugged, clearly feeling uncomfortable in his sister’s room. “Shelly won’t be coming home for the holidays for another week and a half. And we can’t let her go home like this.”

Kenny looked to the bed where Jane finally managed to unlace the sneakers she’d worn with her shorts. She kicked them off and the shoes bounced over the floor. “Her father would probably ground her until she’s forty. Thanks Stan, owe ya one,” he said and made for the door. To be honest he didn’t feel perfectly safe in Shelley’s room either. That one had had one too many screws loose in the past and he remembered too many near-death experiences in her vicinity.

“Kenny,” Jane called out softly from behind him. “Don’t go?”

Stan cleared his throat. “I’ll leave you two alone for a minute.” Then he threw Kenny a glance that translated as ‘do any nasty stuff in this bedroom and Shelley will nail your nutsack to a tree’.

At least that was how Kenny interpreted it. Instead he moved to the bed where Jane now sat barefooted, eyes drooping closed but clearly fighting her sleep. “I gotta head home now. You just sleep here tonight. Feeling better?”

Jane shrugged. Kenny felt guilty for not taking her to a hospital, but he had a feeling Mr. Moltz didn’t like him much and he didn’t want to justify that sentiment. She scooted closer to him, placing her head on his shoulder. “Kenny… Kenneth… Ken… Ken doll?” she ended, mirth glittering briefly in her eyes.

Kenny groaned. “How about fucking hell no?”

“Language, Ken dolly,” Jane chided him, pressing her finger against his lips. He froze in the movement, only knowing that the tip of her finger pressed against him. She smiled when she saw he was being quiet. “Good boy,” she whispered before throwing her arms around his neck.

There had to be some kind of evil deity out there, delighting in the fact that the woman of his fantasies threw herself in his arms while he couldn’t do anything with her. Well, not if he wanted to remain friends with her. “You need to go to sleep, and I need to go,” Kenny said firmly, peeling her fingers away from his shoulders with more than a hint of regret. So freaking unfair, really.

“Don’t want to,” Jane protested, trying to remain close to him.

It probably was punishment for all the shit he’d gotten into before he’d even reached puberty. That was what this was. “Jane,” he warned as he took her hands and held them down on the mattress between them. “You’re going to sleep.”

Her lips against his cheek were enough to make his resolve shake. “But I want you to stay with me.”

If someone could shoot him right about now, that would be nice. Wonderful even. Please. Just to put him out of his misery. “Go to sleep. We can see each other tomorrow.” With those words he stood up because he couldn’t resist any more assaults on his dubious morals. As he moved she grabbed the sleeve of his parka. Rather than resist he shook loose, leaving her with the orange garment and a pout on her face. “Real mean, Ken doll.”

“You can keep that to sleep with,” he offered. To his surprise she considered the idea before indeed putting her arms in the sleeves and flipping up the hood. Her face immediately disappeared underneath it.

“Smells like you,” she said, not so much disgusted at the scent of sweat but rather fascinated.

“You have fun with that,” Kenny said, ignoring the peculiar jolt in his stomach that came from seeing Jane in his parka. For just a second he considered going in the room and kissing her senseless. Then he closed the door behind him and marched down the stairs to make sure he wouldn’t act on that impulse.

Stan was waiting for him downstairs, drinking some nasty health tea that either Wendy or Kyle had sprung on him. “For a minute I thought you’d be sleeping over too,” he commented in an even tone. Too even to be comfortable.

“Can’t take advantage of a drugged woman,” Kenny said in the same tone, wondering what this was about.

“Didn’t say anything ‘bout sex,” Stan countered before he spooned more honey in his tea from the jar next to him. “Seeing how it’s perfectly possible to sleep next to someone and not do it.”

Kenny hesitated. “I’m not the type for that. You know that.”

“I thought I did,” Stan conceded, sitting down on the chair next to him. “Up until the moment where you’ve been spending a lot of time with a girl who you’re not being stereotypical Kenny around. First me and Kyle thought she was just playing hard to get.”

“And now?” Kenny asked with a strange pit of dread in his stomach he hadn’t felt since that time he’d first asked a girl to dance with him.

“You’re into her.” Stan said it so matter-of-factly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world that Kenny nodded before realizing he wasn’t wearing his parka to hide behind. “I don’t know if it’s mutual or not. But anyone with eyes can tell, Ken.”

Stan didn’t call him Ken often. That shortest form of his name had always been reserved for moments when Kenny was dying and Stan had time for something else to say except ‘you bastards’. And so Kenny met his friend’s steady, questioning gaze. “So what if I like her more than just for one night? Does it change anything?”

“It could,” Stan said slowly. “If you wanted things to change, it could.”

Kenny thought about everything he had to say about that, all the circumstances that could be different and made him feel confident enough to just tell Jane everything he felt. Not just the naughty fantasies or the way he’d stay awake at night thinking about how she smiled at him. But that he felt more than he actually was next to her. Perhaps if he hadn’t been cursed like this. If it wouldn’t be so dangerous. And if he didn’t have the sucky life he had.  
“I’ve got a lot of issues to deal with. Night, Stan.”

“She’s not going to wait forever, Ken,” Stan warned from behind him.

Kenny knew that. He just didn’t know how he felt about it.


	12. Halloween - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Kenny go trick-or-treating together and show their costumes to each other. Afterward they get just a tad closer when Kenny gets changed for the school dance.
> 
> About the previous chapter, I totally forgot about this, but if you or one of your friends ever get drugged at a party, go to a hospital! There's always a chance you'll react badly to these so it's best to take no risks.
> 
> Inspiration for Kenny's costume came from his affilitiation with Japan and his role as Princess Kenny.

“Kenny, Jane’s here!” his sister shouted, knocking on his door quickly before she bounced off to put the last touches on her own costume. He heard her bouncing through the house, slamming her closet door shut and running back through the hallway. He checked himself over in the mirror a last time. Though his days as Princess Kenny were behind him, he decided he could still rock a skirt when necessary. His sister had been expressing her admiration for Mysterion and Sailor Moon for days now, and seeing as how the Mysterion costume was too risky - someone might just have an active brain cell - he had now donned the Sailor Moon outfit.  
Knowing his dad would have a flying fit seeing his son in a mini-skirt, Kenny snuck out through the window. He immediately regretted the skirt when a cold breeze passed by. How did women do this on a daily basis? He’d have actual blue balls before the night was over.

He rounded the corner where Karen waved him closer. Her Teenage Mutant Ninja outfit wasn’t the best money could buy, but he’d managed to save up quite a bit and made it a gift. The hug and exclamations of being the best big brother in the world had been way more repayment than he needed. Her eyes were big and sparkly, though the grin was uncharacteristic. “You guys totally took my hints the wrong way!”

That puzzled him for a second, until Jane joined them, adjusting the brown belt on her waist. She had a piece of cloth in her hand that was probably the mask supposed to accompany her costume. “Didn’t realize Mysterion looked that good,” he joked when she eyed his costume with interest.

“I think we should have co-ordinated costumes,’ she said with a smile. “Nice legs though.”

“That’s sexual harassment,” He replied with as much dignity as he could muster, pulling the skirt lower. Damn, this was cold! When he looked back at Jane’s costume he realized he hadn’t had a clue knee-high black boots could be that sexy. Karen had ended up getting her wish of being escorted by Sailor Moon and Mysterion, though probably not in the way she’d intended. And Kenny… Kenny had three hours of candy-grabbing in front of him as the unofficial protector of his sister and Jane. “Gentlemen, shall we?” he asked.

Jane tied her mask in front of her face and flipped up her hood. “Of course, m’lady. Which way first?”

Karen picked out their route, which had been meticulously plotted out for maximum candy through her careful watching of the loot he and his friends had scored over the years. Jane seemed to be comfortable in the suit, although she got stuck with the cape in two separate fences. “I don’t know how he does it. I keep getting this thing twisted in ten thousand things.”

“Years of practice probably,” Kenny said with a straight face. He regretted now that puberty had completely done away with his more androgynous features. Or maybe it was the calves that gave him away. He’d even shaved his legs for this evening, that had to translate in a better candy haul. Too bad it itched when it grew back.

“I’m surprised he doesn’t get his feet tangled more often in his cape,” Jane muttered from behind him, getting her feet tangled again. She nearly fell on her face, arms waving through the air in search of support. 

Kenny barely caught her by the arm. It would be a shame if she hurt her pretty face. “Careful. That pretty face is all Mysterion has going for him.” Well, that and not being associated to any kind of awkward, blown-out of proportion rumors.

“Hurry up! It’s almost time!” Karen shouted at the two of them, running to the next house. Before she reached it two kids appeared from the bushes. Kenny recognized them vaguely as bullies from a nearby town, though who knew why they’d be in South Park for Halloween. This place was terrible because it was either plain boring or plain suicidal to celebrate here.

“Problem?” he asked as he stood next to his sister.

“Oh look, it’s Sailor Venus!” the tallest one said.

Jane appeared as well, standing on the other side of Karen. To Kenny’s surprise she’d lowered her voice. “What cultural degenerate doesn’t recognize Sailor Moon?”

Kenny had heard of fair fighting. After a thorough calculation of how it impacted his odds of winning any fight he’d thrown the concept out of the window. Jane doing such a miserable Batman/Mysterion impression was everything he needed as a distraction. Before one of the guys had made a new snarky comment he took a few steps and planted his fist firmly in the gut of the left one. He finished off with bringing his elbow to the back of the guy’s head. He slumped to the ground in a satisfying puddle.  
The second one had him correctly pegged as the most dangerous one of the group and tried to jump him from behind. It was a simple matter of grabbing him by the arm and forcing him to walk in a half-circle, face-first in a pole that was located conveniently close.

“Big bro, that was so cool,” Karen breathed, stars in her eyes.   
“Kenny, are you okay?” Jane asked at the same time, though from the bit he could see off her face she was equally impressed.

“I’m fine,” he said. After years of taking on practiced villains, this was nothing. He checked Karin over just to make sure she was truly okay. To his surprise Jane swung a fist over his head as he leant over his sister, a bone-snapping crunch following. Behind his back the second guy finally dropped to the ground in defeat.

“Ouuuuch,” Jane whined, pressing her hand against her chest. “That flipping hurts!” she looked up with tears in her eyes, apologetic. “He was going to attack you from behind, so I didn’t really think.”

“Jane, you’re cool too!” Karen exclaimed. “That was almost like when Mysterion shows up, with the voice and everything!”

She smiled, flexing her fingers. “Thanks. I thought maybe I could scare them off like that.”

As they walked on, Kenny checked her hand for her. Her fingers rested daintily on his palm, cold and red. He didn’t know if that was from the cold or the punch she’d dealt out. Rubbing past her knuckles he came away with a trace of blood. “Does this hurt?”

“A bit,” she admitted, though she didn’t pull her hand away.

“Nothing’s broken as far as I can see. Keep an eye on it though,” he warned her. “And there really was no reason to do that.” Having no place to wipe the blood he surreptiously brought his hand to his mouth. It wasn't much and there was hardly any taste to it.

“And let him hurt you? I warned you, I’m not letting you get hurt any more.”

“I think you said you’d keep me alive? You never mentioned me not getting bruised would be part of your task list.” Because that would be a full-time job and he didn’t think his libido would survive it.

“Yeah, well watch me. I’ll have you so safe the funeral home will be out of goshdarned business,” she replied, taking her hand back.

Kenny laughed. “First flipping, and now goshdarned. You’re getting such a foul mouth, miss Moltz.” He barely kept back his offer of showing what other things she could do with her mouth. Mysterion could get away with that sort of shit, not Kenny. He had to keep the two separate. That was why he made sure to keep his hands to himself for the rest of the trick or treating walk.

When they dropped his sister of at home he got back in his room through the window. To his surprise Jane followed him, with a tad of help. “You’re way too practiced at sneaking in and out of your house,” she commented.

“It’s all skill,” he replied, not mentioning the various reasons on why he’d acquired said skill. Having her in his room for a second time made him extremely aware of the fact that it was like a bomb had gone off in here. Actually, a bomb had once gone off in here. It had ruined his favorite fold-out, something he’d been heartbroken over once he’d been old enough again to be aware of it.  
She sat down on the bed casually, though carefully swinging one leg over the other. Fumbling for something to keep her busy while he changed he grabbed a random magazine from his desk. He checked once to make sure it was appropriate before handing it over. “It’s a Nascar magazine. If you want to read up on it or something.”

“Thank you,” she said, taking the well-read magazine from his hands. Her fingertips brushed past his and he felt a pleasant tingle in his stomach. “I promise I won’t look,” she announced, the tone of her voice saying she wouldn’t oggle him while he got dressed.

 _Please look_ , he thought. _Look and be impressed and maybe think about me when you’re all alone. Even if it’s just for a fucking second, look at me with desire. Sheesh Kenny, fucking needy much?_ “Sure you won’t,” he quipped, keeping his voice steady. “Keep the drool to a minimum in case you do.”

|Jane|

She folded open the magazine, looking at the table of contents. It was filled with names and car brands she didn’t recognize. She leafed through the pages, pausing at each one to take a quick look at the contents. From the corner of her eye she saw Kenny open his closet. It was the costume really; the white thigh-highs caught the light from the bare bulb above her. Resolutely she moved her attention to the car on the page and failed to see what was special.

Rustling next to her told her Kenny had started undressing. She swallowed and realized perhaps coming inside had not been the best move to make. Maybe she just should have waited outside, or sat down awkwardly on the couch with his parents. To distract herself she typed a quick message to John, telling him to pick them up at a nearby street. Sadly when she put down the cell her eyes did a traitorous little flick to her right.

Kenny stood with his back to her as he took out his costume jacket. That he was still wearing those long white, frilly socks should have distracted her. Instead her eyes roved over his back, where smooth skin stretched over muscle. He wasn’t so much skinny as lean, as if he was used to having an active lifestyle. His skin was pale and devoid of any marks. Had his shoulders always been so broad? She wanted nothing more than to run the palm of her hand across his shoulders, to wrap her arms around his waist and rest her head against his bare back. What would the callus on his hands feel like against her cheek?  
 _Down Jane. He’s not a piece of meat._ Disconcerted with her thoughts she returned her eyes to the magazine, flipping to the pages where a corner had been folded. It was an interview with one of the drivers, and Kenny had drawn circles around details of the car, or underlined certain passages.

More rustling to her right. She was awkwardly aware of the sound of fabric gliding over skin, of a shirt being arranged. The sound of the zipper had her very conscious that at one point that zipper would become undone as well. _Kill me now,_ she thought. This was cruel and unusual punishment and she’d done nothing to deserve this.

“Well, whaddaya think?” Kenny finally asked her. Calmly she looked to the side, as if she hadn’t just been fantasizing naughty things. Maybe she shouldn’t have looked. Because Kenny in a suit was, without a doubt, irresistible. 

“Fuck me,” she squeaked, before clasping a hand in front of her mouth. When her mind whispered she wouldn’t mind calling him daddy after all she nearly died of shame.

He raised his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Your tie isn’t done yet,” she said instead, praying he hadn’t heard her little involuntary slip of the tongue.

He grabbed the ends with a sheepish smile. “I ugh… don’t have much experience with these. Maybe I should go without.”

“James Bond can’t go without a tie!” she objected. Mentally steeling herself she patted the mattress. “I can do it for you. I do it for my dad all the time.”  
He sat down on the mattress, so far away that she could barely reach. Waving him closer she met him halfway and started to tie the piece of cloth into the desired shape. “Pull it like this, over here…” she mumbled until she noticed him watching her hands. “Wait, I’ll do it again so you can see how it works.”

She undid the tie and scooted an inch closer. Carefully she worked the fabric between her fingers, slowly explaining how every step was supposed to go. As she worked her fingers sometimes fell against his shirt, against the warm skin underneath. At those moments her voice got a bit lower before she regained her courage. At this close she was aware of his scent, the usual syrup replaced by lollypops and chocolate.   
“And finally you can just pull it like this and you’re done,” she finished, running her hand past the tie to smoothen it down. Which was a bad move because now she’d basically ran her hand across his stomach. She looked up with an apologetic smile, only to realize that during her explanation Kenny had leant in closer to observe her.

She could see his eyelashes. And she had to look at them because looking at his eyes would probably have her swooning or spouting more obscenities. When his hands enfolded the hand she’d had resting against his stomach she was sure she was going to die.

“Next time you punch a guy,” he started, pausing to give her time to catch up to his train of thought. “Next time, you fold your fist like this,” He gently folded her fingers in a fist, placing her thumb outside instead of tucked inside the embrace of the other four. “Otherwise you might break your thumb. And you punch through the sucker. Imagine you want your fist to only stop ten centimeters behind his dumb head.”

His thumb brushed past her knuckles as he looked down at their hands. He looked back up at her. She smiled, hoping it wasn’t totally awkward because of the cardiac arrest she was having because Kenny was holding her hand. “Thanks for the lesson?”

“I uh… you helped me with that dumb tie. And I know how to knock out a fucker. Thought I’d repay the favor, s’all.” He ended up mumbling the last bit to their hands, her fist still enclosed between his palms. “Didn’t think you spent a lot of time fighting before you met me.”

“I haven’t made a habit out of it,” she answered with a smile. Oh, but he was adorable and handsome when he flashed that confident grin.

“Good,” he said, sounding breathy. He shifted on the mattress and her thigh slipped against his. “I can’t afford to be seen with a delinquent. Imagine the damage to my rep.”

Okay, he was really close. Super close. What was she supposed to do in this situation? Obviously he didn’t mind the closeness so she inclined her head, placing her free hand at his side. The sound of a television was drowned out by the thumping of her heart. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation.”

Dark blue eyes landed on her lips, but he didn’t move. He seemed to make a decision of sorts because he closed his eyes and leaned in, until she felt the heat of his lips radiating against hers.  
Her cell started to ring. Kenny flinched and backed away faster than she could protest. _Why, why now of all moments. Five minutes earlier or later!_ “Hello?”

“Jane, I’m waiting. You and Kenneth better hurry up or we’ll be more than fashionably late.”

“Of course, John. Thank you.” She hung up and looked at Kenny, who did his utter best to look anywhere except at her. “John’s waiting for us.”

“Yeah, course,” Kenny ran a hand through his hair. Looking around the room he jammed his fists in his pockets, the exact same stance when he was mulling something over in his parka. “We should get going.”

She hesitated. “About just now, -”

“Don’t mention it,” he sounded panicked. “I’d… I’d consider it a huge favor if you just forgot it ever happened.”

 _Oh._ Then she remembered Tammy. She closed her eyes with a deep sigh as Kenny moved toward the door. How could she be so horrible, to forget about his girlfriend? “Of course.” She was lucky that he wasn’t angry with her. “We’re still friends, right?”

He looked back at her and swallowed. She’d seldom seen him so nervous. “Of course we’re friends. We’ll always be friends.” The ‘just nothing more’ hovered in the air before settling somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

Jane forced a smile on her lips, shaky and so obviously fake. “Good. That’s good.” If only she could sink into the ground right now. She was caught in a desire to call Mysterion and pour her heart out over the phone. But she wouldn’t be able to find a private moment tonight. Instead she flipped the dark purple hood over her face, thankful it covered her eyes. “We shouldn’t keep John waiting. He can get cranky if people aren’t punctual.”  
She didn’t notice Kenny’s parents freaking out at ‘Mysterion’ following on his heels outside the front door. Neither did she catch a glimpse of Karen’s face, watching as her older brother walked out of the street. Her eyes remained on Kenny’s back as she blinked back the tears. She thought about the times John had given her a peptalk when she’d been younger, hurting during their training.

No matter what, the show must go on.


	13. Halloween - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny is a drama queen after he almost kissed Jane, while Jane finds out that John might be as trustworthy as she thought.
> 
> I am so STOKED that you all are commenting and giving kudos, you have no idea. Thanks a lot <3 Hope you're all been having a good week because my thesis has been killing me.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! Cthulhu-cursed cowboy! Hormone-riddled bag of angst!_ Kenny raged at himself as he sat in the backseat of the car. He’d been over this with himself time and time again. Jane was off limits at all times for Kenny, because Kenny had no future. Mysterion could get handsy with her, a promise easily made because Jane didn’t get handsy with anyone.  
His eyes flickered to the front seats, where Jane was keeping up an animated discussion with John. Or well, John was. Jane smiled a lot and answered when necessary. _Usually_ Jane didn’t get handsy with anyone. He wasn’t so sure things between her and John were entirely innocent.

 _And what if it wasn’t,_ a nasty little voice at the back of his head asked him. What did he think he could do about it? What would he be allowed to do about it? Because Jane was nice and on the fast-track in life. But only if she didn’t get involved with anyone like Kenny. And that stung, that stung so badly he felt it all the way to his core. Cartman had been right though; he didn’t have anything to offer. Any money Kenny earned that wasn’t spent on necessities went into a savings account for his sister. With some luck he’d be able to send her to get some sort of decent education. He’d stay in South Park, doing odd jobs by day and helping the cops at night. With luck he might be able to find a cheap apartment or trailer.  
Kenny didn’t know what John did for a living, but judging by this car it made a pretty penny. So Kenny would have to keep his hands to himself. If he didn’t Jane would one day wake up, smell the lack of coffee and walk out on him, no matter how good friends they were.

He leaned his head against the window, looking at the Halloween decorations flashing by. He just needed to get through tonight and the rest of the school year. Thank god that Butters had mentioned Tammy that one time. It seemed plausible enough, and she was never at school to refute the story. He only had to keep up the charade. The car stopped too soon. John opened Jane’s door for her with a half bow before clapping Kenny on the shoulder. “Kenneth, my boy, let’s get inside. Or should I say Mr. Bond?”

Kenny wanted to tell the man exactly what kind of physical acts he could perform on himself but swallowed the acid words. If he was Jane’s friend then he could be nice to her other friends. Even if they were conniving, annoying, damned… no. Instead he gestured to the gym. Loud music poured from the open door as people in costumes ran by. Inside he lost sight of Jane and John rapidly, instead swarmed by his friends.

“Cartman, I swear to God if you bring that stake near me one more time, I will kick your sorry ass all the way to Hannukah!”

“Vampires can’t use the name of God, Kyle,” Cartman drawled, accidentally poking Kenny in the side with a plastic stake.

“Glad to see you guys are all in the mood,” Kenny remarked, trying to get more into the spirit of the party. They walked over to the punch where Kenny just barely saw one of the younger attendees try to slip scotch in the punch. He swiped the bottle from the boy’s hand and raised an eyebrow when he thought to protest. When the kid was gone he brought the bottle to his mouth.

“Sometimes,” Stan said slowly as he adjusted his creepy clown nose, “I don’t know if you do good things for good reasons or for selfish ones.”

Kenny’s eyes fell on the other side of the room, where John’s hand was casually draped around Jane’s waist as the man was busy on his cell. He brought the bottle up again. “Today, it’s entirely for selfish reasons.” He wasn’t sure if one bottle of Scotch would be enough to make it through the night with.

|Jane|

“Oh, thank you. I thought I might as well do some fun cosplay. Only Halloween once after all,” Jane received the compliments on her Mysterion outfit with grace, even though John let her know he had a perfectly good dress for her in the car should she wish to change her mind. “I love your outfit though, Bebe.”

“It was so hard finding a catsuit that actually fit,” the woman complained. Bebe’s natural assets made any shopping hard, though when something fit, it fit really well.

“You look gorgeous,” Jane reassured her. She turned to John. “Doesn’t she?”

He didn’t react right away, so she leant in a bit closer. Though she didn’t mean to, her glance was naturally drawn to the screen of his cell in the dimly lit gym. Her heart skipped a beat.

_‘We do NOT need a repeat of the McCormick kid.’_

John lowered his cell and looked at her. “You were saying?”

She smiled and fell back on years of social grace. “Bebe looks absolutely charming in her catsuit, doesn’t she?” She wanted to ask what that text meant. What kind of repeat? Her brain was in overdrive, but she didn’t think asking John would give her any answers. Maybe she could ask Kenny but… she’d rather take a few hours to forget about the near-kiss incident, mostly because it still made her weak in the knees. And sick to her stomach that she’d almost gotten him to cheat on his girlfriend.

It couldn’t be that bad, right? She took one of the appetizers and popped it in her mouth, giving her an excuse to keep quiet. This was John they were talking about! John, who’d been at her side ever since she’d been six or seven months old. Who’d bandaged her wounds for her when she tripped.  
What could be repeated? What could happen to one of the McCormick siblings? Frantically she searched the room, hoping to find someone who could tell her. Mysterion had kind of low key insinuated he didn’t really want her prying in darker stuff. And any of Kenny’s friends were out. He wanted her to keep out of his dying problem, and she couldn’t. Not that this was related to it but she was positive his friends would tell on her the moment she turned her back. She finally saw Wendy, who was wearing a spandex Ladybug suit. If anyone would know if something fishy had been going on, it was Wendy.

She excused herself and walked over to her friend, carefully dodging classmates and underclassmen. Two girls squeaked when ‘Mysterion’ bumped past them. “Wendy, can I have a word?”

“Jane! Oh, I love your outfit. You know, I considered going as Mysterion too, but the Ladybug outfit was just a tad cuter.”

“It is,” Jane agreed, before leaning closer to Wendy. “Wendy, I need to ask you something.”

“What?” the woman asked, speaking up because of the loud music, making their hearts vibrate in her chest.

“It’s about things that might have happened in town. I know you don’t like talking about it, but I need to know something specific. Has anything out of the ordinary ever happened to one of the McCormicks?” Apart from Kenny dying every few days. Not that the others knew about that.

Wendy grimaced. “Oh, were they talking about that? It’s just a silly rumor.”

Jane felt something strange tug at her stomach. So there was something! “Can you tell me about it? I know you won’t embellish any tales!”

Wendy sighed, glancing around her. “Fine, but just so the younger kids won’t influence you. It’ so rude to the McCormick family. Look, Kenny’s brother might have disappeared a couple of years ago, but that doesn’t mean he’s the ghost that’s haunting the school library. I don’t think that boy ever entered the library, honestly. So if anyone asks you to follow them there, just say no. It’s going to be a lame prank.”

“Kenny had a brother?”

“Yeah, Kevin or something.” Jane thought back to the room opposite of Kenny’s, where the name Kevin had been scrawled out with marker. Wendy continued talking. “He disappeared a few years ago. It was right after a big drug bust at Kenny’s home. They were all sent into the foster system. Kenny and Karen came back after a few weeks, but nobody ever heard from his brother. It was all over the paper, a huge scandal about how a minor had escaped from his foster home and never came back.”

 _‘We do NOT need a repeat of the McCormick kid.’_ The message had become a lot more ominous now. But what kind of business did John have with Kenny’s family? She nodded at Wendy and thanked her for the explanation, promising she wouldn’t go into the school library tonight. She wanted to read the rest of that message. There’d been more but she’d hardly seen it. Perhaps it would prove John had nothing to do with the case.  
She glanced at the other side of the room, where Kenny was laughing with this friends. She really wanted to talk to him, but what could she say? _Sorry I didn’t know about your brother, but I think one of my friends is involved. Hashtag it’s a small world._

Hours passed until it finally struck two in the morning. Jane made a show of patting down her outfit and not finding her cell. “Oh, I must’ve left it at Kenny’s place,” she said before turning to John. “Can I call dad real quick? I’m sure he’s worried.”

John, ever the gentleman, looked up her father in his address book before handing over his cell. “Maybe you should step out into the hallway, Mister M won’t appreciate the loud music in here.”

“Thank you!” Jane said with a quick smile. She fought her way through the crowd and into the hallway, where the silence somehow felt deafening. Looking down at the cell she swallowed. There was no way her friend had anything to do with things in South Park. She’d only just moved here. And John had never been here before.  
So where did her loyalty lie? With John, who cared for her and wanted her to be safe and happy? Or with Kenny, who just got her confused and worried and so darned frustrated? She closed her eyes, thinking back on how he’d reacted when he found out she remembered. He’d been psyched. And she understood he didn’t want anything happening to her, when for him every day not dying could be a surprise. She made her choice.

She pressed messages. The list popped up, and apart from her own name and John’s mother all other texts were from phone numbers. There were only five text threads. Did John habitually delete his messages? She pressed the top one. There were only three messages. The top one read _‘have fun, be safe’._ Innocent enough.  
The second one came from John. _“Just got word, it was located. I think he’s the one.”_  
And then the third one, which just launched more and more questions at her. _‘Wait until we get the documents from M. We do NOT need a repeat of the McCormick kid. Keep the conduit safe.’_

This was very likely very bad. She quickly went out of the messages, looking at John’s screen picture. It was a group photo of her, his mom and himself, taken before she’d moved to South Park. It felt very wrong in combination with the texts. But she had clues now. Very useless, very cryptic and infuriating clues. She fished her own cell out of a back pocket - the costume was riddled with them - and quickly scrawled down a few notes.

Kevin McCormick / Kenny?  
It? Was located  
The one?  
Documents from M?  
Conduit + John.

Maybe she would take it up with Mysterion. The guy had connections. He knew which people were to be trusted and which ones weren’t, or at least he knew it about some people. She decided to keep Kenny out of it. That he hadn’t mentioned his brother so far could mean any number of things, but she doubted it meant he was happy about the disappearance. To keep up appearances - and because she knew her dad would be worried - she did make a quick call, telling the man they’d be back home soon. After that she hung up and opened the door back to the gym.  
She scanned the crowd and saw Kenny clinging to Cartman. Stan and Kyle were keeping each other upright, laughing like mad. A glance to the left and she spotted John, talking to Bebe and Red.

She walked over to Kenny’s group. “What’s so funny?”

“You were right, Cartman. So right. Don’t know why I ever doubted the shit you say,” Kenny slurred, hanging over his friend.

“K-Kenny!” Kyle managed to say in a high-pitched giggle. “Jane’s here.”

Kenny untangled himself from Cartman, which seemed to require more co-ordination than anyone had ever expected. “Jane?” He turned and looked at her. Before she knew it Jane had her arms full of Kenny, who leaned on her with his full bodyweight. “Tell me everything’s okay b’tween us?” he slurred. He smelled like alcohol, much to her concern.

“What happened?” she asked the other guys.

“He stopped a kid from spiking the punch, and then decided to drink it all by himself. He’s been telling people how much he loves them - or hates them - for an hour now,” Stan explained, clearly belonging to the group that had gotten a love confession.

Kenny placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling away so he could look in her face. “We’re okay, right?” he asked before slumping against her again. “Don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, big boy,” Jane said soothingly, patting his back. Meanwhile she pulled a ‘help me’ face at the bystanders, who were mostly too amused to help her. “We’re friends, remember?”

“Bestest friends,” he agreed with her, squeezing his arms around her tighter. “Don’t leave me.”

“Oh Kenny,” she sighed, continuing the patting. Did it work? Who knew. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Really?”

“You’re stuck with me forever,” she replied truthfully.

“Good. You’re my fave… fave babe. Bestest babe,” he mumbled.

“And here we go again,” Stan sighed as Kenny derailed in a stream of praises. “He always gets like this. At least he’s a sentimental drunk as opposed to a mean one.”

“I’d give up Nascar for you,” Kenny confessed, eliciting a roar of laughter from Cartman. Kenny hiccuped once before continuing. “Don’t ask me to give up Nascar. I would though… if you ask me… ‘ll do anything.”

Next to Jane, Kyle gently patted Kenny’s cheek in an attempt to get him sobered up a little bit. “It’s funny, he never gets into accidents when he goes home shit-faced. Which means he’s a smart drunk too.”

——————

The last statement, Kenny thought as he sat down on the dirty mud, was a complete and utter lie. As his friends had let him walk home - and why shouldn’t they, he always turned up unscathed - Kenny had gotten the ludicrous drunk idea of walking on a few ledges. The sad part was that wasn’t what had killed him. The fancy dress shoes he’d swiped along with the costume hadn’t been slip-proof. All it had taken was one icy cobble stone and he’d broken his neck. Again.

And of all places to end up in, he’d ended up in R’Lyeh, where Cthulhu slumbered until he was next woken. He’d start wandering around in a few minutes, he needed to clear his mind first. Arriving here was always disorienting. Too many angles that didn’t make sense, too much whispering and slithering in the shadows. At least he didn’t get attacked anymore when he got here. Most creatures had him on the ‘intriguing but not worth it’ list.  
He’d tried to find Cthulhu in the past. He made efforts still, half-heartedly. He had tried to leave marks but he never found them again when he got back. Things around here moved. He took a deep breath, tasting the muddy air, the way it left slime in his mouth.

Heaven wasn’t that bad, really. Sure, the ratio Mormons / other people was skewed, especially since even the revised entry requirements were still inhuman. Hell was okay. It was like being sent to a theme park that had snorted too much cocaine. Pretty much like Earth, but more people.

Disconsolate he picked up a pebble and threw it away. It ricocheted from the remnants of a wall before bouncing straight up. Even physics meant nothing in this shit place. It took him a while before he registered the screams. And when he did, he was confused. Nobody screamed around here, because there wasn’t anyone apart from him to make that noise.  
He followed the sound, running around pillars and jumping over crumbled walls. When he finally rounded the last corner he was surprised to see Jane sitting in a pool of blood, hands around her ears as she screamed again.

“Fucking shit, Jane!” He ran over to her and grabbed her hands. “Jane, what the fuck are you doing here?”

Her eyes were wide and frantic. “There’s too much noise!” she complained, trying to curl up in a ball. Her pajama’s - and wasn’t it ridiculous to wear pajama’s in here - were soaked in blood.

“Jane, Jane, are you hurt?” he asked again. He remembered the last time his friends had gotten caught here. He didn’t think Mintberry Crunch would be coming back just to get one person out of this hellhole. “Who’s blood is this?” She kept stammering about the noise, the noise that was hurting her. Kenny didn’t hear a thing out of place. If anything silence got deafening here.

It was as if she finally saw him. “Kenny, it won’t shut up. Why won’t it stop?”

“I don’t know. But I’ll get you home, promise.”

“Home?”

He nodded, not realizing what he was promising her. “You can go home. I’ll get you home. Just close your eyes and it’ll be okay.”

She nodded and crawled against him. Kenny wanted her to be home. He wanted both of them to be home. “We’ll be home soon,” he whispered. When her weight against him disappeared, he opened his eyes. She was gone. There wasn’t a trace left of Jane. He looked down at his hands, which turned more transparent with every second. He was leaving this place as well.  
But how had she gotten here? And how had she left? Had he done it? He looked down at his feet, at the pool of blood. No matter what was happening, it wasn’t good. And he didn’t know how to stop it.


	14. Blood, Goths and Chocolate Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jane meets the Goth kids, Karen has her first period and Kenny panicks.
> 
> I really like the goth kids to be honest, I wish they appeared in more episodes. I also love setting Kenny up as the concerned older brother, he's wonderful in that way.  
> Not that it's really any of ya'lls concern, but I managed to skip five steps on the stairs and now my foot's taped it. It messed with my writing schedule, sadly.
> 
> Thanks as always for liking the story. If you ever want to see more of anything specific, let me know. Also, it might be kind of late, but if anyone would want to beta for me, you could always hit me up?

Jane woke up on the floor, her covers spread out beneath her. Dazed she rubbed her eyes, moving to an upright position. What had happened to her that she’d wake up on the floor?  
She looked down. At first she didn’t realize what the red was that crusted her hands, or the smears on her blanket. Flexing her fingers made the red flake in places. Where it has been thicker it crackled apart. But eventually her brain caught up no matter how hard she tried not to. Blood.

Standing up she found the bottom half of her pajama pants had been soaked. Now the blood had dried up and her pants stuck to her legs. She glanced at the mirror on her door. Her hair was plastered to her cheeks in sweaty strands, dark red smears crisscrossing her face, and the once creamy pajama’s looked as if she’d rolled around in a murder scene. “What on earth?”

She turned around. Her room hadn’t changed a bit in the past night. But now that she paid attention, it smelt like a swamp in here. A really disgusting one. Someone knocked on the door. When the doorknob moved she threw herself against it, not knowing how to explain what had happened in here.

“Jane?” John asked from the other side of the door. “It’s almost noon, I thought I’d check up on you. No hangover?”

“I didn’t drink yesterday,” she said, keeping the door closed. “I was just getting dressed, so I’ll be down in a few minutes. Wait for me there?” _Don’t come in, don’t come in, because I don't know how to explain this._

John assented and walked away from the door. Jane sighed in relief, looking at the carpet. The dried blood had flaked from her feet. It looked liked it’d been mixed with mud, but she wasn’t an expert. The covers were in a worse state, covered in runes and letters, the one merging into the other at points. Hurried she quickly pulled off her dirty pj’s and grabbed a towel. She needed a shower before she appeared at the breakfast table. The covers she balled up and locked into her closet. She suspected she ought to have a look at those before she tried to get rid of them.

—

John poured himself a cup of tea, offering another one to the good professor. “She’ll be down soon. I think she might have had another nightmare.” When her adoptive father asked what he meant, John shrugged. How to explain that delicious crawl over his skin when Jane emitted that ‘other’ feeling? He looked over the rim of his cup. “Did you get the documents yet?”

“Soon,” Edward mumbled, slicing a head of cabbage. “We’ll be inviting Mephesto over to discuss our Christmas party. Then it’s a simple matter of breaking in and getting those papers on the Cartman boy. But if you’re so certain -”

“We were certain about that McCormick boy as well. But someone should have checked the papers and seen that the boy was too old,” He’d been John’s age, actually. Perhaps that had been the confusion. Until he’d been six he had been raised in the full expectation that he was the Catalyst. Right up until the point where the Oracle discovered that wasn’t the case. Jane’s mother had ranted and raved, nearly injuring her attendants. It had taken years to fully make sense of what the woman had said, but once they’d discovered that the Catalyst had been conceived during a particular gathering, John had lost his status of miracle child. Instead he’d become Jane’s closest friend, the one making sure their enemies didn’t lay a hand on her.  
That particular gathering hadn’t even been meant to be special. It had been held during one of their consecrated dates, but nobody had known that all the omens had been leading up to the conception of the true Catalyst. Why should they have? They believed their little John was that precious child.  
“We check. And double check. Because once we start the ceremony, there won’t be any way of going back. And Jane won’t appreciate us hurting any of her friends.”

Edward nodded, eyes flickering to the ceiling. John returned his attention to his cup of tea. “I have to go back soon. If you run into problems, let us know. Mysterion will be bringing by the necklace at McElroy’s home when he gets it.”

“I still can’t believe Eric is Mysterion.”

“He didn’t refute my claims. It’s a strong indicator he’s the one we need. But remember, no mistakes. Mistakes are for rookies.” And John wasn’t a rookie. He hadn’t been a rookie since that time a rival organization had tried to kill Jane. Instead the perpetrators had ended up serving as ritual sacrifices. He’d been allowed to wield the knife that day.

“No mistakes,” Edward agreed, slicing open the tomatoes.

—  
Once she’d had brunch - lunch had been too good to pass up - she went back to her room. She stuffed the ruined pj’s in a plastic bag and unrolled the covers. She took a few pictures, thinking she might be able to somehow decipher the writing. She would have liked to pretend that this meant nothing at all, but this was South Park. Then she took out her cell and texted Mysterion. He would know what to do.

Only hours went by and she hadn’t gotten a reply. Which meant he was probably busy. But waiting around was hell on her nerves. She paced through her room, finished two sentences on her English essay and started to pace again. Finally she turned on her pc and opened Google. Sending the pictures she’d just taken from her cell to the computer, she then tried looking up the symbols. Most of them didn’t give any results. Most. The two that recurred the most did appear on a fan site for Cthulu. She didn’t know what part of that was the most disturbing.

Dream child. Dream children? Dreaming children?

Translation instructions seemed to boil down to ‘good fucking luck’, so all she had was the basic meaning of those. And the word R’Lyeh, interspersed at the most random places. Annoyed she clicked through to facebook, feeling like doing nothing for a few seconds. She glared at her cell, which had not buzzed for a single instant. _C’mon Mysterion!_

She needed someone to talk to. Because when she failed at keeping her brain occupied she thought back to that almost kiss with Kenny. The heat of his hands around hers. The warmth of his lips. His weight dipping the mattress so that she automatically got closer to him. She’d wanted him so much.  
She buried her face in her hands. _Get a grip._

She continued her random clicking on facebook. As long as she didn’t click any pictures with Kenny in them, she’d be fine. Throughout the game she found a group of the strangest pictures. In a lot parts of the city were burning or besieged by a mob. Other pictures were of students with random celebrities. She went through a lot of the latter, trying to focus on something a tad more normal. A photo of a group of goth kids made her pause. Because on the girl’s purse, in big dark letters, it spelled ‘R’Lyeh comes again’.

It was a long shot, but she had a choice between hunting down this clue or sitting in her room and fantasize about Kenny all day long. The latter part was equal parts sweet and bitter. So she ended up telling her father and John she’d be going out in town to go window shopping with the girls. Finding Henrietta’s - the goth girl - address hadn’t been easy, but she’d been motivated to find something to waste time with.  
And so she ended up in front of an average house. Standing there Jane ended up shuffling her feet for a bit. Gathering her courage - and checking her cell in hopes that maybe Mysterion had replied to her - she rang the bell.

The door was opened by a kindly looking woman with graying hair. “Yes, dear?”

Jane stood up a bit straighter. “Sorry for disturbing you, madam. Is Henrietta home? I’d like to talk to her.”

The woman gave her a quick once-over before she smiled and opened the door. “I didn’t know Henrietta had invited more of her friends over. Come in, dear.”

Jane wondered if she should tell the women she and Henrietta weren’t friends or even acquaintances. Before she could open her mouth, the woman shoved a plate of fresh cookies in her hands, asked after her favorite drink and sent her upstairs. So she followed instructions, walking up the stairs. Like so many homes, this one also had family pictures leading up the stairs. On the older ones a little blond boy could be seen, though he didn’t appear on the later ones anymore. She wondered what the deal with that was.  
Upstairs there were several doors, but Jane had an inkling the one she needed was the one painted black. Candles were placed at the entrance, providing a nice, if slightly strange, touch. She knocked.

“God mom, leave us the fuck alone! It’s our poetry evening!”

Braver than she felt, Jane pushed the door open. “I’m… not your mother. But I do kind of need to talk to you, if you wouldn’t mind?”

Four people inside the room instantly turned to her. They hardly were noticeable in the darkness, if it hadn’t been for the cigarettes they held in their hands. Four little pinpricks of orange flared up as they took a quick drag in unison. “Who. The hell. Are you?” the presumably eldest asked her, his hair perfectly coiled up in tight little curls.

She felt ridiculous with her hands full of still warm cookies. Her fuzzy pink sweater, light jeans and white purse didn’t help her in the slightest. She tried a smile, though she wasn’t sure how that turned out. “Hi… I’m Jane Moltz, I’m kind of new in town.” In a town like South Park, you were the new kid until a different new kid showed up. Which happened once in a blue moon.

“Prep alert,” Henrietta, the only other woman in the room, said slowly.

“You’re so in the wrong neighborhood,” the boy with his hair half dyed in red added. The youngest of the group, around fourteen, just stared at her. She’d never seen anyone so pale before.

“I’m just going to… put these here…” Jane started, gingerly putting the plate of cookies on an elaborately carved chest in front of the bed. The group kept staring at her. “I wanted to ask you a few questions. If you had time.”

“Do we look like Siri to you?” the oldest asked her.

Henrietta rested her forearm on her chair, leaning forward. Her short hair fell forward as her long, black dress rustled. “Look, Uptown Barbie, we’re busy. Get lost.”

“Yes, poetry, so I heard. Let me just say one word and I’ll get out of your hair.” She took the following silence as a sign. “R’Lyeh.”

If immediate, absolute attention made noise, Jane was hearing it at that instant. No, wait. That was her ring tone. She smiled apologetically. “Excuse me for a second.”  
She glanced down, saw ‘Mysterion’ and breathed a sigh of relief. Turning her back to the still staring goths she picked up. “Hey, what’s up? I thought you were dead or something.”

“WHERE ARE YOU?”

Reflexively she yanked the phone away from her ear. Gingerly she placed it back. “I’m visiting someone. Why?”

“Because I need your frickin’ help. ADDRESS?” he did not sound like the laidback Mysterion she’d come to know and secretly like.

“Magnolia lane 44,” she replied quickly.

“Stay. There,” He growled before hanging up on her. Dumbfounded she stared at her cell.

“If you’re fighting with your boyfriend-” the one with the dyed hair started.

“Quiet. She was talking about R’Lyeh,” the youngest of the bunch snapped, glaring at his friend.

Jane swallowed. “I was wondering what you knew about R’Lyeh… and Cthulhu?”

The four goths exchanged glances, before Henrietta leaned back in her seat and lit a new cigarette. Placing it in her fancy holder she took a slow drag. “Cthulhu was a fucking disappointment.” The other three nodded in agreement, though the youngest seemed the most unhappy with the statement. “We thought he’d bring a reign of darkness and despair and take out those Hot Topic stores. Instead all he did was burn some Whole Food stores to the ground while taking orders from-”

“Wait, wait. You’re telling me you saw Cthulhu?” Jane interrupted.

The one sitting nearest to her flipped his hair away from his eyes. “We did. Fucking lame. The conformists had it all over television and everything. The real question is, why is someone like you asking?”

She’d always assumed that those particular images had been somehow fabricated. She hesitated, before gesturing to the chest that she’d placed the cookies on. “May I?” Henrietta gave a quick nod and Jane sat down. “I’m trying to help a friend. And… well, me. I’m not asking you to believe me, but I woke up kind of funny this morning.”

“You mean you don’t always look like that?” the tallest quipped, before being punched in the arm by the younger one. “Fine, I’ll let her talk.”

Jane sent a cool and hopefully dignified glare his way, before holding up her cell. She handed it to the guy with the dyed hair. “When I woke up this morning, I was covered in blood, mud and there was creepy writing all over my sheets. And I’m not in the habit of doing that. I took pictures.”

They passed the cell around, contemplating it while dragging on their cigarettes. The papers scattered around them were forgotten, as was a bottle of strong-smelling liquor. “It’s strange,” Henrietta allowed, before rolling her eyes. “Okay, fine, we recognize the writing. We were in the Cult once.”

“Cult?”

“Cult of Cthulhu, duh. There was one in town a few years back. We were members, though they didn’t take us seriously because we were the youngest,” Henrietta stared at Jane, her dark make-up contrasting starkly with her skin. “We ditched after we saw what a fucking loser way they had of dealing with things. But that looks like R’Lyehian. If we still cared about that, I’d say you’re one of the Dreamers.”

Jane’s widened eyes told them they had to further explain. The guy with the perm took over. “It’s widely believed that people who are mentally unstable, artists or anything of the sort, are people who can hear Cthulhu dream. So, if you spent last night drawing with blood and mud, I’m betting on you hearing him.”

“Did you just call me crazy?” Jane asked as the door opened. The goths groaned loudly as light from the hallway poured inside the dimly lit, smoky room.

“I brought hot coco! Oh, and there’s a young man here to see his friend,” the mother announced brightly. Before Jane could say anything, Kenny stormed inside the room, grabbed her by the arm and started to drag her out.

“K-Kenny? What are you doing? Wait!” Jane protested as he walked her down the hallway. She tried to hold her ground, leaning back until her heels dragged up the carpet underneath her. “Kenneth McCormick, stop behaving like a caveman this instant! I will not be treated like this!”

He stopped dragging her. As she sighed a breath of relief he suddenly picked her up, swinging her over his shoulder. “I need your help.”

“Kenneth!” Jane shouted, thumping her fists on his lower back. Or at least she tried, but going down the stairs meant a lot of bouncing and she feared he might let go of her. “What do you need help with? I swear if you don’t put me down this instant!” Above her she heard the mother of the house say something about young love. Well, if this was his idea of romance, he had another few things coming.

Once they were outside he bent forward. Relieved her feet found solid ground. As she straightened Kenny placed his hands on her shoulders, eyes wide in panic. “Karen’s having her first fucking period and I didn’t know who else could bloody well help me.” He took a deep breath, a pained pause in the middle. “She’s hurting, Jane, and I don’t know how to help her.”

Jane closed her eyes. She should’ve guessed only his little sister could make him go ballistic like that. “I’ll help.” She got in the car, a rusty old pick-up truck. Kenny admitted to taking the keys from his parents, who were out doing who knew what. The car creaked dangerously, but Kenny seemed to know what he was doing, even if they were driving at a very high speed. “Stop at that grocery store,” she said before glancing to her side. “You look a bit different today.”

He groaned. “Died again yesterday. I think I’m almost sixteen right now.”

“Oh… how- maybe I shouldn’t ask.”

“No, it’s cool. It shows you give half a fuck. After the party yesterday I slipped on some stones and broke my neck,” he glanced at her, for a moment bitter amusement replacing panic as he parked the car. “It’s been a pain all day.”

She slipped out of the car. “Wait here. I’m getting girl supplies.”

|Kenny|

His fingers drummed on the steering wheel as he waited for Jane to come back from the shop. Turning on the radio he found nothing but Jesus doing a talk-show, his old teacher Garrison denying he’d ever run in any elections and, for some inexplicable reason, Cartman trying to drum up more fans for the Coon. Another moment he might have gloated a little bit about the last, but now he didn’t have the focus for it.  
He checked the time on his Mysterion cell. Fifteen minutes had passed since he’d left the house. Not bad for someone who’d just spent his afternoon passing through puberty, but not fucking good enough. When Karen had come to him with a pale face, apologizing, he’d known what a period was, no thanks sex ed. You couldn’t be the town slut without running into a few red rivers, but those had all been with girls who took care of any pain themselves. Kenny had never entered into the picture as a consoling party in case of pain, though he’d been chased off by women in pain more than once.  
Knowing the mechanics behind something didn’t mean you were an expert on it. 

So he’d called the one woman he knew who he could trust with his kid sister. Speak of the devil, there she came out of the store, holding a big grocery bag. She practically jumped in the seat next to him. He’d hit the gas before she even had the seatbelt in. “So, how is it Mysterion calls me and you’re the one showing up?”

 _Burn my balls in hell, think moron!_ “I ran outside and went looking for you. I ran into Mysterion on the way and asked him for help.”

“You did?”

“He looks out for my sister,” Kenny said truthfully. “And I guessed he could contact you. You mention him a lot.” _Turn left, without scraping paint of that car that’s parked so idiotically._ He couldn’t glance aside to see if she bought the lie. If there was going to be a big unmasking, he’d rather not have it happen while he was driving. He’d actually rather not have it happening, period.  
She remained quiet, rearranging groceries. “What did you buy?” he asked as they finally made it to the street where his house was.

“Chocolate, chocolate milk, tampons, pads, a bottle of Chocolate Baileys, hot packs, magazines, a stuffed rabbit,” she rattled off as she continued to rummage in the bag.

“Baileys?”

“Sometimes it really hurts and all you can do is get a bit tipsy,” she stated with what he supposed was to be dignity. “Besides, alcohol thins the blood. That’s what the school nurse in my old school told me.”

Who was he to argue with the wisdom of women? He doubted a bottle of Baileys would succeed in turning Karen into an alcoholic, considering a childhood with his parents hadn’t done it. They pulled up at the driveway. He practically jumped out of his seat, leaving Jane to get out of the car herself. He heard her door slam shut behind him as he opened the front door. The damn thing tried to remain shut on him, something that was quickly fixed with some applied force.

“Big bro?” Karen asked from the sofa, curled up in a blanket and looking positively miserable.

“I brought the cavalry,” he said with a forced smile. “Jane here can tell you everything you need to know.”

Jane nodded, appearing from behind him. “Hi Karen. Can you show me to the bathroom?”

His little sister nodded and got out of the sofa, blanket trailing behind her. The two disappeared direction bathroom and Kenny was left in the living room on his own, twiddling his thumbs. He plopped down on the vacated sofa and started switching through channels. He stopped at a rerun of a tacky old show, Hate and Divorce, letting it play in the background. He felt guilty on leaving Karen alone while she was in pain, but it wasn’t like he’d known what to do. Were they supposed to be in the bathroom for that long? Was something horribly wrong with his baby sister? He watched as one of the main characters fell out of a window without injuries. If he could ever trip without dying, he’d probably die again out of sheer joy. _Okay Ken, let’s stray out of morbid thought territory, gotta look out for your sister man._

“If it keeps hurting, you should come to my place. I’ll get the family doctor to look you over. Though it’s normal to feel a bit of discomfort.” He heard Jane explain as they walked closer to the living room.

“You okay?” he asked.

Karen nodded. “Yeah. Jane explained it to me. It’s still kind of disgusting, but it won’t kill me.”

Jane grinned, pulling a bottle of chocolate milk out of her shopping bag. “And now for phase two of ‘Saving Karen’, pampering your sister. You’d better get some warm chocolate ready.”

He caught the bottle of chocolate milk in mid-air and disappeared into the kitchen. He listened to the sound of his sister tentatively telling a story as he filled three mugs with the milk and popped them in the microwave. Once they were heated he reappeared in the living room, handing over two of the mugs. Jane pulled out her bottle of Baileys. “And this is just a little bit to ease the pain. I think all three of us have deserved this.”

He noted how Karen had shared the blanket with Jane, a gesture that was surprising for his shy sibling. He sat down and soon found his sister snuggled in his lap, nursing her hot chocolate. Jane scooted closer to make sharing the blanket easier. He looked over at her. “So… what do I do now?”

She smiled from over the rim of her cup. “Keep her comfy. Not that it’s hard for you. You’re the best big brother I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s true!” Karen exclaimed, eyes big. “You think so too, Jane?”

Jane nodded, her eyes meeting Kenny’s. She glanced quickly back into her mug. Had she thought about the almost kiss too? He coughed and handed the remote over to his sister, who was singing his praises in between wondering if period cramps would get her out of homework.  
The three of them worked through a bag of chocolates and as night fell his sister started to visibly feel better. Kenny wasn’t sure if it was the splash of alcohol or the amount of attention two people lavished on her that did it. He did make sure to keep her between him and Jane. They ended up watching a chick flick - lots of singing, dancing and impossible romantic gestures - and before he knew it he was immersed in the story line. When he looked to the side during commercials, he found Karen had laid her head against Jane, who was sleeping with her head propped against her hand. She had looked terribly tired when he picked her up. He hadn’t asked her yet if she’d really been in R’Lyeh. She would probably have mentioned something though, right?  
He turned his attention back to the movie. Once that was over he’d wake her up and drive her home. His sister wiggled tighter in her small spot, jostling Jane without waking her up.

He closed his eyes, just for a few seconds, thinking how lucky he was to have met her that first school day.


	15. Dance With Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mysterion sees something he shouldn't and Jane gets frustrated with John.
> 
> Beta'd now by the lovely K74, who will now have to put up with my exceptionally poor use of commas and the occasional pronoun slip-up. They're amazing, because beta readers are what makes the fanfic world go round.
> 
> For those worried about my foot, it is still attached to my body and hurts like hell on special occasions. If you ever consider skipping five steps of the stairs with your eyes closed, don't. I'm also happy to hear the Baileys tip helped at least one person ^^  
> Also I am loving the comments and loving the kudos <3 I hope everyone has a very nice Easter holiday <3

So, consider morality in his case. Kenny already was pretty sure he was going to hell. In fact, he was banking on it. Heaven was dull. Almost deadly so, only he was pretty sure that once you ended up there it was the end of the line forever. He got why Jesus had come back to earth. He guessed any kind of drug abuse, alcohol and the shameless sleeping around outweighed any good he did as Mysterion. This status quo did not help his current predicament.

He’d come to the Moltz residence with a simple thought in mind; ask Jane why she’d gone to the goths. A part of him knew, but he needed details before trying to persuade her to drop it. A simple in and out deal, perhaps a bit of heavy flirting. A lot of flirting because deep down he was a sadomasochist, and the pain of knowing he should hold back was sweet.  
What he had not expected to find as he climbed up in the tree was to see Jane involved in extremely private business. If he hadn’t taken a pause on his favorite branch he might have burst into her room while in action. As it was, he was frozen in his spot, eyes glued to her. Inside a battle raged between leaving her to enjoy herself and a very urgent need to burn every second, every movement, in his memory.

Jane’s back arched on her mattress, the blanket slowly dropping to the side. _Go, before she looks outside the window and sees you,_ a part of him urged. One of her hands trailed down her stomach, the night shirt already slid up to show that bare skin. If only that were his hand, trailing down on moonlit skin. Her mouth opened in a soft gasp, and Kenny imagined that was his name she breathed. _Leave, idiot._

But staying, staying held so much more for him. He couldn’t decide which hand to focus on, or if he should abandon those and focus solely on her face, expressive in little gasps. He placed a hand next to him, moving more to the side. Her head snapped to the side, her messed-up hair sprawled on the pillow. Her legs shook, the last of the blanket slipping away from her.  
Kenny’s fantasy took the reigns. Now it was him next to her, his hand gently rubbing that delicious wet spot between her legs as her own hands were twined in his hair, caressing his cheeks, scratching desperately at his back. His eyes greedily took in the rhythm she held, the way her legs pressed up ever so slightly. Her free hand held a breast, the nipple a mere suggestion at this distance. _He sank down his head to taste her breasts, the tip of his tongue teasing nipples as she sighed his name._ Suddenly she turned around, biting a finger as she seemed to reach a climax. Her breasts pressed against her mattress, her behind presented so terribly alluring for someone to rise up behind her and enter, to be one with her. _Her screams as he finished her foreplay, his hand in her thick hair, pulling slightly. To feel her clenching around him, to touch her slick skin as he came, breathing her scent, tasting her._

The branch he had been leaning on snapped underneath his hand. As gravity pulled at him, he wondered if this was karma. Because, hell, he’d gotten off cheap.

—————

If he had looked at her with more want than usual the days after, he didn’t even bother to find an excuse. Falling out of the tree had been unlucky, but it had been worth every bruise. It even had the added benefit of her being concerned, brushing the hair out of his eyes during lunch to see if he was feeling better.

“Poor thing,” she practically cooed, her fingers cool and gentle against him.

“It’s Kenny, he’ll bounce back,” Cartman commented, slurping on his chocolate milk. His eyes followed his ex-girlfriend with an unusual listless stare. “Look, prep, you haven’t forgotten your promise, right?”

“I haven’t,” Jane said slowly, brushing Kenny’s hair back in place. “Don’t worry Cartman, I’ll be there. Now, I’m going to eat my lunch with the girls, and I’ll see you,” a quick poke against Kenny’s cheek. “Later during break. I brought those papers for Karen.” He watched her walk away with a smile, leaning his head against his hand.

“When’s the wedding?” Stan asked casually.

“Kenny’s turning into a hopeless romantic, so I’m guessing either spring or fall,” Kyle answered just as casually.

“Guys,” Kenny groaned, turning his attention back to them.

“Oh, poor thing,” Kyle mimicked Jane, batting his eyelashes. “Man up and talk to her man. Ask her on a date before that John does it.”  
“Cause if he does, it’s going to be the end of the road for you,” Stan added, doing his part in the dynamic duo.

Grunting Kenny swiped his hood back up. No matter how much he liked Jane fawning over minor injuries, the guys had no business with that. “Cartman, what’s she going to do with you?”

The latter glanced around him, keeping an eye on the groups of girls in particular. “It’s genius, guys. Pure brilliance.”

Another scheme, wonderful. People would most likely end up either traumatized, hurt, lose their faith in humanity or, in Kenny’s case, end up very dead for a day. Sometimes he wondered if he just ended up being killed all the time because the universe didn’t want an entire town dead, courtesy of Cartman. With an exaggerated groan Kenny took his milk carton. “Just. Tell. Us.”

Cartman leaned over the table in a conspiring air. The only reason people weren’t trying to listen in was because everyone knew how this kind of thing usually ended. “Chicks love dancing. Kenny’s self-appointed nanny used to dance back wherever the fuck she lived. She teaches me, I swoop Heidi of her feet and she forgives me for my last mishap.”

“I wouldn’t call nearly killing all veterans in the surrounding states a ‘mishap’,” Kyle noted, though judging from the way he spoke he was relieved it was something as harmless as dancing.

“That’s… actually not even a bad idea…” Stan said slowly, eyes flickering to the table where the girls of their year had gathered. Their conversation seemed to include a magazine that was being passed around with loud hollering and choking on drinks as the current holder read the contents, whispering to them. It was obvious Stan’s attention was on his long-time flame. “Wendy’d probably love it if I finally did something that shows… ‘joie de vivre’, whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

“Joy for life,” Kenny translated, looking up when the other guys stared at him. He shrugged. “Chicks dig French. Most useful sentence is ‘voulez-vous coucher avec moi’.” He even had a few phrases of Italian up his sleeve, though most of those were reserved for ordering pizza. “And yeah, I think any girl around here would drop their panties if a guy can dance.”

So it happened that when Kenny arrived at Cartmans place for a quick check-up - Cartman alone with Jane was slightly less disastrous than Cartman alone with Wendy - he found pretty much every other guy in his grade present. Jane stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed over one another as she looked around her. They acknowledged each other with a quick smile before she turned to Cartman. “There’s a slightly larger turn-out than you told me about.”

“Which one of you asshats snitched?” Cartman demanded. Of course no one fessed up, leaving him to fume in the middle of the room. Only after a long tirade consisting mostly of body parts being inserted in places never intended to did he leave to the kitchen, where he started to phone with someone.

“Uhm… well,” Jane started, before gesturing to Butters, who was standing to the side as if trying to sink into the decor. “There’s a bit too many of you all to teach one on one, so maybe I’ll just give a few pointers. Butters, could you join me?” The hapless blond drew nearer as Jane moved closer. They were almost off a height, which was probably one of the reasons Jane had chosen them. “Okay, so I’ll be doing the men’s steps. Butters, you’re the girl. Well, Marjorine is the girl I should say.”

Butters / Marjorine gave a faint smile before Jane placed a hand on their hip, pulling them closer. As Cartman rejoined Jane put a foot forward, forcing Marjorine to follow her example, placing their foot back. “As the man, you lead. Which means you need to keep an eye out for other people dancing.” Another step forward, faster this time. “You move forward, the woman moves back. Marjorine, feel free to hold onto my shoulder more.”  
Two more steps before they took a sudden turn. “You don’t pull at the girl. Be confident and indicate the turn.” She demonstrated again, Marjorine giving a squeal at the sharp turn. The doorbell rang and Cartman’s mom appeared to open it. “Good! Look at my feet guys. As the music plays you’re close, so your partner can feel your body language.”

Jane’s dark eyes flashed by as she guided Marjorine through a few more of the basic steps. “Practice in place,” Jane ordered them, swooping by with an equally terrified and elated Marjorine.

“Jane, dear, perhaps you should give them a more appropriate view of what to strive for,” a voice came from the front door. Fearing the worst, Kenny turned around. John was standing in the entrance, a lazy smile showcasing his white teeth. “Hope you don’t mind the intrusion fellas, Eric asked for my assistance.” John tossed a USB-stick through the air. “Play this, would you, Eric?”

Jane let go of Marjorine, though she didn’t seem very happy to see her former dance partner. “John, it’s just an introduction class. They’re not aspiring to compete in any finals.”

“You’ve tried telling them what to do, now let me show them how to dance with a woman,” John corrected. Kenny felt the urge to knock those perfectly white teeth loose. It increased when John placed his hands on her hips, pulling her close. “Let’s do it like old times.”

“Keep it simple,” she warned him.

The music started and it soon became apparent that John had no intention of keeping it simple. Kenny hardly knew the first thing about ballroom dancing, but he guessed Jane made a fair few attempts at dumbing things down for a beginner class. John however would have none of it, forcing her in tight circles and large swoops. Halfway through more than half the guys decided that this was one skill that asked more effort than it was worth. As John let go of Jane she side-stepped away, nose up in the air. “That was not nice, John.”

“If you think you can do better, why don’t you take Eric for a spin?” John asked, pointing to his intended victim. The latter had resorted to sitting on the sofa with a scowl on his face.

“I don’t feel like making a spectacle out of myself. This was supposed to be a private lesson, not the opening to some cheesy dance show,” Cartman complained. “I called you to solve things, not make it worse.”

“You’re not interested in dancing with Jane?” John asked, as if this surprised him.

Cartman looked exasperated. “I was interested in a private lesson. Not in opening the first dance academy in South Park.”

“If it’s that important that somebody dances with Jane, I’ll do it,” Kenny hadn’t even realized the sentence had been forming in his head before he spoke it. At John’s questioning look, Kenny clarified himself. “I thought her explanation was pretty fuckin’ great for a hick town.”

John smiled, gesturing to Jane. “That wasn’t the issue Kenneth, but if you insist…”

Kenny glared at John before pulling his hoodie back up. He didn’t need John to see his probably big-ass blush as he held Jane’s hands. Actually he didn’t need anyone to see that. So he walked to Jane, looking more confident than he actually felt. He had no problem jumping over rooftops in the middle of the night so why was walking to Jane while others were watching so hard? Probably because if he tripped over his own feet and broke his neck, nobody would remember. He wouldn’t be that lucky in this situation, since Jane was watching.

He didn’t miss the glare Jane sent to John as she assumed her position, placing one hand on his shoulder and lifting the other so he could take it. Her fingers were light as a feather on his shoulder and sent sparks all the way down to his knees. He’d danced with girls before, it wasn’t that hard. You shuffled your feet around a bit and that was it. It wasn’t fucking brain surgery.

But it sure felt like that, he thought as he lifted his hand and took hers in it. His hoodie covered most of his line of sight to the sides, which meant he only had to focus on Jane. 

She smiled up at him, a remnant of displeasure still in her eyes. “You know you don’t have to, right?”

“I know,” he mumbled from in between teeth clenched in a nervous smile. “Just a few steps to shut him up and then we’re outta here.” Someone started the music again and Kenny hesitantly took the step forward like Jane had instructed. Huh, that seemed easy enough. He took another one and was surprised to find that Jane did manage to follow his steps perfectly, even though they were hesitant. Some of the guys that had stayed in the room applauded and Kenny glanced up. Stan threw a thumbs-up his way, though Kenny suspected that was for different reasons than stellar dancing.

He stepped on the inside of Jane’s foot and panicked. Her fingers tightened on his shoulder as she kept the smile on her face. “I’ve had worse, Kenny. Just keep going.”

Easy for her to say. Because he had one hand on her waist - which was warm and soft and squishy - and he was holding her other hand - which was also warm and small and he didn’t want to let go - and he could look into her eyes as they moved - which just succeeded in getting him plain hot and very aware that people were watching them. It didn’t help that she kept a closeness to his body, so he could feel the heat radiating from her to him. He almost wished for some freak accident to get him out of this situation. When that didn’t happen he finally stopped moving.

Jane looked at him in surprise and seemed to be about to say something. Instead he turned around, holding onto her left hand as he moved toward the door.

“Kenneth?” John asked behind him.

“I’m getting food!” he growled behind him.

“Could you leave Jane here?” John asked with a hint of mirth.

“She’s treating me!” Kenny shouted back before he slammed the door shut behind them. John already had a poor opinion of him, so he didn’t really doubt he’d fall for this schmooze. He kept walking, putting both his hands in his pockets. That this meant one of Jane’s hands was also mashed in there was honestly an added bonus.

“Uhm… Kenny? You okay?” Jane asked from next to him. She sounded a little bit concerned, which was probably pretty logical. He had just practically dragged her out of a room.

Letting go of her hand he kicked a small patch of snow in front of him. “John irritates me, ‘s all.” A half-truth. He probably would have been able to tolerate John just fine in different circumstances, considering he was able to put up with the whole of South Park on a daily basis. It was just the guy should be keeping his hands off Jane. That part he didn’t mention, since it would likely result in Jane not understanding his petulance on the subject. Sometimes he wished that Butters had never mentioned him and Tammy in one sentence.

She shrugged. “He can be a bit much. I think he’s just doing it because he’s used to being in the spotlight during tournaments. I don’t remember him being this pushy.”

“Yeah well, your explanation was great and he should have stayed out of it,” Kenny muttered, keeping his head low as he continued to kick the patch of snow. Suddenly his foot slipped on the ice and he lost his balance. 

Jane grabbed him by the arm before he completely fell down. “It’s not worth dying over,” she said with the barest hint of a smile. “Especially not when I’m around.” She helped him get back to his feet and she glanced away. “Thanks for sticking up for me back there. I know I didn’t say much, but it did mean a lot to me.”

Kenny gulped for air. His chivalric gesture had worked? It hadn’t come over as hopelessly possessive and clumsy? Suspiciously he checked the air for incoming meteors; something this good could never last. “I… it was… well it was something. As in, I don’t want to call doing you a favor ‘nothing’ so… I’m going to shut up now.”

She linked her arm through his, cuddling closer to him. In their flight from Cartman’s home she hadn’t had the time to grab her jacket. “I feel like having a coffee. You feel like coming along? My treat.”

“I didn’t actually mean that just now,” he mumbled.

“Well, I mean it. Can’t a girl get her savior a cup of coffee to say thanks?”

For once in his life, Kenny didn’t have the necessary pervertedness to conjure up any physical acts that he’d gladly receive in exchange for rescuing her. Because right now Jane had her arm linked through his and they were walking to a coffee shop together. If that was all he could ask for in this moment, it was still pretty sweet.

… besides, he could be more forward as Mysterion either way.


	16. The Christmas Episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jane and Kenny do some breaking and entering. Don't worry, it's all for the plot.
> 
> This morning I was woken up by people I sent a resume to. I had to do a job interview on the phone while I was still half-asleep. That's the kind of person I am.
> 
> K74 continues to suffer for your reading pleasure, seeing as how they have to deal with my terrible comma work. They're wonderful that way <3
> 
> As always, your comments give me life while your kudos water my crops <3

The barest hint of fresh snow brushed by Kenny as he waited for Jane, hands tucked in his Mysterion suit. It was dark out, well past nine in the evening and on Christmas eve. Normally he would have stayed home to make sure his sister wouldn’t be exposed to too much drugs, alcohol or people he knew were pedophiles. Christmas cheer at the McCormick household tended to be special that way. But this year his sister had gotten an invitation from one of her friends, a girl Kenny had seen on occasion and seemed to be the right sort. He’d said that if she went he’d probably go celebrate with Jane. His sister had smiled at that, a little sister smile that seemed to say she knew his secret and it was okay. Thankfully there had been no words to go with the smile; he couldn’t lie to his sister and he preferred to avoid the subject.

As if a Christmas miracle, Jane had texted Mysterion to ask for help. She asked to meet him on the road to her house, a solid hundred meters further. When he’d passed the house it had every bit the air of a place where people were having a good time. He judged this by the amount of people that moved in front of lit windows, smoke pouring out of the chimney and a group of strangers that had waddled out as he passed by. They’d all been busy keeping one another upright, singing something he couldn’t quite make out. The tune was off and the words were garbled, but he assumed it was probably a very mangled carol.  
He debated taking out a cigarette to pass the waiting. Probably better if he didn’t; he hadn’t smoked around Jane as Mysterion and that made it one less tie between Mysterion and Kenny. Instead he stamped his feet and adjusted his hood. After that he went around the pockets on his utility belt, checking for light flares, very illegal but oh so useful little fire crackers, the police baton and his small handgun. He’d debated on bringing the latter or not before deciding that just like condoms, it was better to have one and not need it than vice versa.

Jane appeared at least, a little later than they’d agreed upon. She looked flushed, duffled in a fluffy dark red coat. She pulled away the brown scarf from her mouth to greet him. “Mysterion! Merry Christmas!”

“Same to you,” he replied, taking care to keep his voice gruff. “You ready to go?”

She nodded. “Sorry it got so late. I couldn’t sneak out easily. Dad’s having a party for his colleagues.” They moved on the road towards Mephesto’s home slash super secret lab that couldn’t have been hidden worse. “I don’t think we’re going to have to worry about Mephesto or Kevin going home anytime soon. They were hogging the karaoke all evening like they’re going through every single song.”

“How are you so sure we’re going to find something at his house?”

Jane hesitated as if deciding how much she should be telling him. “It’s got to do with one of my friends. I overheard my dad talking with John and I just want to check it out. There are files missing, so all we need to do is find out which ones and leave. Just in and out, no harm done, right?”

Kenny chuckled. “Breaking and entering is illegal. Good thing you have me with you though.”

Jane nodded with a determined look on her face. They made some smalltalk on their way through the snow, more falling in light batches. It wasn’t far on a sunny day, but in the middle of the night it felt like eternity. Finally they saw the large house, illuminated by that odd flash of lightning that always seemed to strike when someone approached. Kenny paused for a second, knowing there was little defense outside of the place; he and his friends had burst in on several enough occasions to know that much was safe.  
He found the spare key under a mutated garden gnome next to the door. Opening the door, he let Jane step inside first, checking behind him before following. He stopped her from flicking on the light switch. “It’s better if we don’t give anyone a reason to suspect someone was here.”

“We need to find his computer, I guess. Or a storage place if it was paper files that got stolen.” His companion glanced around nervously, drawing closer to him.

“Follow me,” he said, moving to the stairs leading down. Finding the lab was easy and security was laughable. Kenny suspected Kevin’s presence was enough reason for that; the man-creature seemed like a good reason for not having elaborate defenses around. He’d just trip them. That it shared the same name as his good for nothing brother didn’t bother him much anymore. The lab itself was dimly lit by tesla coils and other sciency looking gimmicks that sparked and zoomed at regular intervals. He wondered how much of it was actually functional.

“What are those things?” Jane asked.

He followed her gaze and saw the creatures Mephesto worked on. He released a deep sigh. “Mephesto likes creating things that have a lot of butts.” Why did South Park have to be this fucked up? He supposed it could be worse. It could have been man-eating creatures that had a lot of butts.

“Fascinating,” Jane commented dryly. “I’ll get working on the computer, you can look through the file cabinets if you want?”

|Jane|

The division of tasks had been simple. To her relief the computer was on standby. When the screen brightened she saw that there were several programs running in the background, making calculations and drawing up complicated tables. One of them was named “6-butt probability drive”.

She shook her head silently. Better not to dwell on the why of the situation, really. Instead she went to look at the recently accessed programs. A lot of it was useless. Some of them seemed to be audio recordings, others were named in such a complicated way she doubted any of them were useful. She kept scrolling. From the conversation she’d accidentally overheard from John talking over the phone the day prior she knew it had to be very recent. Mephesto obviously hadn’t noticed or else there would have been some kind of investigation. Or not, considering this was South Park.

She felt hot in her coat now, but kept it on. If they had to run for some reason she didn’t want to leave it behind. Apart from her scrolling and clicking on the computer the only other sound was Mysterion opening and closing cabinets.

There. A file named ‘Eric Cartman’ had been accessed three days earlier. Strange that the doctor would have a file on Cartman. She inspected the map to find that the last action had been ‘copy and paste’. She had no doubt that that would have been to an USB drive.

“Mysterion, what do you know about Eric Cartman?” Jane asked behind her as she opened the file. It started with the basic information such as age, blood type and address. Out of curiosity she opened the file location and ended up in a directory that seemed to comprise the entirety of South Park.

Mysterion leaned over her and scanned the screen. He moved the cursor back to Cartman’s file with a frown. “A lot, not much of it actually nice. Is this the file that was copied?”

“It’s the only one that was accessed recently,” Jane told him, reading over the file. It was very detailed, though some of the mentioned details were a tad strange. What ties did Mephesto have with ‘the other NAMBLA’ and why had Cartman been considered?

“You don’t want to know,” Mysterion assured her. “What did John say exactly on the phone?”

Jane folded her hands in her lap and swallowed. She didn’t really want to believe that John was up to no good, but things were strange to say the least. “Something about needing to be sure it was the right person, and being relieved the file mentioned so many strange circumstances surrounding the catalyst. And there was something about what he called a conduit, but I didn’t hear enough details to be sure.”

“Cartman’s strange, I’ll give him that much,” Mysterion grunted as the screen showed Cartman’s family tree. His direct parentage seemed rather… muddled. “So, they knew Mephesto has these files on pretty much everyone in town, broke in and copied Cartman’s file, but only Cartman. Which means they’re pretty sure he’s the one they’re looking for and I might be saying they, but who is they?”

Jane shrugged, staring at the screen miserably. Outside lightning struck again, drawing harsh lines on Mysterion’s face as he stared at the screen. It was strange, but sometimes she did feel like she knew him. He seemed familiar sometimes, though for the life of her she couldn’t say why. Maybe it was the eyes. He noticed her looking at him and grinned. “Liking what you see?”

She scoffed and turned away. Yes, she did like him. Just like she liked Kenny. She’d been struggling with that for a while now. “Anything else we can look into while we’re here?” she deflected the question, eyes scanning the room. The monkey in the cage was observing her. Mysterion shook his head. Jane turned her eyes to some creepy green, man-sized containers at the other side of the room. “I wonder why my dad befriended Mephesto. They’re nowhere near in the same research area but he’s been over at our house quite a bit recently.” And her father hadn’t exactly seemed enthusiastic about the other researcher’s more far-fetched plans. For a moment she’d thought that Kevin-creature he had with him might be Kenny’s brother, but there had been no indication of anything like that.

Mysterion hit print on the computer, clearly not seeing the connection either. The file on Eric Cartman was over fifty pages long, and a lot of the print seemed to be in regard to felonies. Jane pushed her USB in a free port and set the computer to copying the town files as well.“Are you planning on arresting Cartman?”

“His mom would just come bail him out- or he’d get one of the guards to cut him loose, the bastard.” Mysterion sounded very tired as he spoke, indicating that perhaps, somewhere in the past, he had tried to get Cartman punished. Or perhaps had been in the background hoping for it to happen. “He’s… messed up.”

Jane agreed, even though she hadn’t had much contact with him. “He might be in danger though. Should we tell him?”

“I’ll handle it.”

The printer stopped its rattling - for a lab that seemed hypermodern nearing sci fi territory it was really old - and they crouched to gather the paper. In the same instance she pulled her USB out of the computer. Before they could get back up someone opened the door they’d used to enter. “Is someone in here?” The voice sounded as if it belonged to someone their age. Jane looked at Mysterion in a panic. 

He motioned her to be quiet and stay low. “There’s another door at the back. Stay low and follow my lead.”

Jane followed after him as the person near the door warned intruders to come up now since he’d called the police. As they crossed the last few meters the light flickered on, tl-lights buzzing menacingly. “STOP THERE!”

Mysterion grabbed her hand and dragged her along, bursting through the door. The narrow staircase behind it caught her by surprise but she managed to scramble up it nonetheless. When they reached the next floor their pursuer burst through the door below and trundled up the stairs as well. Mysterion seemed to know the way, or guessed extremely well, as they moved through rooms and doors in an irregular pattern. When their pursuer seemed to have lost them for a second he dragged her in a different direction. “Wasn’t that his son?” she panted. “I recognize his voice from the party.”

“Idiot probably forgot something at home,” Mysterion barked back, voice hoarse in exertion. “C’mon.”

 

A dog barked in the distance and Mysterion cursed. “Knowing this house, that ain’t no normal dog. We’re almost at the exit so keep up.”

They thundered down a flight of stairs and Jane finally recognized the area they were in. All seemed to be going well. They finally hit the level ground and started to run to the big double doors. Behind them a dog howled, as suddenly a different dog burst from an adjacent room, slipping to a standstill in front of the way out. Mysterion stopped her run and dragged her away in a different direction, but not before she got a good glimpse of the dog first. Drool slavered from between his teeth, the nose pulling up the skin in angry wrinkles. To her horror she saw that it had three eyes, the third one hidden in folds of skin on its forehead. Its claws were dark and larger than average, muscles quivering in anticipation of a hunt. At least she didn’t get a glance at its backside.

Mysterion didn’t bother being quiet about slamming the door shut behind them, locking the room. Looking around her Jane saw they were in a study, much like the one her father had. A large window dominated the room, granting them a view on a Christmas Eve where snow had started to fall heavily outside. Mysterion ignored the baying at the door and strode to the desk in the middle of the room. He pulled back the chair and lifted it, weighing it in his hands. “This should do.”

“What are you going to do with that?” Jane asked.

“Getting us a new route.” He broke out in a half-run, carrying the chair as well as he could, before bringing it up and pushing it away from him. The rich brown leather shone in the dim lighting of the room before it made contact with the large window. Glass shattered in a deafening crash, splinters flying outward in the snow. “Careful you don’t get cut outside,” he warned her before moving to the window still.

“Was that necessary?”

“I think they like the dog better than a window. Though who can guess with those mutts.”

Jane followed after him through the window, careful not to cut herself on the window frame. That didn’t take away the fact that during their stumbling steps a big, snow-covered shard somehow managed to fly up and hit her in the back of her leg. She cried out in sudden pain at the piercing sensation but could still run, if somewhat shambling. Mysterion cursed as he looked behind them and saw a trail of bright red blood on the snow. The falling snow wasn’t covering it quite quickly enough. Before she could say anything he pushed the print-out in her hands and lifted her up. He moved through the snow slower than if they’d run separately, but the trail of blood behind them wasn’t as pronounced.

“I can run for myself,” she protested.

“Shut up,” he told her, panting and concentrating on not slipping in the snow. “Not the. First time. I ran away. From a crime scene.”

Running became easier once they reached the woods, where the trees had caught most of the snow in their evergreen branches. Behind them the hounds continued to bay, although none of them seemed to be coming closer to where they were. It was another few minutes when Mysterion put her down in order to catch his breath. He leaned with one hand against the tree, his breath ragged and hard.

Jane put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“’M fine,” he coughed. “Your leg?”

“Sore, but I think I’ll be fine,” she said slowly. In truth it stung madly and she didn’t think she’d be running any marathons soon. 

“Antiseptic and bandages,” her masked companion ordered.

Snow slowly trickled from the trees around them, belying what had amounted to a storm out in the area around Mephesto’s house. Jane looked at Mysterion as he caught his breath again. His shoulder was warm underneath her hand, the muscle moving up and down in time his breaths. The question mark on top of his mask started to bob slower as he recovered. “Thanks for just now.”

He coughed, turning around to face her. “Don’t mention it. Can’t let my favorite sidekick get caught.”

His smile, though tired, came easily and teasing. Something about it made her feel warm and tingly inside. “Do you have other sidekicks then?”

“The costume may be a Batman rip-off, but I don’t hoard orphans if that’s what you’re asking. Nah, it’s just you.” The last sentence came out almost like a caress, as if he quite liked having her around. His voice was less gruff than usually and for a moment he sounded painfully familiar.

She leaned closer to him, getting the weight of her injured leg. They probably should get moving soon, but something about his eyes was mesmerizing. The bright blue didn’t quite manage to look like ice among the snow. There was something in them too warm to be frozen. “Well, I’m quite honored to be your one and only.”

He’d looked a bit flushed thanks to the running and the cold, but her words sent his cheeks to resemble a bright flare. “Well, if you put it like that… I uh… it’s mostly…” The sudden bashfulness was adorable, coming from someone who obviously was working very hard to maintain a deep and gruff voice while feeling very embarrassed. “You’re rather important to me. I like doing you favors. And well… this isn’t the place for this kind of stuff.”

“Seems pretty good to me,” Jane whispered and leaned up. Mysterion didn’t move away but only watched as she got closer. She didn’t really know Mysterion, not yet, but she liked him and someday, she would see his face. Until then, what really was the harm in a kiss or two?  
So on Christmas Eve she pressed her lips against Mysterion’s, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him toward her. It took him a dazed second to catch on to the situation but after that he responded, hands wrapping around her waist and pulling her close. The cold of the snow was chased away soon as her heartbeat picked up. Mysterion tasted sweeter than she had expected, his lips cold as their noses bumped together. When he let go she grinned. “This seems like a pretty perfect place for this kind of stuff.”

He laughed, throaty and almost unbelieving, before he leaned down for a second kiss. “You’ll be the end of me,” he whispered.


	17. I Can Hear The Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I blatantly use lyrics from 'Hairspray', Kenny needs to learn to stop prying in his own affairs and Jane has a talk with one of the goth kids.
> 
> I have not heard from my dear proofreader this week, so I'm hoping nothing bad has happened to them. (please be alive)
> 
> Updates might slow down soon, since I really need to finish my master thesis / I'm starting on a job hunt. So I can guarantee an update for next week, and I'll update everyone on that day in regards to the next update.
> 
> Also, bear with me. You may be here for the romance, I am so here for the plot. My plot. I am a plot ho and not ashamed of it.

“You think he’s okay? You don’t think he’s getting high before coming to school?” Stan asked as he waved his hand in front of Kenny’s face. The blond was currently staring at the lunch table where all the girls were congregated. There was a decided glassy look in his blue eyes, as if he were mentally reliving an exceptionally wonderful moment in his life.

Kyle glanced at his usually girl-blind friend and pointed in the same direction Kenny was staring. “Call me crazy, but I’m guessing something happened with Jane. Something good, judging from the way Kenny is drooling.”

The latter finally stirred when he realized people were talking about him. “Guys, what’s up?”

“You tell us, I don’t think you blinked in the last five minutes,” Kyle chuckled as he finished the last bit of his lunch. “Did anything special happen during our precious winter break? Something to do with a girl?”

Kenny at once shot up, face flushed while he jammed the straw of his milk box in his mouth. “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he spat around the straw. He at once regretted having draped his parka around the chair instead of having kept it on. Matters didn’t improve when Jane moved towards their table, waving at Kenny. He felt his blush creep all the way to his ears.  
It was ridiculous, really. He was the biggest casanova in town. People came to him for pick-up tips. Every girl whispered about him, scandalized but also slightly thrilled. So why was he so unbalanced by one… two… several kisses which had been quite chaste?

Jane placed her hands on the table, leaning forward and looking straight at Kenny. Every sane thought evacuated the premises, replaced by hallucinations which consisted mostly of an endless Sunday morning, pancakes and sex. When she smiled he thought his heart might give out. “You wanted to ask me something?”

“I-uh…” She looked really happy. Was she thinking about the kiss too? “About the Nascar races I told you about… I got tickets. So if you want, we can go check it out.” He tried to place his elbow on the table in an attempt to suavely lean on the table, but missed and ended up suddenly ducking under the table.

“I’d love to. I’m just going to grab my backpack and we can walk to class together,” Jane said as Kenny grappled his way back above the table.

The other guys grinned at each other around the table. “Real s-s-s-smooth, K-k-kenny,” Timmy said, barely catching his breath while laughing.

Kenny ran a hand through his hair, glaring at everyone in his vicinity. The guys chuckled and winked at one another. Kenny stood up and grabbed his parka, planning on putting it back on. Jane came back and suddenly Kenny had to fight back a dopey grin. After all, Mysterion had been the one kissing Jane. Still, that didn’t take away that Kenny now knew exactly what it felt like. She punched him on the upper arm with a smile. “You’ve been looking real pleased lately. That happy about Nascar?”

 _“I can hear the bells,”_ Kyle sang in a terribly off-key tune as he appeared next to them.

“What bells?” Kenny asked, looking around him in confusion. It was still a few minutes before the bell would ring.

 _“Well, don’t you hear them chime?”_ Stan asked in a more regular tone, linking one arm through Kenny’s.

“Did you guys drink a bad soda or something?” Kenny asked as it looked like more of the guys seemed to fall prey to the sudden invisible bell madness.

 _“Round one, he asks her on a date,”_ Timmy chimed in as he watched them walk away.

“It’s something between friends, you’re all exaggerating,” Kenny protested. He glared at the others while Jane just observed them with an oblivious smile.

“I think I know this song,” Jane said, trying to remember where she’d heard it.

Butters ran past, singing along with the others. _“Round two, he’ll primp but won’t be late!”_

“I don’t primp!” Kenny shouted after Butters.

“Oh, now I remember!” Jane shouted suddenly next to him. “It’s from Hairspray.”

“No, no, Jane, not you too!”

 _“Round three’s when we kiss inside his car, won’t go all the way but I’ll go pretty fa-ar!”_ Jane joined in the song. The words pretty much nearly killed Kenny, who at once had to violently stop himself from imagining what ‘pretty far’ would entail.

“We have a chemistry class, you fucking degenerates!” Kenny shouted as he strode off. “Stop singing in the hallway and get to class.”

“My my, young McCormick has finally decided to buckle up and enjoy his education. You other youths would do well to follow this prime example!” their chemistry teacher shouted down the hallway where the others followed behind the fleeing Kenny.

————

Their chemistry class went pretty smoothly, and Kenny had for some reason scored major points for his earlier outburst in the hallway. He met Jane after classes were done, his backpack slung over his shoulder as he leaned casually against her locker. “How was your vacation?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Oh well,” she started, looking down at the ground as she shuffled her feet. “It was nice.”

“Do something interesting?” he pressed on. Knowing exactly what she had been up to somehow only made it more fun to tease her about it.

Jane determinedly buried her head in her locked, obviously pretending that she was looking for something important. “It was a vacation Kenny. Y’know, Christmas, snow, a ton of homework to do. You said something about Nascar earlier?”

Kenny nodded, even though Jane couldn’t see with her head ducked inside the locker. He pulled back the locker lid, looking at a Mysterion cut-out that had not been there before they had their winter break. And yes, he had kept a religious check on what appeared there, since if he had learned one thing, it was that girls were very rigorous about locker upkeep. “I got the tickets for this Wednesday, we only have half a day of class then.”  
It wasn’t his most flattering picture, really. Perhaps he ought to slip her a better one.

She popped out of the locker, smiling at him. “Oh, that sounds wonderful. It’s a date then… or what do you usually call them? A social event?”

“Shut up,” he grinned back.

“I can’t help it if my best friend is an idiot.”

Yeah well, she had kissed this idiot. So who was laughing now?

—————————————

On Tuesday, Jane went out for coffee. This was special for two reasons. One, the other girls hadn’t tagged along with her. And two, she’d gone out of her way to get an inconspicuous outfit for the occasion. Since this outfit had been puzzled together from various crime series and teen detective novels, it consisted of a trench coat, worn over her school clothes, and a pair of oversized sunglasses. The only reason that it was termed as inconspicuous was that this was South Park, where the general perception was lower than zero. Well, some people did happen to be more perceptive.

“Look, I know you’re the chick that crashed our poetry reading,” Michael said as he plunked down her coffee in front of her. The dark liquid in the white mug shook back and forth threateningly. “And that outfit is way too obvious.”

Jane sighed, taking off her sunglasses. The goth looked strange without his little earring or mostly black outfit. If anything, the red bandana and matching apron seemed to somehow make him seem more otherworldly than any amount of black ever could have. “You’re the first one to comment on it.”

“I have actual working brain cells, instead of happy bells lulling me into a conformist sleep,” he replied with a glare. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to talk. I couldn’t find any of the others, except for your youngest friend and he seems… intense.”

“Well, I’m not interested in talking.”

The barrista goth stalked away with large steps, ignoring two tables waiting for their order and heading into the back room. Jane sighed and sipped her coffee. She wanted more info on the Cult and Mysterion hadn’t exactly flat out refused to give her more info, but he was so reluctant about it. It felt like pulling teeth from a live crocodile. Kenny had long ago made his feelings clear on the subject. And no matter how well along she and the other girls got, she was reluctant to discuss this with them.  
Michael - his goth name escaped her, if he even had one - came back from the staff room. For the coming hour, he ignored her so studiously he might as well have stared straight at her. Jane ended up ordering another coffee, and after that a hot chocolate, just to switch it up. Rolling her shoulders, she slipped off the trench coat.

Messing around on her cellphone she found the bar had included a new, ‘hip’, feature; costumers could add songs to the playlist. She amused herself by adding songs like Barbie Girl, Call Me Maybe and any other that might annoy the goth into speaking with her. As time passed, his hands began to shake and his eye gave a few twitches. After he’d spilled a double latte, he stalked over to her table.  
“Stop messing with the playlist.”

“I was getting kind of tired. Listening to The Sound of Silence gets boring after a while,” she smiled so sweetly, cavities started to form at tables around her. “I mean, if only there was someone to talk to. Someone who would be willing to look at something for me.”

He stood at her table, dark brown eyes obviously torn between getting back his painfully constructed playlist - he’d found the perfect mix between blase, disillusionment and lowkey rebellion - and not having to interact with what he had termed ‘uptown Barbie’. “Can you do something about the sweater?”

Jane glanced down at her fuzzy pink sweater, which was warm and cozy, perfect for cold winter weather. “If you’ll concede to grabbing some food, I can make adjustments. I’d propose coffee, but any more caffeine and I won’t sleep for weeks. Consider the food payment for consulting with me.”

She didn’t exactly make him shake hands on it - though a pinkie swear was tempting, and extremely cruel - and they agreed to meet at the Village Inn, which was rather out of the way for her. She’d slid into a red-leather booth and taken off the offending pink sweater, stripping down to a dark brown shirt. By the time she’d ordered a burger, Michael arrived, looking done with the world. He’d taken the time to put on a darker outfit, tapping his cane carefully with every step he took.  
The waitress, who looked equally done with the world, and especially with him, slid him a cup of coffee without asking.

“I take it you’re a regular,” Jane observed.

He rested his head against his hand, glaring at her from the other side of the booth. “I hate you.”

“That’s no way to talk to someone who’ll be buying your dinner,” she replied, a forced smile on her lips. She needed information and she would get it. No matter how much he’d try to goad her.

“That isn’t even real black, is it?”

“Dark brown.”

“…”

Jane leaned back when the waitress returned. As the woman left, she started to pop fries in her mouth. With her free hand she rummaged through her backpack, pulling out the file she had on Cartman. “I needed to ask your opinion on this.”

She slid over the paper. Michael held up a hand, motioning for silence. Then he took three large gulps of his coffee, looking a fraction less dead when he was done. He reached over the table and grabbed the files. His face was expressionless, apart from his eyebrow quirking every once in a while. Jane waited, quickly devouring half the burger. It seemed that undercover spy missions made her hungry. “Don’t you want any food?” she asked once the worst of her hunger had passed.

Michael waved a hand in the air, a non-committal gesture that showcased his black nail polish. Seeing as how he hadn’t been wearing any in the cafe, it meant he had taken out the time to redo it before their meeting. “I ate at work.” Draining the last of his first mug of coffee, he raised his hand in signal of another one. The waitress came over, grumbling and refilling his mug before moving away again. He watched the waitress walk away, before tapping the file she’d brought. “What do you need with Cartman, of all people?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” she replied, finishing her few sparse lettuce leaves. “Because I don’t even know who’s looking for him, exactly. Well, I know who, I just don’t know what kind of group or… or association they belong to.”

“Or what cult?” Michael suggested, his voice low. “You came to us because you had a dream about R’Lyeh, right?” He watched as she nodded. Then he took a deep breath and another swig of coffee. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this to a conformist, but you came to us first. So, I’m going to connect a line for you here, and I want you to really consider it. Think about this carefully. What if the people who are after Cartman belong to the Cult of Cthulhu?”

Indignation flared up in her. “John would never-”

“I said, think about it!” he snapped back at her.

Jane sank back in her seat, dipping a fry in the last of her ketchup. Petulantly she twisted it back and forth. “He’s my friend. He may be a bit hard to get along with, especially these days, but that doesn’t mean he’s working in a cult.”

The goth groaned. “Of course he’d have to be a friend. Look, I know one thing from my time in the Cult. It’s a family business. It’s almost impossible to get in without a prior invitation, and those tend to come from family and very, very close friends. The only reason we got in at the time was because Cthulhu was actually walking the earth. So, bad news for you. If that friend of yours is in the Cult, there will be others.” For a moment he leaned back in his seat, looking wary. “Hasn’t he approached you about this?”

Jane shook her head. “John has never told me anything about a cult, or having business with people in South Park.”

“Then I’d be doubly careful of him. If he hasn’t invited you, it means he does not trust you.” Michael’s mouth pulled in a grimace. “Me and my friends got in during a special time, so we managed to get out without too much of a hassle. In general, I’d say the only regular way out is in a coffin.”

“I thought you’d be all for that way,” Jane said with a smirk.

To her surprise he actually gave a half-smile back. “Only after I’ve gotten out of this conformist hick town.” He put his coffee mug away, which indicated to her that he was going to say something important. “Look, if that friend of yours is in the Cult, be careful. And if he’s looking for Cartman, for whatever reason, you keep out of it. Getting tangled up with the Cult is not worth it. Only Finkle actually enjoyed being in there.”

Jane tapped the table. How many mysteries could there rightfully be in South Park? How many strange things could be happening without them being related to one another? She remembered Kenny once being curious about the Cult. They’d had a fight about it when she asked questions, because he wanted to keep her out of it. She pushed her now empty plate away from her, staring off into the distance. “I don’t suppose you ever heard about the Cult looking for a conduit? Or having something to do with Kevin McCormick disappearing?”

Her sudden ally scratched his nose. “They’re nasty. So if you can think off a bad thing, there’s a more than reasonable chance they’re willing to do it. Judging from the look on your face, I’m guessing you’re not planning on letting this go?”

She looked down at her hands. “A friend of mine has a condition, and it sounds like the Cult may be behind it. Or at least know more about it. So no, I’m not going to stay behind it.” But I am going to ask him about it one more time. And he’ll be telling me the truth, even if I have to sit on top of him to make him.

“And Cartman?” Michael asked slowly. “Not that I care for that prat, but do you have any plans to rescue his sorry ass?”

She blinked in surprise. “What makes you think I’d be able to save Cartman? I might give him a warning but I’m not a…” No, she wasn’t a superhero. Not by a long shot. But she knew someone who was working pretty hard to fit the bill. Someone who recently had been very keen on making her happy. “Look, I know you’re not particularly fond of me, but can I come to you and your friends when I find more info? I’m guessing you’re all going to be the most knowledgeable when it comes to creepy crawlies in the night.”

Michael patted down the front of his jacket, looking for a crumpled pack of cigarettes. When he’d found it he looked up, with what could almost be interpreted as indulgence. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever considered wearing more black?”


	18. The Plot Thickens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title is just my fancy way of calling this a plot chapter, with some fluff.
> 
> I have important news for everyone; due to academic life happening and my actual wish to graduate uni, the next update will happen on the first Friday of August. Hopefully after that we can return to a normal updating schedule.  
> Of course, if any of you are secretly millionaires who would love to support me while I write fanfics for the rest of my natural life, you're welcome to step forward. In lieu of that, I need a job and for that I need a degree.
> 
> ... adult life sucks kids, but you gotta make do with what you have.
> 
> If you're interested in seeing what I do on tumblr check out moonsenvoy there. If you'd like to chat on Twitter, add me @ReaderMaru, it might encourage me to be more active there.
> 
> Oh, and a slight note on asexuals (in regards to one of Kenny's thoughts) : it would actually still be normal for an ace to have porn, since having a sex drive does not equal sexual attraction, and the lack of sexual attraction doesn't mean people can't have a sex drive. But I'm assuming Kenny hasn't delved into the ace world that much, so let's be surprised he knows it's a thing!

I ran out of space to thank K74 for going over the chapter, so I'm doing it here <3 They're wonderful <3

Mysterion hopped on the balcony with a flair that suggested he’d done it more often. The fact that he had made him grin. A part of his brain still insisted on calling him a damned idiot, but that little voice was quickly drowned out by a flush of hormones. He tapped the window with a knuckle. Snow that had gathered on the wooden balcony near the window quivered and, with a slow reluctance, crumbled away.  
He didn’t have to wait long for Jane to open her window. She was already dressed in a pair of cream-colored pajamas, hair looking slightly messy. “Hi, Mysterion,” she said, before he leant down to kiss her.

Gods, he could kiss her now. Correction, he could kiss her and not have to fear she’d run shrieking from the weirdo in a discount Batman getup. The thought was enough to get him giddy. The sensation of her hand resting against his cheek, of her fingers against his bare skin, did all sorts of weird stuff with his stomach. He pulled back with a dopey smile he didn’t have to hide this time. “Hi, Jane.”

“You going to get in here, or would you prefer letting the snow get in my room?” she asked with the same kind of smile on her face.

Glancing around, Mysterion realized he was blocking the open window and moved. Instead of going back to the swiveling chair, he plopped backward on the bed. For now he could let go of the hardened vigilante persona and be a more laidback version of Mysterion. Jane’s room was way nicer to spend a cold evening in than, for example, wrapped in his cape and freezing on top of an abandoned warehouse.  
He picked up the book she’d been reading - ugh, he hated Absalom Absalom - and made a memo to ask her if he could peruse her essay for ‘inspiration’. She sat down next to him on the bed and to his infinite pleasure pressed a kiss against his cheek.

“How was your day?” she asked him.

“Pretty good,” he replied. For starters, tomorrow they’d be going to see NASCAR together and he was looking forward to the event. He couldn’t actually tell her he was looking forward to that date, but that was okay. He was just happy they’d get to spend some time together. “Got a new lead on a local drug gang. A few more days and the captain can arrest the lot of them.”

“You are being careful, aren’t you?” she asked with a worried look on her face. “You’re not exactly bulletproof.”

“I’m being as careful as necessary, babe,” he said truthfully. Sure, he took more risks than the average guy on the street. But since he got to actually spend more time with Jane recently, he made an effort to not die too much. “How was your day?”  
He’d noticed her sneaking out of school in a ridiculous trench coat. Kenny would have tried to see what she was up to, but the other guys had dragged him along to see a talk show special with Terrance and Philip. But there was no way Jane could get into trouble, since he was practically the only person in town who knew about the Cult and criminal activities, without being a part of those groups.

“I went to talk to… what do you call them? An informant of mine.”

“Look at you, having informants.” Mysterion grinned. Jane had taken to copying some of his lingo, and it was more than a bit endearing. It probably had to do with a sleepover or something like that.

Jane lay on her side next to him and slowly circled his chest with her index finger. He could have melted in her brown eyes as she observed him with a coy smile. “He told me something interesting. Remember when we got those files about Cartman?”

Alarm bells started ringing in his head, but he kept quiet about his feeling of unease. “Yeah.”

“Well, the person I talked to suggested that it might have something to do with the Cult of Cthulhu. And I know that you know about them.”

Fuck, fuck, triple fuck! After all the careful dancing around the subject, or the way he’d very nearly gotten in a few new fights about the subject, she still had found a link to the cult? Really? Just how cursed was his life? “I might have given that impression, yes.” He made sure to lie very still and not give away just how much he was freaking out about this development.

Jane tapped his nose and the exact sweetness of her smile told him he would be expected to do something. “So, I was thinking, maybe you could warn Cartman to be careful? I don’t think he’ll listen to me, but if the warning were to come from a certain handsome masked individual…”

Why would the cult want Cartman? Unless they knew he was the Coon. Cartman had really chummied up to Cthulhu last time the calamari had been around - though since meeting Jane he’d softened up a bit about not having been killed. Had the cult figured out that Cartman was the Coon? Were they planning on somehow using that ability to… burn his ass if he knew what the cult wanted. “Did your informant say anything else about Cartman? A reason as to why they’d want the idiot?”

Jane shook her head, and then her eyes flickered to the door. He would have missed the subtle movement, if he hadn’t been studying Jane’s face so intently. When she cleared her throat he knew something else was up, and it was way worse - for her, at least - than Cartman being in possible danger. “I… when we discussed the cult, I mentioned that I’d overheard John and… well… they said there’s a good chance John is in the cult and that he probably doesn’t trust me, since he never bothered discussing that little tidbit with me.”

Of course she’d be upset about mister pe- wait, hold up. John ‘Kenneth old sport’ Perfection was in the cult? It was almost too good to be true! Apart from making this a very real, tangible, if slightly infuriating source, it also meant that there was no way Jane would suddenly come to her senses and go back to her childhood friend. Kenny suspected that, if he took care to examine that train of thought, he would find something to be very wrong with this priorities. Therefore he shoved any thought that considered deeper introspection way down and instead focused on his girlfriend’s distress.  
Jane had at this point laid her head down on his shoulder, making it the perfect height for him to press a kiss on the top of her head. “It’ll be fine. I’ll keep an eye on John and Cartman, and it’ll be over before you know it.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’m going to be doing extra hours to take that worry away for you. So no more fretting over those two assholes. They’re not worthy of your time.”

Jane raised herself up on one arm and swung the other over his chest. Now she was lying half over him, peering at him with a grim expression. “You’re not allowed to get yourself killed.”

“Understood.”

“Or hurt.”

“I’ll try.”

“Getting horribly maimed is definitely out of the question.”

“Tch, that’s like my favorite hobby.”

“Keep that hobby away from your face. We both know that’s the only reason I’m with you,” she said the last part with a short tap on the mask keeping said asset hidden from prying eyes.

“Oh, if only you knew,” he grinned. Now he could laugh about the situation, but there were moments, mostly moments late at night or early in the morning, where he’d be going through scenarios in which Jane found out his identity. The optimistic ones involved her declaring she didn’t care, before they trotted off in the sunset, seated on a white horse. The more realistic options included her screaming at him, and several small objects being thrown at him. He did not like those scenarios at all.  
“Any interesting plans tomorrow?” he asked. He really should not be prying about her plans with other men who happened to be himself, but he just couldn’t help it. It was nice to hear her comment on how nice he was, how he was her best friend, how she appreciated having him around and couldn’t keep her eyes off his ass.

Fine, she’d never said that last part. He still had good hopes.

“I am going to my first Nascar race tomorrow,” she announced with a happy chirp. “I have no idea how I’ll feel about it, but I’m going with my best friend and therefore the day shall be magnificent nonetheless.”

See, everybody should have a chance to talk with their lover about themselves like this. Never mind that it was incredibly complicated, messy and bound to end in tears. Kenny could’ve sung with joy at hearing Jane talk like this. Instead of singing he magicked a scowl on his features. “Do I have to be concerned? Need me to show up and be the dominant male?”

Jane very delicately nipped at his lip, swinging a leg over his waist so she could sit on top of him. “Leave Kenny alone. He’s my bestie in this town, and I’ll kick your ass if he gets hurt.”

Said bestie let his hand casually wander up the back of her thigh, appreciating the feeling of a warm body seeping through his gloves. “Now what makes you think you’d win?”

Gently she placed a hand on his chest, and Kenny knew for a fact that she could now feel his heartbeat under her open palm. She lowered her head and spoke in his ear, warm lips gently brushing past sensitive skin. “Because you’d let me do anything I want to you.”

Amazing how fast he could dissolve in a puddle of nothing and achieve an almost painful erection at the same time. Kenny was no innocent, hadn’t been ever since he had been able to comprehend the mere concept of sex. And he’d gladly dived into that world, had enjoyed every second. When Jane talked like that, he wanted to introduce her to that world as well. Only she’d made one rule that had pretty much put a damper on half his ideas.

_He could do pretty much anything he wanted, but if they were going all the way then he was going to have to take off the mask._

Which was extremely unfair, and therefore completely in the line of expectations because the universe could not condone Kenny McCormick having everything he fucking wanted. Especially if it was fucking that he wanted.

But Jane kissed him then, and he stopped being frustrated about the rule. There was something extremely reassuring about the weight of her body resting on him, her thighs and knees pressing against his sides. Jane was soft and squeezable and very, very gently with him. He’d seldom had someone treat him so gently, in a way that was not meant to cause him any discomfort. It was… odd.

Not unpleasant, he mulled while being very enthusiastic about being kissed by the girl he had been obsessing about for months. But as her hand very gently caressed his cheek and felt the slight stubble there, he was caught off guard with the sweetness of her ministrations. It almost felt as if she was seducing him and not the other way around. Now that was something he would never complain about.

“Mysterion,” she whispered very slowly, very deliciously to him. “My dad’s out for work tonight, so if you wanted, we could watch a movie downstairs?”

_Fantasy checklist :_

_Jane : yes._  
Making out : yes.  
Dad not home : jackpot. 

He had officially died and gone to a fun heaven. There was no other way to describe it.

With a sense of euphoria he moved his hand higher up her thigh, until he could firmly cup her ass. Pulling her down, he raised his hips and made sure that she felt the hard on he’d been nursing for her, pushing against her in a way that went beyond suggestive. Jane gasped in his ear, her breath hot against him. Moving his hips against her slow and deliberate, he kissed her again. The heat coursed through his veins and he felt alive at long last. “Movie sounds great,” He didn’t have to work to get his voice hoarse. “We can go watch once we finish here.”

——————————————

Mysterion pulled the blanket more over Jane’s sleeping body. The first movie they’d watched had been a horror, which had been incredibly fun for him, since it meant Jane jumped in his lap at every twist and turn. The second one had been a run of the mill romance. He was slowly coming to the conclusion that these movies worked quickest in lulling her to sleep. Softly he kissed her temple, careful not to wake her.

It wasn’t completely correct of him to sneak around Jane’s house. As Kenny he would have been mortified to do so, but as Mysterion he often found his courage quicker. It wasn’t that getting killed would pose much of a problem, it just felt really awkward to sneak around your girlfriend’s home in search of incriminating evidence.

He went upstairs first, though he ignored Jane’s room. He’d been in there a few times now, and the most incriminating thing he’d found there was a newspaper clipping where a heart had been circled around his face. No, he was more interested in her father’s room, and John’s. Especially John’s.  
On his way he tried opening the door to her father’s bureau. It was locked. So it was true that mister Moltz did not like his daughter in there when he wasn’t home. Interesting, but hardly damning evidence. He continued to walk around, alert for any creak or crack that might indicate there was someone beside him on this floor. He appreciated Jane’s father’s style though; fancy plush carpet lining the hallway, a nice painting of a setting sun. Oak floor boards, though those probably had come with the house.

Ah, master bedroom. Big bed, bedside tables and quite a bit of a mess. He hadn’t really pegged the man of the house as a slob, but then again, he didn’t really know the guy. Hoping he wouldn’t find something too weird in the bedside table he started to rummage around. Results were disappointing. No guns or satanic knives, no amulets with glowing eyes or detailed instructions on how to sacrifice virgins. A few bottles of pills for insomnia, a notebook - which contained nothing that seemed very important, though pages had been ripped out - and a key. A key to the library?

He placed it back, for now. No knowing when Jane’s dad would pop back up, and the less that seemed out of place, the less questions would be asked. First he had to find John’s room and set fire to the bed. Okay, no, not the last part. A tad too vindictive for now. Maybe one day.

Kenny hardly recognized the room as inhabited. If there hadn’t been a half-opened trunk in the corner, he would have designated the room as hardly ever entered. Even the bed was made up so tightly, bed bugs wouldn’t be able to squeeze in between the sheets. “Damn John, I knew you were a freak, but this is too much.”  
As far as Kenny could see, there wasn’t even any porn hidden around, which in his books was just unnatural. Like, maybe if John had been asexual, then Kenny could have believed it. But the way he’d talked about Jane the other day had not exactly been kosjer. Maybe bordering on religiously fanatic, but that somehow made it worse.

The notions of religious fanatic, John and a connection to Jane floated around his head, looking for a brain cell to inflame with inspiration. There was something about those specific concepts… a link to be formed that could, perhaps, help him along… Kenny shook his head; he didn’t need to be thinking about Jane right now.

He took special care to rifle between the clothes in the suitcase, and snorted at the plain white briefs. It was as if everything about this guy had been tailored to be inconspicuous but not out of the ordinary. Nothing in the freaking nightstand, and the closet was completely empty. The only signs of anyone using the bathroom were a sad toothbrush and a nondescript black comb. Kenny turned around to survey the room. He’d seen other places like this before, in the past, though those had been a tad less creepily clean.

The room looked as if John was expecting to have to make a run for it any day now. One possible reason for that was that the fucker was indeed working with the cult. Kenny liked that option a lot less than he’d initially thought; Jane was close to this guy, which meant possible danger to her. She wouldn’t lie about having heard John talking about something strange on the phone. So, for now it was safe to assume the cult was after the Coon. He’d have to have a word with Cartman, and the only way of doing that was as Mysterion. Their friendship had taken more than its fair share of strain throughout the years. If Kenny McCormick started to talk nonsense about the cult…

But Cartman would listen to Mysterion, in a way. Sure, he’d huff and claim that it had nothing to do with him. He’d call Mysterion an idiot and a fraud, but as long as Cartman knew, he’d be paranoid. And a paranoid Cartman was a danger to everybody. Hell, maybe him and John would knock each other in the hospital. Wouldn’t that be something?


	19. Nascar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heh, this chapter is a week earlier than I promised. Oh well, better enjoy it, since I have a summer job for this month so I don't know when I'll be able to write. Updates will happen on a Friday, IF they happen.
> 
> This chapter, Mysterion talks to the Coon, and Kenny gets to take several people to Nascar, while Jane wonders how she should go from here. Also, mutual angsting about the other person because I will milk it for all it's worth.
> 
> If you wanna know more about my awful sense of humor, follow me on tumblr : moonsenvoy or follow me on Twitter @ReaderMaru I'm not as active on the latter, but I do tweet when I make an update for one of my stories.

The night was cold and especially unforgiving at two in the morning on a winter night. The freezing air brought out the stars even better and Mysterion glanced up for a few seconds. He adjusted the dark cape, protecting his mouth from the icy air stabbing his lungs with every breath he took. He was standing on the roof of a rundown, single-story building. A lonely lamp flickered on and off, bathing the sparkling snow in buttery light before the street was doused in darkness once more. Light. Dark. Light. Dark.

Cartman should be passing here by soon. It had taken a while to figure out how his frenemy moved about in his alter ego but he’d finally pinned it down to here. He’d pass along the warning and then try to keep an eye out for him as much as possible. He squatted, resting his arms on his thighs as the wind played with his cape.  
He did not like Jane having found out anything about the cult. Combined with that was that she’d found out something so strange. Who in their right mind would want Cartman, for anything? Ultimately it didn’t matter; the cult wanted Cartman, so Mysterion would be cockblocking their little plans as much as he could. Even if that meant babysitting Cartman himself.

He rubbed his hands in an effort to keep warm. After his chat with Cartman he needed to get some sleep. Leaving Jane’s home only a few hours earlier, he’d spent the time trying to track the now missing cult necklace. After his adventure with Jane in a box, he’d dropped it off at the police station, in the understanding that it would be safe there. But someone had stolen it, and only now had the chief of police seen fit to tell him.  
Problems and mysteries kept piling up around him. Kenny thought he’d go crazy again at one point if this kept up. Three things on his priority list for now; keep Cartman away from the cult, find that damned necklace and try to build a relationship with Jane. He had the creeping suspicion that somehow those three things were connected to each other.

A shadow moved below him; a flash of black, white and red. There was the clanging of a trash can and then a very clear ‘dang it’ spoken out loud. Cartman.  
Mysterion grabbed the rain pipe and slid down, something he’d never do from taller buildings. Landing on the ground with a thud, he turned around. Silver flashed by his head and he ducked. “Stop that.”

Another attempt at slicing him to ribbons. Mysterion darted back in a quick two-step, snow crunching underneath his boots. The lamp flickered on again, bathing him in buttery warm light. “I’m here to talk, Coon.”

“I don’t want to talk to you, asshole.”

Of course it was going to be like this. Because Cartman could never do something the Easy Way for other people, only the Fucking Hard Way. “It’s important.”

“Your mom’s important,” Cartman snapped back, though he kept a safe distance from Mysterion. They’d both gotten a good few punches in in the past and there was no doubt Cartman remembered the black eye he’d sported for two weeks after one particularly nasty fight. Mysterion on the other hand had died once from a nasty infection after having been scratched by those dirty claws, leading him to suspect Cartman rummaged through the garbage and didn’t bother cleaning up afterward.

Mysterion took a deep breath. _Doing it for Jane,_ he thought. _For Jane and against that bitch ass cult._ “The Cult’s after you, Coon.”

“What cult?”

“Grandma's United Bakeries. The Cult of Cthulhu, twat. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten about that squid,” Mysterion added in a tone that suggested he would gladly turn the Elder Being in a batch of fresh calamari.

The Coon started smiling, crossing his arms over one another. He leaned his weight on one leg as he thought back. “Oh yeah. Good times.”

Good times for him, maybe. Kenny had once again been confronted with just how different he was from his friends, how he just couldn’t win because someone had stacked the cards against him from the day he’d been born. And to add injury to insult, all he’d found out was that Mintberry fucking Crunch had been the one with a special destiny.

Cartman continued, this time frowning. “What do they want with me?”

Mysterion shrugged, forcing himself to stay in the moment. “Do I look like they sent me a greeting card, detailing their every plan? All I know is that they’re after you, and I don’t think it’s because they wanna throw you a fuckin’ party. Just… stay alert. Don’t get involved in strange business.”

“Like I’m gonna do what you tell me, loser,” Cartman snapped back, though he sounded thoughtful. Good, maybe he’d think twice before he started to meddle in things. Mysterion turned around as the street lamp flickered out once more; he’d fulfilled his promise. Now it was time to sleep.

—————————

“Earth to Kenny, wakey wakey,” Jane said as she waved a hand in front of Kenny’s face. He’d appeared at school, exhausted and dragging his feet, barely bothering to take a drag from his lit cigarette. Jane had taken the offending little roll and tossed it in the thrash, before guiding her friend through their day. When she’d asked what the matter was, he’d mumbled something about his part-time job.

“Unless there’s actual bacon to follow the waking, I’m not interested,” he groaned, face firmly plastered against his desk.

Jane sighed, snapping her fingers in front of Kenny’s nose. “No bacon, but there’s Nascar. Remember? We’re going today?”

With a snort he straightened, frowning at her. “Why didn’t you remind me earlier?”

Kyle approached from behind, leaning on Kenny’s back, his elbows planted on Kenny’s shoulders. “Cause we were still in class, duh. You’re lucky the teacher didn’t catch you sleeping, or you’d have gotten detention. Which would have ruined your… social outing.”

Stan appeared from the side, his backpack thunking on the desk, suggesting there was a load of books stashed in there. “Nobody would have wanted to disturb two friends on their special day to the tracks.”

Kenny didn’t like the grin on Stan’s face, and he suspected it was mirrored on Kyle’s face as well. You didn’t run around on rooftops in the dead of night without developing some Spidersense when it came to shenanigans. Running a hand through his hair, Kenny groaned. “What you are you two up to?”

“Nothing much,” Stan’s grin proclaimed him to be a liar.

“But Jane should have something for us,” Kyle replied from behind Kenny, holding out a hand to said classmate.

Jane lighted up as if just remembering something. “Oh right, I totally got your tickets. I wasn’t able to get seats next to ours, but these are pretty close.” She rummaged through her bag, and pulled out two tickets that looked suspiciously like the ones Kenny had in the glove compartment of his parents’ car. Jane continued, confirming his sudden fear. “Isn’t it nice of Stan and Kyle to come with us, Kenny?”

“Trust me, we wouldn’t want to miss prime entertainment like this for anything in the world,” Stan said with a smile, taking the tickets from Jane. “Not often you get to view an actual wreck from this close.”

Kenny had the creeping suspicion his friends were not talking about possible car crashes. Who needed enemies with friends like these? Wiggling his shoulders he freed himself from Kyle’s weight and stood up. Looking down at Jane - gosh, her smile was so pretty - he grabbed her by the elbow. Before any of them could protest, he’d guided her halfway through the classroom. “You got everything?” he asked.

“Yeah… shouldn’t we wait for the others though?” Jane asked, throwing a worried glance over her shoulder as Kenny firmly guided his totally-not-date toward the hallway.

“They wanna come gawk, they can get their own transportation,” he grumbled under his breath. Nascar and Jane together was mixing two of life’s best things together, and it had been enough to lift his tired spirits for a few blissful minutes. The last thing he wanted was to have his friends flanking them and making innuendo comments. He glanced at Jane, and wondered just how his life had gotten so messed up in the first place.  
Probably went wrong at birth. Of that much he was sure.

——

Stan and Kyle weren’t flanking them, but still Kenny was unhappy with the situation. It was worse. If they’d flanked the both of them, he’d only have had to listen to one of them whispering to him to finally make a move. Now…

“You guys doing okay back there?” Jane asked, turning in her spot to look at the two guys sitting behind the both of them.

Kenny rolled his eyes, though he refrained from prayer. For now. It would probably get worse. He just could never catch a break. He gave it half an hour tops before he was on his knees, praying for divine intervention in a way that would make his mother proud. His morose thoughts were interrupted by Jane, who shoved a corndog under his nose. “C’mon big guy, you’ve gotta keep up your strength.”

He pulled up the corner of his mouth in a smile, ignoring the momentary kissy noises coming from directly behind him. “Thanks Jane. Having fun so far?”

She nodded, taking a sip from her coke as she glanced down at the track. “It hasn’t started yet, but I’m curious. You love it after all.” Dark eyes landed on him, and he almost dropped the corndog. “Thanks for asking me with you, Kenny.”

“I- uh- well… you know…” _How exactly, a voice inside him asked, do you get so many chicks if this is your best line? Just genuinely curious over here._ “Just thought I’d share a hobby with you. I hope you like it.” This seemed to be a good thing to answer, since Jane smiled sweetly before turning around to ask Stan something. Kenny shifted in his seat, trying to keep warm in the chill. The snow had been shoveled away from the tracks, but all around him people were gratefully clasping their hands around warm food. More than a few didn’t neglect their cold beers either, but for now everyone was mostly concerned with staying warm. Well, almost everyone.

“Kyle, one more kissy sound and I’m asking them to fire up a kiss-cam and point it at you and Stan,” Kenny threatened, knowing full well that that sort of thing was usually reserved for baseball matches.

Kyle knew this too, since he leaned forward, his arms resting on his thighs. “Oh, I’m sooooo scared right now. It’s almost as if you’d be willing to ruin a good rep with your female friend.”

“This is payback, isn’t it?” Kenny asked, leaning back until his back was against Kyle’s legs “This is for the time when I made fun of your crushes.”

“Yeah, it is. Now I get why it was so fun for you,” Kyle admitted with a grin.

Kenny frowned instead, shaking his head. “You’re evil. You know you’re going to hell for this, right?”

“Nah, if I’m going to hell it’s for the stuff we did when we were kids,” Kyle said in a tone that was a tad too smug for Kenny’s liking. Especially since Kenny knew more about this stuff than he’d ever cared to know.

“It’s starting, Kenny!” Jane tugged at his arm from the side, forcing the guys to pay attention. They directed their attention to the pit where engines started revving. “Oh, look, it’s your favorite racer! I heard he had some upgrades made to his car since last season, he changed the model of his tires.”

Kenny blinked in surprise. “How’d you figure that out?”

Jane hesitated. “Well, it’s your hobby so I read up a bit during my free hours. I mean, I know we’re usually busy with other kinds of… research,” here Jane glanced back at their two friends behind them, making sure they couldn’t hear, “but I thought it’d be nice if I knew something of what we were coming to see. Since you like it so much.”

‘I can hear the bells’ popped up in his head unbidden, and Kenny couldn’t keep a wide grin away from his face. “Oh, wow, you did that for me?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, you’d do the same for me, right?” Jane replied, fidgeting in her seat.

If she meant the hours he’d sunk into reading the girly magazines in the library, or the hours he’d spent on the internet looking at ballroom videos to get a sense of what her old hobbies had been like, then yeah. Though for the sake of his image, it probably was best to keep that under wraps for now. Instead he cleared his throat. “If the situation were to call for it, yeah. ‘Course.”

“So it’s not creeping you out?” she asked with a facial expression that betrayed her nervousness.

Only if she thought Kenny was creepy for doing the exact same thing. He subtly pinched himself in a reminder to keep Mysterion’s relationship with Jane separate from Kenny’s totally platonic friendship with her. “Nah, it’s cool. It shows you care.”

Eventually Stan and Kyle toned it down on their teasing, though they weren’t half as interested in the race as Kenny was. The slight bit of irritation he felt as them claiming Jane’s attention for small conversations faded by the sheer amount of fun everyone was having. Spending his time like this wasn’t half bad at all. Every once in a while he’d contribute a few words to the conversations, though his attention was still claimed by the cars below them.

Next to him, Jane shivered once as she rubbed her hands together. Without thinking, Kenny gently took one of her hands and put it in his parka pocket, together with his. The gesture felt natural - they’d been kissing and more recently, he could hold his girlfriend’s hand! - until he realized that he wasn’t Mysterion right now. “Just keepin’ your hand warm,” he muttered, aware of the slight Southern accent that slipped in his words.

“Hey Kenny, you’re looking a bit flushed there,” Stan giggled behind them.

“It’s cold here,” Kenny replied, trying very hard to make it seem like this was platonic handholding. Just good old fashioned, extremely platonic handholding. No romantic intentions here at all.

“Thanks, Ken doll,” Jane said, scooting closer to him.

Platonic, he reminded himself. Though it would have been damn nice if he didn’t have to keep that in mind all the time.

|Jane|

 _It’s just holding hands for warmth,_ Jane told herself, trying to focus on the race. Truth be told, she didn’t think it was that amazing, but Kenny just looked so happy being here. She’d go to a dozen more just to see him smile more. Which was a problem in and of itself. Because if she was serious about dating Mysterion, then she shouldn’t cozy up to someone else.

Provided she ever saw Mysterion’s face. That was an important of whatever they had going further. Kenny’s face on the other hand she knew well enough. She certainly spent enough time staring at it in classes. During a lull in the conversation she had with Stan behind her, she fished around in her pocket for her cell. Selecting Mysterion in her contact list, she started to type her message to him.

“What’cha doing?” Kenny asked, leaning in to see her cell screen.

Jane pressed it to her chest defensively. “Asking a friend if he can meet up tonight.” She pressed ‘send’ without looking, daring Kenny to ask more.

Instead he grinned and pulled up his parka hood. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to oblige.”

Knowing Mysterion, she didn’t doubt that. She also hoped that the vigilante would be able to tell her that he’d warned Cartman about the cult being after him. Cartman himself had looked like his ordinary self in class today, but that hardly meant a thing. During a math class she’d managed to glance over his shoulder once, only to see him drawing contraptions that looked like they belonged in concentration camps. He’d done it with a perfect poker face too.  
She hoped Mysterion had asked Cartman why the Cult would be interested in him. Her own lead, asking Kenny if his family had ever had anything to do with Cthulhu, had ended on a dead track when Kenny denied it.

Jane would find out though. Because Michael and the other goth kids seemed to think that the Cult had to do with Kenny, and it was the best lead she had. So Jane squeezed Kenny’s hand and ignored Stan and Kyle’s wolf whistles, and she made her plans on what to do from here on out.


	20. Eric Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cartman reveals he knows more than people think and Kenny is being angsty again. There is some added fluff, and next chapter will have a light sprinkling of smut. Because it's about damn time we get to some real sinning around here.
> 
> I'm going to be completely honest with all of you, all of your recent comments and kudos have brought me back! That and I finally found a job for the coming 6 months, so go me!  
> As always, you can find me on tumblr as MoonsEnvoy or on twitter as ReaderMaru. Feel free to talk to me on either, I will try to respond as soon as I can ^^ Also working on a fun page where I can put blog posts and analysis essays, so be on the lookout for that!
> 
> If you've played the South Park games, let me know if they're worthwhile, especially the battle system. 
> 
> To K74, my dear betareader, skype has deleted my address book again so I don't know if you're still alive and kicking or not. I hope you're doing well!

“Do you take constructive criticism?” Henrietta asked from the other side of the table. The young woman was on her third cup of coffee, ample bosom almost, but not quite, spilling from her laced bodice.

“Or just criticism?” Pete asked maliciously, flicking his partly dyed hair away from his eyes.

Jane groaned as she tried to shovel her second serving of ice cream inside her mouth as slowly as possible. For some reason the goth group got a little kick out of drinking free coffee in the roadside restaurant. Having no desires to be non-conformist, Jane attempted to make up for this by ordering - and paying - regularly. “What’s the criticism?”

“That sweater would look great with black leather. And let’s face it, if you’re going to continue chasing wild geese all over South Park, might as well commit to the image,” the goth girl said, swirling her cup around.

Jane let the comment slide, knowing all too well that they mostly ragged on her outfit because they needed something to complain about. All in all, she got the impression the goth group might not exactly love her, but they did like her enough to tolerate long sessions of ‘what’s Cthulhu’ and ‘how do I reverse a curse’. Taking another mouthful of nearly melted ice cream, she talked around the spoon. “We warned Cartman he’s in danger. Don’t know how useful that was though. He’s still as much of an ass as ever.”

As a response she got a shoulder shrug that was in perfect, eerie sync. “Have you tried talking to him yourself, instead of letting your boyfriend do it?”

“Not yet. I can’t really talk with Cartman without wanting to strangle him. He has this effect on people…” Jane trailed off, catching the angered look of the waitress as she walked by, before she pointedly ignored the table. Finally Jane shrugged too. “Oh well… guess it can’t hurt. Right?”

________________

It turned out that it did hurt, but only mentally.

“I already knooooooow someone is ‘after’ me. That dumbass Mysterion came whining about it a few nights back about how I should be watching my back and shit.” Cartman slammed the door of his locker. Something went rattling down inside, but Jane was wise enough not to ask what it had been. Knowing Cartman it could be anything from a tin can to an old man’s prosthetic leg. 

Instead she tried to grin and ended up grimacing. “I know he warned you, because I asked him to. Cartman, there might be a cult after you. Even in South Park that isn’t exactly a laughing matter. At least try to take this seriously. The things I’ve heard about these people-”

“Look, do I look like the kind of idiot that could get caught up with a cult? I might start one because it sounds like fun making fun of loonies, but I am not an idiot like the rest of you. The concern is touching, but no. Not interested. Go terrify Butters or something, he’s stupid enough to fall for this bullshit.” Cartman snapped, grabbing his backpack and stomping off.

Jane watched him walk away and resisted the urge to throw something after him. Worrying after Cartman was just so-

“Useless worrying about that ass,” a muffled voice said as an orange-clad arm wrapped around her. “Guess who, and the first two don’t count.”

Jane rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a grin. “Gee, who do I know that wears an orange parka, and smells like candy?”

The arm was removed and Kenny’s face appeared in her line of vision. “Wait, you know what I smell like?”

“Kind of hard not to notice when you’re draped all over me,” Jane said with a smirk, though something about what she’d just said niggled at her mind. If only she could put her finger on what it was.

The only reason she knew Kenny was rolling his eyes behind his hoodie was because of the exaggerated shoulder roll that came with it. “I’ll have you know people would kill to have me draped over them. What was up with Cartman? He looked almost more pissed off than usual.”

“I just told him to be careful because-” oh right, Kenny didn’t know that the cult might be after Cartman. “-the ice has been melting and the roads are really slippery.” Which sounded believable, if you squinted and looked at it from the sides. “Because I really care about the wellbeing of my classmates and even Cartman should be treated with a semblance of respect.”

There was a pointed silence from Kenny, after which he let out a short giggle. “Next time just tell me to mind my own business, Jane.”

Jane rolled her eyes, turning around to walk to their next class. “I’d forgotten that was an option, Kenny.”

He caught up with her quickly, giving her a quick nudge with his elbow. “Wanna grab a movie after school? I know the guy working the register, he can sneak us in.”

She smiled, and this time the frustration that she couldn’t go to after school dates with Mysterion was a bit more poignant. “Shouldn’t you take Tammy on a date? I’m worried she might get jealous.” Sometimes Jane felt as if she probably got to spend more time with her best friend than he did with his girlfriend.

“Uh, yeah,” Kenny drawled as if he’d just remembered his relationship. “Yeah, that movie wouldn’t…” he sighed suddenly. “You mind not talking about this?”

“Something wrong?” Jane asked, worried Kenny might be having problems.

“Not really. It’s complicated, but I’ll tell you. Soon.” Kenny didn’t sound very sure about it, but she nodded nonetheless.

“You can tell me to mind my own business too, you know.”

Another, softer nudge as their backpacks jostled together while they walked. “Yeah, I know.”

___________________________

How dare that bitch tell him to be careful? Eric dangled his legs over the ledge of the police building, looking at a few sparse cars driving past below. Two cops were standing in front of the building, leaning against their car. Steam circled above the mugs in their hands, and occasionally laughter would make its way up to where Eric was sitting.  
Leaning his head on his hands he stared at nothing, thinking about what he was supposed to do. Few people made the mistake of thinking he was stupid more than once, and he put every braincell to work on trying to make a decision.

It wasn’t hard to find out who the cultists were. As soon as Mysterion had told him the Cult was after him, he’d pulled out all the old files and newspaper clippings he could find. Kyle and Stan had been dumb enough to leave them lying around in his basement after they’d given up on their superhero alter egos. He’d found a few interesting names, including old McElroy and the McCormicks. The only experience Eric had with McElroy was when he’d found one of his mother’s ‘memory albums’ that contained pictures no boy should ever have to see of his mother… or father, if you kept Eric’s special situation in mind.

And the McCormicks… Eric hadn’t guessed Kenny’s folks to be part of any sort of cult. They were dumb, but the wrong kind of dumb. And he knew all about Kenny’s so-called ‘secret identity’, just like he knew about how Kenny got into all kinds of accidents. When he’d been younger he’d chalked it up to dreams or a hyperactive imagination. But it didn’t go away when he got older, and by then he’d found out the other complication. Nobody else in town remembered, even if it happened right in front of their noses.  
Of course he hadn’t mentioned any of this to Kenny. It wasn’t like Eric knew why he remembered. Even worse, Kenny might want to talk about his feelings, like they were chicks or something. Yuck.

Eric had put one and one together quickly, and this time even he couldn’t twist the facts to his liking. John belonged to the Cult. Of this Eric was certain; the necklace that nancy boy had made him get looked like Cthulhu on a hangover, and that wasn’t jewelry people wore as a fashion statement. Not that Eric was particularly worried about the Cult looking for him. He knew why they wanted to see him. He’d ridden Cthulhu like a horse when the Elder Being had breached into this world, and gotten it to do all sorts of stuff for him. Of course they’d see Cartman as a leader of sorts. John could’ve just come out and said this.

“Mysterion,” Eric said at the sound of a long cape flapping behind him, and he had to suppress a chuckle. He didn’t have the details of what was playing between Kenny and Jane, but he knew enough to think it was funny how Mysterion let himself be treated like a lapdog. “Here for another warning?”

“Only because I think you need another one. You’ve never been quick on the uptake,” Mysterion said from a safe distance.

Below them the cops finished their conversation and walked back inside the building. Eric watched them as they walked below him, listening to Mysterion telling him once again to be careful. “Maybe I don’t need to be careful, ever think of that? Maybe I want what the Cult wants.”

“I don’t think you have a clue what the Cult wants.”

“And you do?” Eric shot back. Mysterion had moved beside him, arms crossed while his cape flapped dramatically in the wind. “The only reason you’re investigating them is because your girlfriend ordered you to.”

Mysterion flinched, and Eric knew he’d gotten a bullseye. “I’m my own man, Coon. And I make sure civilians are not endangered.”

Eric chuckled, a low and dark sound in the chilly night. “Sure, sure. I’ll try to be nice and not get in either of your way when I’m leading the Cult. So get down on your knees and thank me.”

There was a grunt, and a hint of Southern drawl hidden so quickly it could have been a magician’s act. “Don’t come crying to me when you get what’s coming to you.”

“Careful, Mysterion. I could make your worst nightmares come true.”

“What could you know about my nightmares?”

“It’d be a shame if Jane were to find out who you really are,” And yes, there it was again. A flinch that Mysterion couldn’t hide.

“You’d have to know who I am before that happens,” Mysterion said, and this time the deep blue eyes weren’t watching the city, but focused on the Coon. “And you don’t.” A wrong statement, but Mysterion sounded as if he believed it.

Eric laughed this time, a real laugh. “Even if I don’t know, all I’ve gotta do is encourage some healthy curiosity. She’s got plenty of that, the little cat.”  
He felt the pain before registering the blow. A strong grip grabbed him by the collar, and he felt gravity pull at him as Mysterion just barely kept him from falling over the ledge. Looked like he’d touched a bit of a nerve there. “Don’t like the idea of curiosity killing your kitten?”

“Stay away from Jane,” Mysterion panted. Behind the black mask his eyes spoke of fury and possessiveness. “Lay one hand on her, and I’ll make you wish I dropped you here C… Coon.”

Eric smiled, even though his cheek smarted from the punch. They were right above a building filled with cops, but the two teenage boys could very well have been in the middle of nowhere. “You think the Cult is the only thing she’s looking for? You think she doesn’t want to know who’s hiding behind the mask? If she’s not looking now, it won’t be long before she starts. All you’re doing right now is living with a ticking time bomb, and you’ve willingly chained yourself to it.”

The fist holding him shook for a moment. “That. That is between us. We don’t need you involved.”

“The Symbol of South Park, scared to ‘fess up who he really is. Scared she’ll dump you once she knows?” Continuing to taunt an opponent like this was madness, but Eric knew roughly where the line was here. He danced near it, never quite toeing it. And it was fun, fun to know he was getting to someone else in this way. It had been easier when he was younger, because adults never truly believed a child could be malicious. And that had been what he had needed, an incubation period that allowed him to hone his skills, sharpen mental daggers without facing serious consequences.

Mysterion hauled him back over the ledge, pushing him away with enough force to send him staggering. But no extra blows came, nor any sharp remarks. Instead there was a slump in the lean shoulders, and a face that was unfamiliar in the harsh lighting. Mysterion glanced to Eric once more, and Eric knew he’d hit the jackpot with his last remark. And with the same certainty, he knew any further word from him would spark a new confrontation.

“Jane is off limits. To you, or anyone else.” When Eric remained silent, Mysterion scaled down the police building.

Eric didn’t bother checking where his former best friend was going. Right now, he wanted to see if the police had any records on Cult activity. And if he did have some free time later down the line… Jane really didn’t need much prodding into action. The graveyard schtick had shown she was easily drawn into a plan, and Mysterion could stand being taken down a notch.  
Yeah. That sounded like a plan.

________________

Listening to Cartman was stupid, Kenny tried to remind himself. Listening to Cartman once was a big part of why he was in this fucking mess in the first place. And though he knew, with the rational part of his mind, that he had more important things to focus on, right now the angsty teen part of his brain was in charge. And that demanded he sulk on the small balcony outside Jane’s room.

He sat with his legs dangling over the railing, his breath coming out in cold puffs at the late hour. He wasn’t concerned about falling; his tumble out of the tree on an earlier occasion had proven that as long as there was a blanket of snow, he’d walk away without too heavy an injury. If only he could walk away from his mental agonizing as quickly.  
“Cartman’s an ass. You know it. South Park knows it. So quit it,” he told himself, knowing that he’d start thinking about it again in a matter of minutes. He touched his bottle of cough syrup, uncapped it and drained the remainder. Stowing the bottle away in his belt again, he sighed deeply.

“You’re going to freeze out here,” Jane said behind him, the sliding door warning him beforehand that someone was approaching.

Kenny’s fingers were numb. How long had he been sitting out here? “I’m fine,” he reassured her, wiggling his toes to get the blood flowing again.  
Warm arms encircled him from behind, and she pressed her body against his back. Immediate heat seeped from her body to his, chasing the chilled feeling. Jane said something, but her voice was muffled in his cape. He knew what she’d asked. “I’m really fine. Nothing bad happened while I was out.” Well, he hadn’t encountered physical harm. For all the concern she showed about Kenny’s mental wellbeing, it had never occurred to her that Mysterion could encounter a mental harm on patrol. To be fair to her, up until today he hadn’t expected it either.

Jane squeezed his waist, moving her head so the cape stopped muffling her voice. “Come inside, Mysterion. You can brood where it’s warm too.”

“Ruins the aesthetic.”

“There’s only me to see, whether you’re perching here or in my chair. And I prefer you to be comfortable.”

He grinned at that. Mysterion or Kenny, there was no getting around Jane being nice. As long as she liked a person at least. He half-turned on his seat, swinging one arm over her head so he could hug her. Pressing a quick kiss against her forehead, he leaned against her. “Thanks babe.”

“Call me babe too often, and I’ll push you,” she said slowly, leaning back against him gently. The effect was entirely ruined by her grin and firm grip around his waist.

“Sure you will, babe,” he agreed with her. Jane kissed him, and this time the warmth of her lips tingled against his cold ones. It felt nice, as if he was a piece of ice thawing in the sun. At this rate there would be nothing of him left that didn’t completely belong to her. And so he melted against her, enjoying the feeling of being cherished.

“You’re getting inside, mister. You’re positively freezing,” she muttered against him before she kissed him again.

“Warm me up again?” he asked, nearly falling down when Jane pulled back. He only just managed to swing his legs over the railing, covering up his near miss with some cape flourishing.

Jane giggled, and curled a finger in a come here motion. “Ready when you are,” she promised, opening the door.

Well, it would be rude to decline an invitation. Even Kenny know that much.


	21. Loving Mysterion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This will be the last chapter of 2017, so you can consider this an early holiday present from me to you <3  
> Thank you for the support you've been giving me in the past months and I hope you'll stick by me until the story has ended.
> 
> As you've noticed, updates have been going a bit slowly. This has mostly to do with me having found a temp job (yay for me!) which requires a lot of commuting, which translates in way less time for my personal hobbies. I'm still alive, I'm doing fine, I've just become a wage slave and it'll take a while for me to get free time again. The sacrifices one makes for art (melodramatic sigh).
> 
> Popcorn360 was kind enough to proofread the first draft of this (sorry for putting you through hell <3). K74, I have not forgotten about you, but Skype hates me. If you have a tumblr or something I can still send you a link to the drafts, but if you don't want to proofread you don't have to <3
> 
> I wish all of you the best in the coming year. Take care of yourselves, be kind to yourselves and keep reading a lot. Work hard, but not too hard. Relax, but not too much of that either.   
> Don't be strangers, and keep letting writers know you love their work <3

Mysterion followed Jane into her room. She heard his boots as he stepped inside, and his low curse as he tried to take them off without tripping. He could be so clumsy sometimes.

Jane didn’t know why he had been sitting outside in such a morose mood. It happened, sometimes. Often he would talk about what had happened when they were lying next to each other on the bed, staring at the ceiling and holding hands. A bad guy that gotten away, the police that was giving him a hard time. But sometimes, he would just stare at nothing, as if he hardly even noticed her there. In those moments, she felt that it was somehow their relationship that was giving him a hard time. Even though she was the one left in the dark about her lover’s identity, he seemed to be most conflicted about it.

He moved to sit in her chair, but Jane grabbed his hand and tugged him over to the bed. Sitting down at the edge, it didn’t look like Mysterion was really over whatever was troubling him. Instead Jane sat on his lap facing him, her knees sinking into the mattress near his hips.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to pull it out of you?”

A deep sigh as his head rested against her shoulder. Jane knew she’d probably have a smear of dark from the greasy paint he used around his eyes to match the mask. She had never guessed that would be a part of dating Mysterion.

“I’m fucking shit up, and I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to stop myself.” His arms came to rest on her thighs, hands radiating cold on her hips. He still felt more like an ice statue than an actual person.

Jane rested her head atop his purple hood, rubbing his shoulders through the cape and underlying thick sweater. It wasn’t the first time she cursed the layers of clothing her boyfriend wore.

“Do you have to be so mysterious about everything?”

Jane felt the soft laughter in the crook of her neck, and warm breath briefly licking at her skin. “Mysterion’s gotta be mysterious.”

And that she didn’t like. Because she would dearly like to know just who it was sneaking inside her bedroom at odd hours of the day.

“Dummy,” she sighed, pulling back and looking into his beautiful dark blue eyes. If it hadn’t been for the fact that more than one person in this town had eyes in that shade — Kenny and Cartman both sprang to mind — Jane would have bet everything on finding Mysterion purely based on eye color. Seeing his lips draw in a pout, she kissed him lightly.

“You’ll find a solution. You always do.” His lips were cool, carrying that faint taste of fresh snow.

There was a short, raspy outburst in which Mysterion muttered “damn fool”, tangling his gloved fingers in her hair. There was nothing light or playful about his kiss. Jane was glad she was sitting, fearing her knees wouldn’t have been able to carry her weight. Mysterion tasted of smoke and candy, he had from their very first kiss. By now she knew his smell, the feel of him against her. As she pulled back he nipped at her bottom lip.

“Tease,” he whispered slowly, one hand trailing at the border of her pajama bottoms.

“I’m the tease?” she asked, pushing against his chest. Mysterion obediently sank down as her hands trailed from his shoulders to his stomach. “When you’re the one stopping me when I go too…” Her finger curled underneath his thick sweater, pulling it up slowly. “Far?”

She’d only revealed a strip of pale skin when he pulled the sweater down again with a groan. Her Mysterion. Her boyfriend who was fine with fooling around, but who was seemingly terrified she might figure out who he was. Jane leaned over him, resting on his chest with practiced ease.

“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be happy if we did more than kiss.” Because she couldn’t have ignored his hard-on if she wanted. And she was dying to have a feel.

At times she was close to waving goodbye to her original rule of _no funny business until I know who my boyfriend is_ , or _Operation Unmystify Mysterion_. So. Very. Close.

At least she wasn’t the only frustrated one; below her Mysterion groaned as he bit his thumb, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “Try exploding with happiness.”

Jane leaned forward, chest pressed against Mysterion and touching his shoulder. “What a shame-” she said between kisses pressed in the crook of his neck. “- that you have such a steely resolve.” Another kiss, and the taste of cold dissipated, replaced by the slight tang of salt skin. She scraped her teeth past Mysterion’s skin lightly, making sure he was paying attention. “I’m impressed, darling.”

Mysterion trembled underneath her, gloved hands pulling her abdomen down toward him. “…tease!” he breathed, trying to push against her.

She laughed against him, lips tracing past his jawline. “It’s why you want me.”

Mysterion was no longer freezing; his body radiated heat through the layers of clothing and his lips were warm and soft. Jane loved every second of it, curling her fingers in the dark sweater when his fingers threaded through her hair. He was panting, shivering underneath her.

“We… we gotta stop.”

“You’re kidding,” she groaned, lowering herself fully on him again, burying her face against his chest. His warm erection pressed against her stomach, hard and indicating Mysterion was as ready as she was. This was a special kind of torture. “I thought guys could get blue balls or something like that?”

“I’d rather have blue balls than-” Mysterion started, stopped to swallow once. “You don’t exactly make this easy.”

“Good,” Jane grumbled petulantly, knowing the feeling between her legs would only be resolved after Mysterion had left. She was getting tired of the solo act. “If I could just see any part of you…”

Mysterion’s hand had been drawing a slow circle between her shoulder blades, but he stopped. “Well…” he started, hesitantly, voice thick with need. “If you couldn’t see any part of me, that could also work.”

“I’m desperate enough to consider anything,” she groaned against his chest, cursing her fate. Just had to start something with the masked vigilante, didn’t she? Couldn’t settle pining for an unavailable guy. Sexual frustration was the obvious way to go.

One of his hands reached up to his hood, as if he wanted to scratch the back of his head. “Well… I could blindfold you. So you can’t see me. If that would be okay for you.”

His eyes remained locked on her as he made the proposal, and Jane saw him swallow deeply again. As far as kinky proposals went, she supposed this one was quite tame. And if being blindfolded meant she could get even an inch of clothing removed…

“Okay.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to fo— wait, what?”

“Blindfold me. That wouldn’t be breaking my rule, so I’m fine with it,” Jane replied, though suddenly her heart thudded in her chest. Until now it had all been kissing and maybe some light petting through their clothes, but if Mysterion was serious about his offer… “And if I happen to not like it,”

“I’ll stop. Right away,” he promised, raising himself up on his elbows. For a moment they stared at each other, nervous deer caught in a headlight. Then Jane giggled, and Mysterion did the same.

“You happen to have a blindfold on you?” she asked, peering at the utility belt that was never far away. She’d caught a few glances here and there of what he carried with him on a daily basis, but she’d yet to see something that could double as a blindfold.

“Turn around,” he ordered, smiling to compensate for the gruffness in his voice.

Jane obeyed, sitting in the center of the bed. The sudden tightness in her chest was not unfamiliar, but certainly more intense than usual.

“Don’t turn around,” he continued. “Not until I say so.”

She nodded, wetting her lips. Her knees sank into the mattress as she waited. Behind her, soft rustling announced that Mysterion was doing something. He pressed his face against her back, bringing his hands in front of her so she could she see the mask he was holding. The urge to turn around and see him became almost unbearable. Instead she dug her nails into the fabric of her pajama as he folded the broad mask double, creating a long strip of black fabric.

“Is this okay?” he asked, voice vibrating against her back.

“Yeah,” Jane replied, noticing how his hands were shaking ever so slightly. “Should do just fine. I think.”

The rough fabric was still warm from Mysterion’s skin. He gently tied the knot at the back of her head, trying his best not to get her hair tangled in the knot.

“I’m going to touch your cheek now,” he whispered almost reverently, his finger stroking her skin. No trace of ice left in those fingers — they sparked a fiery trail that sank into her skin, igniting a slow burning fire. Mysterion pressed himself against her back, hands pulling her close. His unclothed cheek brushed by hers. Blindly she sought his mouth, wanting to taste him again.

She touched his temple, tracing the smooth skin. Her fingers followed the line of his nose, the arch of his brow as the taste of candy pervaded her mouth. In turn he traced the blindfold, thumbs following the line of cloth.

She laughed in their kiss. “A step in the right direction, you with your mask off.”

“Yes,” he muttered. “Let’s not stop there.”

Jane turned, careful of where she put her hands. She managed to kiss Mysterion’s nose and at the same time, find the buttons keeping his cape in place. Snapping them, she heard the cape dropping down on the bed.

“That thing is always in the way,” she commented.

The _‘uh-huh’_ she got in reply told her Mysterion was getting into it. Their kisses turned heated and faster, his hands reaching underneath her pajama top. The off-white fabric was soft, but she preferred the rough feel of Mysterion’s now gloveless hands. Without warning he turned them around so she was on the bottom, letting him hover over her. When his thumbs reached the underside of her breasts he stopped, taking a sharp breath.

“You’re not wearing a bra?”

“I was getting ready for bed,” she remarked, squirming beneath him. “You can touch.” _Please, please finally touch me._

Part of her disliked not being able to see. Mostly she felt excitement, coiling slowly in her stomach as Mysterion caressed the skin on her stomach. She started to open the buttons on her shirt when his warm hands wrapped around her wrists.

“Gotta take it slow, babe. I want this to last a while.”

He opened the lowest three buttons first, his fingers caressing her skin as he slid them open slowly. The warm breath against her stomach gave her butterflies, until she squirmed in surprise at the first languid press of his lips against her skin. If Mysterion’s fingers sparked fire, his lips were the kindling to an inferno. He kissed the soft, pliable skin before slightly running his tongue across her.

Jane tangled her hands in his hair, enjoying the soft touch as Mysterion patiently explored every inch of her belly. His hands reached up for the fourth button, which would bring him pretty close to her breasts… but she didn’t think she really needed him to touch her there, not when she already felt like she could melt on the spot.

The brush of his thumbs on the underside of her breast wasn’t unexpected, unlike the shivers it added to the warm feeling. She touched his ears and continued to run her fingers through his hair.

“Mysterion…” she sighed, wanting to ask… _no, not now._ Not when they were having this moment together. But soon.

The fifth button opened, and a broad hand tenderly closed over her left breast. Jane gasped as his thumb rubbed over her nipple, gently teasing the nub into stiffening. Her breath wasn’t the only one hitching — his breath went ragged, warm against prickling skin. Jane wriggled, wanting to be closer to him, have him push against her. His tongue ran up to the underside of her breast, teasing her skin ever so gently. He stopped rolling the stiffened nipple and grabbed it between two fingers, giving a slow tug.

Jane wanted to kiss him. Tugging at his hair, Jane pulled him up and found his mouth, warm and wet. His hands stayed on her breasts. She couldn’t stop touching the skin at his temples, knowing the mask was gone. Jane didn’t know which of them was moaning.

“Gotta be quiet,” she mumbled against his ear. Her hands slipped up the front of his sweater. Mysterion was lean — not an ounce of fat on a frame that was almost too thin. Her nails dragged over his skin as she reached around to his shoulders, pulling him close again. His scent was painfully familiar, making her throb.

He nodded, panting against her. “Want me to bring a gag next time?” The accompanying chuckle rumbled against her.

Jane hooked one leg over his waist, pulling Mysterion close to her. A wonderful friction came now as their bodies rocked against one another. She never thought there could be this much want to be with another person, this much need to melt into him.

Mysterion’s rhythm changed, becoming faster as he kissed her neck, grazing his teeth past the skin. When Jane moaned he repeated the action, the graze turning into a bite at her shoulder. Jane dug her nails in his shoulders in return, a demand that he forever remained this close to her. In their shared heat her breath turned frantic, her hands mapping out his body. At this moment not being able to see didn’t matter anymore; touch had become the only way to explore Mysterion, taste the only way to really know him.

Tension bloomed in the pit of her stomach, but even that was wonderful because she recognized the feeling from her own fantasy sessions in the middle of the night. Soon the tension would turn into something else and she’d have to bite the pillows to keep from screaming. Only this time there was someone else with her, and though she wasn’t an expert, the ragged panting and fevered whispers of her name meant Mysterion was getting close, too. Curiosity drove her to reach down a hand, to feel him in her palm as he moaned against her.

Her fingers closed around him through the cloth of his pants and he spoke her name like a prayer against her mouth, the gritty affect in his voice giving way to what must be his natural timbre. The dry rut turned into new, heavy petting. With her hand wrapped clumsily against him, his own hand closed on her mound. If he felt the moist spot there, he didn’t comment. His only reaction was a sharp inhale before he rubbed against her, teasing her up to a new height.

Mysterion’s hips gave an abrupt little shake, and then he went quiet. “Fuck,” he whispered, one hand encircling the wrist of hers, wrapped around his still erect cock.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jane asked with rising panic. Maybe she’d pulled too hard, or squeezed too much.

“No… not at all. I just didn’t expect to… ah sheesh,” the grit in his voice fell away again, but Jane was too anxious to notice. “I came already.”

Jane let out a relieved laugh and, grabbing his sweater, pulled him closer again. “Good. That’s good. Now let’s do that again.”

__________

“Now let’s do that again,” Jane said as she pulled him closer. Kenny nodded, even though she couldn’t see it. And though he’d later curse himself for coming inside his pants, right now what mattered most was making sure Jane got something out of it too.

Kenny looked at his — at Mysterion’s, not his — girlfriend, her hair tousled and messy, her sleeping top pulled up and exposing perky breasts. One day they’d lose that perkiness, but he thought that wouldn’t matter one thing. He wanted to stay with her until the end, no matter when that would come in his case. He wanted… her. Wanted her with a need that could put any inferno to shame.

“Again,” he agreed, and Kenny would be true to this word. As the flat of his hand pressed against the mound of her sex, his fingers mimicking penetration through the cloth, rubbing along the opening without really going through with it. He wanted to see her eyes, know if they were open or closed behind the improved blindfold. By now her lips had formed a perfect little ‘o’, her pants becoming quick and uncoordinated. It wasn’t long before her hips rolled against his hand, begging for more. Kenny wanted to give her more, right up until she screamed his name. Jane’s nails dragged across his forearm as he tried to prolong the moment. As the first hint of a scream bubbled over her lips he offered his own hand to her. Teeth closed across his skin, biting as the scream bounced against his hand. The pricks of pain sent an interesting signal to his own groin.

She screamed for Mysterion as she came, muffled against his hand as he tried to prolong the peak for as long as he’d stalled it. He watched in fascination as her muscles relaxed until she lowered down in the bed, hands blindly grasping for him. Kenny accepted the kiss intended for Mysterion, and told himself it wasn’t exactly cheating.

Kenny really wanted to believe that.


	22. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys have Popcorn360 (I remember that as your AO3 nickname my dear Beta, if you prefer the Tumblr version just tell me and I'll change it) to thank for proofreading my chapters. They are amazing <3
> 
> I am in a different temp job now, looking for a job is terrible, looking for a creative job is like being in literal hell. On the other hand, writing is still fun when I can get to it, so yay!  
> You can expect updates on the second Saturday each month from now on, so enjoy and I hope you'll look forward to them. Hit me up with comments, thoughts, concerns... that's what the comment button is for ^^

“I know you want to know,” Cartman said right behind her.

Jane flinched, nearly smacking her backpack in the unwelcome surprise’s face. Instead she glared over her shoulder, before reaching back inside her locker to take out her chem handbook. “Taking creep lessons? Because they’re paying off.”

“Nice of you to notice. Now answer the question,” Cartman said, displaying his talent of not saying ‘bitch’, yet insinuating it at the end of every sentence.

“Would be easier to answer if I knew what the actual question was,” Jane pointed out, bending over to look for a packet of cookies she knew had to be in there somewhere. Above her Cartman tapped one of the Mysterion pictures hanging in her locker, one of them signed with a flirtatious ‘love my babe’.

Cartman met her eyes when she slapped his hand away from the picture. “Sure would be nice to know who’s hiding underneath that mask, right?”

As if Cartman knew. But however ridiculous the idea felt, there was still the fact that Cartman was smart. A malicious kind of smart, but still smart. Jane swallowed her instant dismissal of the idea and instead narrowed her eyes. Would trusting Cartman on this mean some kind of betrayal toward Mysterion? And anyway… “How would you know?”

Cartman rolled his eyes. “Because some of us actually pay attention to shit that’s going on. And before you ask, yeah, I did notice because I can put one and one together. Maybe if you actually opened your eyes and maybe kept a few notes–”

“Stalker alert much? Why would you tell me? We’re not even friends,” Jane pointed out, zipping her backpack closed and looking around. There were only a few minutes left to class and she didn’t want to be late.

“We’re not,” Cartman confirmed readily, fishing around in his pockets for a snack. “But I happen to hate- eh, I just don’t think it’s right to lie to a girl like that. After what me and my girlfriend–”

“Ex-girlfriend.”

“–went through, I just don’t feel like it’s right to pretend you’re something else to a person you love, y’know. And that’s exactly what’s Mysterion is doing. After all, he knows who you are, right?”

She started to feel uncomfortable. Cartman wasn’t nice, she knew that much. But he had also touched on a sore subject for her; the frustration that Mysterion did know who she was, and that she didn’t even have a clue as to who it was entering through her window or kissing her.

Cartman continued. “It would drive me crazy. Who knows what kind of guy he really is? Well, I know of course, but for all you know he’s really gross and dumb. I’m honestly doing you a favor here. So I’ll tell you what, you come to the locker rooms at the end of the day and you can tell me if you want to know or not.” Cartman grinned. It could even have been charming if there hadn’t been a certain twinkle in his eyes. “Aren’t I nice? I’m not even forcing you to find out.”

“Yeah… nice,” Jane agreed sarcastically. “I’m heading to class. You should hurry too.” She turned around and accidentally bumped into someone who had approached her locker from the other side. “Kenny! Good morning!”

“J-J-Jane, g-good morning,” Kenny stuttered out as if he’d been chilled to the bone. He tugged at the ropes of his parka until his face was almost completely hidden, but not before Jane had gotten a good look at his face. He’d looked redder than a tomato. He continued talking and it was only practice and knowing his personality that allowed her to know what he was saying. “I was looking for you, cause I… I still have your lit essay and… well…”

“Kenny, you okay? You sound like you’re not feeling well.” Or as if he was being eaten alive by his own nerves.

“I’m fine, I mean great. I’ve been doing great. So, here,” he shoved the essay in her hands, flinching when their hands touched. “I gotta run. We’re late for class.”

“Could you stop for a second? You’re acting really-”

“Okay bye Jane see you soon!”

“–weird,” Jane finished as Kenny practically spurted through the hallway. She looked at the essay in her hands and then back up. A streak of orange disappeared around the corner.

Behind her Wendy closed her locker for her. “Jane, what’s up with Kenny?”

Jane shrugged. “Hell if I know. Are all guys this weird?”

Wendy thought the question over as they linked arms to walk to their classroom. “Well, at least in South Park they are.”

—————

Jane couldn’t get a hold of her best friend for the rest of the day. When she looked to the back of the classroom at the end of their first class, he’d already be running to the door. In hallways he practically sprinted the other way. During lunch she could have sworn she saw an orange parka duck under his usual lunch table.

“I’ve got you now, you slippery bastard!” she shouted, stepping up benches and tables, her lunch precariously balancing in one hand.

“Timmy!” Timmy shouted as she screeched to a halt near the guys’ usual lunch table.

“Gotcha, Kenny! Huh?” On the floor near Kyle’s feet there was a rumpled parka. She grabbed it, rising above the table. “Did he just?”

“Leave the parka and run? Yeah, he did,” Stan said, poking at his mashed potatoes suspiciously. “Did anyone else see these move in the tray? I could’ve sworn they moved.”

Kyle swiped his fork over Jane’s head as she hunched near the bench, stealing some of the mashed potatoes and stuffing them in his mouth. “Still gross as ever, dude.”

“Timmy!”

“Yeah, hi, can any of you tell me why Kenny has been parkouring all over the school today? He’s been acting weird since this morning,” Jane asked as she rose up, placing her lunch tray between Stan and Kyle.

“Beats me, he’s been smiling the entire time in class. And sighing dreamily, like a chick in a romance movie,” Stan said, finally tasting his lunch before scrunching up his face. “This. Is disgusting.”

“You gotta clean your plate Stan. It’s what good boys do,” Butters said calmly, demonstrating his words promptly. “Sheesh Jane, there’s no need to be concerned about Kenny. You didn’t get in a fight or anything, did ya?”

Jane shook her head, taking a cue from Stan regarding the mashed potatoes and instead taking a bite from her apple.

“We never fight.” Well, unless it was about her trying to figure out why Kenny kept dying so much. Which, to be fair, wasn’t exactly fighting but just Kenny being overly protective. “I just can’t imagine why he keeps running away every time he sees me.”

“Usually Kenny runs to the pretty girls,” Jimmy offered with a grin.

Jane grinned back. “Thanks Jim. Still, it’s just so weird… it’s not like he has anything to hide from me, you know?”

The moment she said that her eyes fell on Cartman at the other side of the room. He grinned at her and mouthed ‘locker room’, before turning around to demand more fries from the lunch lady.

“If Kenny ever kept a secret from you, I’ll eat my hat,” Kyle said solemnly, before catching Jane’s curious glance. “Obviously because you two are such good friends and there’s no way he would ever be able to keep a secret from someone he appreciates this much. Right, Stan?”

“Totally.”

Ignoring the main part of her lunch, Jane picked up her pudding cup next. “Maybe…” she admitted. But she’d find a way to drag the real answer out of Kenny herself. All she had to do was finally corner him and get him to fess up.

__________________

Why did nobody ever listen to him? All Eric had told the prissy bitch was that she needed to come to the lockers after their last class. He’d been hanging around in this hallway for ten minutes and she still wasn’t here. Who did he have to kill to get some fucking respect around here? There was only this much time between end of last class and the Running of the Jocks, which would fill up the locker room and make his extortion moment far from private.  
Eric leaned against the off-white wall, carefully avoiding a disgusting crumbly patch. His cell phone started to ring, the vibrations running up and down his leg. Eric did not feel like dealing with this shit, so he answered phone without looking at the caller ID.

“Eric. Why the fuck are you calling me?”

“Eric, my friend,” a low voice purred friendly. Eric rolled his eyes.

“John. What do you want? Another coffee date?” There was a low chuckle. In the background a radio was playing, a soft instrumental piece. Eric wasn’t surprised to hear that. But he was surprised to receive a call from John after the man had left town a few weeks ago.

“No Eric, I want nothing as mundane as a coffee date. I would appreciate it if you could join me however. My friends and myself were very pleased you got the necklace back from the police. We wanted to discuss a similar venture with you. It would be highly… profitable.”

Ah, the language of money. It was one tune Eric didn’t mind dancing to, especially if it involved little work for a big wad of cash. He’d been looking for a way to rekindle Heidi’s interest in him, and he thought a new car might do the trick. If John would bother greasing his wheels a little, so much the better for him.

“I’m listening,” Eric said, turning around to keep any casual passing students from taking too much interest in his call.

“I knew you would, Eric,” John said. “You know the warehouse district in town? I’ll be waiting there for you. Oh, and don’t tell Jane I’m back in town. It’s a surprise.”

Eric rolled his eyes at that. As if he even would bother to tell Jane something about John. His main interest was money, and now John was offering him a good chance to make some. Combined with the money he’d get from Jane - for either blabbing about Mysterion’s identity or keeping it secret, he wasn’t picky - it would make it vastly easier to get that car and Heidi’s heart.

“I won’t tell her, so don’t worry about it. Just be there at seven tomorrow, I’ve got shit to do today.”

“Do tell me all about it when I see you, my fri-”

“Listen up, Cartman!” Jane said. Only she didn’t say it next to him, but further down the hallway. Eric turned around, tuning out John’s voice while Jane stared inside the locker room. Then she slammed the door shut, turned on her heels and ran away. Eric rolled his eyes.

“I got business with Jane. See ya.”

Before John could reply, Eric closed the call and walked after Jane. He didn’t want to deal with these female shenanigans, even if he was paid for it. Then again, he’d take any chance to stir up some sweet drama.

—————————————

It became clear to Jane why Cartman had wanted to meet in the locker rooms. Every other classroom she encountered on her way was either the location for the meeting of an after school club or the haunting of a teacher who was running late. And if he was going to tell her something about the identity of her vigilante boyfriend, she didn’t need other people to hear about it. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to hear about it yet.

On her way there she encountered the basketball team. Kyle and Token waved at her with big smiles as they ran to the cafeteria. “Stocking up on drinks before practice,” Kyle shouted before the stampede passed her.

Jane herself hadn’t signed up for any extracurriculars, feeling that with her after school detective work and frequent meetings with the graduate goth group she had more than enough on her mind. Although she wouldn’t have minded joining Wendy in her debate group, or Red with her cheerleader squad. Well… maybe she wasn’t quite athletic enough for the latter, but a girl could dream.

Instead she fished out her phone, selecting Mysterion’s number with practiced ease. It had been only a day since she’d seen him, but she still felt butterflies every time she thought about their last time together.

Meet me again tonight?

He would reply soon, she was sure of that. Mysterion might be living up to his name, but he was extremely dependable. Jane had never regretted kissing him on that snowy day.

That decided it. She would tell Cartman he could shove his big reveal where the sun didn’t shine and leave her alone.

Battle spirit ready, Jane grabbed the handle of the locker rooms, sure that there wouldn’t be any naked men running around inside. She took a deep breath, preparing to shout to high heaven to get it through Cartman’s thick skull. She could do this, she could prove her loyalty to Mysterion and wait until he felt ready to tell her. Because she trusted her boyfriend.

“Listen up, Cartman!” she started, pulling open the door in a fluid pull.

It felt like an eternity for her brain to catch up with current events. The first second was spent in recognizing that the person in front of her was not Cartman.

Kenneth “Kenny” McCormick stood in front of her, undressed save for a white towel wrapped around his waist. Blond hair stuck damply to his head as he raised himself in surprise, a scowl ready for whoever had thought barging in shouting for Cartman was a good idea.

The next second was spent recognizing one another.

Jane felt her brain grappling for an excuse while being bombarded with a series of inappropriate thoughts ranging from Kenny’s naked! to he looks good naked and omg we can’t be staring at someone who isn’t Mysterion! She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but came up with nothing.

Kenny seemed to be going through the same thing, only this time his cheeks flared even redder than when he’d been wearing his parka. He opened his mouth to say something and raised a bare hand upward. Jane’s eyes followed it instinctively. She noted a series of red marks on his hand. Marks that looked a lot like bite marks.

Another second passed, and with it, a series of never fully formed connections finally hit.

Blood started to pound at her temples until she felt ready to pass out. Kenny, calling her on Mysterion’s phone. Mysterion, knowing things that only a dedicated stalker would know… or someone who spent most of the day with her anyway. Mysterion’s constant vigilance over Karen. His reluctance to let her research the Cult of Cthulhu, because of course both of them would know why that was a bad idea.

Without saying another word, she let go of the door. Neither of them broke eye contact as the door swung shut, while Jane would later swear she’d heard the Psycho theme play.

Four seconds, Jane thought, was a hell of a long time. And then she thought, maybe she wasn’t completely ready to confront Kenny about her new found realization. Maybe she needed some more time to think, or at least to talk herself out of the idea. She turned around and her feet picked up a rhythm, pounding on the smooth tiling until she was sprinting. It wasn’t… couldn’t… could it? But she knew now, she knew and suddenly it made sense on why Mysterion had reminded her of her best friend sometimes.

She became aware of a stabbing ache in her side and stopped running. She’d made it out of the school, and now she’d have to go back in and pick up her bag. Which could mean running into Kenny. How was she supposed to face him now?

The double doors swung open. Cartman sauntered outside, throwing her backpack toward her. She barely caught it before he swung a finger underneath her nose.

“Dammit bitch, you don’t go ‘round running. I’m too damn handsome to run after someone like you.”

“Cartman, you knew? About Kenny?”

“Anyone with fucking eyes in their skull would know. Can’t believe you’ve been fucking him for so long and didn’t realize before now,” Cartman bit back with vitriol. Unsolicited he opened the zipper on her backpack and fished out a Dr. Pepper. It opened with a hiss, but he didn’t drink immediately.

“So,” he started with a grin that spelled no good. “How pissed are you?”

At that moment she did feel anger, coiling inside her. Draped over it was a heavy sense of sadness, that Kenny hadn’t thought she could be trusted with this kind of secret.

“Pretty pissed. Did he… tell you?”

Cartman took a sip of his soda. “Like I told you, I have eyes and I’m smart enough to put two and two together. Kinda wish you hadn’t had that epiphany. I could’ve extorted so much money outta you.”

“How did you know? It’s not like you run into Mysterion all that often, do you?”

“I’m not bumping uglies with him, but we have our moments. Like when he came to warn me that a Cult might be after me. Pssssh, like I’mma believe that.” It was quiet for a few second, the only sounds Cartman slurping at the can while Jane kicked at the ground mindlessly. “So, what you going to do now you know?” he asked.

“What would you do?”

“Payback,” Cartman answered in one word. “You?”

Jane considered it for a few moments. She didn’t really want to hurt Kenny, but she also thought a bit of smacking him around would do good. Her pocket buzzed, turning out to be Mysterion/Kenny answering her text.

See you tonight babe.

“I still have a few hours to decide. But he’s going to be sorry either way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see what other dumb stuff I do during my day, please follow me on Tumblr! 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/moonsenvoy


	23. Kill You Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New update is live! As always, thanks to the wonder that is my betareader Popcorn360, they are amazing and deserve love and appreciation. I also deserve love and appreciation, but it would be very egocentrical to admit that out loud.  
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos, who wishes they could leave more kudos and to those who leave comments! 
> 
> In other news, I am moving house on the 1st of July (exciting) which makes me a fully independent adult. JOKE, I'm still going to be my dumbass self, but it will be without parental supervision. I also started playing Monster Prom and it turns out playing a dating sim is way more funny if it pits you in direct combat with your friends.
> 
> Next update will be on the 9th next month my darlings <3
> 
> Also, because I'm a forgetful shit : follow me on Tumblr @Moonsenvoy or on Twitter @ReaderMaru  
> I rarely follow back since I'm a forgetful shit, but you can always send me a message or an ask, I reply to those a 100 percent of the time.

Eric turned the corner of a warehouse, minding the setting sun didn’t shine him straight in the face. John was supposed to meet him around here, though the man was an out of towner and Cartman wasn’t sure if he would be able to find the location in time. South Park looked simple from the outside, but years of poor management had left the town a maze. Even locals could sometimes find themselves taking a wrong turn, basing themselves on the remnants of a deserted health food store built during the days where the town was made ‘fresh’.

“Bastard better show up soon,” Eric mumbled to himself, whipping out his phone to check for messages. Even though he’d offered a discount on more elaborate plans for revenge on Kenny, Jane hadn’t taken him up on his offer. 

It didn’t matter much; outing Kenny had just been a way of making that douche feel the burn of someone messing with his alter ego. If it messed up his patrolling as Mysterion, so much the better. Eric had been aiming for that sweet fee the cops paid out to their favorite crime fighter. With Mysterion out of the picture, the Coon would be able to step in and take the prize.

Eric began a text message to Stan, then became frustrated with the long fingernails on his gloves. He placed the phone on a nearby garbage bin so he could remove the offending garments. Today was the first slightly warmer day, but still nippy. Maybe he should look into getting those gloves with the touchscreen compatible fingertips.

“Course I’ll have to get some money first,” he groaned, pulling his glove back on. Footsteps crunched in the snow behind him. He rolled his eyes and began to turn around. “Took you damn long enough, Jo-”

Something hit Eric in the sides from behind. He stumbled in the snow, nearly tripping over his own feet. From the pain, he could tell someone had been aiming at his kidneys, and they’d barely missed. He gasped for air, swinging an arm wildly. His fist made contact with something solid and there was a cracking sound. The person he’d punched swore in a foreign language. Relaxing then would be a mistake, he knew. Getting in a lucky punch wouldn’t save him.

Bending at the knees and still trying to catch his wind, the assailant began to throw a punch back.He missed, finding only air, and instead tackled Eric, throwing them both to the ground.

“Please restrain him,” a familiar voice drawled.

Eric struggled to look up, but the hand on his neck ground his face into the grit and snow. “You… bastard!” More hands came to his back, grabbing his hands. He heard the rip of tape and made a final struggle to break free.

“Eric, please. We’re not going to harm you yet. Let’s be civilized.”

Did the asshole know being civilized did not include eating snow or someone planting their knee in the small of your back? Eric was willing to place bets, but only after he got loose. “John… The fuck’s your problem?”

John leaned down, deliberately taking a piece of gum out of one of his pockets. As he chewed, the man seemed to stare through Eric. 

“We’re happy we found you, Eric. All we need to do is one last test for confirmation, and things will be fine.” John turned to his accomplices, dark hair fluttering in the breeze. “Bag him.”

Eric shouted obscenities, only managed to raffle off a few before someone stuffed a kerchief in his mouth. A bag went over his head, and the world went dark. He tried to drop to the ground, tried to kick the guards so they would stumble, tried to scream. Then he was pushed, and he lost all sense of place and time.

_________________

After the van had left, a lonely figure stepped out from the shadows of the warehouse. Snow crunched under shimmering boots as they walked toward the place where Eric had been taken. Silently they picked up the abandoned cell phone, fingers nervously rubbing over the casing. 

—————————

Kenny hummed a tune as he adjusted his mask before climbing the tree as he usually did. The awkward incident with Jane wasn’t really forgotten, but it had been delegated to the back of his mind until he could get around properly thinking about it. Much more important was that Jane had asked Mysterion to stop by again. He was glad for it; he’d been fearing he had crossed a line the other night. In his defense, boners made it hard to think straight. While it didn’t make for a whole excuse, it was one of the leading causes of his stupidity in critical moments.  
He climbed the tree, easily finding the grooves that made it just a little easier to boost himself over to the top. After that, it was only a matter of walking to the end of the branch and making the jump to the small balcony outside Jane’s room. The door was partially unlocked, he noted. It didn’t worry him, sometimes Jane had work to do or went down for a drink so she’d leave the entrance to her room open for him.

Kenny stepped inside, carefully kicking off his boots so the snow wouldn’t spread over the room. If you lived in the McCormick household you learned to appreciate clean spaces, quiet mornings, and hot food. He slid the door closed behind him, cutting off a chilly breeze. 

In between the radiator and the bed Kenny found himself confronted with his first obstacle – something soft struck him on the side of the head.

“What?” another stuffed animal whipped towards him. 

“Jane?” 

Twack.

“What’s–” 

Smack.

“Going–” 

Whack.

“On?!” Pulling at his cape to form a makeshift shield, Kenny tried to step away but tripped over a stuffed bunny.

“You bastard!” Jane shouted, throwing a pillow this time. “How dare you lie to me?”

Two more hits and Kenny started grappling for the doorknob. Finding the door was locked he turned around, hands in front of him in case another pillow would come flying his way. “Babe, I didn’t lie to you!”

A new pillow arrived when he dared to look, hitting him squarely in the face. A thud sounded when Jane slid out of the bed, intending to throttle him and instead slipping on a stuffed bear. Kenny barely managed to catch her and was rewarded with a slap to his shoulder. Her hands gripped his upper arms, and her gorgeous dark brown eyes looked up at him, filled with hurt. “You could’ve told me, Ken.”

_Oh shit._

**_Ooooooooooh shit shit shit._ **

For a quick moment Kenny considered jumping out of the window to buy himself a short window of regeneration time in which he would not be accountable. Then his brain kicked in and suggested that maybe, just maybe, Jane was just taking a wild guess. Yeah, that was probably it. 

Kenny coughed, “Babe, don’t insult me, I’m totally not Kenny,” he said in his best deep voice.

Her hands left his upper arms to grasp his cape and shirt in her fist. “Kenneth McCormick, you have exactly five seconds to explain yourself or I’m going to do unspeakable things that even you will have trouble recovering from.”

“I have no idea-”

“Five.”

“Really I’m not-”

“Four.”

“Why would I even be Kenny, I could be anyone else!”

“Three.”

“Seriously Jane, don’t-”

“If you don’t come clean right now, Kenny, you’re never touching me again!” Jane finally shouted, striking his shoulder.

Kenny jostled at the impact, struggling to come to terms with his situation. In the back of his mind the word ‘shit’ was on a constant rerun. He hoped maybe he’d get struck by a heart attack. A brain aneurysm. _Any_ fucking thing that was quick and might buy him 24 hours of not having this conversation.

“Fine, Jane. It’s me.” He looked away from her, normal voice returning. He studied the rumpled corner of the cream carpet. “How’d you figure it out?”

She reached down to his right hand, lifting it and removing the glove. “It’s kind of hard to ignore bite marks. I saw them in the shower, when I was supposed to meet Cartman.”

Kenny used his free hand to rub the bridge of his nose. Of course that asshole was responsible for this. Lowering his hand he looked at Jane, fearing what he would see in her eyes. “Look, Jane, I never intended–”

The flat of her hand connected to his jaw in a violent smack. 

Kenny cursed, nearly tumbling over with the force of the impact. She answered his coming question before it left his lips.

“You have a fucking girlfriend, Kenny! All this time you were coming to my room, or helping me with mad errands… you were using me to cheat on someone else.” Her eyes were shiny with tears. His stomach clenched when he saw.

So this what was a deer caught in headlights felt. He swallowed, running his tongue over his teeth to check they were all still there. “I don’t. Not really.”

“What?”

He leaned back against the wall, sliding down against it. On his way down his cape hooked behind the doorknob. He didn’t bother to shake it down. Jane still stood, staring at him with more hurt than malice in her eyes. Taking a deep sigh, he reached up and flicked back his hood. As he spoke, her eyes widened at the sight of his blond hair.

“I only said Tammy was my girlfriend because Butters had seen us together. It was a convenient excuse.”

“Why’d you need an excuse?” Jane asked, still standing. Her hands clasped at her elbows, forming a flimsy shield.

“Because...” Kenny ordered his thoughts, trying to remember what his dumb ass had been thinking. “We were getting close, and I wanted more than just a quickie in the parking lot. I wanted–” A relationship, going to prom together, kids and the picket garden. “I wanted more than that. And Cartman said you could do better than me.”

Jane was silent, so he continued. “I hate to say it... but he was right. So I thought a real good friend would let you have that chance. Up ‘till now I’ve been able to be the bigger man when things got rough. Not much reason for me to reach for more, right?  
But then John showed up. And fucking John the Perfect is so much more than me, and just seeing you as friends with him was killing me.”

“So you showed up more often as Mysterion,” Jane concluded for him. “Because Mysterion didn’t have a girlfriend?”

“Yes,” he confessed. “And because I thought that… Mysterion doesn’t really count as a boyfriend, I think. You wouldn’t feel bad if you did decided to leave Mysterion for someone else. I’d be…”

“Disposable? You thought it would be easier for me to just throw you away?”

Kenny nodded, tears burning behind his eyes as well. He should have just disappeared. Should have packed up and left town if all he was going to do was cause trouble. “I fucked up.”

“You did,” Jane agreed, dropping to her knees in front of him.

Kenny’s vision was too blurred to see what her face looked like. All he knew was that he felt miserable, more than he’d thought he would feel if it ever came out. Quietly, he said, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Jane said nothing, but her hands reached out to him. They moved past his cheeks, and Kenny smelled the soap she usually used. Her hands found the knot of his mask at the back of his head, and tugged it loose. Still silent, she used the cloth to dab at his tears. “So… you’re saying there’s nobody else?”

He nodded, staring down at his hands. The gentle dab of her hands stopped, and the room was usurped by a quiet he’d never experienced before. Kenny knew what he had to do now, didn’t he? On some level he’d always known that being outed in any way would be the end of him and Jane. He swallowed once. Better rip it off in one go and let the healing begin. _Deep breaths, dumbass,_ he told himself. _Man up and get it over with._

He looked up at her. “Jane, I get it if you never want to see me again. I’ve been an idiot, a jerk, a god damned dic-”

Warm lips closed over his, and Kenny felt something short-circuit inside. Because this… could not be happening. Could he really be this lucky? But soft hands clasped together at his neck, pulling him closer as Jane shuffled nearer on the floor. The kiss was broken, replaced by three short kisses and then a long one again.

She tasted like toothpaste and smelled of a fresh shower, he thought as he hesitatingly put his hands on her shoulders. She tasted like a daydream. Jane tasted like a home.

When the kiss ended, Jane rested her forehead against his, her eyes closed as she slowly breathed. “You know, you are a dumb dick. Who in their right mind takes Cartman’s advice?”

“So… are you telling me your cool with this? With me?”

“You mean, am I happy the guy I’ve been crushing on is also the vigilante who’s been sneaking off to see me most nights? Yeah, of course.” Her fingers tightened in his hair, forcing him to look at her. Jane’s dark eyes seemed almost black in the dimmed room. “But you have a long night of groveling ahead of you, Kenny. Because you’re not forgiven just yet.”

He grinned. “I can do groveling.”

“And we’re going to have a long talk about trust and integrity.”

“Deal.”

“Not to mention how incredibly stupid you’ve made both of us look.”

“Don’t I know it. Hey Jane?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to kiss you again,” Kenny said, still grinning. “In your room, at school, at the mall… anywhere we’re together. Is that okay for you?”

Jane groaned. “Is this even a question now?”

“I can?”

“Yes, you big dummy. I want to kiss you, too.”

And so Kenny could finally claim a kiss for his own. If being dumb could lead to results this good, he only regretted not being honest sooner.

————————————

When Eric woke it was with the taste of old puke in his mouth. His first inhale was startled, nearly making him choke on the taste of dust and mold. Blinking heavily, he found the room he was in was square. A strip of pale light fell into the room from behind him, showing that the window at his back had three thick iron bars. They segmented the white light in four equal parts. The floor in front of him was dirty, showing only hints of what had once been light gray concrete. He couldn’t see anything else in the room, but he knew there had to be a door somewhere. A door and a road to freedom.

He flexed his fingers, his back pushed against a hard wooden frame – he was in a chair. His wrists had been bound, the sound as he moved his hands indicating they’d used industrial duck tape. Trying to move his legs, he found they’d done the same to his ankles and around his thighs. Eric moved his tongue, trying to work up some saliva. They’d left his mouth free, probably knowing the average captive would be shouting for help the moment they woke up.  
But Eric Cartman wasn’t the average captive. He’d often fantasized about being on the other side of this situation, and he knew what he would have done. Step one was leaving a victim to scream for help so he wouldn’t have to spend mindless hours staring at an unconscious body.

“Dumb fucks,” he groaned, wiggling around on his chair. There was nothing in the room he could see, and he doubted they’d have left a handy knife or loose nail laying about. Even if they had, it would indicate a trap. What better way to mess with a captive than to let them think that they’d be escaping, only to end up hurt even more? That left him with only his brain as a true weapon.

Frowning, he felt his Coon mask still wrapped snugly around his face. John had kidnapped him for some reason, and not because the bastard had questions about his true identity. Eric could imagine no reason for John to be pissed at him; he’d gotten that ugly necklace for him and run a few errands. And while John had an obvious fetish for Jane – in a way that made Eric suspect John had issues beyond the usual adopted sister complexes – Eric had never laid hands on the broad.

Somewhere in the distance a door banged. It said nothing about the size of the place or even where the door was, but Eric still listened. Footsteps, almost light in their approach, stopped near him. They were muffled, so Eric guessed there was still a door between him and the arrival. A click, and orange light poured in from a hallway, illuminating the edges of a door in front of him. Eric blinked and glanced around, seeing he was in the center of a large room filled with cargo boxes as his eyes adjusted to the light. The stickers on them betrayed they came from all over the world.

“Hello, Eric,” John said as he twisted the ring around his finger, the gleam catching the orange light behind him. “It’s good to see you’re finally awake.”

There was a large man behind John as he spoke, with a tattoo of tentacles running up his neck. The man grinned once and turned around, obviously standing guard at the door.

“John, what the fuck is this about?” Eric demanded, tugging at his restraints again.

John smiled, and pulled the necklace Eric had gotten from the police station out of his pocket. The ugly head surrounded by tentacles almost seemed alive in the shadow John cast over the floor. “Don’t worry, Eric. We’re almost completely sure you’re the catalyst. We just need to do one more little test and it’ll be over.”

“What kinda test, you cocksucker?” Eric shouted.

John’s thumb gently rolled over the eyes of the necklace, the smile never leaving his face. “We’re going to kill you, Eric. But only once. I promise.”


	24. Hunting Cartman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks again to my betareader Popcorn, who's amazing and great and who, as an actual native English speaker, helps me clean up the mixing of british and american. 
> 
> I have been LOVING all the reviews I've been getting, you guys are the best <3 For those entering their exam period, I wish you the best! For those having a vacation, I hope the weather is just the way you like it. And for the working slobs like myself... I dunnow, let's all run away together and built a utopia based around fanfiction?
> 
> The next chapter will be uploaded on the 14th of July, since I'm moving house the weekend before that and I won't have time to upload a chapter ^^  
> I'll see you all then!
> 
> Remember you can always follow me on Tumblr via MoonsEnvoy ! ^^

Eric stared at his captor, slaw jacked.He must have misheard. “Of course you’re only going to kill me once. Are you dumb? That’s what happens to most people when you kill them, they die and stay dead. Don’t reinforce the ‘pretty and smart mutually exclude each other’ stereotype.”

John chuckled, lifting the necklace to where it could catch the rays of moonlight pouring in from behind Eric. As the door behind him swung shut, the shadows cast panes of inky darkness over his washed out, tanned skin.. The little ruby in his earlobe glowed dimly, a single point of color in a monochrome figure. “Eric, please don’t try to talk your way out of this. Take it like the man I know you are.”

“Hey John?” Eric asked, leaning forward as much as he could with the tape restraining him. “Suck my balls like the man I know you are.” Eric leaned back again. “Are we at the part where you do the evil exposition yet, or are we skipping to the part where I escape and smash your face against a wall?”

His captor sighed, retracting the necklace and pocketing it in the back of his tailored suit. Everything from his stance to the way his eyes rolled suggested that John was putting up with the recalcitrant behavior of a small child. “We’re just going to kill you, and it probably won’t be the worst way you died. But once we’re sure you’re the one, Eric, it’s all water under the bridge. You’ll get the position you deserve in the Cult, and you and Jane can live happily ever after in the world we were intended to live in.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you think I have done something evil enough to have me living with the prep. Mostly because while life like that would be hell, it’s still living. Killing me will result in me being dead. And dead people don’t live happily ever after.”

“Stop trying to fool us, Eric!” John snapped, taking a quick step forward before halting. “We know that Mysterion is reborn after he dies. We’ve shot you enough times outside of our headquarters before we teamed up to know this. So just admit it. Once the preparations are done, we’ll get it over soon.”

Eric couldn’t believe his ears. Years of PR and marketing, months of designing his own buttons and tote bags, and this was the thanks he got? “I’m the COON, you misbegotten fetus!”

“Lying will not help you, Eric.”

“I am not lying, why in the hell would I want to be that nancy boy Mysterion? Who in their right mind, except a kid who can’t even afford poptarts, would think that outfit is in good taste? Huh? Tell me that!” Eric shouted, feeling like he was somehow losing track of something. Ah yes, that was it. “And if it’s Mysterion you want, then I get your whole killing thing. You see, it’s not me that comes back after being killed, it’s just fucking old-”

CLANG.

“Come back here motherfucker, I’m exposing a crucial plot point here! Hey, you’re looking for KENNY. KENNY’S the one who’s fucking your precious Jane!” Eric listened while his echos died away. There wasn’t a sound of footsteps. “John, you gangrenous ball sack, I’ll cut off your nipples! I’m not the guy you want, I’m the Coon! I’m way better than Mysterion!”

There was no sound of sudden revelation, nor footsteps racing down the hall to be the first to offer their apologies. Instead Eric could only listen to his erratic heartbeat as he leaned his head back. The ceiling was the same nondescript beige color as the surrounding walls. He examined the single crack running through it as he considered his situation.

Fact : he had been kidnapped by a cult. Combining this with how Kenny had warned him about the Cult of Cthulhu, he didn’t need rocket science to figure out which cult it was.

Fact : John and the rest of the lunatics thought he was Mysterion.

Fact : this wasn’t merely a horrendous insult when it came to personal branding. Because, and this was the part that made thinking hard, the Cult was planning on killing Mysterion just to see if he came back to life or not. And Cartman was not as resilient as his one-time best friend.

Lie : Cartman was completely sure he was getting out of this in one piece.

—————————

“Are the cameras ready?” John asked the tall man that had been waiting outside the door. The man answered something in the gibberish that most of the crew spoke, and John sighed the long and laborious sigh of entitled men forced to be patient. “Then tell the others to work faster. I would like to get some confirmation before we start the ritual.”

More gibberish. “Of course I’m certain Mysterion is the one we need. The facts don’t lie. And I need equipment set up so we have unequivocal proof.”

The method was simple, in that it relied on huge amounts of data. While nobody could remember the catalyst dying, there was no way all of them would forget if he installed enough triggers. And so John would, before he put a pistol to Cartman’s head and pull the trigger, make sure the event was taped, recorded and even streamed live to all members of the Cult. If he ended up with a dead body on his hands, then too bad for ol’ Cartman. But if he didn’t, they would have proof that Cartman was the catalyst and then they could finally begin the final ceremony: theawakening of the great Priest Cthulhu, who would call forth the ancient ones and release their glory on the miserable clump of clay he currently resided on. 

But first: “Be sure to stack up on bullets. Better safe than sorry.”

—————————

“Jane, could you slow down? It’s not like Cartman is going to be outrunning either of us!” Kenny panted as he tried to catch up to Jane, dragging along both of their backpacks. His girlfriend - and that word still amazed him - waded through what was the final heavy snowfall of the season, arms pumping in an effort to get through faster.

“I,” Jane announced, looking back at Kenny as she talked, “will slow down after I’ve strangled Cartman. We could have been dating months ago if you hadn’t listened to him!”

Kenny decided not to point out that listening to Cartman had been his own fault. Instead he slogged after Jane, catching up to her when she stopped to catch her breath near the main entrance. “Babe, you’ll get to talk to him. Just take it easy, and don’t come on too strong. I swear the guy can smell fear.” He paused a bit and decided a little bit of macho behavior wouldn’t be too bad. “And I can always beat him up for you if you want.”

Jane didn’t exactly swoon, but her facial expression softened and she stood tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks sweetie. But I’m a big girl, I can do my own murders. And you’re still not off the hook completely.”

“I spent a long time groveling already!”

“And carrying my bags is a small price to pay for sneak dating me for so long. Not to mention the total shock Karen would have if she found out about all of this,” Jane mused, linking her arm through his.

“Are you kidding? My sister already loves you, this is like the best possible outcome for her,” Kenny protested, opening the door for them both.

“I meant her brother sneaking out in the middle of the night to hook up and fight crime,” Jane grinned as she waved to Kenny’s approaching friends.

Stan and Kyle glanced at their linked arms, the backpacks Kenny was carrying and exchanged one glance. “Fucking finally!” they said at once.

“Which one of you scored the best on trig last test? I need someone to help me check on the answers for the test this week,” Kyle added. “My mom will have a fit if I don’t ace this one.”

Jane pointed a thumb at Kenny. “There’s your math champ. I’m looking for Cartman, he here yet?”

Stan thought it over while Kyle and Kenny started to discuss possible questions. “He’s not here yet that I know. He usually arrives early to try and get free candy out of the vending machines.”

Kenny glanced down the hallway to the vending machine. There was nobody near it, except for one of the vampire kids carving their initials in the side. Good thing for Cartman; Jane had been working up a good bout of anger and frustration with during the night, and Cartman was her designated target. Kenny had seen his frenemy talk himself out of more than one tough spot, but there was no reasoning with a course binder in the face.

“Where is he? I have a few bones to pick,” Jane muttered, trying to peer over students passing by to see Cartman coming.

“He’ll show up when he does. Don’t worry about it Jane, this is Cartman we’re talking about. If he doesn’t show up to class then we just need to find out where the latest disaster area is,” Kenny said as he peered over notes with Kyle.

“Disaster tourism?” Jane asked.

“Pouring oil on fires,” Stan finished as the bell rang. “Kenny’s right, Cartman will show up soon enough. Enjoy the time without him.”

————

At the end of the day there still wasn’t a sign of Cartman. While it was still possible he’d gotten sick during the weekend - or just decided to skip school - there was still something about the situation that unsettled Kenny. It was that same gut feeling he got during long periods of not dying. An anxiety that seeped into his bones as he became aware of how wrong a situation was.

“Should we try to call his home?” Jane asked, joining Kenny as he lit a new cigarette.

Kenny considered that option. “Let’s try his cell first. His mom’s a bit… off.” He pulled his Mysterion cell from his pockets, throwing Jane a rueful smile when she saw it. “One day, when we’re done with chasing down Cartman and immortality issues, we can sit down and have a talk.”

“Sounds good,” she said.

The phone rang a few times. After five beeps Kenny was ready to hang up and just send a text. But then someone picked up and Kenny heard a voice he did not expect.

“You have reached Professor Chaos! If you want to talk about imminent destruction and despair, press one!”

“Butters?”

“… No! This is professor Chaos, as I said,” the voice insisted. “If I was Butters, then I would have said so, because that’s what good boys do. And I’m pure chaos.”

Well this was just fucking great. Not the kind of roleplay he’d been wanting to try, but if there was no other way he’d just have to suck it up. He coughed and looked away from Jane. 

“Chaos,” he started in his best Mysterion voice, feeling awkward without his costume. “Is the Coon there?”

“Well, no. Who’s this?”

“It’s Mysterion. I need to talk to the Coon, as soon as possible,” Kenny continued, very aware of Jane holding back a snorting laugh. Surely she didn’t think it was that funny when he had been with her as Mysterion?

“Well, that’s going to be a bit of a problem,” professor Chaos confessed on the other side of the phone. “He’s not around right now. Actually… well… I think the Coon went on a playdate with some friends. Only he dropped his cellphone, and I picked it up to keep it safe.”

Kenny frowned, taking in the information. He didn’t think Cartman had been on a ‘playdate’ since they’d been twelve, and there was no way he’d drop his precious, top shelf phone where anybody could find it. At least not until he’d gotten his grubby hands on a newer and better model. “Where did that happen?”

“Near the warehouse district. If you promise not to beat me up, I’ll show you where it happened.”

“That’s good,” Kenny said, giving Jane an okay sign. “We’ll meet you there.”

“We? Who are you bringing? Are you trying to gang up on me?” Professor Chaos balked. “If you’re bringing back-up, I’m going to bring henchmen too!”

“Chill out dude,” Kenny snapped. “I’m just bringing a friend. And they won’t be wearing a costume, so you’ll see it’s just Jane who wants to talk to Cartman.” He just managed to swallow his opponent’s real name, not wanting to antagonize “the Professor” any further than he already was.

“Oh, it’s Jane? That’s okay then… Jane is nice. Please bring her. I’ll see you guys in about an hour.”

“Deal,” Kenny almost sighed in the phone before ending the call. Rubbing the bridge of his nose he recounted the conversation to Jane. “Just don’t tell Butters you know it’s them. They still think their disguise hides their personality as well.”

“Butters is Professor Chaos?” Jane asked incredulously. “And judging from that phone call, I have to believe that Cartman is the Coon?”

Kenny blinked. “That wasn’t obvious?”

“You have been climbing in my room in a Mysterion get-up almost every night for the past few weeks, and I didn’t figure out it was you, Kenny! You know why? Because I don’t expect my classmates to get a kick out of tights and wearing their underwear on the wrong side of their pants!” Jane looked properly pissed off she’d missed out on all the clues, and on finding out her boyfriend wasn’t her only classmate that was into advanced roleplaying.

“But, you have to admit… Cartman is pretty obvious,” he argued. “It’d be a disaster if we had two megalomaniacs running around town. As it is we can just barely handle the one.”

Jane considered his point and nodded. “I guess. Any other of our classmates that share this profession?”

Kenny thought it over. “Well, there’s been a few moments where it really was a class thing. But it never lasts long, and people never remember it because it usually happens in moments where I get into… accidents.”

Jane clicked her tongue. “Let’s not get into accidents today, okay? I don’t think I can handle you dying this soon after last night.”

“If only that was my call to make,” Kenny groaned, pointed in the general direction of where they would be meeting Butters. “Let’s go, I still need to change into my outfit before we meet. I don’t think Butters knows it’s me, but I don’t want to take any chances.”

Jane strolled next to him, wiggling a hand for him to take. As he obliged she mused out loud. “Do you think I need a vigilante persona too?”

There was a moment where Kenny fantasized about Jane running around with him during the night, arresting gangsters and having long discussions with the police about just what they were or were not allowed to do. Then he remembered the bullets, the baseball bats and other accoutrements. And the dying. Ho boy, there was a lot of dying. Which was arguably better than getting a bullet in his thigh and suffering before ending it himself.

“I’d love that, but maybe we can just save it for costume parties? It’s pretty dangerous.”

“Cartman and Butters do it,” Jane mumbled, squeezing his hand to let him know she wasn’t really arguing.

Kenny nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah, but they’re also going to get in trouble one day. Like, Cartman is wanted by the Cult and who knows what’s going to happen to Butters one of these days.”

“You warned Cartman about the Cult, right?” Jane asked, sidling closer to him.

“Well, yeah. Not that he was particularly grateful about it. Usually he tries to kill me when I show up as Mysterion; he never could handle a bit of competition. But I told him to watch his back, he told me to fuck off and that was the end of it.” He was quiet for a few seconds. “You don’t think that…?”

“The Cult took him and he’s being held captive in a basement somewhere, ready to be sacrificed to a calamari god? Please, what are the odds?” Jane said laughing.

Kenny laughed too. “You’re right. There’s no way Cartman would be stupid enough to be caught.”


	25. Keep You Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are back with a new chapter! I hope you guys will enjoy this one, because my lovely beta Popcorn has once again worked very hard to make it even better than it was. This is also, I now realize, the second to last arc for this fic. Tensions should and will be rising from now on, so keep on reading ^^
> 
> As always, you can find my as moonsenvoy on tumblr ( moonsenvoy.tumblr.com ) or via Twitter, where I do not tweet much because I'm never sure if people want to know what I'm thinking about 24/7... Eh.
> 
> Next chapter is scheduled for the 11th of August, so be sure to join me again ^^

Jane and kenny arrived near a complex of warehouses soon enough. Jane kept a careful watch as Kenny changed into his Mysterion outfit, more concerned with him catching pneumonia instead of trying to sneak a peek at his rear end. As soon as he finished a light drizzle started, slowly transforming the heavy snowfall from earlier into a wet mush. They slogged through the snow, holding each other upright as Kenny pointed the way to the meeting spot.

“You think we’ll have to wait long?” Jane asked, looking around her. The sun had started to set.Shadows lengthened around them and the red sunlight illuminated the light rain.Jane glanced around her again and saw that Kenny was staring at a spot of ground near the limestone corner of the limestone warehouse. 

“What happened here?” Walking closer, she saw that someone had thrown around large amounts of snow, displaying frozen patches of dirt and a single clump of sodden grass. 

“That’s where they took the Coon,” a voice behind them announced, the drama of their arrival begging for rolling thunder and a crash of lightning. Sadly all they had to work with was a miserly rain.

“Professor Chaos,” Kenny acknowledged his classmate before turning his gaze back to the crime scene.

“Mysterion. Jane,” Butters nodded to the both of them before they started to twiddle their thumbs.

Jane hesitated. “Nice to meet you, professor Chaos?” she tried, not sure if that was the correct reaction. Judging from the way Butters’ shoulders slumped in relief, she’d hit the right note.

“It’s good to see you came alone. We don’t need more prying eyes around here,” Professor Chaos said, straightening to appear taller.

Mysterion stood back up, turning to face Chaos. “You saw them take the Coon. That’s when you swiped his phone?”

“He’d put it away a while before they appeared,” Chaos protested, brandishing the mentioned object with an unhappy look. “And I wasn’t going to help him. For starters, there were at least four of them and one of them was… well…” Chaos glanced at Jane, looking uneasy. “I’m not sure I should say it.”

“One of them was John,” Mysterion finished the sentence, pointedly avoiding Jane’s glance.

At once she felt a need to defend her childhood friend, even if she already had plenty of reason to know he wasn’t up to much good. “How can you be sure it was him? It could’ve been anyone.”

“It was John,” Chaos said, sounding relieved someone else had said it first. “He talked to the Coon as if he knew he was… as if he knew who he really was. Then all of the others jumped him and they dragged him to a car.” A shuddering intake of breath, and then Chaos stamped his feet to keep warm. “Look, even if I had wanted to stop them, they wouldn’t have run away just because I showed up. They had guns, and clubs!”

Jane watched as her breath became visible in the lowering temperature. On a rational level she knew that John was part of a Cult, but she just hadn’t been prepared to accept that fully. Now she was forced to come to terms with John and his position as more than a mere henchmen. From the sound of it, John wasn’t getting his hands dirty. 

“You didn’t need to step in, Chaos. It’s probably safer if you didn’t,” she said. “But if someone took him by force, he might be in danger. I don’t like him, but…”

“Nobody likes him,” Mysterion agreed with a bitter shrug. “But…”

Chaos looked between the two of them. “I know the sound of that ‘but’. It’s what I sound like before I’m going to do something bad.”

“We’re going to save him, aren’t we?” Jane asked her boyfriend.

Mysterion nodded, grinning awkwardly. “Honestly, if I have to choose between the Coon and John, it’s fifty fifty on who I happen to like best. But hicks gotta stay together, even when you hate each other. All we need to do now is figure out where they took him.”

A sudden idea struck her as she pulled out her own phone. “I know a few people who can help. Just be prepared to drink a ton of coffee.”

————————

“Just how friendly are you with the goth kids anyway?” Kenny asked her, tugging at the hood of his Mysterion outfit. While they’d drawn a few glances from other customers, most of the staff couldn’t be bothered to linger longer than the barest minimum of time at any booth.

This was good, because their duo had suddenly become a trio as a guilt-wracked Chaos had joined them. Their tinfoil helmet glinted in the cheap lighting as they constantly raised a cup of coffee to their lips without really drinking. Kenny in his vigilante outfit looked almost as if he could fit in, at least in comparison.

“Henrietta took me shopping out of town once,” Jane offered. Though Henrietta had made fairly clear Jane was only coming along because the older girl couldn’t stand the posers at the community college she attended, and the guys did not have the patience she did in picking out accessories. “And Michael thinks I’m almost tolerable, which is the same as asking to be besties coming from him.”

“I remember Stan hanging out with the goths once,” Mysterion mused over his soda. “He was so fucking depressed over Wendy breaking up with him that time.” He blinked, as if making a sudden realization.“I would be too, if my girl dumped me.”

Jane patted his arm. “She won’t. Ah, there they are!” Jane raised her hand in a half wave. The two arrivals nodded toward them, Michael thoughtfully tapping his cane on the ground every few steps while Firkle glared at the waitress, who glared back.

“Jane,” Michael said, sliding into half rounded booth next to Chaos. “And… associates. Bit early for Halloween.”

“Posers,” Firkle declared, sitting next to his friend.

Jane smiled while both of her masked companions froze in their seats. “Thanks for joining us guys. The others couldn’t make it?”

“They were busy studying. Something about not wanting to live in a hick town for the rest of their life,” Firkle complained as he claimed a cup of hot coffee from the waitress. “I want to talk about the thing.”

“What thing?” Chaos asked, bringing their mug back to their lips. Before it even touched their lips they lowered it again.

“The… tentacle-ly thing,” Michael muttered in his own mug, eyes shifting back and forth. “Which happens to involve Cult members, and I don’t remember them being role models of mental stability.” The tall goth leaned in closer to the table, his whisper hardly audible over the constant low buzz in the diner. “And they’re keen on making their problems disappear.”

“They might have gotten the Coon,” Jane said.

“Oh,” Michael replied, sitting back in his seat. “Well, problem solved then. Who wants coffee?”

Chaos sputtered against the rim of their cup, spraying lukewarm coffee over the table. “We can’t just let them kill the Coon! He’s one of us… I mean, one of South Park. I know he’s not nice-”

“Downright fucking evil,” Mysterion agreed.

“– And a bit of a pottymouth -” Chaos continued.

“He just never shuts up,” Jane groaned.

“– And sometimes he goes a bit too far –”

“If I have to witness one more of his dumbass plans, I’m going to kill someone,” Firkle nodded.

“– but we’re better than just letting someone die!” Chaos finished their speech, looking around the table. “So are we sticking to the plan or what?”

Silence descended around the table as everyone fiddled with various items on the table. Michael swept his curls away from his eyes. “I never thought I’d say it, but sometimes we’ve gotta think of the greater good. And maybe letting the Coon be eaten by Cthulhu would be… y’know. Divine retribution?”

Jane shook her head. “Look, I know he’s an ass. But I’m sure he has some good points. And even if none of us here can immediately say what those are, we should at least give him a chance to show everyone that he has them.”

“Dead men can’t make amends. Well, most of them can’t,” Mysterion said with a disgruntled tone, clearly wishing he could be a dick and let Cartman die. “So we need to find out where they could’ve taken him. I’m imagining there’s not a lot of places in town where one goes to commit ritual slaughter.”

“You’d be surprised,” Firkle said as he motioned for a second cup of coffee. “But if we’re talking about the Cult, they usually prefer the former mayor’s basement.”

“You mean the creepy, abandoned old mansion at the top of the hill? Where there’s always random lightning strikes and murder sounds?” Chaos asked, forgetting to alter their voice. Jane reminded herself that Butters did not really need reassuring at this moment. Not without blowing their cover at least.

“You know, I’m not surprised there’s a creepy old mansion where people can take their intended murder victims to,” she said. “At this point, I’d be surprised if there wasn’t. But you’re sure it’s there? There aren’t any other places, like the old Indian graveyard, or the Blockbusters near the highway?”

“The library, where some people forgot to send Poe’s ghost back to the underworld?” Mysterion asked.

The goths scoffed at the same time. “Getting rid of that poser was too much effort. And we’re certain that place is where you want to go. Or where you need to go for this insane quest of heroism.” Michael hesitated for a moment. “You could just leave him there. It’s not like anyone is going to miss the Coon around. It might even improve the scenery.”

“I’d kill him if I could,” Firkle spoke up. Jane did not for a moment doubt the kid would stab someone in cold blood.

“I’m dedicated to the vigilante act,” Mysterion said, spooning sugar into his coffee in an attempt to make it potable. “Brooding, darkness and, sadly, a need to save even ungrateful pests. Thanks,” he accepted the napkin Jane shoved to him, cleaning up some coffee spill. “I’m going to save the Coon.”

“I’m coming too!” Chaos protested. “I didn’t come here to watch. Why, the two of us are a force to be reckoned with.”

Jane shook her head. “Chaos, no. Me and Mysterion can get the Coon, you go home and-”

“Why are you coming?” Mysterion interrupted her.

“Because we both are interested in keeping C- the Coon alive and I can’t very well let you do everything alone. I’ve been involved from the start and you’re not sending me back home again,” Jane said, crossing her arms over one another and raising her eyebrows in challenge.

“You can’t come with me. There are going to be cultists. Maybe guns. Very likely knives. Those freaks are into pointy things. If they don’t kill you two, the tetanus probably will.”

“And what if you die, huh? If you’re the only one there to save the Coon it’s not going to end well either way,” Jane shot back.

Mysterion threw his hands in the air before turning to the goth kids. Both of them were trying hard to seem uninterested in the conversation.

Mysterion let out something of a growl. “Well, say something. You both know that the Cultists aren’t into tea parties and taking care of stray kittens.”

“It’s pretty dumb to volunteer for a suicide mission,” Michael agreed, examining his black nail polish. “But we’re talking about a woman who can listen to Barbie Girl twenty times in a row. On the slight odds of her surviving this, I vote you take Jane along.”

“I’m coming too,” Firkle added. “I want to see the Cultists.”

“I am not babysitting all of you!” Mysterion objected. “Chaos, Goths, you figure out who’s coming with me. I’m only taking one of you, and I’d rather not take the stab-happy one.”

Michael threw his hands in the air and leaned back in his seat. It was clear the eldest goth had no intention of helping the Coon. Firkle tried to stare down Professor Chaos, who was nervously blinking back in Firkle’s direction.

Jane leaned over to her boyfriend, pulling her eyebrows together in a frown. “Now I heard you say that you were taking one person. Care to confirm that my presence is automatically included in this?”

“About that... mind if we talk it over in private while my sidekick is decided here?” Kenny as Mysterion countered with a quick look around the table. They scooted from the booths and Kenny led the way to the restrooms. Jane followed, glancing over her shoulder to be sure their companions were doing fine. Michael looked like he wanted to die - his usual expression - while Chaos babbled something Firkle. The Chaos personality seemed to be slowly giving way to Butters, the words becoming stutters and awkward mutters interspersed with occasional talks of grandeur. 

After a few steps the conversation at their booth dimmed away. The waitress didn’t look twice at Kenny’s outfit. Jane to concluded that people had really stopped giving a fuck around here.

Kenny checked the ladies’ bathroom before stepping inside carefully. Jane snorted. “Kenny, it’s not like there’s going to be someone lying in wait for us in the restroom of a roadside diner.”

“I don’t trust it, and neither should you. Well… mostly me. I’m still waiting for a sudden spill of soda I can slip on,” he explained before looking back at her.

The bathroom smelled… not horrible, but certainly not very fresh either. With only two bathroom stalls and a single sink it made for a small room. While Kenny checked the stalls for occupants Jane ran her hands through her hair, getting ready to defend her right to come along. Since the bathroom was cooler she moved closer to the radiator, leaning against the warm metal to warm her back. 

“I am coming with you.”

“Jane, it’s dangerous,” Kenny pointed out. “And you don’t come back when you die.”

“We don’t know that,” she shot back before realizing what a bad argument that was. “I mean, there’s very little chance of me dying. And someone needs to know what to do in case the worst happens to you.”

“They won’t even notice.That’s the point of my entire curse.” Kenny sighed, walking over to her. One hand in his pocket, he leaned toward her. With his free hand he gently touched her cheek. “I’d feel a lot happier if I knew you were safe. So do me a favor and wait for me in your room? If the Cult doesn’t know you’re involved, you’ll stay safe. If John kidnapped Cartman, there’s a good chance he won’t go easy on anyone. Even old childhood friends.”

“I can come with you and convince John?” she countered, making her best pouty face. “Please Kenny, I need to come with you. I can be useful, you know I can.”

Kenny sighed and nodded. “I know you could be useful. But I’d be worried sick and, well…” He leaned toward her, lips brushing across her forehead. “Keeping you safe is more important.”

Something cold clipped around her wrist and snagged tight. Confused, Jane glanced down to see what was going on. Kenny quickly darted backward as she yanked at the handcuffs running from her wrist to the radiator. “What the fuck? You handcuffed me?”

“Just to keep you safe, babe,” Kenny offered, raising his hands with a faint smile on his lips. “After we’re gone someone will find you, and once the cops get you loose we’ll meet at your room.”

“Kenny, if you don’t let me go now I’m going to do unspeakable things to you.”

“You’ll be alive to do ‘em to me,” Kenny said with a wink before ducking out of the door.

“Kenny, you bastard! Get back here, now!” Jane screamed after him, straining to reach the swinging door. 

The cuffs rattled against the heater as she struggled against them. When the door stopped swining, it was the only sound in the bathroom. She heard no footsteps stomping down the corridor –- it didn’t seem as if help would be arriving any time soon. Jane clanged the handcuffs against the metal again, trying to convince herself that the feeling in her stomach was anger. It was just a tiny kernel of white hot rage inside her. Nothing else.

“Dammit, Ken… I’m supposed to be protecting you.”


	26. Cause We Gotta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I should have uploaded this one before "bullet with my name on it", which is the next chapter. Sorry!  
> On a happier note, chapter 29 shall have some smut.
> 
> As always, Popcorn has been a wonderful betareader.
> 
> Also, I am dead tired. I'll be uploading this story on Wattpad too from now on, since I need to start building an audience there. If you haven't already, check out the first chapter of my new Wakfu fanfic, which is going to be very fluffy and less dark than this one <3
> 
> Cheers <3

“Hey Mysterion,” Chaos started with trepidation. “Why isn’t Jane coming with us?”

Mysterion grunted something that, with a lot of goodwill, could be interpreted as an answer. He kept his eyes trained on the road – the last thing he needed was being arrested for careless driving. He might have gotten a free pass from the cops in his current outfit, but his father’s truck would draw attention to the McCormick family in a way the vigilante would rather avoid. Not to mention the challenge of explaining his two passengers,Professor Chaos and an underaged goth.

“I was kind of under the impression the two of you were… well… kind of sweet on each other,” Chaos continued hesitantly, trying not to pry.

“Yeah,” Mysterion nodded, hoping that Jane would, in fact, still be sweet on him after being handcuffed in the public restroom of a highway restaurant. Stranger things had happened, and he wanted her to be safe… it just wasn’t easy telling his girlfriend no. Even if it was for her own good, and to save her life and possibly spare her the sight of his own humble self being blown to bits. He didn’t feel very optimistic of surviving this rescue run, but he’d have to wing it. And find a way to sidetrack his unwanted sidekicks.

“And you’re sure that your friend isn’t a snitch?” he asked, turning his rear view mirror to look at the back seat.

“Nah man, he won’t rat us out. Fuck the authorities,” Firkle replied.

“Don’t you need to be home on time? You’re awfully young.” Chaos brought up. It would have been a valid point in any other town beside South Park. The snorting laughter from the back seat proved this theory.

Mysterion carefully took a left turn and drove into the woods and the world outside fell away, sounds damped by the surrounding pine. 

“I’m taking us through the woods so people don’t see us coming,” he said. “It’ll mean moving through the backyard, but if we’re quiet we can get in and out without people ever knowing we were there.” 

As they drove the above sky turned from a deep maroon to an even darker purple. This deep in the forest there was hardly a sign of the snow that covered the town, apart from the road where the snow was brown and filthy. 

“I need one of you to stay in the car.” That would reduce the number of possible casualties and people he needed to keep an eye on.

“Not me,” said Firkle.  
“We should stay together!” Chaos insisted.

Oh right, Mysterion was talking to a stab–happy ex–cultist, and... Butters. A swell guy, Kenny’s best friend, but nearly useless in a serious fight. The choice was obvious. 

“Chaos, you stay in the car.”

“No!” Chaos protested.

“You’re the oldest, and you can drive a getaway vehicle. Which is something we need. So shut up, Chaos, and be ready to get us out of there if things go to shit.” Too bad that Firkle kid wasn’t able to drive a car - without getting pulled over by the cops at least. While probably the most capable of his two companions at the moment, Mysterion had the feeling that taking a stab-happy extra along would mean being even more on his toes. 

“B-but-”

“You’ll be way more useful like that, so just do it,” Mysterion snapped. “And I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer, Chaos. If you want to be a part of this, you do what I say.”

Professor Chaos slunk back in his seat, muttering something underneath his breath. Firkle had stopped shifting about when the argument started, hanging low in his seat to avoid a fight involving himself. Mysterion glanced one last time in the rear view mirror, vowing to start carrying multiple pairs of handcuffs from now on. He steered the old truck he’d (once again) borrowed without asking away from the dirt road and over a large root into the wood beyond. 

“We’re almost there,” he said as he turned down the headlights. The woods at once seemed menacing, thick branches twining overhead to block out the last remnants of light. His gloved hands gripped the steering wheel, as if a firm grasp would somehow stop him crashing head first into a pine.

It took another three minutes of creeping along the forest and hoping there wouldn’t be a shadow that wasn’t a shadow but rather a rock that would put an untimely end to their expedition. After a while they finally saw the glint of lit windows peeking through the gaps between the trees.

“It looks like people are home,” Chaos said softly, switching his gaze between Mysterion and the house in front of them.

“Plenty,” Firkle commented, leaning from the side of his window. The kid’s pale skin reflected even the poor lighting coming from the two upper windows.

Mysterion reached in the glove compartment and fished out one of the tubes of black face paint that he used to blacken his eyes when he wore his mask. “Firkle, rub that on your face before anyone catches you. We’re going in stealthy, with the least amount of casualties.”

“Lame,” Firkle complained as he unscrewed the top of the tube.

Once Firkle was sufficiently covered up - Mysterion had fashioned him a type of disguise with a ratty scarf he’d found stuffed behind one of the seats - they got out of the car. 

“Remember Chaos, you hear anything from in there, start up the car and be ready to get us the hell out of here.” Big eyes peered out from inside the car making Chaos look younger than his actual years.

The ground outside the car was soft and loamy, excellent for covering the sound of footsteps but a bitch when it came to running. Mysterion gingerly touched the revolver strapped to his belt. He wasn’t eager to use it, least of all to save Cartman, but when it came to the Cult he had to be sure he wanted to take certain actions. With a sigh he pulled rubber bullets from one of his tool pockets, refilling the revolver with them. He turned to Firkle, ready to make one last attempt to make the kid stay in the car.

The tiny goth had pulled out a switchblade, inspecting it in the dim patches of moonlight that managed to pierce between pine and gnarly branches. The kid looked up, his big eyes reflecting that same dull moonlight. “What?”

Mysterion sighed. “Nothing. Let’s get moving. Chaos, be ready to get moving as soon as we’re out of the house.”

Butters nodded, settling deeper in the driver's seat. They turned the radio to the local popstation and lowered. the volume until the songs could barely be heard. The part-time villain looked very lonely.

“We’ll be back soon, Chaos. Don’t worry about us,”

Sneaking from the forest to the house was a nerve wracking experience. While his outfit was suited for skulking in dark alleys and inside hideouts, it was not exactly snowproof. And of course Firkle was completely committed to subculture, dressed the usual midnight black and, to Mysterion’s private horror, black leather pants.  
They arrived at the fence, both keeping a watchful eye for any movement in the lit windows. Slowly circling, they eventually found a loose board that could be wrenched away quietly. Mysterion went first, knowing that if someone was waiting to deliver a cartoon-like wallop on the first intruder it would cause the least permanent damage on himself.

Nobody was waiting on the other side of the fence. Relieved, Mysterion and Firkle dashed the last few meters across the yard, which was unkempt. Long strands of dead grass mixed with snow lashed against their legs as they ran. Reaching the wall, Mysterion found the house had been as neglected as the yard surrounding it. There were bricks missing here and there, and one of the corners looked as if it could crumble at the slightest breeze.

“Now what?” Firkle whispered as they caught their breath.

Mysterion glanced around, scanning the lower side of the wall. With some luck there would be a hatch leading to a basement, or a window unlocked and ready to let them gain access. All he found was unbroken wall, save for one spot. There a low slit, perhaps two hands wide, was cut out in the wall. It was closed by fat iron bars. Mysterion glanced at Firkle, whose frame was even lighter than his own. If one of those bars could be moved, there was a decent chance they could both slip through, even if it would be a tight squeeze.

Mysterion motioned Firkle to follow him and led the way. Dropping to their knees they each tested a bar and nearly shat themselves when they heard a voice.

“I swear if you FUCKERS think this is funny, I’m going to kill every last one of you and feed your corpses to your dog!”

There was no mistaking that voice.

“Well, say something! I can see your shadows, dumb dicks!”

Yep, definitely Cartman.

“Coon, shut up,” Mysterion commanded. “This is a rescue mission.”

“Mysterion? The fuck are you doing here?”

“Saving your ungrateful fat ass, that’s what. Now stop yelling before you alert the guards,” Mysterion growled through the gaps between the bars. “I swear if you make me regret this-”

“Oh my God, oh God, thank you Mysterion. You have no idea what these sickos have been doing to me. They’ve only given me water to drink, like savages. Not even a glass of coke, no kool-aid. Just plain water. And the food, don’t get me started on the food.” Cartman’s voice didn’t sound emaciated, but it was hard to understand him nonetheless.

Mysterion breathed a sigh of relief. They hadn’t done anything to Cartman other than flush out some toxins. “Coon, can you tell us anything about your kidnappers?”

“It was that gay ass son of a bitch John who did this to me! First he got me to steal that ugly necklace from the police station, and he starts accusing me of being you. I’ve never been this insulted in my life!”

Now if only Cartman could share information without screaming. “Do you know anything else? How many there are? Weapons? What’s the best way of finding you?” Mysterion hissed back.

“There’s this one creepo with a tentacle tattoo down his neck that’s always around John when he comes to gloat. I don’t know how many there are, but there were at least three or four when they got me. And they definitely have guns.” Cartman was quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t know how to get to this room. I’m below ground, and there’s a bunch of crates in here. It’s dusty too. Finding a way downstairs would be your best bet of finding me.” Silence, a bit longer this time. “It smells like old farts down here, man.”

“Just keep quiet, we’re coming for you,” Mysterion said, hoping Cartman’s whining hadn’t attracted any eager guards.

Firkle stepped back, plastering himself against the wall. “We could still leave him here.” When the goth caught Mysterion’s look he shrugged. “As if you weren’t considering it.”

Mysterion had been considering it, which made the goth’s suggestion even more annoying. Saving Cartman would damage any plans the Cult might have, which was reason enough to go through with the plan.

“Going home might be easier,” Mysterion said. “And we’d have more fun just hanging around and doing nothing… it’d be warmer for sure, and we could drink hot chocolate and… I mean, we’re saving the Coon, and that’s that.”

“Are you sure?” Firkle didn’t sound very questioning.

“No! But we’re doing it anyway!” Mysterion snapped back, stomping as much as a stealthy slump would allow.

They snuck along the side of the house, where the snowfall had been lighter and the crunch of ice couldn’t alert any guards that might be standing near an open window. They rounded the corner and found a back door. The dark brown wood seemed almost black in the spring night. Whatever room it led to, there were no lights on inside. When Mysterion pulled at the weak latch on the outer lattice door the hinges squeaked menacingly. He paused, thinking his options over before fishing a stun gun out of his front pocket. 

“Firkle, catch.” Looking over his shoulders he added, “And don’t use it without good reason. You only have one shot.”

Firkle nodded, and Mysterion pulled the handle on the inner door. He supposed you didn’t need to lock your doors if you were prepared to kill any intruders. Wasn’t that a lovely thought? 

Mysterion stepped inside, finding a fully white kitchen. There were layers of dust on the counter tops, and several discarded burger wrappers in the trash can near the door. Mysterion took a few careful steps near the open door frame leading to a worn out living roomt room. No light was burning there either, although a television softly played an old soap series. Mysterion caught a glimpse of a man being hit in the face by a pie before shifting his glance to the opposing door. No sign of anyone being here at all. He didn’t like it.

“Problem?” Firkle whispered behind him.

“Might be. Keep your eyes open,” Mysterion whispered back. He turned back inside the kitchen and saw what he’d missed the first time; stairs leading down at the far corner of the kitchen. He would have bet anything that those would lead down to where Cartman was.

Motioning Firkle to follow him, Mysterion took the lead. The staircase was wider than expected, and unlike the kitchen counters there was hardly any dust to be spotted. At least they hadn’t sprung the extra cash for intimidating cobwebs and old torches that sputtered in ominous breezes. By now all hairs on the back of Kenny’s neck were pricked up straight. Something was very wrong.

“Firkle, go back to the car,” he ordered.

“No, I’m staying.”

“I’m serious, go back to the fucking car. Something’s wrong here.” But no matter what he said, the kid didn’t move. 

Mysterion crept through the hallway, opening the second door on his left. Finding it unlocked. He’d guessed correctly. The Coon was sitting in the center of the room, illuminated by the low of the first moonlight splashing through the window.

“Coon, we’re here,” Mysterion said, though he didn’t step in just yet. Too many people messed up during this part of the rescue mission. “Coon?”

Muffled cries came from Cartman, and the prickle on his spine intensified.

“Well, this is a surprise,” the drawl wasn’t Southern, but still indicative of an accent. Funny how he only just noticed that John sounded more European than American. “And here I was thinking that I’d already caught Mysterion.”

“John. Fancy meeting you here,” Mysterion said slowly, making sure to keep his voice low and partly muffled. He had known things had been going too easy, but he hadn’t thought John would show up out of nowhere. Still standing in the door opening Mysterion grabbed Firkle’s shoulder, moving the boy behind him. If John had a weapon he didn’t want to risk someone else getting shot. 

 

“You know my name, which does put me at a disadvantage, I’m afraid. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to introduce yourself before we take this further?” John smiled from his position further down the hall. The white of his teeth contrasted against his olive skin, which looked sickly in the dim light. With a practiced gesture he brushed back his hair, making the ruby pin in his ear reflect the light. “

“Let the Coon and the kid walk, and then maybe we’ll have a chat,” Mysterion countered, taking care to sink into the shadows as much as possible. If John really didn’t know his identity yet, he just might have a chance of making sure he and Jane wouldn’t be suffering repercussions from this event.

John stopped his walk toward Mysterion, remaining a safe distance away. From behind him two more men appeared from other rooms in the hallway, the doorways hidden in murky darkness. 

“I hope it’s a friendly chat.” John spread his hands in front of him, showing he wasn’t carrying a weapon. 

Mysterion nudged Firkle toward Cartman, hoping the kid would get the hint and start untying the still masked villain. With his free hand he reached for his gun. “Trust me John, you’re not going to come close to hurting me.”

John smiled at that. “You’re right. I’m not.”

A sharp pain sparked in Mysterion’s side as his knees suddenly buckled under him. He let out garbled scream as more pain spiked through his side, making his arms flail. His gun fell from his powerless hands, and he watched in disbelief as his arms slapped against it, sending it flying to the other side of the hallway. Grasping for breath, Mysterion tried to look behind him.

Firkle stepped over him, pausing to look down. The younger boy made a show out of throwing the now spent stun gun over to his real allies. “I really do prefer a knife, you know?”

John didn’t step closer, instead raising a hand and snapping his fingers. A ring glinted in the movement, drawing Mysterion’s eyes. And then John smiled. 

“Well, you might be the catalyst, and you might not be. Luckily there’s more than one gun around.” The two hulking shadows stepped closer, handcuffs dangling from their fists.

 

“Let’s get down to business, shall we?”


	27. Bullet With My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Accidentally uploaded this one before "cause we gotta"** This is what happens when I write stuff in advance! 
> 
> This is one of my favourite chapters so far. Mild warning for suicide by the way, so if you're sensitive to that you might want to skip the last few paragraphs. 
> 
> I am actually also writing a new fanfic for Wakfu, starring Kriss la Krass in a story with fake dating, fake engagements and more smut than all my other fics combined. I would love a proofreader before I start publishing, so drop me a note in the comments or at http://moonsenvoy.tumblr.com/ if you'd be interested.  
> If you don't know the show yet, go watch Wakfu now! It's a really great show and I love it.
> 
> The next update for this fic is planned for the 8th of september, so keep your eyes peeled for that one. Much thanks as always to Popcorn for her constant work and edits, it's much appreciated <3
> 
> Be sure to check me out at http://moonsenvoy.tumblr.com/ if you have a tumblr, or at @ReaderMaru on Twitter. I promise I'll use it more from now on.
> 
> Love you <3

“Does nobody in this restaurant need to pee?” Jane whined to the cheap lighting dangling from the ceiling. Kenny wasn’t even done yet with making up for lying to her about his identity, and now he thought leaving her tied up here was a good idea? He’d be lucky if he finished groveling before graduation. “I don’t care who it is, I just need someone to get me out of here. ANYONE! PLEASE?”

The door next to her swung open, revealing a very done looking Michael. He brushed back his black hair, dark nail polish contrasting with his pale skin. 

“Do you want the bad news or the good news first?” He asked.

“I want to get out of this bathroom first,” Jane immediately replied, relieved that the goth had showed up.

“Then the good news is, I have the keys,” Michael said, holding up the tiny police-issue keys. He unlocked her after a few tries, the tiny keys slipping from between his hands every once in a while. As soon as she was loose, Jane walked outside the restroom as she rubbed her wrists. 

“I don’t know if goths handle blood well, so here’s a warning. I’m going to do unspeakable things to – where is everyone?” As she arrived at the booth their group had previously occupied, Jane was disturbed to see there was nobody left there. Even Butters had left the scene, and they were the last person Jane had expected to be tagging along on a rescue mission.

“The bad news is they left without us?” She guessed.

“Without _you_. I never want people to say I had any hand in wanting to rescue the Coon,” Michael clarified at once, exchanging a glare with the usual surly waitress. “The only reason I stayed behind is because someone had to let you out of your cage.”

This earned the goth a kick against his shins before Jane crossed her arms over one another. “At least we know where they’re going. If we leave now we might catch up to them.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Or we could stay in and not get involved. Don’t forget you’re acquainted with one of the cult maniacs. The last thing you need is them sniffing your trail.”

Jane grabbed Michael by his leather jacket. “We are going. I just need to stop by my house for some things. And I do mean ‘we’, unless you want me blabbing to Henrietta about how you missed a chance to get a near-death experience.”

The goth paled. “You wouldn’t.”

“I’m a prep without morals, remember? I totally would snitch on you.”

“You’re the devil,” Michael muttered as he collected his cane.

“I knew I’d grow on you. Now, less talking and more going. We have a pair of vigilantes to help.”

——————

Half an hour later Jane was in the backseat of Michael’s car, wrestling her way into a familiar outfit. 

“Dammit Michael, are you trying to hit every bump in the road on purpose? I’m trying to put on a very serious ensemble back here.”

The goth purposefully avoided looking in his back mirror. “Any getup that has you wearing your underwear on the outside is not serious. I still think Mysterion was right. You should have stayed home, where it’s kinda safe.”

“And be the damsel in distress? I think the fuck not,” Jane retorted, the words muffled through the thick black sweater.

They halted in front of a red light and Michael took the opportunity to look back, leaning his arm on the seat. “Jane, I get that you don’t want to be the rescued princess. Being a rebel means saying goodbye to gender stereotypes. But in this case I’d rather be a living conformist who doesn’t go out seeking danger than a rebel entering a feud with cultists.”

“If you’re scared you can just drop me off at the front door and go home,” Jane told him, applying the necessary black grease around her eyes. “I’m not saying I’ll be able to survive without you. They’ll probably catch me and keep me hostage, or worse. But at least you’ll be comfortable sipping coco at your parents’ place.”

“Shaming me is low and you know it.” Michael started the car again, taking the main roads where steady traffic had reduced the snow to sad puddles of brown goo. Turning on the headlights, Michael was the model of a careful driver. He had purposefully left the radio off, Jane knew, to avoid a fight over what station it should be tuned on.

Was she upset her boyfriend had ditched her? Yes, because they were supposed to be a team. They had been investigating the cult together, they had been putting in all the hours researching Kenny’s curse together and she wasn’t about to let that go to ruin. Sure, Kenny was doing to protect her. On the damsel in distress level she appreciated this. But for all she knew, Kenny was the one in need of rescuing and he didn’t have a lot of people lining up for the job. Tying the dark sash around her head, Jane felt ready to be the hero for once.

“You’re not wearing the cape?” her friend asked as he parked the car down the street from their intended destination. It looked deserted from the outside, but there was no telling what they would find inside.

Jane glanced back at the long cape, the last part of the Mysterion outfit she’d worn to Halloween once. She remembered tripping over it more often than she’d been able to make it swish elegantly and had decided to leave it behind. A daring rescue probably went better if she didn’t trip over her own feet while doing it. 

“Like Edna Mode says: no capes.”

“Who?”

“We both know there’s no way you haven’t seen the Incredibles, so don’t get coy with me.” Jane got out of the car, finding Michael getting out as well. He walked to the trunk of the car, calmly opening it. “What are you getting?”

“Crowd control,” Michael said, pulling out a small canister. It smelled like gas. “Better safe than sorry.”

They started to walk toward the house. Uphill was slow going but driving the car there would have alerted anyone inside that people were coming. The former mayor’s home was so isolated people didn’t go there just for fun and games. Somewhere in the distance a timely thunder boomed. Jane wondered if there was ever an actual storm near this house, or if all it had was the acoustics of a prime horror movie. 

“Do we have a plan?” she asked out loud.

“You’re asking me? I was advocating the ‘let’s stay at home plan’, remember?”

Jane thought over their options. “Well, there’s only two of us. So a frontal assault probably isn’t a good idea.”

“No shit, Sherlock. Well, what would the others have done?” Michael lit a cigarette, an interesting choice considering the canister of gas he was holding. 

“Uuuuhhhmmm…” Jane observed the house as they walked closer. “Probably they would have tried to find out if someone was home? Think we should walk around the house first, check if maybe there’s someone home who could attack us?”

“Sounds like a good idea. Not as if I have more experience doing this sort of thing than you do,” Michael concluded, following Jane’s slow pace. Neither of them considered skulking along the street. Dressed in nearly all black would have made them stick out like a sore thumb against the snow, even if they looked odd at the moment as well.

Reaching the street in front of the house they could see old tire tracks leading to the garage. Most of them had faded with snowfall, but there was one track that was still crisply defined. The pair continued their investigation. They quickly found a way back into the garden, where they could spot deep grooves in the lawn. Someone had walked toward the house, coming from the forest.

“Well, I think we know who’s responsible for those,” Michael noted, before nodding to where the footsteps diverted along the side of the house. “Looks like they stopped there for a quick peek. It might be worth it to check it out.”

Jane agreed for lack of a better plan. Trudging toward the window they approached the spot where Kenny had stopped earlier, the snow in that spot trampled into the dirt. In the new darkness a light shone, white and stark, reflecting of the few flecks of still pristine snow in that area. Someone was talking inside.

“… no choice really. But I assure you both, it’s for a good cause.”

“Just untie us man, you had your little serial killer moment.”

“Cartman, just shut up for once. I’m surprised they haven’t killed you already.”

Jane suppressed a gasp, recognizing Kenny as Mysterion. A few seconds later she realized who else was in the room with him. “That’s John,” she mouthed as she pointed to the window.

Michael shrugged and rolled his eyes, while inside the cellar the conversation continued.

“I don’t HAVE to shut up, I’ve been captured the longest and I want to go home, NOW. I’m missing my favorite series. No doubt my bitch mother isn’t taping it so-”

“Could you just please shut up, Cartman? I’m trying to get us out of here.”

“No you’re fucking not!”

“Well I would be if you didn’t constantly interrupt.”

“… most people react to death threats with a bit less… bickering, gentlemen. Now, Eric and Kenneth, I’m sure the both of you are eager to get on with tonight’s plans. I thought I’ll lay out our plans a bit so you both know death won’t be gruesome. We’ll really keep it quite humane.”

Jane gestured for Michael to move with her, away from the cellar light. Once they’d rounded the corner she started talking. 

“We’ve got to get them out of there. What are our options?”

The goth shrugged and held up his canister of gas. It was pretty obvious what his plan was.

“We can’t light the building on fire, that’d be stupid.”

———————————————

“At least we’re going to be warm,” Jane conceded.

The first decent flames licked from the corner of the garage,accompanied with huge clouds of black smoke. As Michael had pointed out, months of being exposed to snow, ice and general sogginess had soaked into the wood of this house. Without the usual inhabitation from people inside it, there was nothing to combat the wetness that had crept inside. Trying to light it on fire would be as effective as lighting a wet towel on fire, if more impressive. And it was. A single black cloud puffed up and down, occasionally fanning out as the wind got hold of it. So far their little bout of arson was having very little effect on their targets.

“I think we need some more. Aren’t there supposed to be any fire alarms going off in these situations?” Jane continued, trying to detect some motion inside the house.

“Well,” Michael started pensively, “Smoke alarms need to detect smoke before they go off, so I guess the fire hasn’t reached inside yet. If we could get a bit of a fire started inside… I don’t suppose you know how to make a molotov?”

Jane fished her phone out of one of the bags in her utility bag. “The internet does. Give me five minutes and we’re getting started.”

They didn’t even need that long, and a bit of careful scrounging in their area got them a few scraps of cloth and discarded glass bottles. Combined with the gas from the canister, they had enough ingredients to make their own makeshift, and highly illegal, molotovs. To make sure it actually performed as intended, Michael carefully wrapped his leather jacket around his hand and smashed one of the garage windows. After that, he carefully lit the end of the cloth not stuffed into the bottle tossed the molotov into the garage. They ran to the other side of the house as their makeshift grenade smashed on the garage floor and exploded.

It wasn’t long before flames licked out of the open window and an alarm blared loudly inside. With interest Jane watched as the garage door opened and several large men streamed out of the house, screaming at each other in a language neither of the teens understood. 

“Let’s go,” she insisted, watching as Michael tossed another bottle while the men had their back turned, leading them to run away further.

They slipped inside the garage, entering the even shakier part of their plan. While the first part of their plan had at least depended partially on skill, now it entirely depended on not running into any Cult members. They ran through a corridor, passing several rooms stacked with boxes and beds. Not much thought had been dispensed to the comfort of the inhabitants. When they found the kitchen Jane nearly turned back, before spotting a familiar small figure sitting on the kitchen counter.

“Hey guys,” Firkle said, playing with a kitchen knife. “I’m surprised to see you both showed up. But this is good, the whole gang can get together. Someone’s picking up professor Chaos too.”

“Jane,” Michael said calmly. “I think you should go see about Mysterion and the Coon. Me and Firkle need to have a talk.”

“I’m shaking,” Firkle commented. “But sure, Jane could go and see her friends. All of her friends.”

“John’s down there, isn’t he?” Jane asked, already knowing the answer. After an almost imperceptible nod from Firkle she ran to the stairs, hardly noting the sound of the two goths starting a furious conversation with each other in the kitchen. Instead she trampled down the stairs, her footsteps resounding heavily on the wooden steps. The air in the cellar hallways was cooler, more stale than the crisp air outside. In here it was hard to notice anything happening in the outside world.

Once she’d made it to the bottom she paused, catching her breath. Knowing that her childhood friend was here made her stomach clench tightly. She didn’t want to see him here, she didn’t want to know that the guy she’d had her first crush on was part of some evil underground cult. That would be sick. Because she was sure John still liked her, still was her friend. Even if…

“And here I was thinking I’d rounded up all the masked heroes prowling the streets,” the object of her thoughts said slowly. Jane looked up, meeting John’s gaze straight on. 

“I was hoping you’d show up, Jane. Didn’t expect you to play dress up.” As he spoke, he produced a small box of matches from his pocket and lit one of them.

So the outfit had been for nothing. Jane sighed and shrugged. “Well, it was worth a shot. You did think that the Coon was Mysterion.”

John smiled, raising the match to a torch near the entrance of the room he was seemingly guarding. A broken electric light flickered ominously next to it. “Firkle informed us about how you were coming. If he hadn’t, I may have been confused.”

“JANE, RUN!” Kenny called out from the other room.

“Shush, old boy,” John said calmly, banging his hand against the door frame. “We’ve had our little talk, and you know what needs to be done.” Her former friend turned back to her. “Although I have to say, I never would have guessed it was him. Come, Jane. I’ll explain it to you too.” He extended his hand, revealing the knife hanging from the belt around his waist. It made the gesture a whole lot less friendly.

Jane hesitated before taking a first step to John. She remembered the way he’d hold her hand during a dance competition, or when she’d fallen down. “John, we have a lot to talk about,” she said slowly.

“We do, Jane. But I promise everything we did was for a reason,” John said gently, inviting her closer.

Jane reached out, slipping the tips of her fingers in the grip of her old friend. “I’m sure you did John.” Her closed fist then connected to his jaw, and like Kenny had once suggested to her, she imagined punched through his head. John fell to the ground in a pained heap and Jane hastily bent down to swipe his knife. “But you’ve gotta be thinking I was born yesterday!”

Turning into the room she saw both Kenny and Cartman, unmasked, tied to chairs with duck tape. “Kenny, are you okay?”

“We’re fine. Get Cartman and get the hell outta here,” Kenny ordered.

“No can do,” Jane answered as she set to saw through the duct tape binding his wrists together at the back of the chair. “I think Cartman should just be happy we even bothered to show up here.”

“I don’t care who gets out first at this point, just as long as we leave before the creep wakes up,” Cartman said, fidgeting in his own chair.

“What’s going on upstairs?” Kenny asked when his arms were free, reaching for a pocket knife in his own utility belt to hack through the duct tape plastered around his legs. Jane moved over to help Cartman free. 

“Michael and Firkle are duking it out in the kitchen, and we set fire to the garage. Which is where most of the henchmen are, trying to put it out,” Jane explained, quickly getting Cartman freed.

“You set fire to the building? Are you trying to get all of us killed?” Cartman demanded, getting up from his chair and running over to where John lay groaning. Before Kenny or Jane could say something they heard a soft ‘thwack’, indicating Cartman had gotten some belated revenge.

“Don’t complain about my methods when you have the wrong priorities!” Jane shouted back. “The only reason we came to get you was because we’re trying to be decent people!”

Kenny yanked at her arm, the scowl on his face visible even underneath his mask. “I thought I left you someplace safe.”

“Keeping me locked in a bathroom isn’t safekeeping. Are we going to keep standing here, or are we getting out of here? Because there’s still a ton of cultists upstairs who are probably dying to get a go at us,” Jane shot back, grabbing Kenny by his cape. Dragging her boyfriend toward the door, they only paused when Kenny picked up a gun that had dropped on the ground near John. Cartman had already rushed up the stairs, eager to be the first one out of there.

“Jane, you should have stayed away. I could have handled this,” Kenny said, following up the stairs after her.

“Yes honey, you really had them on the ropes. Was you and Cartman being tied up integral to your plan, or were you just winging it?”

“Oh, you’re so funny,” he shot back before taking a deep breath. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have left you there. But I didn’t want to risk you getting hurt. You’re important to me.”

Jane paused at the top of the stairs and turned back halfway. “That’s sweet. Not sweet enough to make me forgive you, but sweet.”

Kenny paused on the step below her, looking up with a sly grin as he tiptoed to meet her. His lips brushed past hers, hardly exerting pressure. It made her go weak in the knees. He looked up at her from underneath his hood, looking pleased with both her and himself. “I’ll be sure to show my knight in shining armor the proper appreciation later.”

“Promises you’d better be intent on keeping,” Jane agreed, leaning down slightly for another kiss. She found comfort in this minimal contact, a temporary anchor while around them the world kept spinning. “Let’s go then. I’m looking forward to my reward later tonight.”

They finished finished their escape from the basement, entering the kitchen. To their surprise, they found Cartman was dropping Firkle in a trashcan while getting smacked around the head with a rolling pin by Michael.

“Bitch, I’m saving us from this cult creep.”

“That cult creep is a better friend than you could ever be!”

“Well, this does put things in a kind of perspective,” Jane muttered. She didn’t think people were supposed to regret a rescue mission, but here they were and… well, here Cartman was. “Guys, we need to keep moving.”

“Chaos is waiting for us in the woods, or he’s been captured and waiting for rescue,” Mysterion added, pushing Jane forward to the back door.

Michael paused, looking back and forth between everyone in the kitchen, he seemed lost and uncertain. He wanted to fish Firkle out of the thrash can even though it was obvious the young boy was a liability.. 

Jane felt responsible; if she hadn’t asked for help then the goth would never have been in this situation. “Hey Michael, you better get out of here with us. Henrietta and the others are going to be worried if you don’t come back. And I’m sure they’ll know what to say better than I can.”

Her goth friend flashed her a grim, tight-lipped smile and moved to the door, grabbing Cartman by the arm and dragging him to the door with him. Jane followed, reaching behind her for Kenny. He didn’t move, causing her to look back in confusion. “Ken?”

“You guys go ahead. I’m staying here and… well, I gotta make sure John doesn’t remember who I really am,” Kenny said, gesturing at his bared face. The black smear around his eyes had smudged slightly, spreading dark gray shadows to the rest of his face. “And it’ll stop Cartman and the others from remembering.”

“Then what?” Jane asked, her voice becoming shrill.

“They’ll remember coming here in one way or another, and how they escaped. I just won’t be in it. Honestly, Jane, it’s for the best. Look, I know I messed up earlier, but I want to keep you safe. And I don’t often get to die for a good reason. So just let me do this, and I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kenny grinned. “Just don’t come too soon, or you’ll end up babysitting me again.”

“Ken… you don’t have to do this,” Jane pleaded, taking a step toward him. As he opened his arms she fled to him, becoming engulfed in his embrace. “We can find another way.”

He pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “This is just a way to win some time. So be brave, and wait for me. I’ll be back soon.”

“You’re not handcuffing me to something this time?”

“Nah… I’m just asking you to trust me.”

She pulled back, looking up at him. “I trust you, Kenny. So hurry back.” Throwing her arms around his neck, she kissed him for the last time that night. His arms tightened around her, pulling her closer to his chest, his breath becoming hers as they pressed together. Jane’s heart swelled in her chest until she thought it might burst.

“CAN YOU TWO CUT IT OUT ALREADY?” Cartman screamed from outside.

“Go,” Kenny whispered as his hold around her loosened

“Next time we stay together,” Jane whispered . “Promise me.”

“I promise,” Kenny said, finally releasing her completely. “Now go.”

Jane nodded, tears pricking in her eyes. Without another word she turned, running to the back door. Kenny would be back, she knew. But he had to die first, and that was something she could never forgive.

——————

Kenny heard the first bumps coming from the cellar stairs moments after Jane had left. He’d known John wouldn’t remain unconscious for long, even after Cartman had delivered a kick while their foe was down. John wasn’t the type to just stay the fuck down after all. A few seconds longer, and Jane might have been in danger again.

“John, old boy,” he greeted.

John didn’t look as composed as he usually did; his hair stuck out in several directions and there was dirt plastered to his cheek. One of the sleeves of his suit jacket had been torn. “Kenny. I’m surprised you stayed behind.”

Kenny shrugged, pulling out the gun he’d gotten back only a few minutes earlier and aiming it at John. “Me running away wouldn’t have solved anything.”

“Jane might as well have stayed here too. We need the both of you after all,” John confessed, squinting at the gun. “That’s filled with police-issued rubber bullets, old boy. Sure, it’ll hurt if you shoot at me from this distance, but not enough to stop me. Not enough to stop my associates, who will be done dealing with whatever trouble your friends stirred up.”

Kenny pretended to think it over, gaining more precious seconds in which Jane and the others would be able to run away. 

“You know, I think you’re right. I think it won’t be enough to kill you from that distance. Which is good, because I generally don’t kill people if I don’t have to. But…” He aimed the gun away from John and raised it to his temple. “I’m betting from this close, even a rubber bullet is going to end me.”

John had already started forward, ready to stop Kenny from killing himself. Did John know it would erase his memories of the event as the universe rearranged atoms to make it seem as if Kenny hadn’t died? Perhaps. Kenny suppressed the instinctive revulsion at what he was about to do. The metal of the gun was cool against his temple, cool against the pounding of his blood. No reason to hesitate. This was nothing new.

Kenny pulled the trigger.


End file.
